I have been married for 2 and a half years now, i am from India had a couple of affairs before marriage some of them were good some great and some just sucked whenever it didn’t feel right i ended them asap and when the other person did the same I took it in a positive way except the first one but got over it in some years
Few years back i got married it was a marriage arranged by my parents it’s normal back here in India.
Starting few months of the marriage all was ok but soon i realised that my way of enjoying sex was not shared by my partner i tried to figure things out did a lot of searching within, also spoke with her regarding the same, also looked up stuff on the internet, me not getting what I want ended me masterbating many a times but soon i found out that it was just making things worse, somehow I found nofap and then I found porn reboot and rewire app it helped me a lot to understand why my life’s a mess not only my present but i realised lot of my past was also affected by PMO ,things started making sense and i connected the dots that lot of my actions were hugely influenced because of my use of weed alcohol and masterbating although I won’t call it an addiction but back then i thought I was living the party life and that’s how we are suppose to enjoy but still felt a hole inside
Now I am trying reboot and have made some progress since the last 2.5 years started to focus on my financial and personal life which are still a mess but atleast i keep a track and am working towards growth
In all other parts of my life i have seen how rebooting will help ,i have experienced it myself in the few months here and there where I controlled PMO and with many slips and relapses i learnt it can help once I get it under control fully BUT the fact still remains that me and my spouse don’t share the same when it comes to sex she doesn’t like the way I do things and worst she is never into it ,even if she does go ahead with it i can make it out she is not enjoying it ,at first I thought maybe rebooting will help us maybe I use to masterbate and that’s the reason somehow it’s affecting our sexlife but now I am starting to think otherwise
I used to watch porn during all my past affairs as well but it didn’t affect my sexual life so much ,yes removing porn can very much have a positive affect on a relationship but I don’t think that’s the case here.
Apart from the sex and some affection part my wife does a lot of help in the house work ,takes care of things ,looks after my dad but there is no passion or affection within us but I know she is a good person but I don’t feel for her
I recently also met a girl i knew before getting married , actually we were supposed to get married ,we were very much into each other we never had sex though but we use to speak for hours and had a lot of passion and affection for eachother but things didn’t work out back then,after meeting her after 2.5 yrs i realised i have never spoken to my wife like i speak with her and never felt the same as I felt for her ,she understands that i am married now so we decided that we will just be friends even though we know we have feelings for eachother
Now I am planning to workout things with my wife but at the same time i am trying to reboot, make a living by going to work try and be at my best over there, i avoid going out with friends cause I am avoiding weed and alcohol cause I have learnt most of my slips and relapses are post getting high or drunk or both ,i just met a girl who makes me feel I missed out on the life i could have had “that ship has sailed” but the remaining things altogether makes it look like a mammoth of a task i know i can’t take on all things at once but honestly i am just overwhelmed