You’re right about that. I just don’t understand how can we be compassionate to someone who has hurt us. I mean getting over the revenge feeling is another thing. Being indifferent to them is also something I find acceptable. Basically we’re moving on. Letting go of those issues. But sending love to them? That kinda seems absurd to me.
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I’d like to enter this discussion as well 
as I’m at similar situation, I had a breakup maybe 9 months ago, almost 10. And when such things happen, both sides are involved. So, despite how many times I tried to be friendly with my ex, show the genuine interest, I faced the wall - polite but ice cold. Anyways! I have no idea what is your relationship with religion, but if you have some kind of this or believe in “Some Upper Force/Energy” or whatever, it should help you to keep that connection in positive light. I’m still praying for that person, I can’t say, I’m wishing him to find another significant other, better than I was. Nope. But I am praying for his day, for his job, for his security. And 6 months before, I had an idea, why should I pray for him? Constant thinking stops my healing! However, then I thought- this helps me not to become angry, resentful or just - terrible - towards this person. And well, there are days, when I feel sad about this person, helpless, yes, sometimes anger appears, but I’m not feeling that deep hatred that I could.
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Will you elaborate on this?
Well, quite short and “closed” answers - you know, those that don’t leave space to start proper conversation, there is only question-answer show 
and, well politely asks how am I (when someone asks you the same, then you answer, completely forgotten to ask this in return, and when you tap “send” you remember! And then text this question, that has that “by the way…” taste in it), but isn’t interested to get more detailed information. Or makes an excuses not to meet. Or never texts first. Or sometimes doesn’t reply at all… ok, the last one isn’t too polite 
So during the last month, I realised I was hurt more on these 8 months, than during our breakups. And now, I don’t feel like getting back together, but I’d love to get a forgiveness. It would calm me down so much. But it’s up to him, I shouldn’t pay too much attention to this, but, we are all humans, and we have feelings, and it’s hard to use only brain on situation like this!
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So I suppose the person lost interest?
I guess we really are in a similar situation.
Although I was more direct. In the end I begged her to stay. But she had her validation thing done. She moved on.
I do think a bit of gaslighting was involved as well.
I tried my best to make it better. And talked it out.
To no avail of course.
And I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive and have compassion. I cared too much and put my own needs elsewhere. I was treated like a doormat.
I’m not comfortable to speak everything out in public, so I’ll just let it be here.
In my scenario I don’t want that anymore. Everything was a good lesson for me. Most of all, self preservation comes first. You are more important than the other person no matter what. Else you’ll end up like a playtoy.
I don’t want to force you to think too much regarding this, but if you do it. And if it turns out that you’re being treated like a doormat, I believe you should share my thoughts as well. Of course it’s fine if we’re not on same grounds. But I’m not a saint. Neither I want to be. Because I’ve been with those who actually don’t really care about their mistakes. And are most probably enjoying life without giving it any serious thoughts.
Anyways, I’m glad that you moved on. So congratulations. And keep moving forward.
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I have some doubts about my “moving on” I know, that I am moving to the therapist hopefully, this month, cause I got into depression during this time and just can’t do it by myself anymore. PLUS I’ve found so many broken things in my personality, that it’s time to fix them already.
And it’s painful to hear, and foremost, to feel as a doormat… I wish you, from the depth of my heart, to forget this feeling as soon as possible! You’re facing many inner fights, so - stay strong, as you are!
I didn’t feel that way, there were some needs that were unmet, however, I made many mistakes, basically- out of fear.
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I definitely had that feeling regarding you.
After you had said this
And I don’t want to offend you of course but the compassion you’ve got for him, especially these things
I had a feeling that you still feel for him, hence the case. Maybe it is more of an “attachment” thing than the “forgiveness” thing. This is what I felt at a time. And now I’m feeling it more. This is just a personal opinion of course and my intentions aren’t to offend you. Neither you need to take me seriously if you’re sure that’s not the case. However this can be one of the possibilities. I’m saying this because I was just like you. Trying to be very kind. Trying to comfort the other person. Even though they didn’t give a damn at times. And it happened many times that I was approached because of the validation of comfort I’d provide. I failed to see that. Later I learned about this “doormat” concept.
I’m thankful that I’m out of the “feelings” or atleast the highly intense infatuation as they say. In all the honesty I really cared too much that I believe it was taken for granted.
And that’s why this comes into context.
I made up my mind, that it will be better to die a virgin than to be with someone who doesn’t respect you. And with a large nofap streak I was gathering courage to do this too. However I was still craving for a “deep connection”. This is difficult to find because of my personality. I can’t stand superficial things. This included a lot of people, and a lot whom I used to call “friends”. I have eliminated plenty of people in my life.
As of now, I have also reduced my cravings of that connection thing.
I realized that the only people who ever have loved me for me are my parents. That’s it.
Also thank you for your wishes.
I’ll also be wishing for you that you move on from this completely.
Take care and have a nice day
I don’t usually hold a grudge on someone but if i am constantly thinking about harming someone in anyway (especially verbal, physical), i just imagine them being harmed by me and vanquishing their pride and they crying at last and ask myself was it worth it, really m i that selfish that to quench my own fire of revenge i harmed someone ao badly and I don’t like to be called selfish…and after that i forgive people i might not talk but if they want to talk or want some help i won’t backout or do what best i can possibly do…this works for me u can try too✌
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Thanks for your input
Unfortunately it didn’t work with me 
I had read this in an article, where an employee hates his boss and he basically imagined throwing the boss from the window.
Everyone’s different. This works for someone, it can’t work for some others.
Don’t worry, I don’t think about these issues much. Some other thing is becoming my priority now. I’m climbing stairs
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Just text me when you feel like it. I would really love to talk about that (I feel the same. Love to hear different opinions and discussing them. That brings me further in my understanding too)
All the best
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I agree with that statement. Constant thinking about him positive or negative may stop healing. But I guess it’s easier said than done just to stop thinking about your ex.
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I’m gonna have to say. It occured to me that forgiveness holds more importance that I previously thought.
In the idea of “letting go”, we still harbour some resentment. My character has grown and I’m going to need a more stronger character if I have to make a difference. This comes as a part of that journey.
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In movies and stuff, a monk’s non impulsive and “cool” nature sounds very appealing. But now I understand, this approach isn’t to show off in front of people. This is not for others, but for your own self. I’m not a monk by any means, not even close. But I can sure have some of their things in my daily life. Forgiveness can be one of them. I’m yet to give up my stance in the first post, so let’s see what future brings.
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I still wonder if forgiveness is important. I wonder if I can forgive that person about whom I had my memories. Let’s see what future brings. One thing is for sure, that person doesn’t stand anywhere near important in my life. I should continue my life.
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I’ve reached to the conclusion that forgiveness is important. Especially in certain cases, may not be all the cases.
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I think it is in all the cases. Because that burden is on your shoulders. The other person, most probably, doesn’t care. Or doesn’t have clue. And you are dragging that bitterness along for years. Safe your energy for more meaningful things. 
Well since you’ve come here is it possible for you to text? I want to ask a few questions. Especially since you’re going through something similar as me
Yes, I think so! Not sure if my answers will have any use, but, we can discuss!
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