I would just encourage you to note it down if you can. Because the only way you would be a better person from last relapse is if you learned something from it. Otherwise, nothing has changed…
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I can be more attentive before going to bed and when I get up in the morning.
And trust in the bigger picture.
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Yes retroactive journalling (Mark Queppet- metascript method)
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I shouldn’t need to remind myself,
but need to, for now at least.
What am I at? 5% reality, maybe more maybe less.
100% being = “pmo? I don’t have time for that sh!t”… “like it? Miss it…? No, it’s a poison”
Day 8 - Day 0
I realise it’d be better if I were here everyday, good days or bad days, just to stay awake and accountable. It’s the awake part I’m not doing. When it comes to those moments, I say “fuck it, so what!”
what is going on?
Tagging you guys @ncubeanelem @Rebooter81 @Forerunner forgive me and please pray for me to do better.
Jason, Aoshigreen, Let’s Begin, And get off the fence, Pick a side (the ‘let’s-not-do-pmo’ side) And Think it, Speak it, Do it.
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Why? Why? Why…? Why do I give in?
Why does it suddenly become okay?
Why do I need to write? Why do I feel the need?
Why am I here? What am I doing? What is going on?
Somebody slap me
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Checking in Monday 29th Jan 2024,
Just a few hours later…
I commit to a daily check-in
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You don’t need to be slapped brother. You are not defective. You are not broken. You are not insane.
The enemy loves to make us believe that addiction is a mystery. He clouds us with lies and deceit. He wants us to feel convinced that he is in control of our lives; body, mind and spirit, and that there is no hope left for us. He seeks to sever us from all that is important and worthwhile, our connections to God, loved ones and community, our health and stability, our goals, hopes and dreams in life. He delights in our imprisonment and rejoices in our misery.
But the truth has always been that we have power and authority over him from God. Free will is a law of creation. And this is why lies and deception are his tools, because the enemy does not have the power to make us sin himself.
He has two lies that he repeats to get us to continue in addiction, two reasons that we fall again and again. All other reasons are derivative of these two. We are either addicted to getting high and experiencing deep dopaminergic pleasure, or getting by, escaping and forgetting about our problems, or both of these two.
But the truth is that the deep pleasure leaves us, and we are more empty and depressed than we were before. The escapism ends and our problems remain, doubled and multiplied. The promise of the enemy has ever been an illusion.
But the way of escape is always near. It is the truth that sets us all free. The truth that with God’s help we can overcome each and every temptation. That we alone have control of our body, and the enemy cannot make us sin against our will.
Challenge the enemy now. Make a fist with your hands, then ask him to do the same. You will hear silence. If he can’t make you do something an infant can do, how can he make you go watch that video, pick up that joint or drink from that bottle? He can only invite us, we still have to accept the invitation.
Listen for the voice of invitation. You will always be able to separate the enemy’s voice from your own.
You want to be free and finally experience what plans God has for you in your life on the other side of this. Yet he wants to keep you trapped and cut off from life.
The enemy has been with us for so long over so many years that we have been blinded to his tricks and see his temptations and suggestions as our own thoughts.
All thoughts of self-doubt and fear that we are incapable of change, that we are broken, that once an addict, always an addict and that we are doomed to suffer for the rest of our lives, these thoughts are from him.
The thoughts that we cannot stop relapsing and some addictive disease has taken over us and we will surely fail again as we have in the past, no use in trying, that is the enemy talking to us, through us.
He will speak with great authority, sometimes a loud voice, sometimes a barrage of mental images and videos, sometimes subtly changing his strategy and hiding behind our emotions, our worries, our regrets in life, our self-image, our childhood past, whatever he can do to bring us back to him.
But the real voice of ours is the voice quietly saying No. That our lives are not over. That this battle isn’t over until we win. That we believe in God’s perfect love, mercy and justice, and that the very nature of sin means we could have done otherwise; there is no sin without voluntary action in the face of knowledge. We can be free of this once we decide to forsake the enemy and call out his lies each and every time they come upon us.
Every single time we said Day 1, no more, never again, we were capable of achieving it. But the enemy wants us to think that we are powerless and that we keep falling for false hope. That hope is the truth. That Never again is possible as long as we refuse to allow him to change our minds. That is all that happens when we fall into the trap again. Not some mysterious addictive disease, no loss of control, but in reality an intelligent, creative, vibrant being created by God to work wonders on the earth, who listened to the voice of the enemy, decided he liked what he heard and voluntarily gave into to desire which gave birth to sin. And we can voluntarily make a different choice, a better choice, a life-affirming choice each and every time.
As long as we decide that we are ready to believe and stand our ground, no matter what. In the face of the magnitude of the challenges ahead of us. Despite depression, anxiety, fear, boredom, stress and aggravation. Or even happy occasions when we feel we can let our guard down, that surely it can’t be as harmful as all that and we must have beat it now so one little taste won’t make me an addict again and weed is from the earth and calms me down so it’s not so bad and sex is a gift from God so why is it wrong for me to enjoy it and you just saw the voice of the enemy in action. In all cases, in every situation, the way of escape is near.
Listen to that voice quietly telling you that it is no over. You awoke on a new day and God is not finished with you yet. You are more capable than you could ever imagine and self-development is your destiny, positive change is your birthright, growth is in your DNA. The years lost in misery and suffering, the LORD of creation is able to make treasures of them, through the wisdom and knowledge gained from those experiences and the person you wish you could be who would have written a different story. You are still writing today; the book is not finished. The next chapter will be as beautiful or as bleak as you decide to make it.
It is never too late to start over.
Let’s begin.
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Thank you bro. I didn’t expect such a thoughtful response, it’s just what I needed right now, and gives call for pause & reflection.
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You’re welcome man, I hope it was helpful. God bless.
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Thank you dude, God Bless you too bro 
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Tues 30th Jan
Day 1 Check-in
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Wed 31st Jan
Day 2 Check-in
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Thurs 1st Feb
Day 3 Check-in
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Fri 2nd Feb
Day 4 Check-in
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Sat 3rd Feb
Day 5 Check-in
More work needed
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Sunday 4th Feb
Day 6 at 6pm
Need more attitude
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Monday 5th Feb
Day 7 Check-in
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Tues 6th Feb
Check-in - Day 0
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Phone addiction. The need to constantly check. Not being able to sit still - or,… I should say; lots of sitting down with phone.
How often do I sit and stare at my phone?
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