How have I learnt?
Sex isn’t a necessity, and it’s given way too much value.
Not being a pmo-er can simply be a trivial choice. You just think about it, and evaluate it.
Pmo is sex to the animal brain, but we use reason and understanding to reach the conclusion, it’s not sex, and it has no benefits.
Like I said before, I’ve had relationships for my own gain, yes, I thought I was a loving guy, but my definition of Love, (the Christian one) is, Love is a verb. When you love someone it is an action you do for them rather than thoughts or feelings.
Never doubted this. It’s the same words as the EasyPeasy method which resonated with me.
The “what to do”, or the ACTION, that we all need to do to stop pmo is simple. We. Just. Stop. And hell, deep down we all know that. If you can stop for a day you can stop for the rest of your life.
The “how to do”, or the MINDSET, is the difficult part. How do you get a mind that has been wired one way to remember it’s original wiring? It’s not always too helpful to say “just think of this”. It’s much like telling someone who is depressed to “not be sad”. It takes time, it takes understanding, it takes internal humility and wisdom. It also helps to see what others go through and to learn that you’re not alone, imo.
So let’s both keep sharing what works for each other and help everyone here to the best of our ability
You are completely right. It does take all that you said. Someone saying “just stop” doesn’t cut it, because like you say we have to make the effort - something that has been on&off for me.
What’s helped me is re-reading a post by Luffychwan in 2018, which at the time upset me.
And so I found myself wanting that attitude like his more than anything or at least more than just a streak. So I read, thought and wrote, and ranted.
Recently I came across Freedom Model for Addictions, and also this guy, only in the past few days.
Sorry if my rant was a bit much on your wall @Forerunner
My point was the first thing about it being lifelong, I don’t want that, or want it for others.
Everything else was just trying to expound on where I’m coming from. But anyway, I put my head on the block, which isn’t always easy, and then feel the doubt creep in.
… Forgive me, and please don’t feel doubt in yourselves either @yadadada
I think that’s the big enemy.
I remember when I was attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings. There were people there who had been free for years; one guy had a decade clean, yet they were still attending weekly meetings, calling people 3 times a day and engaging in recovery. That seemed like its own form of prison to me. They still felt that they couldn’t be free from addiction unless they kept coming back.
So what’s all that got to do with Nofap?
And how’s it gonna help me?
You have to read and think for yourself.
Wanting to change your desires & how you think requires autonomous action in which you work through the edges of your mind to find you are happier without this sickness of heart & soul.
Yes bro, I started reading the book now. Now I know I have a choice to quit, I realized how disgusting PMO is, just like I feel disgusting towards other addictions like smoking and taking drugs. It has no single benefit at all, and I can already foresee the greater happiness I can gain without it - my active living, my social life, my career success. I am free now.
The problem with a platform like this is streaks and accounting over relapses.
There is a tendency to think - “if I relapse it means I’m still an addict, it’s a sign of where I am. It’s just simple, honest, facts, and everyone here knows it”
Look, just because you relapse or better put; lapse it does not mean there is no free will involved. And remember it is called FREE-will for a reason. Because you are free, and exercise your will according to your ideas.
Calling it an addiction is just a convenient way of saying “I want to quit, but I’m just not ready”
Believe me, I know it’s hard, but it can also be extremely easy.
We shouldn’t make NoFap into a safe space just so we sedate ourselves into a routine.
Personal epiphanies can and do validate your freedom, but never understood and too difficult for others to help because it’s autonomous. And ultimately between you and God.
If addiction is all in the mind, (in attitudes and belief) then it would follow, the cure, the healing, the recovery, treatment, freedom is found there. Not in fighting it, but going beyond those attitudes and belief into the next stage.
“but a girl on tiktok is real, and isn’t involved in ■■■■” “she’s hot”“it’s normal”“it’s okay”
Yes of course, it’s all those things, and also fantasy. Yes, she’s real but You are still doing the fantasy thing.
In my life experience, I came to the conclusion, the moment you start checking out a girl and having thoughts and ideas, is the moment you push her away.
You technically reduce her to a mere object to fulfill your desires. I still can’t believe how some people think it’s, not just normal, but good as well.
