[NFMan 22M] ♔ THE PMO ELIMINATION DIARY OF NFMAN ♔ [Journey to Day 730]
Alhamdulillah. All praise be to Allah (God) and all thanks to God.
I have finally broken free from my PMO loop without having to rely on workout and other disciplines to a high degree. In my past around 2 year streak, 3 months, 4 months , 21 days, 14 days, 7 day streaks what I had to do is maintain a very rigid discipline of heavy lifting, cardio, meditation, cold showers, healthy diet, journaling, social dominance and socializing, excelling in university and maintaining self awareness and regularly contemplating.
It is true that most of these actions are very much ingrained in who I am after years of doing so. It is very normal for me to engage in daily cold showers, working out consistently, meditating, optimally healthy diet, journaling, contemplating, self awareness, social dominance on a regular day to day basis.
Therefore, the fact is I have been maintaining these easily.
- In the past my workouts would be way more intense and longer.
I would lift 7 days a week. I would alternate between heavy weight strength training with low reps (182kg deadlifts, 110kg barbell squats, 80kg bench press, 60kg military press, pullups, weighted ab exercises, dips, and all). And then the next day would be 8-12 rep versions of the same muscle groups. and then the next day would be high rep low weight. Like this I alternatively cycled the routines and exercises.
I would run/jog back and forth for 20-30min x2 to and from gym and home.
It’s been more than a year, because of covid that I could not go to the gym. main reason is I do not want to risk infecting my parents due to any chance even 0.1%. I would rather wait out to be financially independent and live alone to attain the same opportunity.
Now I am seeking to make do with bodyweight exercises and resistance bands. honestly, gym was a huge factor for abstaining for such long period of time from PMO.
- Social dominance and socializing
Back when university was on campus and I freely had opportunity to engage with people without worrying about covid, I would enjoy the social game and practice my social skills through several psychological self experimentations in order to be higher status. I also could meet my other Alpha brothers who engaged in similar activities. this is something I don’t do know because university is closed and I prioritize my parents health and safety.
It was such a great thing because I also had several potential girls whom I was interested in. That drove me. Being high value with other men also drove me. and high value males don’t do PMO. They dominate all aspects of life.
These are the main two factors which I have to make do without. This is the main reason I relapsed countless times since covid-19.
However, this time it’s a different journey and still without these two big factors in my life, I still have a strong belief and knowledge that I will not fail. I will go through back to my 2 year streak despite the difference in path.
This time I Have Allah. I have God with me.
This time the path is different.
I am solely relying on God and accepting His guidance and giving my genuine honest efforts. I’m focusing on being righteous which is building me in to a boulder of steel from within.
This time I seek to master my soul and being good.
After having done this to certain degree for the next two years, I will have also gotten a job if I work hard enough and continue this no PMO. by then I will be able to live alone and engage with the world the way I want to without having to worry about backlash on my parents. I can live boldly and fearlessly and make my own choices. Afterwards I seek marriage. This is my goodbye to PMO once and for all.
and I HATE YOU for all the failures you brought me. I HATE YOU and I DESPISE you.
My anger and my hatred towards you is more than your cheap callings.
This is the beginning of my diary. Follow me along my journey to 2 year streak.
I will NOT accept failure. I will NOT accept failure.
I will NOT accept failure.
Any form of emotion such as doubt that makes me think it’s not possible is from the devil and should be eliminated.