Post must be at least 20 characters. (somewhat unnecessary?)
EDIT
I realize why they probably put this limit here. It’s probably to make posts long and meaningful rather than just 1 character spams.
NF Day 5 (5/20/2021)
Just signed up to RewireCompanion after someone on Habitica referenced me to this. I didn’t like the way the site makes me sign up. I don’t know why I couldn’t sign up through my normal means but I guess that was only a me-problem. It caused a lot of stress for me.
This site does allow HTML which is pretty nice. I don’t know a whole lot of HTML, but I do know enough to make things bold and stuff. Personally, I prefer languages like Python. I might need to look through Mozilla’s documentation to understand it a bit more.
One problem I do have with this site is that they log IP addresses. I understand it has a legitimate reason, but I still dislike it.
TL;DR
- Someone on Habitica referenced this site to me.
- It was stressful to sign up for this account (mostly due to how I sign up for different services)
- Thanks to some knowledge in HTML, I know how to somewhat style my comments. This is better than what Habitica had.
2 Likes
NF Day 0 (5/21/2021)
Just relapsed after 6 days. Kind of sucks but at least it wasn't 2, like it normally is. I definitely think the problem has to do with the fact that I'm not getting up and drinking water. I also think I get urges whenever I'm thirsty. At the very least, the porn that I was watching wasn't intense in the slightest. It was just a woman posing in front of a camera on Vimeo. This tone-downed version is progress. It's not a whole lot, but it's progress nonetheless.I’ve also bankrupted myself in Habitica because now I don’t have enough gold to pay for free time on the weekend. It sucks a lot for me. Especially since I believe I could’ve made it to day 8 or 9. A streak I haven’t seen in about a month or so.
I’m also gonna make a list of what I’m going to do:
Do this when I have urges
- Drink water.
- Take 10 deep breaths
- Walk outside for 10 minutes
- Stretches
I will also make a list of this in Habitica as well.
1 Like
TL;DR
- I relapsed after 6 days. I believe it's because I forgot to anything about my urge again. I think I could easily have made it to day 8 or 9 if it weren't for this.
- I watched a more toned down version of porn. It's better than what I was watching and it shows that I'm at least progressing.
- I've made it cost gold whenever I PMO and now I'm basically bankrupt in Habitica.
1 Like
NF Day 0 (5/24/2021)
I relapsed last night and today, very recently in fact. I’m really hating these relapses and I think it may be associated to loss and my fear of failure.
I made a huge mistake doing something. I really can’t believe I lost about a month’s worth of [redacted] in one click. I should learn from these mistakes for sure. After all, the areas that I tend to do well in are areas where I take failure as a time to reflect instead of blaming myself.
This loss makes me more likely to relapse and makes me more likely to continue on what is safe and secure. I’m a loss-averse person which means that I hate losing or having anything negative happen to me for that matter. Because of this, I tend to avoid a lot of things that would otherwise seem fun. For instance, I don’t like to dance because I’m afraid of being ridiculed by others. So, I don’t dance, even if it could be fun. This is also another reason why I don’t talk to others. I feel like this fear of discomfort is largely ruining my life and is a big reason as to why I continue to fap.
The sole reason why I keep watching porn is because my browser has a secure DNS feature. I need to migrate to a browser that doesn’t have this option available so I can ensure that I never relapse. In addition, it needs to be privacy-respecting and hopefully FOSS. Unfortunately, looking at the landscape, there is no browser that currently fits my needs out of the hundreds of ones that I have seen.
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TL;DR
- I relapsed 2 times within the span of 24 hours. I suspect the reason is because of loss and failure.
- I should at least take this time to reflect on my bad decisions and what I should do to prevent this from happening again.
- I am able to access porn because of this secure DNS feature that some browsers have. I am trying to find a browser that doesn't have this feature so it makes relapses harder. I prefer if it were privacy-respecting and FOSS.
1 Like
NF Day 0 (5/25/2021)
Just relapsed yet again. I’m very annoyed by this. I usually find that I can go on these streaks of fapping on a consistent basis. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to break this but it would really help if I knew how to do so. One thing that keeps coming to bite me is that I keep enabling the secure DNS in my browser. This causes me to peek at porn and things go downhill from there.
Another thing that may have caused me to relapse may have been my lack of cold showers. I didn’t take a cold shower in the afternoon today and that may have caused me to relapse because I was uncomfortable. I will definitely add that as a daily on Habitica. Hopefully taking cold showers will make me less likely to relapse in the afternoon.
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TL;DR
- I have relapse streaks. This is somewhat normal but I would rather break this if possible.
- I think this time I relapsed because I didn't take cold showers in the afternoon like usual. Hopefully, taking more cold showers can stop a good amount of relapses in the afternoon.
2 Likes
@Jurnerridich
Your relapses will be the start for win this fight with yourself , stay focus on real goals in life , I suggest to change always your action against urge ( shower - water - Meditation like you did breath breath…) and there are many idea you can do it to attack this urges …
Move forward 
Stay strong
4 Likes
NF Day 1 (5/26/2021)
(morning)
Had a small urge to look at porn. It wasn’t anything too consequential thankfully because I was able to close the browser window quickly. The first few days are usually the hardest for me after a relapse possibly because I’m still thinking of porn. I believe that once I break out of the first 15 days or so (which I have never reached), things will get a bit easier.
I’ve also been noticing that a lot of diaries in Rewire Companion talk about things that people do in their day-to-day lives. I find that this could be beneficial, but my privacy goes down significantly. It might be too much of a risk for me because I’m unwilling to disclose PII (personally identifiable information). Another thing I’ve noticed is that RewireCompanion is very diverse with people from all around the world. In fact, after looking in the right places, there are places for other languages. What I find interesting however, is people’s willingness to use English over their native language. I get that it’s the de-facto language of the world now, but the fact that I sometimes see it being used more than regional languages is a bit mind-blowing.
I’ve even been looking into diaries on the Spanish side of RewireCompanion and I’ve noticed that I can actually understand some of the Spanish there! Sure, that might not be impressive to some, but I’ve noticed that Spanish may soon outpace my native language (not English if you’re wondering). That’s both exciting and concerning. It’s exciting because it means I have a third language that I can converse in. It doesn’t need to be the best. It’s also concerning because it worsens my identity crisis.
(evening)
I probably spent about 10 or 20 minutes just looking at P. No M or O, but just P. It’s not good that it’s only the first day and I’m already looking for this content. Though, I think it might have to do with stress.
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TL;DR
- I looked at some P. While it's better than M or O, it's still not a good sign especially since this is my first day.
- I have a lot of stress right now because I messed up when configuring something on my computer.
- I might consider switching over to one where I need to report on what I do in my day-to-day life, but that would reveal a lot of personal information.
1 Like
@NhTbH Thanks, I needed the motivation. I’m trying to think of other ways I can fight porn but most have downsides to them.
2 Likes
NF Day 0 (5/27/2021)
As for NoFap, I think I relapsed this morning again becauseI didn’t get up and immediately think of showers. I need to have an occupied mind at all times. Of course, it can’t be too stressed because I know where that will take me. But, it needs to occupied just enough so that I don’t end up having a wandering mind. It’s true that I need a filter on my mind, but that’s extremely difficult to implement.
I’m getting an urge right now as I write. It’s not as strong right now because it’s towards the end of the day. Very rare that I capitulate, especially after going to the library and getting some books!
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TL;DR
- I relapsed this morning. This was because I didn't get up and immediately think of showers.
- I need some sort of balanced between being stressed and being bored. That's when I'm least likely to even get an urge at all.
- Got some new books from the library! Hopefully that prevents any urges at night.
1 Like
NF Day 1 Day 0 (5/28/2021)
Earlier in the day
There really isn't much to do at school. I feel mostly bored and am probably coming down with senioritis. Some programming projects that I've been working on have fallen somewhat into disarray. But, it's not the end of the world for them at least.I genuinely can’t wait for the year to end. Of course, summer presents new challenges with NF. One of the biggest challenges is going to be the heat. Sure, there’s A/C, but that’s expensive to run and it’s more cost-effective to open the windows. I wish it weren’t like this because this lets a lot of insects and stuff come in. This increases discomfort and I wish all insects, especially mosquitoes could just die off entirely.
I’m also glad I don’t use a lot of social media. The only one I really am addicted to however, is YouTube. The platform does a pretty good job with keeping P off of its platform too. Moreover, I don’t actively look for porn on the site. Most of what I watch tends to revolve around video games and computers. In the past, I have managed to access P on YouTube, but since I have the site on Safe Mode, there is nothing to worry about. I can’t see comments as well which is really nice. I’ve also considered switching over to YouTube Kids seeing that place makes it even more difficult to access P. However, most of my content creators don’t exactly qualify for this. Mostly because of cursing or it’s content that is family-friendly but most people under the age of 12 wouldn’t watch.
The problem with just watching YouTube is that my mind wanders and it’s in a slightly weakened state which has made me relapse in the past.
Late afternoon
So basically, I relapsed in the afternoon. I think it has to do with the fact that I was looking at P during school out of boredom. There isn't much I can do about it because we have no work at all. I also clearly haven't been doing enough to fight off these urges. I should start using that plan that I intended to implement days before but I always keep forgetting to. Whenever the urges come up, I forget a lot of things. It's very difficult to remember and I hate that.I also learned a new tag! It’s the < del > and the < s > tag (remove spaces). It makes text look like this. The < del > works differently here for some reason.
1 Like
TL;DR
- I didn't have much to do at school. This made me go on P sites. I also didn't have the motivation to work on projects outside of school.
- By going on P sites, it made me more likely to relapse. I should try to stop going there if I can, but it's difficult not to.
- There are going to be some new challenges when summer rolls around. Especially with insects.
- The only social media site I use is YouTube. Most of what I watch doesn't have P, thankfully. However, my mind can wander and it has made me relapse before.
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Standard HTML tags should work.
Maybe cut down on YouTube. Too much of it leads to laziness and the brain looking for more doapmine. Both of which lead to relapse.
Keep fighting!
Sarcastic Phoenix
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