Nep's diary (in pursuit of being unbreakable)

Diary
128

April 7

  1. Wake up on or before 5:10 am :white_check_mark:
  2. Exercise :white_check_mark:
  3. Pranayam✅
  4. Looking at the dot (meditation):white_check_mark:
  5. Drinking a bottle of water and taking meds every morning✅
  6. Studies (> 6 hours) :x:
  7. Phone usage < 1 hr :x:
  8. No sleep during the day (power naps < 40 mins is allowed):white_check_mark:
  9. No Youtube/Media beyond my lectures❌
  10. Plan for next day
3 Likes
129

Everything hurts
I’m so irritated due to this routine
I didn’t feel like exercising but I did it anyway. Afterwards I did feel good. I’m trying to study, my heart is revolting against it badly. I’m unable to take it. My heart is aching like anything, and that pain/numbness goes from the left side of my chest and extends to my left arm. Along with some minor headache. I don’t know how can I hold on. God help me please

1 Like
130

It’s like steam pressure building up from inside. Then about to blow up. But I’m hopeful for the future. I’m hoping that soon enough I’ll be able to release this pressure by my own. I’ll be able to handle bigger pressures with fluidity.

131

Man I can’t study
What am I supposed to do now :disappointed_relieved:
Feels like I’m pushing a wall, no matter how much force I apply it doesn’t budge at all

132
  1. Wake up on or before 5:10 am :white_check_mark:
  2. Exercise✅
  3. Pranayam✅
  4. Looking at the dot (meditation):white_check_mark:
  5. Drinking a bottle of water and taking meds every morning✅
  6. Studies (> 6 hours)
  7. Phone usage < 1 hr
  8. No sleep during the day (power naps < 40 mins is allowed)
  9. No Youtube/Media beyond my lectures
  10. Plan for next day
2 Likes
133

Why is transition state so painful?

I probably have got the answer
It is painful because it wants you to go away from it. It doesn’t want you to stay there. That’s why it’s transition state lol. Now it’s upto you where do you want to go away from here. Either it can be towards your goal or it can be towards your comfort. Both are rewarding but wait - comfort that comes easy?? Do I really want it?? Probably yes. I’d enjoy it for sure, for a while. But can I enjoy this forever?? Nope I can’t. There are again 2 things which can happen. First one is - My mind will not be satisfied with this comfort, it will ask for more. See the pattern here?? This is exactly what happens when people fap. Second thing - my conscience will mock me because I didn’t face my fears. Because I couldn’t be strong enough. I became a puppy due to that comfort. That regret will suck more than anything sucks now.

Coming to the other thing I can move towards. My goal. Nothing can be more wonderful than that. I’m yet to taste it. So I can’t speak much. One thing is for sure. If I get it no easy comfort will be ever able to match it. Even if it is the greatest kind of sensual pleasure in the world. Even if I get a mate that’s into me so bad. Even if I get a thousand of such mates. Nothing will come close to the happiness when I will destroy my fears and achieve my goal

2 Likes
134

Bhai jyada load mat lo .kabhi kabhi kaam chod do warna stress se relapse hoga pakka.

2 Likes
135

Ok bro
Thank you very much

137

IMG_20210409_084329
IMG_20210409_0843291038×1261 177 KB

It just blossomed
And I woke up late today
Meh
Go fuck yourself (edit - wait don’t do that :man_facepalming:)

2 Likes
138
  1. Wake up on or before 5:10 am :x: (meh)
  2. Exercise :white_check_mark:
  3. Pranayam✅
  4. Looking at the dot (meditation):white_check_mark:
  5. Drinking a bottle of water and taking meds every morning❌ (fuck - you’re an embarrassment)
  6. Studies (> 6 hours) :x:
  7. Phone usage < 1 hr❌
  8. No sleep during the day (power naps < 40 mins is allowed):x:
  9. No Youtube/Media beyond my lectures❌
  10. Plan for next day❌
2 Likes
139

I’ve wasted all my time so far :disappointed_relieved:

140

To my dear almighty.
I thank you for this pain you gave me. It made me much stronger than I’ve ever been.
I will need more of this pain, that will push me forward. That will make a superior version of me.
I’m not giving up now. I’m so grateful for this struggle. And the only desire I have right now is to push myself harder than ever before. Break all the safety barriers and bring out the monster within. With that I have to create a difference in this world.
Push me to the brink, to the worst. And along with that please also give me strength to endure all of that. I have to become stronger. I have to become a monster. Indestructible monster. I have to master self control, to shrug off severe pain with ease. I have to keep fighting until I’m dead. To have an unbreakable willpower that will scare the might of everyone and everything. To never be scared no matter how fucked up the situation is. Even if I’m scared, the only thing I want to do is face it. To conquer all the passion within me. It’s the only thing I want to achieve. Please help me. Give me strength to go through this tough road. I’m going to fight my fear now.

3 Likes
141

IMG_20210409_160059
IMG_20210409_1600591080×1432 238 KB

My man got a partner now

This is the best love story

4 Likes
142
  1. Wake up on or before 5:10 am✅
  2. Exercise✅
  3. Pranayam✅
  4. Looking at the dot (meditation):white_check_mark:
  5. Drinking a bottle of water and taking meds every morning✅
  6. Studies (> 6 hours) :x:
  7. Phone usage < 1 hr❌
  8. No sleep during the day (power naps < 40 mins is allowed):x:
  9. No Youtube/Media beyond my lectures❌
  10. Plan for next day❌
2 Likes
143
  1. Wake up on or before 5:10 am✅
  2. Exercise✅
  3. Pranayam✅
  4. Looking at the dot (meditation):white_check_mark:
  5. Drinking a bottle of water and taking meds every morning✅
  6. Studies (> 6 hours):x:
  7. Phone usage < 1 hr❌
  8. No sleep during the day (power naps < 40 mins is allowed):x:
  9. No Youtube/Media beyond my lectures❌
  10. Plan for next day✅
3 Likes
144

@Nep_12 good to see your diary.
I think you forget to Check 1000 day no peek thread

2 Likes
145
  1. Wake up on or before 5:10 am❌
  2. Exercise✅
  3. Pranayam✅
  4. Looking at the dot (meditation):white_check_mark:
  5. Drinking a bottle of water and taking meds every morning❌
  6. Studies (> 6 hours):x:
  7. Phone usage < 1 hr❌
  8. No sleep during the day (power naps < 40 mins is allowed):white_check_mark:
  9. No Youtube/Media beyond my lectures❌
  10. Plan for next day❌
2 Likes
146

Waking up late sucks

1 Like
147

I have to move
No matter how much it sucks. No matter how much it hurts. I can’t stay here. I have to pull myself out of this.

1 Like
148
  1. Wake up on or before 5:10 am✅
  2. Exercise✅
  3. Pranayam✅
  4. Looking at the dot (meditation):white_check_mark:
  5. Drinking a bottle of water and taking meds every morning✅
  6. Studies (> 6 hours):x:
  7. Phone usage < 1 hr❌
  8. No sleep during the day (power naps < 40 mins is allowed):x:
  9. No Youtube/Media beyond my lectures❌
  10. Plan for next day❌
2 Likes