Modernmedico to Monk : A Journey

[modernmedico]

Day 5 - Deja vú

Hey I think I wrote on day 5 already…wait… yeah, that was before relapse.

So what changed?

I don’t know really. Just some things. I stopped watching TV and started meditating regularly.

would it help this time or would you like to have more Deja vú?

Hmmm… tough question! Very tough critics. Actually I really don’t know. _I cross my heart and hope to dieee, if you stay with me (not singing Maroon 5)…nop.
On a serious note : I will give my best this time.

what I did today?

Well I woke up, brushed my teeth, sat on my sofa thinking of going back to sleep… Oh… You mean any retention related thing?.. Right.

I did sound meditation on my favorite guitar player.

Internal Flight (Remastered)

Check it out. Play this on your headphones and sit down on meditative pose. You don’t need today’s dose of cocaine.

I went to forest. Nature calls.

I am yet to do my yoga session.

Yoga for Men | Episode 1

And I thought it would be easier than Gym workout…

Today’s thought- The real struggle starts when you choose to be a celibate. World will be going to be more s3x favourable in future. You have to flow opposite the flow. Because celibacy doesn’t stop after getting married and it is not an option but a choice we have to make now or later.

Peace Out !

modernmedico

[debellator]

Keep going brother. Your posts are very deep and insightful and I am sure many will benefit from them.

[modernmedico]

Thank you @debellator. It’s good to be back.

[modernmedico]

Thank you @anon14496424 for appreciating all my posts. I am humbled.

[modernmedico]

Day 6 - A humble secret

Sorry guys I am posting it late. Yesterday I didn’t get the time. But I wanted to share something.

Yesterday I didn’t do anything special except maintaining my meditation streak (coz I’ll count it as a relapse if I don’t do it. This makes me consistent.)

This is a post I wrote just now :

That’s the secret. We have to be “Humble”. I’ve seen people arguing on this forum, other forums and YouTube. They try to show to each other about how much they know, creating negative energy around themselves and the people who read or listen to them.

Keep in mind that the Universe don’t like it when we become egotistical. It then plans ways to break our egos. And it does.

No one who is egoistic can remain on his streak for a long time. His ego will make him relapse because the moment he’ll think he has won and become loose, he’ll get caught like a fish in a net.

You won’t see a 1000 day streak person not humble. The higher they go, the more humbler they become.

So please, we all learn from one another. A teacher is always a student.

Peace Out.

modernmedico

[JumpingBuddha]

The secret is out!!
Thats so true

[_KarmaYogi]

Wow… Truer words have never been spoken before in this forum

[modernmedico]

Thank you @_KarmaYogi. I wish you good.

[modernmedico]

Day 8 - The secret of the ‘humble’ secret

Yeah I skipped the post of day 7 (Won’t be skipping meditation though ). I won’t be writing daily, can’t promise myself that. But I’ll write, to express and to learn.

I didn’t do meditation the whole day till few hours before. I am writing after doing it. It’s hard to meditate in evening but life doesn’t always give you choice.

Today my mind slightly went towards unwanted thoughts. Thankfully, I didn’t act upon it and changed my thoughts.

One of the main important point of retention is “re-direction”. I learned that form a YouTube video & it helped.

1)When unwanted thoughts come, change them to productive ones.

2. But first " Say out loud " what you want to do.

3. Then, don’t stay on productive thoughts. Act immediately.

What helped is also, that I started cleaning my room. Washed the dishes while contemplating what is important- indulging in pleasure or doing what is important?. Then I took bath. Bath cleanses not only your body, but your aura too. Your negative energies.

“One who doesn’t take bath regularly will have hard time maintaining his streak”. I have experienced this a lot.

Then I burned Sage in whole house & did my thing (Meditation of course).

The secret of the secret :

The key to being humble is free yourself from the idea that you are the enjoyer. You are not the King. You are in this world to do service. You are here to serve.

I know it’s hard to accept what I’ll be going to say but stay…

The moment we have tendency to enjoy, we exploit. Not only we exploit ourselves, our time. We exploit our loved ones too. We become selfish. We become egotistical.

We have to lose our tendency to think that we are the enjoyers. It’s hard to do before understanding the concept & I can’t explain fully in this post.

I am going to share a video of my favorite YouTuber. Uncle C

Also check out this video to understand further:

- YouTube

Peace✌ Out

modernmedico

[modernmedico]

Day - 11 - Humility is not begging

So last two days were difficult. I was alone and with high speed internet. If that wasn’t enough, I was feeling little excited.

History shouldn’t repeat itself, although it does.

But it didn’t… yesterday. I am back on track. Thanks to the Universe for creating diversion when I needed it.

Usually I write in the night, but today I am writing this while sitting in the train. I am doing a journey within a journey.

I was on a verge of relapse because my meditation went down since 2-3 days due to some unwanted situations.

I am afraid that my forced routine is not allowing me to retain more energy within the body. However, I am liking the slight uneasiness.

I had heard somewhere “This slight uneasiness is actually the happiness arising within our body but we cannot understand it and think is as a negative thing and we want to get rid of it because we are not accustomed to bear that high energy in our bodies”.

I don’t share my routine because right now I don’t have any. I am still finding stability because everyday is different. No one place, no one time. That’s why I do meditation. I can do it anytime and anywhere I want.

Coming to the point of the title:

I have seen many guys begging for points and saying please a hundred times.

For the sake of the humility, don’t be confused with that guys. It’s called “neediness”.

They just want someone to show them sympathy so that they can justify themselves that what they did was not wrong.

Although it is not wrong to fail & relapse but you have to understand that your understanding has to do with you, not with others.

There’s another word for it " Entitlement ". Trust me, as a doctor I know what I am talking about. Psychology is my thing.

Entitled people think that just because they suffered pain, they are now entitled to the sympathy of others- they need a special treatment. This makes them not take their responsibility in their hands.

Please don’t beg for likes or points. People can surely give you 100 points but I am sure that you can’t reach 100 days streak based on those points.

External factors can’t change internal factors and change comes first from within.

This is not humility. A beggar is not humble he has to be humble outside because it is needed for him. Be humble from inside. For you. Don’t beg and don’t boast.

The only begging is allowed is for the blessing of God, Spirit, Divine Mother or Higher being… whatever you call him.

Peace✌ Out

modernmedico

[JumpingBuddha]

Keep writing, keep motivating, keep learning…

[modernmedico]

Day 12 - Pain is good

Today I’ll talk about pain because I got it yesterday & today, very fresh, not physical but mental & emotional.

Mostly in our age it comes in relationships & in my case it was no different. And it was not the first time either.

It hurts a lot and makes you sad but pain is good:

It keeps us sharp.
It dispells the illusion we are always in.
It refocuses us on our goals.
It tells us what is important & what is not.
It roots out our weaknesses and gives us strength.
It makes us humble.
It makes us to go more deeper within ourselves.

& all these things help us in our JOURNEY.

I tried to do meditation today but it was very hard to do. But I did a lot of physical activity and completed a lot of pending work.

It’s wonderful how semen retention saves your energy and gives it back to motivate us to do things.

Peace Out

modernmedico

[modernmedico]

Day 1- I know my miskate and I am so sorry

I relapsed again. After 17 days. But the setting was set on day 15.

I improved. Better than last time but I know it’s not gonna cut it.

I have to take a leap of… not faith but accountability.

That’s what I was missing. I was feeling not accountable for anything I was doing.

Problem is although I have some awesome guys following me and I following them. But on the way we somewhere lost being each other accountability partners.

We don’t ask why someone is relapsing when they relapse. We don’t tell someone that we are going to relapse. It’s like struggling alone again.

I am sure I’m gonna find a way around it and somehow find an accountability partner. Not partners. With whom I can do this journey. With whom I can speak or write to daily.

This would mean that I would know I have to answer. I have to take responsibility.

Responsibility and accountability is what I need.

Peace Out

modernmedico

[modernmedico]

No Clothes??
Starting out again

Hey guys! As people say, “Out of sight is out of mind” . I must say that I was literally out of sight for months. May be some of you won’t even know if I am there…losing and struggling… and again trying like most people.

Anyways…there were times when I thought I’ll reach 90 days of Nofap first and then I’ll write something. Because then people will hear me and respect me.
Then again I forgot that I was doing this for myself… Not for others. Now I am back to the point where I think, even if it’s the first day Or day 0 you would say, I must write, even if no one will read because it’s me converting my thoughts to words, to tangible reality, so that I could track myself more.

Why I relapsed so many times???

As I already mentioned before, my problem doesn’t lies in mental plane, if it did, I could have dealt it better.

My problem is more SPIRITUAL than mental. I’ve come to realize it more last night.

Last night was nothing special as it has happened many times before but it’s not common because it doesn’t happen to everyone.

So what happened last night??

I was forced to remove all my clothes while I was sleeping by some force or something. You can say entity or energy, whatever. I didn’t see it, just felt it before even I went to sleep.
Sounds scary right. Bear with me…

I has happened before also. Many times. I go to sleep and suddenly I am half awake knowing that I start undressing till I am completely naked under the blanket. Then comes a thought (like an implanted thought) in my mind that I should watch Po** or a sudden urge to masturbate. As my conscious mind is not working at that point my WILLPOWER is useless.

Then I am a Robot doing things which I am said to do. I can hear someone back of my mind screaming “_WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? NO!! _”. But I can’t help it. I am not in control.

I don’t have any pressure on my chest or body. Nor I feel someone grabbing me or holding me on physical plane. I just feel that hold on my mind. As if someone has hacked it.

The more I determined I go to sleep not to fap on next day the more forceful resistance I get on that night and the more I am urged to do that thing.

Although I am practicing spirituality my whole life, I think this energy is more monovalent and dark than normal. It doesn’t show itself because it doesn’t need to. I am not that strong to resist. It knows my weak points.
But I know what happens when I resist. I don’t have WET dreams when I stop. I have NIGHTMARES, sleep paralysis. They are reduced in frequency but never gone.
Now I can feel it before I go to sleep that I’ll get a nightmare or not. It’s not a thought. It’s a feeling. An emotion.

Yesterday I was astonished by the power which forced me to watch Po** because on auspicious day of Diwali I wanted to put an end to my PMO addiction but I guess I have to go for a war lest a fight. And something tells me it will me messy.

It won’t depend on special days, special promises or special time. I know I have to take different measures now.

I am open to discussion if anyone had gone through similar experiences like I have.

And this is just a starting.

I’ll be revealing more about my nightmares in upcoming posts.

Bless me with wisdom and wish me good luck! It’s day 1.

Modernmedico
Peace out

[udaCisie]

This time you will maintain the streak for longer take decision and stick with it

[modernmedico]

True! I’ll try again.
May be I have to program my subconscious.
As I said, decisions taken from Conscious mind doesn’t work in that realm. Not I’m my case. I’ve been trying for 10 years.

[udaCisie]

What influence to your unconscious mind? Conscious one

Your reasons to not doing it have to be greater than the reasons to faping. Positive or negative.they have to be greater and both works. But positive are better. I’m curious how you will be performing this time. If your current way of fighting failed the reasons in your head were too small

[JumpingBuddha]

In my opinion, it happens because you feel weak and submit to the negative power.

Know that you are stronger and your power is far greater than any devils force.

Throw away the feeling of slavery, you are the master of your own body, mind and emotions. Think about it and feel it.

Next time you find yourself without clothes, just wake up, dress up and meditate, or maybe go for a sprint!

You are a strong soul, you can do it.

All the best.

Peace

[modernmedico]

Thank you for inspiring words.
May be you’re right. Whenever I feel strong, I don’t fear even in my nightmares.
All I have to do is empower myself and feel strong.

[modernmedico]

How it works? -So it’s TRUE

Today I got to know:

Why I felt helpless?
Why I was weak?
Why I had no control?
Why I thought it was a negative energy or a spirit?

Well. Because it is really a spirit or negative energy.

In this world, everything is energy, living or non living.
Both are energies, but different types.

We have 3 types of bodies :

1. Material or gross(which we know)
2. Subtle- made of mind, intelligence & ego.
3. Spirit

When we die, we lose our gross bodies on the earth and travel with subtle body and spirit (which we are).

If someone dies and after the losing of previous body doesn’t take the new material body (due to various reasons-no time to explain), it remains with subtle body.
Those spirits which do not obtain another body remain with only subtle bodies.
As subtle body is transparent and cannot be seen, spirits or ghosts cannot be seen.

Now problem is, A ghost or spirit = Normal person - Material body.

Means, a ghost have feelings, desires and emotions but doesn’t have physical body to express it. Because everything is in mind, in subtle body.

Now if a spirit or a ghost had a big sexual appetite, means in previous life they were sex addicts, and after they became ghosts, the perversion remained.
Now they want to enjoy sex but cannot because they don’t have a body.

So they find a person who is doing similar thing they want to do. Say drinking alcohol, sex or masturbation etc.

When a person drinks alcohol, the spirit, being subtle, goes into the mouth of that person (how? Ghosts bodies are made up of air element and enters the person’s body from 9 holes). They enter the body and start taking control. They make the owner of the body (spirit) weak and then urge it to follow their advice.

The voice some people hear inside their heads or ideas or urges popping suddenly inside is that advice from spirit

The person will drink more and more and more…

It’s a long topic to discuss…

The point is, the weakness I was feeling, the nightmares I had, a female ghost I see since childhood again & again in my dreams is not made up by my mind. Because I can differentiate between when I am myself and when I am not.

With every PMO one is weak not only physically and mentally but spirituality too. I also heard somewhere,

1. One is weak and open to negative energies when one is masturbating.

2. Ghosts like smell of semen, stool and other rotten smells. One who masturbates and sleep without washing himself, attracts negative energies which then enters through his…You know what.
   (Which I have done countless times).

Everything what I said can also be explained on biological level and mental level. But some things go deeper and the person who has experienced it, only he can know.

I again started doing meditation. I stopped it last time and relapsed heavily.

My goal is to wake up early around 4 or before and work on deeper levels.

I am also learning an interesting thing. I’ll talk about it in later posts.

I am grateful to my friends here who support me and helping me on this journey.

Modernmedico
Peace Out✌