This is a page to help brothers know what are some of the common /uncommon triggers and urges that one encounters and how you can overcome such situations and avoid a slip or relapse (reset counter). Also if one does relapse or slip we can share what mistakes were done and how one can plan to not to do the same mistakes again, so we all can learn from the actions of each other so do post your episodes where you were going to slip cause of certain triggers or situations and how you handled it. did you slip, relapsed or overcame your urges and what are your future plans on how to overcome the urges if a similar situation comes up and how you have learned from the past events
Alcohol is a huge trigger for me I have noticed every time I drink alcohol I enjoy my self but the hangovers trigger me and end up fapping if I am alone
I have reduced my alcohol intake and if I keep it in check I do have sufficient control but last time I ended up drinking a lot and the next few days were a result of a major relapse which lasted for few days
So I have considered quitting alcohol but is there any better solution cause alcohol is something I like and don’t want to quit should I quit for time being or permanently
Don’t sit alone in the house to often especially during the 1st months
Try to make yourself occupied, get out of the house, stay busy, and surround yourself with people
Also currently on day 46
I was at my second house where the washrooms were being repaired so I didn’t freshen up the whole time I was there ,until I was at my place the next day afternoon but some how ended up fapping before I went to go freshen up
Keep a morning routine no matter where you are get up fresh up get it out of your system. fresh you helps you think straight and if you for some reason are not able to freshen up take a cold shower asap cold showers help a lot
Addiction is addiction . No matter of what type . Either fapping, alcohal , drugs, attention(for some people), video games etc. Difference is some are very highly effective , some are less. solution is we must control our body, you can do yoga etc.
Remember , more the body is in control , more better you in your life.
Everyday while on bed I used my phone a lot, followed lots of models and pornstars on Instagram. It not really a trigger but its a trap which was set for me by me really I hate my pastself.
Stopped using phone late night, deactivated Instagram, started doing exercises before bed. Getting good amount of sleep important thing of them all, I started loving myself
Hard work gives you dopamine. So when you don’t do stuff you feel like Fapping to get dopamine becuase it’s easy.
ALMOST EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY RELAPSES IS DUE TO THIS.
I now have a strict timetable and no entertainment till the end of the day
Also my only form of social media is Whatsapp and only for studies related stuff or occasionally catching up with friends.
Good recover story to read I read it in a book
Quoted from your brain on porn
“Despite what some people say, quitting will not make you into a god of
confidence and ability, although for the first few months it’ll really feel like
that. Quitting will give you more control of your own life. It’s a little bit like
the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Instead of acting on impulse,
you’ll be learning self-restraint and mindfulness with one of your most
primal instincts, which will flow over into every part of your life and make
your life’s decisions be entirely up to you.
When I started this 500 days ago, I had trouble concentrating; I
couldn’t commit to a goal for more than a week at a time. Whenever I had a
day off I wasted it in lazy indulgence, knowing that I could be doing more
with my time. Now, I can handle 50, 60 hour work weeks regularly without
even noticing it. Now, I can exercise regularly and stick to it. Now, I’m in a
relationship unlike any I’ve ever been in because I can finally treat my
partner as another human being rather than sometimes as an object of
desire (I now know firsthand that my own desires aren’t as important as
they make themselves out to be). Now, I’m constantly improving myself
instead of just wishing I could.”
One day I am browsing the web when my parents decide to go out. I
didn’t want to go, so I keep doing my stuff. When they close the door,
something clicks in my head. Suddenly, a big desire for porn pops into my
mind. I was turned on by the closing of a door! That was the first time I
realized that ‘the parents leaving home’ is another trigger for me. Obvious,
but I hadn’t noticed it. Now, every time my parents leave the house, I go out
for a walk, call a friend or just stop using my computer and do something
Quoted from a book
One man described triggers as, ‘the external factors that make you think
about porn.’ Common triggers include: TV shows and movies with erotic
content, porn flashbacks, morning wood, use of recreational drugs or
alcohol, words that remind you of a porn site/actor and suggestive ads. Said
The only thing that feels worse than relapsing is relapsing because you
got too drunk or high to control yourself.
But states of mind can also be triggers: boredom, anxiety, stress,
depression, loneliness, rejection, fatigue, frustration, anger, failure, feeling
sorry for yourself, desire to reward yourself for an accomplishment,
overconfidence, jealousy, and being hung-over.
Procrastination also triggers many a relapse. The result has been dubbed
‘procrasturbation’. Keep a list of things you want to accomplish as well as a
list of risk-free activities for those moments when you just don’t have the
motivation to do something productive.
Obviously, triggers are somewhat unique to each brain. Here are someless common ones: hot showers, too much sugar or too many
carbohydrates, too much caffeine, Russian bride ads, websites like
Stumbleupon, YouTube, Imgur and Reddit, stalking old romantic interests
on Facebook, being on the computer for a long time without hourly 15-
minute breaks, videogames, a full bladder, self-absorption, handling one’s
genitals, clothing that rubs the genitals, masturbation, smartphone,
computer, waiting for code to compile and hunger.
Triggers are both problems and solutions. They can drive you mad
during rebooting (at first), but they also show you when to be on high alert.
Some rebooters take drastic measures for a bit:
My biggest problem was always lying in bed with my iPhone. Definitely
an easy access trigger. I also used porn almost exclusively at night. What I
do now is at 11 pm, I shut down all electronics. I put my laptop in my
closet, set my alarm on my phone and put it far away from my bed. Then I
go wash my face, brush teeth, etc. I then journal or read until I’m tired. This
takes away all triggers and temptations. Instead of leaving my mind to
wander I am engrossed in a book.
When you feel The Urge, ask yourself:
- What emotions I am feeling?
- What time is it?
- Who else is around?
- Where I am?
- What could I do instead that would meet my needs?
- What did I just do?
Finally, once you have identified the trigger and decided upon an
alternative reward for that situation, record your plan, ‘When _____ occurs
(trigger), I will ________ (new routine), because it gives me ____ (the
reward)’. Rewards might be more energy, something to be proud of, better
health, feelings of happiness, the satisfaction of taking care of business,
increased confidence, better mood, improved memory, reduced depression,
desire to socialise, better erections, and so forth.
If you consistently ‘face and replace’, your new behaviour will
eventually be automatic. If for some reason you can’t act on your new
routine, do what Olympic athletes do and visualize yourself acting on it in
Make a list (now) of reasons you are avoiding porn and consult it when
The Urge arises. Better yet, write a note to yourself that you can read when
needed about what it will be like if you yield to The Urge,
just as this guy did:
You start some edging. Now there is no looking back. A little more …
then a little more … aaaand you’re done. Most likely the orgasm won’t be
very intense. You will feel a sense of relief more than anything else. ‘Now I
can go back to my work’, you will say. ‘That wasn’t so bad. I don’t feel any
shame. There’s really no point denying yourself to such an extreme’.
When you sit down to work, it will be almost as if nothing happened. In
about an hour, you will start feeling the energy drop, the onset of a mental
fog. This will develop into anxiety. The anxiety is not because of the
fapping. It’s your natural response to the energy drop. Nothing bad
happened to you. No one told you off. You didn’t have any bad thoughts.
Everything was ok until an hour ago. Now, you’re feeling slightly unwell.
You can’t concentrate so well. You wish you didn’t have to get any work
done. You just feel like sitting back and watching TV.
By the end of the day you will have not completed your tasks for the
day. Your defence mechanisms for procrastination will kick in. Your mental
state is now completely at the mercy of external factors. How much work
can you accomplish the next day? Will you run into any roadblocks?
Depression kicks in. Your mind does not want to engage with anything in
case it makes things worse. You don’t want to meet people. Your brain is in
shutdown mode. You decide not to give in again.
Visual medium has a very profound effect you must have noticed you’ll remember the storyline of a movie very vividly for much long duration but you wont remember a books story line that much clearly as a movie ,that is because visual medium has little more impact at times now add the excess dopamine release after watching porn now your brain creates strong neurological connections inside thinking this visual medium was the best hence creating strong visual flashes hence at times you get these strong porn flashbacks of your favorite scenes or actors this is very dangerous as it can create strong urges and make you slip to look at that vedio again or search for that same actor different vedio or similar actors video
Now to over come this situation is little hard but if you keep yourself prepared dont go on social media for few months or dont look at any triggering material then it’s ok usually this occurs when you put down your guard and look at some not so sexual material for fun like a insta model or facebook crush or read regarding some actress you like her wardrobe malfunction her list of affairs or accidently come to such materials on the internet, now you start subconsciously planning your relapse you have activated your neurological pathways created long back and they start tingling now you add a situation where its possible for you to access the internet alone then BOOM RELAPSE.
so first dont let your guard down I am trying not to look at social media for atleast a year that’s the plan I have deleted the apps but at times I do login from a explorer to see what my friends are up to need to stop that as well
if it occurs and you end up looking up trigger related stuff it will lead to flashbacks now it’s tough. cold shower will help and keep your self away from places where you can access such material
I have read it takes from 90 days to 2 years(depending on your porn viewing habits and frequency )for your brain to forget this neurological pathways and make new one ie rewire so it’s not that you will never be able to get out of this behavior of triggers and flashbacks and slips but it’s only that it will take time and dedicated changes in lifesylte till then it’s best to stay away from situation , places, social media or anything that can be a trigger so slips are less and progress is fast .
the reason many people think they are stuck in this forever is because they have not made dedicated lifestyle changes they are not ready to quit social media they are not ready to change certain people in their life they keep putting them self’s in the situations where trigger are easily available to your brain and the brain does the rest of tingling those neurological pathways with strong flashbacks ,will power is at times great and at times very week they keep on saying I’ll keep the rest of my life same keep same dirty thinking people around me keep my social media packed with pages that have explicit sexual content and still win this this wont happen atleast for few months let those brain cells relax and forget the wrong connection and make new healthy ones then you can go back to your friends and social media (without those pages dont follow such pages anymore) but with a healthy brain that wont get so easily influenced
that doesn’t mean go watch explicit sexual material again but by that time you wont find it interesting if by accident it comes up In front of you.
this is going to take time i have planned the next two years of my life there are days I am in a very bad position and slip but when I look back I see how I let my guard down or by accident something came up on my screen and this will happen cause the world is using explicit sexual material to sell everything so triggering material will one or the other way will make it in front of you ,you cannot completely avoid it for life you need to make your brain with a strong wall against these triggers and when your wall isn’t that strong yet at that time cold shower avoiding high speed internet will help and most importantly support group to keep you motivated will make the healing period as short and smooth as possible and help you build that wall
Your brother totto here.
having porn flashbacks as I wrote this article going for a cold shower and then of to a busy day with productive activities planned wish me luck dont want to slip
clean your social media and clean your mind
Social media ie Instagram, Facebook, snapchat and many more apps that are made with the intention for you to look what yours friends are up to, share your point of view of funny important sad etc, learn new information be it news related to technological advancements ,politics or anything that is interesting and need to be brought to notice or just put your point of view through all this or just share for fun ,and the best part is its used so that you can share happiness,your grief,stay in touch with all the less or most important people in your life plus you have control of it all ,how much time you want to spend on the entire social media or a certain feature of it or a certain app/platform it’s up to you how much time and energy you spend on it
Now I don’t know how it works but somehow these apps have a feature which notices, keeps a track on what pages ,which feature of the social media what type of content is that you spend the most time on and then it keeps suggesting you similar or more explicit related topics or with more powerful but similar content also these apps suggest you content that most of your friends have liked
That is where a problem starts so if your a guy/girl obviously you must have looked up for the opposite sex that you know,maybe you dont know them that well so you check out there profiles maybe if comman friends are there you try to connect with them that is ok but then these apps start suggesting you unknown opposite sex people on the platform now your brain starts fantasizing wow possibly there is a chance of some kind of interaction with these unknown but atractive people ,you know what still fine but these platforms also start suggesting pages of atractive people posting pictures videos of the gender you like now it’s not about connecting now it’s only about fantasizing . as I am a guy I noticed my search page always suggested lusious ,hot girls beautiful girls with lovely body search tab was filled with that, not only the platform but even the ads on the platform were related to things that can power this fantasy of mine where I can connect with the opposite gender or go to a page where i can see possible atractive body types of that gender completely only to fantasize about them now it’s a viscous circle you see explicit material u click on it like it later it will show you more similar or more powerful similar content and soon you forget what these platforms were made for, now this tech they use is for benefits for both ,the users benefit is that by this he is seeing what he likes plus point for the user and spends more time on the platform so plus point for the platform creators ,so its unintentional but somehow because of our actions it forms a trap for us it’s not the platforms fault “YOU” made it suggest you that content
So what now you have few options if these things you feel dont affect you and your ok with that type of content in front of you its not affecting your way of life keep it that way cool (not something I’ll advice because even if your life is good believe me not keeping such content in front of you will boom your life in a even more positive way )
Or you can close the account on these platforms and create new one and make a conscious effort to not indulge into such content keep it simple this time
Or do what I did I have decided to stay away from social media for few months or even a year maybe but before that i spent more than 2 to 3 hrs and deleted all the pages on the platform with sexual content or deleted my user profile from that platform itself “if it’s not that important”, deleted anything that had explicit sexual content, deleted unknown people I followed just based on there appearances ,the search section I clicked on every post if sexually arousing content was there i clicked on the not interested button for every post every advertise I did this
And soon to my surprise now the app or platforms are not showing me similar or more powerfully similar post with sexual content instead I started liking post and content that uplifted my morale kept me goal oriented I follow people with similar goals or achievements they want are similar and the feature we spoke about works there also now it is suggesting me content that is more inspiring ,motivating similar goal oriented content or pages even the advertises have changed
So the feature is same only I started to tell the platform/app what I am interested in and it’s doing what it is suppose to do and all of a sudden it is not a trap
Still I’ll keep my social media sacrifice on going for few more time till I rewire properly but i hope this helps you brother keep up the good work take care god bless
3rd day post relapse, before relapse was reading quora page thought this page has news related material but somehow it also post adult sexual content stories also did had few drinks few days before due to which morning routine got messed up this is called letting your guard down ended up relapsing also faced chaser effect post relapse but not to get demotivated
Past two days felt very low all negative emotions come rushing post relapse still that’s fine one can get up and start again
But brainfog is miserable cant concentrate on anything simple daily tasks seem a burden and feels like should avoid them completely cant concentrate on anything productive, watching TV or sitcoms is the only thing easy for the brain but again that could ruin the recovery if again triggered also Feeling tried
Best solution is to stay calm know this will pass its temporary
Exercise is best way to get out of this cause reading or any Intellectual thing might seem a lil hard simple exercise like jogging will give good dopamine to your brain to handel the negative impact of the relapse
Wont read quora every again for sure
Also alcohol break is necessary not yet ready to handel alcohol so no more alcohol until I feel confident it wont affect my recovery
I deactivated my quora account a while back as it had too many triggers. Don’t use it anymore.
As Mark Manson says-
[…]You’re so worried about doing the right thing all the time that you become worried about how much you’re worrying. Or you feel guilty for every mistake you make that you begin to feel guilty about how guilty you’re feeling. Or you get sad and alone so often that it makes you feel even more sad and alone just thinking about it. Welcome to The Feedback Loop from Hell. Chances are you’ve engaged in it more than a few times. Maybe you are engaging in it right now[…]
Same here. Back in time around 2017. Quora was good and knowledgeable.
Now it’s more of hot chicks posting their pictures.
Quora had turned into instagram