Ki11 diary of nofap

Hello my fellow fappers and nofappers , i started to fap in 2012 or 2011 i am not sure …at the beginning of 2017 i started the nofap journey…since then i failed again and again …i got to 185 days two times once like 117 days …100 days etc etc…my last streak was 163 days…but then i failed and relapsed 5 times in a day and after a few days i relapsed again and then went 30 days but then again i failed…so i decided with your help to finally get to the 200 mark and above . I want to share my journey with you all the feelings changes etc etc…I will inform you about everything…if anyone got a question you can dm me …Wish me luck and may God have mercy on me


Today is my 3 day of no fap in the morning i felt a bit guilty and ashemd also depressed considering i really tought i wouldnt relapse and lose my last streak…but …i cant change that anymore…i cant let the past be my future so i will keep my head up …i am training currently at home so i feel a bit better


Today is my 6th day almost a week since i relapsed…still feel an extreme amount of pressure,guilt and the energy levels are low.
However i dont have a desire atm to fap and it was easier than i expected to get through the week.


So today on my 8 day i woke up normal however as the day is going…currently i feel really depressed sad lonely and like garbage …i mean i for sure wont relapse or fap however i just wanna have a feeling of peace …also i noticed how before i relapsed when i had my 163 day streak i was feeling like i could have someone to love…i could have a feeling for a girl i would look at them normal …however atm even now if i had the chance to have the girl of my dreams i just wouldnt have any feelings for her…thats what the moronic porn does for you

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Day 10 i feel a bit better ,still a bit foggy and low on energy but i am in a better mood.I dont have almost any thoughts about porn whatsoever . 190 more days or i need to do 19x streaks like this one to reach my goal

Day 14
Atm i think i am in the famous flatline
I am low on energy ,not motivated at all ,a bit depressed .
I dont have almost any urges to fap atm even if i see good looking women on pictures .
My head is still foggy

Day 15
I feel enormously tired the past few days…however today is def. the peak of it…i am not that much motivated however i am still going to train.also i feel an extreme amount of pressure in my head and i feel foggy…

Day 20
The past few days i have been sick so i couldnt go out anywhere
Yesterday i had a few urges
I am still foggy not that much depressive as the first days
180 more days to go

Day 20
Part 2
I have mood swings…in the morning i almost wasnt depressed…now i am extremely depressed and feel like i am drowning in a pool

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Day 27 the past few days i had small urges but nothing special,my brain is still foggy , i still cant imagine having the feeling of love towards women i just wanna have sex with them
Also depression is on a smaller scale the past few days also today.i cant train so i am a bit more nervous then usual

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Day 28 i can say that i actually feel good and that depression and anxiety lifted for a bit

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Keep fighting :muscle:
You will get to your goal, no matter what

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Thank you bro


Day 37 i feel extremely depressed
No urges whatsoever

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Day 50
I am still sick so i cant give an update regarding fogginess or being tired, i still feel like i am not able to love a woman , depression comes and goes the last few days mostly cos i am sick .


Day 61
Past few days i was extremely depressed most of the time cos of the problems that i have in my life …today i woke up filled with hope and being happy… hope it will last more …
Regarding fog in my brain i cant say anything cos i am still sick…
Noticeable changes in my brain considering the way i think…before i just wanted to not be alone anymore…now i dont really care to much about it… ik i am not ready to be with a woman…before i wanted to have her even tought i wasnt i dont wanna have her until i destroy this challenge and chsnge my life.
Regarding urges…i had them like yesterday but nothing special


Day 62
In the morning i was a bit depressed
I also had some small urges but nothing special
I am starting to feel confident that i am going to turn my life around
Also i i think i am mentally lets say at avout 140 days instead of only 62…i didnt binge watch porn enough so it didnt eradicate all my progress that i had in my last big no fap streak of 163 days…i also had one 30 day streak and 1 5 day streak in between i started this 62 days streak…so yeah i am almost mentally back at my 160 streak …
In the past 258 days i masturbated and watched porn only for 3 days…also i noticed fluctuations regarding how i watch and feel about women …it is probably my brain trying to rewire itself
overall atm i am probably at my best streak ever.

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Day 69
Today i had my first nightfall in this streak
I actually feel energetic and motivated to do some things , i dont feel depressed atm, but it could change later we will see
I am still sick so i cant give an update regarding fogginess .
No urges in the morning despute having a nightfall.
I still feel like my brain is trying to rewire itself…one day i have extreme depression one i am happy but there isnt a difference between those days and whatbis happening in them…also one day i can imagine myself being with someone and the another i cant yet.
There are more urges on average id say per day as the streak is going on but tbh the main motivations for not fapping is actually this diary…if i fail i will have to write it here and people are going to see i failed and i dont want that xD
I also noticed i wanna succeed more and more as the days are going on

Day 70
I started to feel extremely anxious and depressed in the morning
I am uncertain about my future and angry about my past
So i just said like 5 minutes ago that i am depressed…i can feel my brain fighting through it…i am now starting to feel motivated and happy idk why…those mood swings are crazy
130 more days to go

Day 71
I am depressed anxious angry and really sad
It just irritates me so hard that i am 166 cm tall
It actually disgusts me …i feel like it is a disease.
Everyone laughs at your height,makes fun of you about it , i am 15 cm away from my countries average male height and i feel insecure…cos women like tall man more , bigger people have every advantage in fighting and i am training it , it irritates me when i trained more than some people and they can get to my level just cos they are bigger than me , i have to buy stupid clothes on children section and feel embarrassed that i am a grown man buying there… and every time i buy there i try to act like i am not …smaller people get less recpect…in the gym class i would have always been picked last on volleyball and basketball cos i am small .
From all people people that i know i had to had this moronic luck to be a midget