Jared's New Diary

Day 12. This morning I almost relapsed I came across a trigger and started searching up names of certain models I was looking at images for nearly half an hour, I then realized that I have work soon, so I snapped out of it, I was glad I didn’t cave in, because once I went to work everything went back to normal and it was like a normal day, I even noticed some of my nofap benefits returning following my 80 days, if I relapsed I would have spent the rest of the day feeling sad, nervous and anxious.

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Urges are vibration to your body it isn’t dangerous but what dangerous it’s your thoughts just let it flow from your body you can’t resist that I have experienced dude.

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I had a wet dream this morning for the first time in over 40 days

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May 10th 11:15 am
I edged to pictures on ig and ejaculated prematurely, I would lying If I said I didn’t relapse, im in denial, but its important to take responsibility of my actions, that’s how I grow.

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ive uninstalled Rc and I will only be using the browser for now on, the app has an in app browser, and it is how I relapsed.

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Oh damn man :sweat_smile:.

Bro I took the big step of deleting my insta account permanently yesterday and tbh and I am totally proud of it, it’s just not worth every relapse (most of my relapses were triggered by insta), and now I realize it wasn’t that big a deal either, my mind just didn’t want to let go of it.

After that relapse I had to get ready for work, I put my hood on when I got there, because I didn’t want people to notice me, when I started my shift everything was quite normal, the only thing different was I felt quite numb, the people that I was around, I didn’t feel nervous at all, because after working with the same colleagues for 3 months its like ive grown comfortable around them when I was working I had thoughts of doing it again when I get home, but I was so busy that I didn’t have time to think about it, I made myself work extra hard to help erase these thoughts which worked, the only thing on my mind after that was my work, I got through the day and I felt much better than I did this morning. Im starting over on a clean slate, and not dwell on the past. There is actually a girl at work who went to the same school as me and when I was getting my PPE gear on she came up to me and asked if I went to midhirst Primary school(A kids school I went to when I was in pre teens), I confirmed it by saying Yeah I did, she didn’t say anything after, it was like she was speechless, but I 100% remember her from school.

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I’m not going to count days, im going to focus on myself, I will let the nofap counter do the work, I will check the counter and that’s how ill know what day im on.

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Today was challenging, I was dealing with the chaser effect, it started this morning when I was p**king at selfie pics, it triggered urges for the rest of today it was so bad that it was extremely hard to concentrate at work, the urges were so strong that I had thoughts of relapsing when I got home, fortunately towards the end of my shift, the urges calmed down, and I no longer wanted to. I don’t want to relapse because ive got work, but sometimes my mind just doesn’t care even though ive got a full schedule, like the other day I had work and still relapsed an hour before my shift was due to start, i have no idea why I did that, it just happened.

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12th May 11:56 pm
After writing that post I ended up on ig again and Bam, relapsed, i may feel like shit now, but one good thing is I deleted the ig account.

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Hell yeah :fire::fire::fire:. I had done the same after my last relapse, it was just not worth all the mental peace.

Let’s get back to the other side again.

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I desperately need that , I eat every Medicine thinking any one could be it :rofl:
But Seed Retention is the Pill🖤

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Today was ok I kept myself focused at work there was a moment I got urges, but it only lasted 20 minutes, I then worked hard at a fast rhythm to the point that I was sweating, it felt so good working at this pace, it felt like I was working out, working at a fast pace helped to release feel good endorphins, the urges were gone and it spiked my confidence levels, despite it only being day 1. Basically I started today numb and a little sad, to feeling myself again later in the day.

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I stood up to my urges after an hour of peeking, my weapon against the demon inside me was rage.
I let all this anger out, I yelling to the point I nearly lost my voice. Some thing’s I said was, IT’S TIME TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF WHAT IVE LOST, I WILL NO LONGER BE A SLAVE TO YOU URGES, IM NOT GOING TO PUT UP YOUR BULLSHIT IN MY HEAD ANYMORE, IM SICK OF YOU TAKING MY LIFE AWAY, MAKING ME WASTE HOURS IN FRONT OF MY PHONE, YOU CAN GET F***ED YOU EVIL DEMON, STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY LIFE AWAY, IVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT, AND YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE, IVE GOT A LIFE TO LIVE, SO GOODBYE EVIL DEMON.

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I’m going to doing a 24 hour detox, so I won’t be online tomorrow, ill be busy packing for my new house and the detox is so I don’t give in to urges on the first few days of nofap when I’m usually at my lowest point. See you guys. :wave:

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That’s a very good idea.
All the best bro.

I relapsed today, Ive been really struggling to control myself lately, Ive been relapsing every 2 days,but I’m trying really hard to get back on track. To help me get back on track, I need to start disciplining myself, I need to wake up early, and do 10 pushups every morning, that’s the only way I will become disciplined again.

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Made some posts online about looking for places to board, so I can drive to and from work, also been helping my family packing boxes, for their new home, Ive been packing up my room as well, while also working 8 hour shifts on weekdays. Lots of things on my mind these days, I know that on 1st of June, me and my family will be moving out of the current house we live in, another thing is we are currently packing everything up for the new house, and another thing on my mind is I’m to show up at work for my 8 hour shift 5 days a week. Some other things on my mind is getting my full driver’s license and overcoming my Pmo addiction, all of this would normally seem overwhelming, but my brain has been rewired in a way where I can take it all in at once. Good thing about this is it makes me feel stronger taking on many challenges like these.

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That’s awesome bro, I have also a lot of things to take care of in upcoming time, I know I am strong enough to handle all of this but then again why have I been relapsing, maybe because there’s a part of me that still doesn’t wanna face life head on, or maybe it’s the other way round, getting into the loop of addiction is causing me to think this way which seems more logical.

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Very productive day today, I was busy cleaning out some sheds and getting boxes ready for the day I move, I then waterblasted the gutters. I had KFC for dinner tomorrow my older sister and her partner will be moving out, since they have a new house to live in, I’m currently looking for a new home to live in, but if I’m honest I’m not ready to move out of my parents house yet.

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