That pain was probably to change my mentality. I’m feeling much more better and wiser at the moment. I’m not irritated with rude comments, and I’m finding a way to dismantle them calmly. I thought this is my emotional instability, and it is definitely going to happen again. Is this what people find at the end of their withdrawal symptoms?
The pain was definitely unbearable but if it changes me like this I’d definitely love to have it again.
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Had a fire take off so violently just outside of my house. My mother screamed my name to help her put it out. That was scary. We succeeded. The neighbor lady was pissed because her car was there. Although she did nothing to help and simply kept shouting on us. I had enough lol. I shouted back. So did my mum😂. And she didn’t scold me for misbehaving with the elders.
And then I look at my arms. My hair got burned. Not to mention I had to move some heavy stuff and even if I work out my arms feel like they’re done for.
This is the first in a long time where I had such adrenaline inside me. And now I’m feeling awesome. Fortunately there was no damage involved and certainly no loss of life. My mum was badly scared and I was alone out there wondering what to do. But I managed well.
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But why was there a fire out?
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Yeah well she was trying to burn some trash. And there’s been dead tree. It was a hot afternoon and the dead tree had been without any moisture. It just happened suddenly.
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Went out at night again. The thought of tigers is scary. Although they are equally afraid of humans here as well. But yeah the thought still puts chill through your spine. Being alone on an empty road at night, but of course I was on my bike. I went racing at 90 kmph. Couldn’t hit the 100 mark.
I didn’t see any tigers but I did see a lot of wild cats again. They kinda look funny, like cartoons 
but still cute and deadly. Not to mention still dangerous in spite of their small size. I also saw foxes. But I’m yet to figure out what color they are and what exactly do they look like. But they’re damn cute too. Also they’re a lot smaller than a pet dog (well chihuahuas are probably smaller than them) but yet seem sort of cuddly like a teddy bear. But I’m never touching them lol.
I’m not into pets and animals in general but yeah I do love nature. It’s nice to see various species around. Birds too. Been watching various types of kingfishers, and a red headed parrot, also once saw a white peacock in front of me going in front of me like a damn king. And a type of flightless bird who do run damn fast. They’re as big as a chicken if not smaller. Once I was going to run over a crab who was slowly walking sideways on the damn road 
. Good thing I didn’t do that.
Oh and I also think I saw a vulture. Vultures have been very rare sight for years. I don’t know what species was it, but of course they’re damn endangered.
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Well it’s a road through the forest. That’s how I calm my mind sometimes. I just came back from there. It’s a long lonely road. There are several such roads of course. This is where I come from http://www.penchnationalpark.in/
I don’t exactly live at this spot, because the forest is quite big. I live in a less famous area.
Also there has been a substantial increase in the population of tigers here. Which were endangered species once.
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this is something quite interesting. Been loving the ancient engineering designs a lot. People always say that humans during those times were of low IQ. Clearly that’s not the case. They simply made the good use of whatever techniques were available back then. And there are some remarkable feats that have been achieved by ancient scientists and engineers.
Cooling without the use of electricity. If we take these things in the modern world it can reduce carbon emission. Maybe it won’t be a lot. Still it’s better than nothing.
One of my most favourite engineering marvels in the ancient world is the water engineering. Ancient people definitely had sound knowledge of hydraulics and water management in general. There’s this thing called as “hydraulic empire” demonstrating what they call as “water economy”. I just love it all!
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This is the next stage of degeneracy. The first stage was playboy magazines, second stage was easily available pornography.
This is a possible future guys. We as the responsible global citizens, need to take steps against it.
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This ain’t any future. It is happening right now…
The whole world is revolving around sexual stuffs and want us as slaves of it…
Its definitely our responsibility to change it, and the first step we can take is to be free ourselves.
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Thank you dear friend.
Being someone of extreme libido, I had never thought that I’d bring my sexual urges under control.
I know that I’m someone way too horny as person, and was willing to do it with just anyone. Nofap has awakened demisexual tendencies within me. But I’ll be grateful that I will find something greater than this orgasm. I hope I find it soon. I always wanted to create a difference in this world, and seeing what it is turning into is making me sad. I was wondering if fighting to create this difference in this world is even worth it now? I still get these thoughts. I have no idea, about what am I supposed to do. But I still want to hope that it will be fine.
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I have watched some content. It wasn’t too exciting. But I was able to feel the excitement increasing.
I’m not happy with the situation right now. I’m angry with myself, and also God. This mental turbulence has caused me viral fever that’s been going on for 4 days. I’m weak in body, as well as mind.
I wonder what did I do to deserve such thing. All I wanted was to be a better person. I wanted to improve. I can’t even sleep now.
To the guy from the skies, what did I really do to deserve this man? What did I do? Do I not have a right to live? I just need a clear conscience where things don’t haunt and hurt me anymore. Is it too much to ask? I’m ready to renounce the wordly pleasures, especially a woman’s touch. Just that I want to keep open a possibility. I’m willing to die alone. As long as I have my clear conscience I’ll be fine. As long as this mental turbulence doesn’t bother me anymore I’ll be fine. Is it too much to ask man? I’ve been waiting for help. But all I’m getting is more and more pain. Pain of the body and of the mind. Why me? Just why? I’m not even able to act like a functional adult. Seriously what did I do to have this?
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I’m totally weak this time. Totally vulnerable. Totally at the mercy. I don’t know what will happen to me now 
If I don’t make it, I just want everyone here to know that it’s been a wonderful journey. Thank you for your support.
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I’m no longer a monster. I’m no longer in pursuit of being unbreakable. Honestly I don’t even know what am I doing right now. I will try to hold on for as long as possible.
Thank you so much God. For everything you have done for me. For protecting me. Thank you for the experiences which converted me from an atheist to a believer. I’m just not strong enough anymore. I’m just not able to take on the turbulence of thoughts coming up to me. I’m at my limits. I’m alone. I’m not sure what’s going to happen in the future. I’m not sure what will even the immediate tomorrow bring.
I’m not sure of my life at all. I just want to say that it’s been a fantastic journey so far. I did things I only had dreamed of once. But this time I just don’t find myself sufficient.
If you’ll have a little more mercy and if that’ll give me a chance at life again, I’ll be immensely grateful. But right now I’m unable to figure out things. I’m sorry. I’m just not strong anymore. I’ve used all the strength I once had.
I promise to you that even if it kills me, I will not PMO. I will not even think about it. No matter how dopamine deprived I become. I will chant your name while it’s killing me.
I’m sorry again. It’s the extreme torment I’m gonna have to go through now. I will go through it.
Thank you God. For the mercy that you provided to me. Thank you very much.
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Maybe I’m recovering. Thanks to @Dari. I will never forget your help. It means a lot to me. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Joining this community has been a blessing. It’s good to know some mature people full of knowledge and experience are here.
I don’t know again what will tomorrow bring. But my head is definitely clear as of now.
Thank you once again because I wouldn’t have made this far without the help.
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Nah, you would, this time you took a shortcut 
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Depressing thoughts plagued me yet again.
Everything was too much to handle.
And here we are again. Back to zero.
I have relapsed.
Honestly sex seems disgusting now. I don’t even want to touch people. Let alone touch at inappropriate places full of germs. Human body is disgusting. Fluids are disgusting too. To think I got all those disgusting fluids in me. Man I wish now if I didn’t have this body. I can’t take this anymore. I just want to throw those thoughts away.
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Then you must have thought these things in the moment.
But still you have time. You can have a good streak by the end of the year. Human body is not disgusting it is valueable but all upon you how you utilise it. Appreciate that you have this body.
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You’re right.
I’m not letting this body go to waste.
I love this human intelligence, something that matters to me a lot. The seminal fluid can nourish it and make it stronger. I’m making a comeback. Start again. I had done 50 days. And I didn’t do good enough. But I can always start again. Till the end of the year I’ll have a good streak.
I fell to chaser, but I guess I can break out. I’m at the mercy of the moment. But I’ll try my best.
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