I can’t give up now. I didn’t come this far to throw it all away in vain.
I’ve done 8 months streak before. I can do it again.
I’m stronger than everything that has happened on me. I won’t give up. I just fucking won’t.
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Been watching a series called Daredevil.
He’s one of my most favorite super heroes.
I recall years back I used to read some cringe wikias 
and in there it also involved Daredevil.
One X man telepath I’m guessing tried to read his mind. He was always restraining his superhumanly advanced senses because he could hear, smell and feel everything. So he had to train his brain to be in control.
When that telepath tried to read his mind he let his brain totally loose. The telepath was overwhelmed by every signal he received. The level of mental training Daredevil had to go through was immense.
I want such mental resilience in me. I’ll have it.
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the amount of patience it must have taken to create this 
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well the reptilian brain is going down.
I’m getting my sanity back I guess.
Rewiring has begun and hopefully this is the last of those painful rewirings.
Let’s see what future brings.
2 days are finished so I kept my word.
I’ll have to do better obviously.
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Starting again. I have to stop relapsing.
what the fuck is going on.
I never thought I’d be like this.
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came to remind myself that it’s going to be true.
and I’m glad I wrote this. It’s true.
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so I’m here again. I relapsed a lot in these days. Like truly pathetic.
Almost everyday I did it.
And now I see the effects.
I see my motivation all gone, my face not glowing so good and eye bags intensified. Me being numb to other small things in life. Willpower all dead, physical strength is there but I’m not on fire like I used to be.
All of these things were caused by continuous relapse. And now I know what to do, because I didn’t really understand anything until I lost my things.
So now another vow, I’ll be not doing it for 5 days and if I do I’ll expose myself here.
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I need encouragement. I feel like I’m not strong enough to do it all by my own. Thank you people
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I will checking your counter, be firm on your words.
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yeah man, I appreciate it.
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I really look like shit. My face has got less fat.
Nofap is necessary for me if I have to look better
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Keeping it here for my personal reference.
I have to think about the food choices that I make
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so a bit of changes
I pushed through workout (given to me by @The_integrous_one, thanks brother) and it fired up some dopamine inside.
I had this feeling pushing forward for a considerable time and maybe I can still take it up now.
My face was glowing as I woke up in the morning but got dull again as I progressed through the day.
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I have to confess here something.
I actually had relapsed on the 2nd day. And it is quite shameful for me.
However after that happened it hit me very bad and I believe I had went of for 8-9 days streak.
I was hoping to make it a bigger streak but I couldn’t do it and I relapsed again.
I was badly stressed, because of the girl that got away from me and the burden of failures I’ve been through for which I had to grab every ounce of willpower to face and I just couldn’t do it.
And of course, I ran away from everything like a coward. I couldn’t have shown my face here. I still can’t do it. I’m really sorry for that. Usually I don’t back down from my word, but this time I have to. I hope you forgive me for this.
As for today’s condition - I’m on a 12 days streak and I did everything to put myself on the track.
I started exercising as well and that uses up the extra sexual energy so I don’t feel much horny. I still occasionally get the urges though.
All these days, I was doing 42 Suryanamaskaras. Today I decided to push past the limit and I finished 102 of them. I had to do it because I was coming up here to confess.
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Yeah, Love to hear that you are doing good.
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I’m scared for the future. Well the instincts come up sooner or later so it was bound to happen.
On the other hand, going through too many failures have also made me apathetic to them.
I’m still in pain, but I’m improving. I’m learning to be happy without reasons. Just 1% for now, but we’ll get to 100% soon.
A thought that came to my mind after workout is that - I was looking for the reasons to believe in myself. And that’s definitely not a wrong approach. David Goggins himself does it, calling it the “cookie jar method”. Unfortunately my cookies aren’t much tasty as of right now.
But I did realize one thing from here. I don’t need a reason to believe in myself. I can simply choose to do that. Because if I don’t I’m failing either way.
I got this. I can move ahead.
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