[john98] Long walk to freedom

Had to reset again, but am going to really put in the effort now.

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D0

Was able to go a few days before I tripped up. From now on am starting a strict routine.

No technology after 10 pm.
Early mornings with short workout and shower.
Avoid triggers, ie being alone scrolling endlessly on social media or YouTube

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This is something that I am also considering to take seriously because in last month or so, I’ve also been going good for few days and then I relapse.
One of the main reasons being, not able to guard my eyes from triggers and going to sleep late at night and rising up late in the morning which also is going to cause health issues in the long run.

I am with you in this journey. Lets do it.

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D0:

I have not been active on here for like a month, and it has really been to my own detriment. June was a good month for me, but the past week I have really struggled with my relapses and so am realizing that I need this forum more than I could have imagined. I will now get back to posting and facing this bad habit in a transparent and accountable way.

Which starts with setting out the problem of my last relapse, being my phone in bed after 12 pm. I really just need to pick up a book or something!!

Anyways, here is to a fresh start, and not beating myself up over my past.

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@john98 wow, that is a great title for a diary. Long walk to freedom. I remember, I have read it somewhere, yes, in Nelson Mandela’s biography. I read your posts, you need to be more consistent friend. Try setting your environment in such a way that motivates you to be cleanand keep working hard

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Hahaha yes you have correctly found my title reference to one of the greatest humans to walk the planet. It goes without saying that I am by no means trying to make a comparison to Mandela’s 27 years in prison and ending apartheid, I simply thought it was a cool diary title. :grin: That said I might have to revisit this thread if in 27 years I am still struggling with my porn habit lol

Also @Jaskeerat thanks for the advice on staying consistent. I admit it is something I do struggle with, like I can have a good streak of a few weeks, and then fall of the rails. Will definitely work on this point!

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D1:

No PMO::soccer:

It is 2 am now and am on my phone in bed but it is just to make this post so I see it as an exception. :grin:Today was a chill Sunday for me, spend time cleaning my room, watching the chess world cup, and catching some sunlight.
No major urges.
Feels good to be back on my diary and tracking my progress once more!

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D2:

No PMO⚽

Honestly had the hardest time sleeping yesterday night so was a bit exhausted today. However have not relapsed and am spending my night watching the movie the purge :blush:

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Ohh… the purge… I remember that one. I had seen it in 2018. It is still a good action movie. People are polite in the morning but they will shoot you and kill you during night time just to control the population. A good fiction movie and filled with enough action is enough to satisfy. You should aso try transporter series and hitman series too. They both are good

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D3:

No Pmo :soccer:

Faced a lot of urges tonight, but was able to keep myself from opening any sites I shouldn’t be on.

Something that is bothering me is that I am lacking motivation these past few weeks. Like I normally have a lot of plans and goals but recently am quite tired, and lack of energy to do much at all during my days. Idk, any advice welcome.

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D4:

No PMO: :soccer:

Spending time outside and getting fresh air right now but honestly don’t know where my head is. I have university studies in September but am lacking energy and motivation for it. I feel emotionally drained, no energy for anything. I am hoping it is just temporary.

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D5:

No Pmo::soccer:

Mad urges Tonight, it’s 3 am soon, didn’t follow my rule about no phones in bed. Am very close to a relapse. I am mentally tired but in a state of waiting for pleasure before going to bed. Fuck it sucks to feel this way!!! Will simply turn off phone and try to sleep

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D6: :soccer:

Don’t know how I have still not relapsed haha. Once more phone in bed is breaking my first rule, Feeling a bit stressed out and so looking for gratification. Don’t worry I will not do it, just being honest. Will once more just go to bed.

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D7::four_leaf_clover:

Ridiculous that I actually made it to a week. Was on the edge several times. Feelings of worthlessness while being tired and worrying about shit at night definitely makes for an interesting cocktail.

The sobering thought is that my problems do not disappear in the morning, and my will power will not be strengthened

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D8: :soccer:

Nothing major today, got some exercise, and watched a movie. Gonna make sure to get some sleep because tomorrow starts a new week and I have a lot to get done

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D0:

Struggled with my self esteem today, ended up relapsing. Will work out a strategy tomorrow. Rtn am too tired and disappointed

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You shouldn’t be, you are still struggling . Everyone struggles in life, its not meant to be easy. But when you are disappointed over failures, you lose too much of your valuable time thinking and grieving over something that cannot be changed. Surest way to win is to get up and keep fighting again and again. Who am I to tell you any of this anyways? You know all of this already, right? So get up and never give up.

Thanks my friend, you are right, none of this is news. Time to dust off and give it a serious effort

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D0 (again)

Another relapse, was feeling stressed, restless, had a bit to Drink, and didn’t manage to just turn off the phone and get to bed :disappointed_relieved:

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D1: :four_leaf_clover:
5:29

Let’s go! No more looking back. My last D1 truuuust me on that one

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