IWantToBeHappy's Daily Journal

I will just be writing about my every day experiences to remind myself of how much I have struggled when I get a big streak.

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Day 1 again : The Relapse :disappointed_relieved:

Well as you can see by the title I have failed but that something I have gotten use to. Today when i went to go visit my dead pet kitten I found that an wild animal dug her up and ate her. It made me really angry up to the point were I started searching in the woods for any kind of wild animal that would eat her. I haven’t really done anything to be proud of today; I have just been watching YouTube videos and throwing rocks at my mail box to practice for when i play dodge ball. I will start working out for a while so I can help my knee recover faster because I injured it when i was playing basketball with my friends.

On every daily journal I will state a achievement that I did that day that I’m proud of.

               🏆  Daily Achievement 🏆

Its not that good of an achievement but it is an improvement so, my achievement I am proud of for today is when i Relapsed I didn’t fail 2 times in a row. Usually when I relapse I do it 2 times but today I only failed 1 time. I waited for a few minutes and listen to music videos that had boxers in it; that is the only way I didn’t replase twice. I will post the videos for anyone that want to hear it.

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OMG yes same for me when I relapse once… It’s like 2 times after that. It’s bad. So yes that is an achievement

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The videos might play more than one song because it is from my YouTube playlist.

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Day 2 : Boredom Strikes

Today I haven’t done anything really interesting but lay on my bed and just watch YouTube and listen to music. It really irritates me because I want to do more with my life but I have no opportunities to do anything so this is the only thing I do. I was also having a lot of thoughts about why should I even live anymore because I am always bored. I’m going to start meditating 15 minutes a day or try to because I don’t want to go back to my old state of mind where I always thought about suicide. I finally gave up on trying to get a girlfriend now and I’m just focused on trying to find a way to succeed it might be impossible for me to succeed but I will keep trying. The reason why I don’t want a girlfriend anymore is because getting one will just get in the way of me trying to succeed and I also don’t like communicating to people that much.
Good Luck Future Me :+1:

             🏆Daily Achievement 🏆

I really didn’t do much today but think a lot but I would have to say the achievement I’m proud of today is that I didn’t have any urges all day. I think it because I stop thinking about girls so much hopefully it stays like this.

I’m going to post a video from YouTube everyday too.

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Here’s the way you should think about your situation; there is so much potential for life to be better for you. So many areas where you could see great improvement within the next few months - before the year is over.

Next time, why not do this instead of being bored; ask yourself, “What are the top 5 areas of my life I could work on within the next 2-3 months that will give me the greatest amount of fulfilment and meaning?” Get out a pen and paper and write them down; do some brainstorming.

For example, you might decide that an idea to work on is your income. If not much is coming in at the moment, the sense of accomplishment you’ll get after changing that will make a real difference. Then you might think, “Well, I have no idea how I’m going to bring in money.” And that’s exciting! Now you have a project to work on. Maybe for inspiration, you’ll watch a few movies like The Pursuit of Happyness or Joy or Limitless. Or you can think about what business projects or jobs you can start doing at your age, and where you will be in November/December. You could even continue what you’re doing - watching motivational videos, but now, with a focused effort on how you can increase your income. And after that, you can write down how much money you want to see coming in monthly. Imagine what it would be like; what that would do for your situation. Make an action plan of the tasks you’ll complete within the next 60-90 days to get there.

Now, things are really interesting. You have a project to work towards, and that’s just in one of the 5 areas! Say bye-bye to boredom!

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale

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Day 3: Lost in that I will remember

Today I was playing basketball with my friends. It was a 3 point shot out game that was being played with 4 people so, it was 2 vs 2. It was kind of easy at the being because we won 3 times in a row until the 4th game started I couldn’t make the shots any more because of my techique. This haunted me all day because I’m the reason we lost 2 times in a row; I am a competitive person so it really got to me a lot. I might not be big enough to be a basketball player but I still don’t like being day at things and I especially don’t like being the reason my team lose. For the rest of the day I didnt do anything in my classes except for Spanish because Spanish is very interesting and fun to learn. Math class is probably the reason I haven’t got a scholarship ; I have an 54 in math class because I have been lazy and just sit in class due to lack of interest. I also learned that I complain to much about being poor and i still don’t do anything about it but act like a lazy bum. To all the people that had to listen to me complain every time I talk to you I’m sorry. Another thing I learnt about me is that I hate when strangers keep staring at me it is mostly girls; it gets very annoying sometimes. I learnt a lot about myself today like I have a lot of anger in me because today I kind of was mean to a lot of people; I might have a toxic personality. One bad thing that happened today is that after that that lost I have became emotionless and cold hearted again; if I lose at something I’m going to remember it for 2 weeks and keep trying to improve on what made me lose. I can’t think of anything elso so I will end it here.

           🏆Achievement Of The Day🏆

I would have to say that the thing I’m proud of today is that I learnt how to use my anger to drive me to work hard on improving on my weaknesses. An example is that after my team second lost in a row because of me I went to my own court and kept on working on my shooting technique. It has improved a little bit but it still not great so i have to keep working on it.

Now my favorite videos of the day the first one is a video of my favorite boxer

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You def need to give yourself some credit on figuring these new things out bout yourself. When I was your age (I’m 33 now) , I had a lot of anger in me as well and it didn’t do me well back then… you are on a good path figure all this out

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How did you get rid of all the anger you had in you because the only ways I know how is to punch things like my wooden dresser , chop down trees and fight. I learnt how to control my anger very well but today at school I was snapping a lot when people would ask me dumb questions.

Yea I use to do all that… But I started making ppl I loved and my family cry by things I would do and say. And I realized I had to stop… counting to 10 and deep breathing helps . As corny as lt sounds … and it’s alot like this rewire and quitting porn… thinking bout your actions. How they will effect people… realizing if it’s worth the actions… channeling the anger into constructive options… Working out. Etc… and writing it down later helps too… kinda like here. Journaling

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Day 1 again : Failure Repeats

I messed up my streak when I was about to go to sleep last night I have a solution for that though , I’m going to start back working out using weights it will be boring but it must be done. The last time I worked out was when i was still playing football but than I quit. I’m going to do my rock Lee challenge to get an easy 7 day streak. I also made myself a reason to quit which is if I don’t get at least 15 days with only 3 tries I will have to give up on boxing and become homeless. It may sound extreme but I must quit this addiction or I will stay poor and die poor. Today at school I got mad at another student for taking my chair when i went to go get water so I picked up the desk and dumped him out of the desk. Than I laughed about it during the whole class; I don’t feel any regret about my choice. I hate life it’s so boring and I hate people that judge people by what they wear they act like clothes make you who you are and not your personality. Another thing I don’t understand is why do people waste money on shoes like Jordan’s when you could get cheaper shoe that do the same thing. They were only made to protect your feet.

                    🏆Daily Achievement🏆

The thing I’m proud of today is that I learnt how to not be afraid to voice my option and not be afraid to be hated by people. Before I would only have passive aggression and just think about telling people to shut up because of fear of being hated. I started not caring what other people think of me because i read something posted by a user on here that said “Why do you still care so much about what other people think when you have said that the only opinion that matter is yours”.

         🎵 Favorite Songs Of The Day🎵

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A lot of people’s priorities are different. I mean by buying Jordans and spending that much money on just shoes. Depends if they rub it in other people’s faces or not. I haven’t heard tech n9ne in a long time. Good post

Day 2 : isolation

So today I challenged myself to not show any emotions or talk to anyone at school. I almost passed until I got to Spanish class because sometimes we are forced to talk for a grade but I went close to the whole day.I wanted to do this challenge to see if I could be emotionless because when i use to be in middle school I would never show any kind of emotion; I wouldn’t even smile. The whole day was just me doing my work in class even math and in P.E I was training on shooting properly I trained for the whole class period. I found out how to make every shot but when I start to get tired it get harder to make the shots. I even didn’t even talk to any of my friends today . The best thing I found out today is that a city that is about 28 minutes away has a boxing gym that has an ex marine that teaches boxing and MMA. It take me about 5 hours to jog to the city , the reason I know this is because when I use to play football my mom had to work so I just jogged home after practice. One thing that may sound weird is that I love for people to hate me because than I don’t have to act nice at all to them; I can be as mean and cold hearted as I want to them. I will get to 15 days of nofap before I can become a boxer that is my biggest motivation right now. When I was a freemans in highschool i realized that nofap is a lot easier when you have something that you keeps you accountable; for me that was trying to get stronger than everyone elso. I would train everyday with body weight exercises and a lot of heavy squats by using logs and anything that was heavy enough. Tip the best exercise for a stronger squat is squats that you sit in the hole for about 3 or 5 seconds it create tension in our musxles. That all for today

             Daily Achievement

   Today I would have to say that my daily achievement is didn't get angry at anyone today because I was challenging myself to be emotionless. I also learnt how to control my anger again by forcing myself to be emotionless. The thing that is bad about this is that if I become emotionles I will lose my competitive drive.

:musical_note:Favorite Music Of The Day​:musical_note:

The Best song of today talk about how life is like baseball.

                 🏆  Daily Achievement🏆
   Today I would have to say that my daily achievement is didn't get angry at anyone today because I was challenging myself to be emotionless. I also learnt how to control my anger again by forcing myself to be emotionless. The thing that is bad about this is that if I become emotionles I will lose my competitive drive.

I don’t know what is wrong

Today I would have to say that my daily achievement is didn’t get angry at anyone today because I was challenging myself to be emotionless. I also learnt how to control my anger again by forcing myself to be emotionless. The thing that is bad about this is that if I become emotionles I will lose my competitive drive.