Hi everyone
I finally finished the easypeasy book as it was recommended by so many people. During reading, I copy and pasted the most important statements for me. The things that helped me the most and where I learned a lot.
I thought that this summary could also help other people, so I post it here. Also I have some remarks to the book.
Important parts:
- We tend to confuse responsibility and stress
- Withdrawal from porn doesn’t cause any physical pain and is merely an empty, restless feeling of something missing
- Because the process of getting hooked is incredibly subtle and gradual in the early days, the empty feeling is regarded as normal and so isn’t blamed on the previous session. The moment the browser is fired up and you begin your session, you get an immediate boost and become less nervous or more relaxed, so internet porn gets the credit.
- Similarly, non-users don’t suffer empty feelings of needing internet porn, or panic when they’re offline
- The thrill is in the hunting, not the killing, with dopamine rapidly leaving the body after orgasm, explaining why users want to ’edge’ (delaying orgasm) through flicking between multiple browser windows and tabs
- The phrase ’giving up’ is a classic example of the brainwashing, implying genuine sacrifice. The beautiful truth is there’s nothing to give up; on the contrary, you’ll be freeing yourself from a terrible disease and achieving marvelous positive gains.
- We work hard to become hooked, yet we never find what they’ve been missing. Every time we see another clip it reassures us there must be something in it, otherwise people wouldn’t be doing it and the business wouldn’t be so big
- when you’re addicted to the super-normal pull of internet porn and then try to abstain, it feels like there’s something missing.
- watch how quickly you want to get away from each other after the mandatory orgasm is achieved. If the couple had just decided to hug, speak or cuddle and go to sleep, they’d have felt relieved.
- it’s the belief there’s something inherent in internet porn that we need, and that when we stop using we will be denying ourselves and creating a void.
- Just for a moment, take your head out of the sand and ask yourself that if you knew with certainty that your next session would start a process that would make you utterly unresponsive to someone you deeply love, would you continue using?
- There is nothing more pathetic than the user who’s been trying to cut down. Suffering from the delusion that the less porn they watch, the less they’ll want to visit online harems. The reverse is true, the less they watch porn, the longer they suffer withdrawal pangs and the more they ‘enjoy’ the relief of relieving them.
- Cutting down not only doesn’t work, but is the worst form of torture. It’s not a habit, it’s addiction. The nature of any addiction is wanting more and more, not less and less. Therefore in order to cut down, the user has to exercise willpower and discipline for the rest of their lives
- The problem of stopping isn’t the dopamine addiction, which is easy to cope with. It’s the mistaken belief that porn gives you pleasure,
- There are certain fundamentals to get clear in your mind.
- There’s nothing to give up, only marvelous positive gains to achieve.
- Never convince yourself of the odd ’no big deal’ or ’just one peek’ session. It doesn’t exist. There’s only a lifetime of filth and slavery.
- There’s nothing different about you, any user can find it easy to stop.
- My mind tells me that since I’ve starved myself for four days I deserve a ’special’ clip that has to be worth the time spent searching. Eventually I settle for one or two, but want it to last so that I can ’survive’ through the next four days, so I take more time to finish the deed.
- Firstly, identify the times or occasions when porn appears to be important to you. If you’re a businessperson who uses it for the illusion of stress relief – pick a relatively slack period or a holiday. If you use porn mainly during boring or relaxing periods, the opposite applies. Regardless, take the attempt seriously and make it the most important thing in your life.
- Look ahead for a period of three weeks and try to anticipate any event that might lead to failure.
- Many confuse responsibility with stress, responsibility only becomes stressful when we don’t feel strong enough to handle it. What destroys most isn’t stress, jobs or old age, but the illusory lying crutches they turn to.
- We’ve established that far from being easier tomorrow, it’ll get progressively worse. The time to get rid of it is now – or as near to now as you can manage.
- There’s only one danger, that being the influence of those who still use sex as their crutch and pleasure. ‘The other man’s grass is always greener’ is commonplace in many aspects of our lives and easily understandable. Why in the case of porn – with disadvantages so enormous when compared to the illusionary ‘advantages’ – does the ex-user tend to envy those demanding sex and pornography as a crutch?
- Notice out quickly they open many tabs and browser windows? Fast forwarding to the important sections, quickly getting bored of clips and running through the gamut of genres producing novelty, shock, anxiety, etc. Notice particularly that the act appears to be automatic. Remember – they aren’t enjoying it, it’s that they can’t enjoy themselves without it. The next morning, waking up with a weakened will, lost energy and bleary eyes, they’ll have to continue choking themselves at the first appearance of stress and strain. They’re facing a lifetime of filth, poor mental health and stained confidence – a lifetime of destroying themselves with black shadows at the back of their mind
- if you don’t enjoy being a user today, you’ll enjoy it even less tomorrow. Don’t envy other users, pity them.
- If you use internet porn, you’re training yourself for the role of voyeur, or requiring the option of clicking to something more arousing at the slightest drop in dopamine levels. Or, the continual search for just the right scene for maximum effect. Additionally, you might be masturbating in a hunched over position or watching your smartphone in bed on the nightly, eventually desiring those cues more than real life stimulus
- Each cue or trigger lights up your reward circuit with the promise of sex – only it isn’t sex. Nevertheless, nerve cells solidify these associations with sexual arousal by sprouting new branches to strengthen the connections.
- Until they’re ready to do so, a pact creates additional pressure, which only increases their desire to watch. This turns them into secret viewers, further increasing the feeling of dependency.
- Keep looking at the other side of the tug of war and ask yourself what porn is doing for you. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Why do I need to do it? YOU DON’T! YOU’RE ONLY PUNISHING YOURSELF.
- The main problem of stopping isn’t the dopamine addiction – which is certainly a problem, but not the primary one – it’s the brainwashing. Therefore, it’s necessary to destroy all of the myths and delusions first.
- It took me a long time to work out why it had been so easy and why I hadn’t suffered those terrifying withdrawal pangs. The reason is that they don’t exist, it’s the doubt and uncertainty that creates pangs.
- It’s only when you want it, but can’t have it, that you suffer.
- A user is one of those poor wretches going through life destroying themselves with porn. A non-user is someone who doesn’t. Once you’ve made that final decision, you’ve already achieved your objective.
- Somehow I’ve got to abstain for three weeks and then I’ll be fine.” Nothing magical will actually happen after three weeks, you won’t suddenly feel like a non-user, as they don’t actually feel any different from users
- Think of it this way – your brain wants to maintain the status quo, so if you’re under the belief that you’re losing something good when quitting, you’ll obviously feel horrible. It’s impossible to force yourself to feel a certain way if your brain doesn’t believe it. This is why it’s important to go through the trouble of removing the illusion that pornography gives you anything at all.
- Dopamine withdrawal pangs. An empty, insecure feeling similar to hunger, identified as cravings or a ’something I must do’ feeling
- Stopping is similar, during the early days the trigger mechanism will operate at certain times. You’ll think about wanting a session, so therefore countering the brainwashing is essential right from square one and will cause these cues and triggers to quickly disappear
- There is clean soft porn, and any who try it soon find out that it’s a waste of time. Get it clear in your mind that the only reason you’ve been using porn is getting the dopamine flush. Once rid of the dopamine craving for porn you’ll have no need to visit your online harem.
- Be prepared for these tricks in advance, and whatever the temptation, get it into your mind that it’s only there because of the monster inside your body
- even if you’re thinking about it a thousand times a day, savor each moment, remind yourself of how marvellous it is to be free again. Remind yourself of the sheer joy of not having to torture yourself anymore.
- Remember the two essentials to succeed are:
Certainty.
“Isn’t it marvellous that I don’t need porn anymore?” - Quitters using the willpower method don’t normally experience this moment because although they’re glad to be ex-users, they continue moving through life believing they’re making a sacrifice.
- don’t do so with a feeling of “I must never visit another online harem again” or “I’m not allowed to visit another” but instead with a feeling of freedom, like “Isn’t it great? I’m free! I’m no longer a slave to porn! I don’t ever have to visit these filthy sites in my life again.”
- wouldn’t that be an incredibly stupid thing to do? To say, “I never want to watch porn again” and then spending the rest of your life saying “I’d love a visit”? That’s what those using the willpower method do, and it’s no wonder they feel so miserable.
- You’ll remain a happy non-user provided:
- You never doubt your decision.
- You don’t wait to become a non-user.
- You don’t use substitutes.
- You see all the other users as they really are and pity them rather than envying them.
- One of the awful things we do to young men is conditioning them not to cry. You can see them trying to fight back the tears, but watch the jaw grinding away. We teach ourselves not to show emotion, but we’re not meant to bottle them up inside.
- Nobody can stop time, every moment that passes that little monster inside you is dying. Enjoy your inevitable victory.
- Enforced abstinences don’t actually cut down the intake because the user just indulges themselves even more when finally allowed to be alone. All it does is to ingrain in the user’s mind how precious internet porn is and how dependent they are upon it.
- That being said, you can still get hooked on MO for the same reasons as porn, such as the ‘need to have an orgasm’ mentality, mental escalation, forcing the body to have sex, and just plain hendonist pleasure seeking.
Remarks:
The book is great and I do think that everyone should read it. I think this mindset is the only way how you can really get free of this addiction!
However, I do think that it is wrong in one point. The point it repeats that porn has no use.
My point is: I suffer, so I look for a way to reduce my suffering right now. When I am scared of an upcoming exam, I watch porn so that I can hide from this feeling of fear. And it works amazingly. Porn removes my feelings so well that I often “woke up” from a session after hours and realized that I was starving since I skipped dinner and it was already midnight.
So, it does something perfectly. I does hide your feelings. So, I don’t think that just leaving away porn is a good option. Because now, you need a method to handle emotions. If you don’t learn that, you will simply fall into the trap of the next addiction.
My conclusion:
You need two things:
- You need to know why you want porn as a crutch. What do you want to hide from? You need tools and methods to cope with your feelings
- You need the mentality of the easypeasy book since you will never get free by simple willpower