Modernmedico to Monk : A Journey

[modernmedico]

A Day is never Zero
(Day 2)

I don’t entertain the idea of Day 0. I like to think it of a day 1 (even if I relapse on that day).
Reason is the same as we are born.

The day we are born is the Day 1 not day 0. This journey we have undertook or are undertaking is a reformation, a rebirth.

The already companions and seniors in semen retention are our doctors and nurses, who will help in our birth. Our mother is motivation and father is discipline. Together they will help us raise to be able to love and be loved. Understand love and not to confuse it with Lust. The hospital is a forum like this.
The labor room is where we are currently living and the instruments used are good habits and techniques.

I believe, the moment we relapse, the after relapse moments are automatically counted as a new beginning of celibate journey, a semen retention journey. So our only work is to maintain this journey and go along as far as possible.

There is much to tell, much to confess and much to regret and much to learn.

But I want to start this Journey and my diary with hope and dedication. It won’t be possible without your help. There’s a power in unity and I hope I get this power from the friends who are on the same journey as I am and who will read this.

My Status:
(I relapsed from a 15 days of retention last week. The highest I went is 30 days a year or 2 back).

I am grateful to be here and will embark this beautiful journey with you all beautiful people.

Modernmedico
CC : zj2me7

[modernmedico]

Day 3 : Boredom

I am in a situation where I am forced to feel boredom. These situations will come in your life when you are especially, in a new place, a new environment, where you don’t know anybody.

Still there are ways to deal with it. I am glad that I am on Day 3 in this situation and not on day 30 but as I said, these kind of situations can present at any moment and any point of our lives.

I am alone in a room, which is generally a trigger point for relapse for me. Great thing is that I am not a social media person, so I don’t have urge to check out FB or Instagram. Nor do I watch bad websites on my phone (only on laptop). But still it doesn’t mean that I can’t relapse.

I’ve been watching P**** since I was 12 years old. I am 30 years old now. I started masturbating before puberty; no thanks to the older guys who gave me this bad habit for their own pleasure. I can blame them for it but I can’t blame them after knowing that what I am doing since years is wrong and needs change. I wouldn’t be to blame if I don’t take responsibility of myself now.

I am not married but before I do, I would like to come out clean myself so that I could be proud and confident of myself. I have set some far greater goals for myself which require this little sacrifice of not indulging myself into short term wothless pleasures.

Still I relapse sometimes. But I know, the more struggle we do, the more stronger we get. The more our subconscious will understand our goal our desire and it would be easier to control ourselves subconsciously and in dreams.

I have also experienced that just after waking up from sleep (especially in afternoon) we are more prone to relapse because our conscious mind is still not fully in control and we are more likely to do what our subconscious mind says. (This topic for another day)

Avoid sleeping during the day if you can.

At last, hopefully, I’ll be writing more entries than I intended to curb out the feeling of boredom and loneliness. I will go out and explore.

I would urge fellow mates to write their experiences because I writing about yourself, you will know better about yourself more and you will understand the situation clearer than before. You are teaching yourself by sharing your experiences rather than other people.

I would be writing like this almost daily, talking about my experiences, learning, losses, gains etc. Please do reply and share your story and your experiences too.

Finally :

Modernmedico
CC: zj2me7

[JumpingBuddha]

You are on the right path buddy. Keep going.

“Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you”
-Thomas Jefferson

All the best!

[modernmedico]

@JumpingBuddha Thank you. Currently reading the book you shared ‘Personality development’. It’s amazing.

[modernmedico]

Day 4 : Negativity

Not feeling any pressure or heaviness in my body. The first week is always easy after so many subsequent relapses.

Currently reading a book our fellow companion @JumpingBuddha had recommended. I was searching for books about personality development last month. I searched YouTube channels also but what I found was unclear teachings. I wanted something concrete which I found in this book. I am very grateful and thank him a lot.

Yesterday I almost fought with a fellow companion who I thought was mocking me when I tried to give him some advice. He made a joke and I took it in a serious way. It made me realize that unknowingly I started taking other people too seriously instead of myself and that I was giving them power over myself by reacting to their behaviors.
In the book I read about positive and negative emotions.
“More the emotions are under control, healthier becomes one’s personality”. It read.

I understood that I should learn to control my emotions. Which brings me to the next book in queue ‘Emotional Intelligence’.

I am thankful to all my mates using this app for teaching me important things both negatively and positively. Keep growing and let others grow

Modernmedico
CC: zj2me7

[udaCisie]

Keep going bro!

“the man who can’t read not differs from a man who can read but not read”

[modernmedico]

Well quoted. Thanks bro! You too. Stay strong and sharp!

[modernmedico]

Day 5 : Precious Water

Our body constitues 70% water element. The most important element is Semen.

You could be dying of thirst and dehydration but your body doesn’t compromise on making your precious Water. It’s amazing when you think about it.

I don’t think that body does this only so that we can procreate. Nature doesn’t want to extract a child out of a dying person. Nature knows that without our this element, we can’t survive let alone procreate.

It is for own survival that we have to retain it. Not only for survival in this world but for the survival of others too.

Entanglement Phenomenon - According to it with my improvisation, when you lose your power, it isn’t only your loss, it is the loss of everyone because everything is connected.

Respecting this precious Water : A practice for its retainment- Tribandh Pranayama.

This I have added to my list of good habits.

[JumpingBuddha]

Nice thoughts bro.
Tribandh is a good habit to inculcate.

Keep sharing your words…

[modernmedico]

Thankyou bro. I am just inspired by your healthy schedule. Cheers!

[modernmedico]

Day 6 : Fasting

Today was Ekadashi and I fasted. I think fasting is very important in retention. Those who do not fast would find their retention journey difficult.

Why fasting is important??
[Fasting Documentary] - On YouTube (- YouTube)

Apart from physical benefits as mentioned in above documentary, fasting has mental and spiritual benefits too (far greater than physical) depending if that’s your focus.

Our mental state is also formed by the type of food eat. This philosophy is well known in various cultures but to skeptics, if I find a research regarding it, I would definitely provide next time.

I urge you all to let go Non-vegetraian food and be vegetarian which is good for physical and mental health.

Don’t worry about protein in your diet. You don’t need it as much as you think. Moreover, you don’t have to eat secondary protein from animal flesh when you can have it in primary form from the plants.

Fasting and healthy plant food will provide you more than enough for your nofap or semen retention journey.

Also, now I remember, you can check a YouTube channel - Satvic Movement. They are all about healthy food. You’ll find it very informative.

Let me know if you know more about fasting and food.
Cheers to our retention movement!
@udaCisie @JumpingBuddha @totto_rewire @debellator

Modernmedico
CC: zj2me7

[JumpingBuddha]

Though I rarely do fasting but it’s great for inner cleansing through Autophagy (2016, nobel in psysiology won by Yoshimori Ohshumi).
Whenever my stomach feels full I skip one time meal usually at night.
About food- it’s primary learning that vegetarian is easy to digest and provides maximum energy per unit mass.
According to Energy flow in food chain we already know that sun is the primary source of energy to all living beings. Having said that the energy loss per trophic level is around 90%. So scientifically also, it is wise to take food from autotrophes.(though I eat eggs occasionally and not opposed to any particular food habits)

Peace

[Martial_Beast]

I just stumbled upon your diary. Your posts are full of wisdom. Keep sharing your thoughts with us. I’m glad I found this awesome diary! All the best on your journey bro👍

@modernmedico

, you can check a YouTube channel - Satvic Movement . They are all about healthy food. You’ll find it very informative.

I regularly watch videos of this channel. This channel is amazing. I learned about so many things from this channel. This has helped me to quit junk food and adopt natural food. And I also started practicing Intermittent fasting, and the results are wonderful!

[debellator]

I’m interested by your post @modernmedico btw do you discipline yourself to eat only 3-4 meals or do you eat whenever hungry and then fast?

[modernmedico]

@debellator Thankyou for your kind words!
actually I am trying to follow diet pattern prescribed by Satvic Movement channel. You can check it out.
Otherwise if you do intermittent fasting you can eat anything.
But when you eat is more important and how much.
I eat carbohydrates only once a day. That means a big portion only once a day at midday.

[modernmedico]

@Martial_Beast Thankyou for your inspiring words
Good that you are practising that.
Plz keep sharing something new and let us learn too.
All the best!

[modernmedico]

@JumpingBuddha Yeah I heard about the Nobel Prize. Crazy!
People need first proof then they practice.
Sometimes practice first is required to prove something.

Thanks for your insight!

[modernmedico]

Day 7 : Don’t hate Po##

Yeah I said it. But before you only read the heading and be fast in your judgement… Hear me out!

Coz I have a CONFESSION!

I am a divorced man. I was married. I didn’t had kids because my wife didn’t want children. She wanted only s**. I don’t know she loved me or not but I really loved her. . I even went against my parents to marry her. I didn’t tell them. We were happily married since 18 years. At first, she was amazing. I thought she was the best thing in my life. I was too glad to find her in my life and I didn’t want anything more.
She didn’t care if I was successful or not. She didn’t even care if I had a job. She just wanted me to be with her and make love.

But I was a spiritual man.

“Every criminal has a bad future and everything saint had a bad past”

I was not a criminal nor a saint. I was a common man who just loved his wife. Till…

I got to know that she was promiscuous. Not only she cheated on me, later I found out she didn’t care. She never cared. She just acted. She was a very good actor and I was a fool. At last, she destroyed me but still I had feelings for her.

I went back; knowing she doesn’t love me anymore. I wasn’t even sure if it was love or not. May be it was just Lust because I read once, “No one can give you true love in this world”.

I believed it and then I experienced it. It was true.

One day, after so many disrespectful situations, I left her. For good. My good.

Now I live alone and I am happy. No I don’t hate her.

I just have indifference now. She doesn’t matter to me anymore.

My heart is special. I can’t hate her and give her my heart. You can love or hate but in both situations you have to give your heart.

Indifference is always better than hate.

It is more painful but heals very fast.

I don’t hate.

Modernmedico
CC: zj2me7

[modernmedico]

Day 8 : I’m writing it late

I travelled back today to my home and am too tired to write anything but a habit should become a good habit.

Now, today I can feel the struggle inside me. Now the mind has started it’s schemes. I know it will keep hammering me till I give up.

I haven’t till yet and I have not planned to do that so early.

I enjoy a good fight too.

Modernmedico

[modernmedico]

Relapsed and back
Day 4

I don’t like to start from zero. I relapsed few days after my last entry.

Then it was down the hell lane. Relapsed… again & again… till I could catch my breath.

I’ll tell you what happened in between

We all have one problem. But the ROOT cause is different.

Till last time I was trying very hard not to fap or watch ■■■■ that I was focusing very much attention on them including this app. It was the first time, I was new and excited. So I hung out here. I didn’t need to be.

I tried many things like every other brave person who is fighting for a good cause. I tried physical things like exercise and mental things like watching motivatonal videos or reading books. But somewhere I new my problem was deeper.

The last relapsed proved that.

The root cause of my problem was more spiritual than psychological. So the motivational videos and stuff weren’t going to do good in long term. Plus I was focused on retention. Only retention.

When you don’t know what you’ll do of the tremendous energy you are retaining in your body. When you don’t have a goal and a good usage of this energy, you’ll relapse.

Although I was doing productive things, I couldn’t help myself but relapse at the end. I don’t worry about the relapse. I worry about the CHASER effect that comes after we relapse. After that you can’t stop till it’s enough to make you come back to point zero. And I hate point zero.

But things are never same.

I researched… contemplated…contacted… Finally I knew. Nothing can save me if I don’t deal with the root problem. I started doing spiritual research. I read about impressions in mind, negative energies and how they affect us, dark entities and how they manipulate us…

Point is, I have decided one thing. From now on…

I will take it as a “relapse” if I don’t do meditation or any other spiritual practice, not if I fap or watch unwanted videos. I’ll reset the clock if I fail to meditate.

Because spiritual problem can only be counteracted by spiritual solutions.

Peace Out.

modernmedico