I relapsed I have lost, as the same scenario again and again that’s why I was avoiding to wake up early in the morning, because I have to sleep early for that and sleeping early is what I can’t do, and I knew my weakeness and I tried my best to controlled and the matter of fact that I would have won. But these urges fuck you urges.
I was again lying in the same bed
I was again trying hard to sleep
I was again not able to sleep
I was again getting bored
So I decided again to think of porn and do nothing just think.
So I was thinking thinking and thinking and then I thought that If I watch porn it will be relief to my urges. Since masturbation is the main enemy. Porn will help me to beat urges.
So I end up watching 4-5 videos and edged.
The same scenario repeats again and again this bed is what I think I should burn it.
I thought of edging but unfortunately end up relapsing.
I was eliminated by my only weakness BOREDOM.
Now I don’t care what anyone thinks of me that he sleeps this much in the morning I will study late night. And I will not get bored at any point of my day. But now my main focus will be on building a sleeping cycle first since I know I relapse only when I am on bed thinking not able to sleep. I gotta sleep faster and make it a habit first. My only weakness will get eliminated And I will become the god of my new world.
I relapsed shit man, I am feeling worse that ever, I was the one who told others to hold on it too easy, I end up doing this. What kind of person I am. Now I shall rise, I will fashion myself in new me and my name will be at the top of the nofap community.
But My willpower has gone I am afraid to say these kind of lines, my confidence level has come to zero.
Now, I am good for nothing. Nor did I study that much nor did I completed my promise. I compromised my sleep my study for this nofap journey and now I am the one who is defeated. I can’t take this anymore. I am feeling very angry at me. My anxiety is rising. I am not motivated at all.
My benefits which I was experiencing .
A fapper can’t be successful, I too feel like it.
I am sorry, I lost.
Greatness has gone away from me.
My powers have been given to someone else who controlled his urges who is more worthy than me.
Oh man ! Why me. …
I remembered how many people I have promised that I won’t fap for the rest of my life. I bring them all down.