Omg I just got 40 days bro
I don’t know what to say bro, I think is good we both reached 40 days, and is about time to not going back to day 1 ever.
So Thursday that girl from the hospital got out, she asked me if I can pick her up with my car and drive her home, I agreed and I drove her home, she left her stuff at home and we decided to get a hotel room for overnight. I bought 2 bottles of wine and food, we had sex 2 times over the night and 1 time in the morning.
What she said to me in between :
- if I feel like I do own her
- if I love her because she loves me
- she wants me to marry her and make kids
- I should let my beard grow and other stuff, but what did shock me is she said that God holds me in high favour / I don’t know how is that because I’m struggling to beat PMO, this PMO that ruined my life and my relationships with everyone, family, friends, potential friends, dreams, girlfriends, skills/ potential skills and the love for God that I used to have when I was a kid and a teenager to the point that I was hating God and swear at Him.
I didn’t felt no guilt after having sex with her, no remorse and I know I lost a lot of semen but still I feel good about myself. I think in sex is a different chemical reaction which does not happen in masturbation. I think sex is healthy if is done with a person who we are in a mutual attraction. After I split with her I went and played pool and socialize for couple of hours. I couldn’t never do that after PMO, I would try to hide and not talk to people, I would Overthink a lot.
I don’t know yet if we I’m going to go into a full relationship with this girl, let’s see what future brings, so far I’m happy.
Relapsed yesterday due to chaser effect from sex. Day 1
Day 2. … blank
Day 3, today I walked 5 kilometres fast paced, played pool in the pub for 2 hours and I didn’t drink alcohol at all only 2 glasses of cola. After I went for 1 hour walk in the park. I need to get rid of Overthinking as fast as possible.
Day 4, I argued with my girlfriend. She hanged up phone in my face
This week I Overthink all week, about my addictions. I’ll beat them all including Overthink