Omg I just got 40 days bro
I don’t know what to say bro, I think is good we both reached 40 days, and is about time to not going back to day 1 ever.
So Thursday that girl from the hospital got out, she asked me if I can pick her up with my car and drive her home, I agreed and I drove her home, she left her stuff at home and we decided to get a hotel room for overnight. I bought 2 bottles of wine and food, we had sex 2 times over the night and 1 time in the morning.
What she said to me in between :
- if I feel like I do own her
- if I love her because she loves me
- she wants me to marry her and make kids
- I should let my beard grow and other stuff, but what did shock me is she said that God holds me in high favour / I don’t know how is that because I’m struggling to beat PMO, this PMO that ruined my life and my relationships with everyone, family, friends, potential friends, dreams, girlfriends, skills/ potential skills and the love for God that I used to have when I was a kid and a teenager to the point that I was hating God and swear at Him.
I didn’t felt no guilt after having sex with her, no remorse and I know I lost a lot of semen but still I feel good about myself. I think in sex is a different chemical reaction which does not happen in masturbation. I think sex is healthy if is done with a person who we are in a mutual attraction. After I split with her I went and played pool and socialize for couple of hours. I couldn’t never do that after PMO, I would try to hide and not talk to people, I would Overthink a lot.
I don’t know yet if we I’m going to go into a full relationship with this girl, let’s see what future brings, so far I’m happy.
Relapsed yesterday due to chaser effect from sex. Day 1
Day 2. … blank
Day 3, today I walked 5 kilometres fast paced, played pool in the pub for 2 hours and I didn’t drink alcohol at all only 2 glasses of cola. After I went for 1 hour walk in the park. I need to get rid of Overthinking as fast as possible.
Day 4, I argued with my girlfriend. She hanged up phone in my face
This week I Overthink all week, about my addictions. I’ll beat them all including Overthink
If i get problem of overthinking i focus on the outside world. Stop living in the head.
Play a game like dart throwing.
Good news finally
I’m at 55 days 5 more to hit my sweet 60.
I admit I am a hardened soldier full of scars and bad memories, one of the many I guess.
What happened in first 30 days, the full month of December? Well my family left UK for 30 days straight holiday, so I stayed home alone.
What I did, I took the opportunity to have no distraction and no disruption in my thoughts. So I Overthinked everything and asked lots of why questions.
I flipped everything upside-down and vice-versa to understand why and to find who to blame. I checked every thought and every feeling I had, I went through the whole process and analysed everything I remembered from my age of 6 till present.
I found that is an inheritance problem and it’s been passed down to me some demons and flaws that my dad and grandad and so on couldn’t beat them. So is on me, I am the ultimate fighter, God also was on my side this time. I found that a fapper is a very unlucky person and nothing works for him. I’m a leaving proof. By the end of the month I trush in the bin everything negative from my mi mind.
What I did in January, I started to talk with a lot of people from my list, old friends and relationships that I thought are dead.
My confidence is very boosted now, my voice is thicker, I look straight in people eyes when I talk to them, walk fearless on the streets. I don’t care what people think about me no more. This PMO thing is done for me. I even break up with my so called girlfriend, we actually used eachother for sex, we never dated and I never loved her. It was planned to have sex on Christmas day and I refused her and felt very good about that.
But I pay her tribute because she was willing to let me apply porn scenes on her and I understood that I don’t like it to do everything I saw , but I like to see other men doing it, that’s why probably I was so heavy addicted to porn.
So she was in my life to teach me that I don’t like to do everything I see though my mind tricks me I would like, but it’s not. Well somethings I liked to do to her but not everything though. Lesson learned.
2022 was the worst year of my life but it ended good for me and 2023 started very good
100% I won’t make the u turn, I’m keeping it straight ahead, because I have big plans for this year.
Semen retention is magical and it works and hope this year to meet my wife. The girl I’ve waiting all my life.
3 more days to beat my record in the civil world.
I had a weird dream last night, I was chased by the devil and he had a black dog as well with him. The dream was placed in a Science-fiction scenario somewhere in the future where people could dress a sort of costume that will make them human-robots and could give them the ability to fly as well.
As I dressed that costume I was ready to fly because I could sense danger around me,but didn’t happen because a sort of flat-plate machine showed up and sucked all the energy power from the costume and I had to drop it as it was to heavy to carry it on me, but it was very light before that plate sucked the power from it. Soon after I saw a tall black devil-robot very angry and furios that he had only one intention, to grab me and kill me. His rage almost got me paralysed, and I said to me run.
His dog-robot was very angry as well and had a jump at me, I had to start running, they gave me a hard race and they were very close to get me until I found some secret stairs and make my way out.
They were that close to catch me the devil robot nearly put his hands on me, I got rid of his dog in a abandoned building, he fallen from a high floor in the chase. They give me a race that I woke up with my heart pumping like I was doing a marathon in real life.
I think no fapp has consequences in the unseen world for the evil forces, or could be a message to keep going , but why he needed a dog though.
- The only thing that entertain people and God are fights - personal quote
It’s an amazing quote, sums up life struggles really well.
Hey @ERNOL yes amazing, finally sun starts to shine on my road, I can’t believe it feels that good. This year I believe is the end of it. Let’s see how things goes
60DAYS 60DAYS 60 DAYS 60DAYS
Congratulations to myself .
Break my record since I joined this app and started to write my journal, Still in the chasing to break my all time record.
I’m going to uninstall the app and focus on my other aspects of my life. I’ll come back again, not sure when, maybe around 100 days or much later but for now other things need to be done and I don’t need to focus on nofap journey because it is not the ultimate journey of my life, there are other fights to fight to get where I want. And I will be there where I want sooner or later but I will.
Yes I uninstall this app on my own terms this time and not because I relapsed and hide from it, because I don’t need it for now.
When I’m coming back it will be a higher streak not a fucking relapse
I'm a champion 🏆😎🏆