Wed 20th Dec
Day 4 / 60
Dreams are vivid.
Relationship issues, a little emotionally drained.
Temptations still apparent.
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A fresh start. Have you checked out the 2% club online fight the beast Or any other programmes?
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Hey bro, no, sorry I havenāt or joined anything lately as I realise they donāt work in my favour. But I appreciate your recommendation and the message in general.
The old group we had was fun, it worked well for me because I was a bit obsessive 
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Sat 23rd Dec
Fuming, angry, āf**k this bsā (in good spirits)
NoFap is easy.
Why is it possible to get the real thing to be honest and have a blessed day
(this is my predictive text)
Letās break this down - with Faith in God aka confidence.
You led me here Lord; letās begin
What is the āreal thingā? ;
It is not trying, nor imagining, but ābeingā
To be ābeingā (with no wants, or lack of) and to āseeā truth, and express it (honesty)
ready to receive His Blessings 
The Truth will set you free.
NoFap is easy - it is the art of NOT doing something ie; not fapping.
If NoFap is difficult, are we not just finding reasons/excuses to why the fap?
Why am I at Day 0?
Stressed, feel weird, unsure about my relationship, unsure of which paths to take and why in my career? (Study again? Apprenticeship?)
and so, I needed to do āthe thingā to take my mind of it? Relax, reward, love myself.
No. These are just excuses.
They are not reasons to fap, while doing NoFap.
NoFap isnāt even a doing -
NoFap is a being, because itās a Not-doing something.
If Iām doing something, Iām also being it.
But NoFap, is even easier than that - you donāt do fap and you are being NoFap.
If we add things, āI must study to NoFapā
āI must learn the tools of the tradeā
āread this or thatāā¦ It is NoFap+
Doing extra things is all well and good, but it isnāt NoFap.
You can be illiterate, dumb, deaf, blind or mute and while ābeingā NoFap.
NoFap seems difficult because for the majority it is āsexā to our animal brain.
And this is where I think we lie to ourselves and struggle.
We believe and tell ourselves it is not sex, but when temptations come and the heat rises we donāt know any different and jump right in, and then try as much as we can to deny it being so.
Pmo is the āpoor manās orgasmā
or āpathetically, manipulated, organismā
We are hardwired for sex.
But the act of sex is also a choice.
Remove sex from your life, realising it is fundamentally a gambling of procreation heterosexually, and an expression of love & intimacy for everyone.
Pmo is āp0rn marrying ourselvesā
Or, āp0rn manipulates (natural) orderā
If pmo is sex, itās āp0rn makes (us) ostentatiousā
Ostentatious for having a huge wealth and abundance of people at our disposal.
If pmo is sex, we are wealthy and abundant, but in all the worst and most unnatural ways.
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This is philosophy
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Could do that again, Iāll mention that to forerunner ā¦
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Sun 24th/Mon 25th Dec
Warning : some of my posts may be triggering as I work through my thoughts.
Itās never my intention to guide or criticise others but solely what rings true for me.
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Mon 25th Dec - Christmas
For the sake of anyone reading, wondering ~
āRemove sex (and lust) from your lifeā
Isnāt the same as a vow of celibacy - but by removing it you have freedom from it.
Sexual intimacy in its right order, comes of its own accord.
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Tues 26th Dec
Day 3 
Sex has clouded my judgement, my heart waiting to be heard.
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Wed 27th Dec
First day can seem like the hardest with no escape, butā¦ Who am I (at the moment) to trust?
The sun rises without my command,ā¦ I just wait and itās there.
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Thank you bro. Even though you decided to remove the post, Thank you. I think itās the perfect question to ask myself
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Iāve completely slipped off the path, as of late 
where do I even begin?ā¦ .; Iāve been constantly searching out pleasure to numb myself, and run away from any suffering or attentiveness - I just feel like I want to sleep for a hundred yearsā¦
Then reaching for pleasure, struggle with it, and scrape myself to begin the day - only to procrastinate and struggle with pleasure, with little productivity during the day.
I do have good moments, I do have days where Iām productive and get on with things, and am attentive.
But I have soooooo many moments where God is calling, and Iām avoiding.
Itās all well and good, to be shamed and repentant, but what about in the former moments where, time&time again, you arenāt shamed or repentant?
Itās not in the moments you find time for God, and reflection that is the problem,ā¦
But in the moments you donāt find time for God and reflection - thatās the problem.
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Iām sorry I havenāt stayed accountable and very distant.
It gets really tough at times, and a constant battle, but Iām still wanting again, to be shaken.
Thereās a certain āSnap out of it bro, and get ur shit togetherā that needs to be afflicted upon myself.
Like āwtf are you doing anyway?ā
Feeling bad about it, or feeling good about it, doesnāt change anything.
But thinking & doing, does. You rely way too much on just your feelings.
What about the moments when you donāt āSnap out of it broā? Those are the moments where you donāt let the trickster win you over.
Yes, Hot stuff is about - thatās normal
Getting high, and out of your mind is your choice to make normal - Nobody elseās.
~ āInsanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.ā
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When it really matters, you donāt (for the most part) repent, and turn to God.
You give-in to the trickster.
Thought, deed and feeling - the triangle of your soul
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You choose what to āmakeā normal.
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Sat 24th Jan
I gave in today, not out of struggle or anything else, but because I chose to, and given free choice - noticing it in the moment. Iāve sinned, but The Lord has given me a way out.
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keep going.
What changes are you making this time?
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False pleasure vs Real pleasure
Reductive vs productive
Iāve lost that zeal for life, and can only think itās because of opting for idle pleasure.
ā¦ That is a good question
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