Human is a social creature that’s a good thing that you realised it, Also do you have friends in real life , if yes then do consider going out with them .
10 October 2024
Wake up early 
Exercise 
Study 8+ hours
Social Media <1 hour
Meditate
Journal
Sleep early
Had a pretty bad today , a lot of thoughts came barging in . Many memories of the past , failures and doubts . So much negative thoughts that they feel foolish at a point , fuck no , Im not what they represent . I am sick of this now . I could have been standing at a greater place today only if I was not so weak . My weakness and shit mindset has cost me great things and now I cannot go back and get them back . I could not ever do what was necessary for me in the last 1.5 years . I lived in delusion and self induced pain , all of which meant nothing . I did not tap my real potential , I could have been in the top 5 rankers , I could have made my parents proud but I couldn’t do it . I don’t even think they believe in me now . I am no miracle now , which I used to be . This race , this addiction and my weaknesses have destroyed me .
Beautiful lie
I am left to improve in 3 months , I think I have done enough to score good , but what I do next matters more .
From tomorrow , I will only come here at night to report my diary and keep myself accountable . Might disappear for some days when I dont feel like touching screen .
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Apart from your past mistakes , I don’t find any problems associated with your post. I mean to say , you day is a decent one.
8 hrs Study is good. The only thing u missed is exercise. Keep going. I am really happy you are accountable these days.
Dont think too much of the past and the you got. Trust me with consistency you can get it better.
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No you aren’t weak
You are definitely strong 
You can make your parents proud even now
You can still work hard and make your parents proud
All the best
Do well
God bless you 
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Don’t feel bad , it was a productive day bro . Use timer while using apps . 8 hours is also good, you are getting back on track. Remember we have to be our best during this winter arc 
.
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10.10.2024
Wake up early
Exercise
Study 8+ hours (9)
Social Media <1 hour
Meditate
Journal
Sleep early
Read Easy Peasy
1st half
Filled with urges and thoughts while studying . Its pathetic how the little monster makes me crave to watch those heinous things to feel good/peaceful . All the false beliefs planted in my mind , Its pathetic how it tries its best to make me go there , keeps me making feel bad and low all the time so that I keep being stuck in the loop .
2nd half
Did what I had to
Now I know what was wrong with me since 2022 . I know how it began and what to do next . I know who I am . I am not weak , failure or, demotivated .
I am not like them
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13th October 2024
Good day
Felt lazy in the morning but turned up for revision before giving the test . Decent test . Started to roll back into depressing thoughts in the evening before A friend called to hangout in evening and we ended up spending 2.5 hours in mela and roaming through the crouded streets till ravan dahan 
. While returning a panicked cow got stuck amidst the crowd , it jumped directly below my legs and started pushing me . I got frozen for sometime , I grabbed the cow by its horns and moved it away . Fortunately , it was not a big cow or my cucumber and lemons would have been crushed . Passed by a big garden while returning so we decided to race ( I matched his speed so he that doesn’t feel bad ) . Returned home at 10:30 with 2 missed calls and my mom waiting in the sofa . Fortunately they went to sleep without saying much .
Now my right leg hurts and I don’t know its due to roaming for long and running or because I got hit somewhere by the cow .
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Cow attacked the evil between your legs 
Hope the family jewels are fine
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yeah I acted quickly and pressed down its head to save them 
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Cow was a paid artist 
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bed instincts came in handy 
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I am minor bro
i only have bedtime story experience
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This is the punishment you get for trolling my favourite feetish cows 
Jk
Even I feel so afraid these days, when I see cows roaming on the streets
Read a lot in the news about how suddenly cows hit random strangers on the streets for no reason and they get severely injured
1 years before a small child even died unfortunately because of this
Since then this fear got unlocked for me
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Yeah true
I couldn’t make my parents angry by dying though , so I had to dodge the cow
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Day 0/100
there are no 100 days left now
What is the price of freedom for you ? Why do you crave it even after knowing everything ? Why do you place if before your goals ? Why do you let the craving and withdrawal get you ? Peeking will do no better , it will always lead to a relapse as it has always did . It will not help you feel better , it will not help you escape your miseries or thoughts , in fact is causes it . Why do you let it make you suffer , the suffering is nothing but the monster shouting for more , the fear and the misconceptions are nothing but your mind playing games into making you relapse . Why after knowing it all , you still felt fear and anxious to watch that garbage . Why couldn’t I stay in the present , and feared not being able to stay in the present would to bad studies . Why have you the habit of judging how you feel or are you good enough or not all the time . All this while you have given yourself targets which have came down from 500 to 100 days . Why do you forget the right mindset and dwell into fear again , why after every mistake you make it like its over . Why do you feel like crying all the time from that guilt , instead of moving on and zoning in to work . How long are you planning to stay like this , will you still let the fear evolve you after this ? Was this the last time as you say everytime ? Was this the last time of running before motivation to act and letting thoughts devolve into unclarity . Was this the last time you fell for lust trap ?
How long will you keep making a burden about 1 mistake and kill your mind because of it . Why don’t you ever let go
Wake up , its too late
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Those are some deep questions , answer to those and following questions yourself in the next post .
Is one relapse the end of your journey? How can you forget those days when you endured the pain of pushing harder , you enjoyed those workout and study sessions , doesn’t it count as progress, why do you think you are not enough when you are constantly striving for it ? Sorry to say but are you this dumb that you start questioning your self-worth , how can you forget your worth and how precious you are ?
Is something bothering you in your real life or you are worried about failing in future?
You wrote many answers in your personal diary , did you see it ?
Answer me one more thing , what do you say to yourself when you hit the lowest point , what negative words and also write the positive version of it @The_Ambitious_One .
Don’t whine over your relapse, even if you relapse focus on improving, focus on being productive like you were before. Life will always be a constant battle, don’t give up .
Answer me answer me answer me , when you feel alright do answer me here.
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Its never too late to change for the better.
Maybe you had a slight fall now.
But that will not deter the height you are destined for
Stop blaming yourself
See how many people in this world actually think ■■■■ and masturbation isn’t a thing in this world and such a normal feelings
Atleast you are matured to see the realities of the world rather than get blinded by the societal mindsets.
There is never a defeat for someone who never lets go of fighting till the end
Life is all about that
No one goes to "destination "
Success is not a "destination "
Success is to "keep trying "
In life there is no such peak point
Till the last you will climb again and again
Be constantly aware of what your mind tells you
" You are what your thoughts are " - Swami Vivekananda
Control your thoughts bro
Never let your mind wander
It will lead to mistake in some form or other wither now or in future
Practice mindfulness
The thing is not control about to control urges
We can never control the urges
Our mind will not let us do it
The thing is to prevent the urges in the first place
I have said this before and I will say it again
DO NOT KEEP NO FAP AS THE ONLY GOAL IN LIFE
There is so much to fight and improve apart from Nofap
Keep them as goal
Focus on something more difficult than Nofap
He will forsure forget about fapping/not fapping
Always let go of losses
Keep yourself calm and composed
Think clearly
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Life is like Subway Surfers
It doesn’t have an ending point
You have to keep trying as long as you can to the best of your efforts
You have to constantly navigate the obstacles
Sometimes we get hit by obstacles in the game
But don’t we try again?
Even if we don’t get hit by obstacles and keep on Going, is there actually an end to the game and say that we have won the entire game as Success?
No right?
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Take your time bhai, but not more than 2 hours .
I don’t want you to waste your upcoming days thinking about this relapse, continue your productive day like it was before the relapse. Move on from this relapse already. You don’t have time to whine over this mere slip.
There are some nofappers who just don’t fap and might be on a good streak but they aren’t doing anything productive in their life , they are not utilising the energy they just fight the urges 24/7 all because to maintain their so call nofap streak but in reality their streak increases and they get some benefits but actually they are not making any significant progress in their life(although it’s super hard to sustain such streak when one don’t improve in other aspects of life )Understand this , progress and improvement also matters.
Wake up ! Wake up ! Wake up and move on !
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I have kept selling my happiness and freedom to the cycle . I have doomed my mind into thinking relapses as failure
Eariler , it was lack of passion . Now its pure FEAR . Past traumas from past experiences . I keep judging how I feel , it makes me more clogged and depressed as I do it . I feel low because of it and blame it but in reality .
You have fear that you wont be good enough without escaping
Didnt try and meditate seriously . Let myself live in thoughts and delusions
because ■■■■ kills self confidence
I dont set myself free
just one bad trauma and I fear that I will have to go through hell
We continue to do our duties and continue to live on and keep learning .
Because I don’t remember the good days , my negativity kills them
I fear the feeling of deprivation , lack of motivation and clarity for they bring uncertainty about what might happen tomorrow . But I am never can be certain of what might happen next , I can just stay in the present , to do the best what I can do now .
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