This is my vow to rise above the animal within, to transcend the lesser instinct and free myself from the shackles of 13 years of PMO. Slay the demon of pr0n, the infinite women a mouse click away, but never real. Opium rush, fleeting fantasy, waste of time - begone.
My mind is clouded from gaming and ■■■■, the fog blurs and aggravates my daily functioning, eroding my confidence and undermining my potential. The dopamine erodes my willpower, I need a detox. I need to get in shape. I need real connection.
The state I want to get closer to is mushin, a perfect state of mental presence. The concept is purveyed by buddhism and martial artists. A mind calm and still like the reflection of the moon on a pond, as the saying goes. At the same time however, one is ready to fight and instinctively react to the challenges life throws at us. The flow state, perfect stillness ready to strike, not one ounce of mental inhibition.
This I want to achieve with sport, work and deep meditation. One step at a time.
This journal shall be testament to my vow. The journey begins with this first step. I wish you all luck with your journey, fellow warriors! Towards a better future!
7 Likes
Day 1/90. The first step was successful. Work was tough but good. Made much progress. Bonds with co-workers were strong too. I still wish I had more confidence but this has to develop.
Sport - I skipped the elevator and took the stairs. Colleagues tease use the bike. That would be 34 kms/day. Maybe E-bike? Gotta see, too many construction sites since summer time.
For meditation, I used a singing bowl and pine incense. Using a random kanji generator, I pulled 穢, hyogaiji, meaning polluted. Ah what a fitting word for reflection ~ pollution. Isn’t it the very thing we want to get rid of? The corruption, the dirt, the filth that our addiction generates? To purify our souls and rise to our greater potential? Only through will and determination, we shall rise and shed what pollutes the soul. Let’s not give in to the urge!
4 Likes
2/90
Short entry today, work was successful, but tough. Feeling productive and that makes me feel better as a man. Been lifting a lot of boxes for our clothing storage and doing inventory. Other than that, office work.
Despite the fatigue, the urge comes back. I did not give in but the temptress starts her ways. I did not give in.
The random kanji of the day is 風 kaze, wind. For meditation, what comes to my mind? Change first of all. Momentum. A sailing boat cannot float far without wind, a mill cannot move without a gust. Wind can be a gentle breeze or a destructive hurricane. If I think of erosion, wind can grind rock to dust over the centuries. So thinking of my journey, my takeaway is I need to stay in motion, momentum is necessary. Also, if PMO erodes willpower like wind stones to dust, why don’t we turn the tides 180°?
Our willpower and dedication, like the wind, can erode PMO and the bad habits over time.
Fellow warriors, rise like a kite in the gust, to the infinite skies where freedom awaits!!
1 Like
Day 3/90. Productive again in the office. I went running too afterwards. Tired and exhausted but no relapse yet. I am, however, a tad irritable. Maybe T Levels are rising?
1 Like
4/90. Work keeps me busy and productive, but frustration does rise a bit now that I do not dull my senses with addiction. The body notices the withdrawal and seems to yearn to fill the perceived loss. Temptation won’t win for I remain adamant in my ways. Such is the tenet of Musashi and stoicism. Onward towards a brighter future it is!
1 Like
