Okay, I guess you need to hear how my life was…
Engineering 4th year - I started cigs, soon after something I am not willing to share, but worser than cigs. Imagine anything.
Did both heavy for 9 months. By the end, cigarettes were like 25 plus a day, the other one was a lot… No one used to do like me in my college. People used to praise me for that lol. There are friends who stays in my room all the time to smoke. All my friends circle were smokers, and not just cigs, other one too.
And oh yeah, I didnt even go to classes that whole year while I was smoking. I didnt go home because I couldn’t let my parents see me that way.
After 9 months of full fun, I had a side effect, bad one… I wont mention it again… It happened for 3 straight days and I had no idea what the heck it is… Mental one, obviously.
I got thin, I looked sad… I felt pity for myself… I remembered that I wanted to get better and go home, And I quit both cold turkey. Which means 0 from that day.
My body was shaking, heart racing, anxiety, migraines, nightmares, insomnia, nausea, this list goes on and on…
Imagine how long these lasted? Except those body shakes (lasted 3 days) , It was 6 whole months. Didnt talk to anyone, no one really helped because guess what, they are all busy smoking. I didnt ask even. I waited week after week for 6 months that the good days will start next week… One suggestion, in trouble, all we have will be ourselves and family. Friends wont do anything, for youngsters that actually care about friends more than family, just a suggestion.
Fast forward 6 months, everything was okay except the anxiety. Good news was, I was over the addiction by then… But the strength I needed to have then, took all of my energy.
I thought anxiety will go away in the next month and kept thinking that way for the next 4 years. I waited and waited, suffered… It was literally 24x7 to be honest, I couldn’t even tell my parents, alone and tried to socialize though. Again, no classes, no studies. I am still doing engineering. And that was 7 and half year done. Also yeah, none of the friends that did all that with me were with me later on… I guess all they cared was about smoking lol.
Then took leave from college , Psychiatrist, medicines , got a girlfriend, told parents, fast forward 1 year, got better and All is well. No worries except PMO. Also yeah, attended classes and graduated in my 8th and half year. ( I told this in short and in brief so that my message wont be long, also its not important for the point I am trying to make)
Fast forward 6 months, quit PMO (106days ago), quit talking with girls, broke up with that girlfriend too as I felt that the relationship was toxic, and now, all is fine again…
If I didnt do that, I would have graduated in my 4th year, would have got job 1 year later, i wouldn’t be having anxiety, wouldn’t have done so much PMO, wouldn’t have made my head the way it was, wouldn’t have had any suffering, wouldn’t even had any bad memories, and also by now my salary would have been a lot, or atleast I would have focused on civil services exams in India, I used to be very studious. My job would have been in high Cadre… Also I used to be a funny guy, super fun to hangout with, I make jokes and such. Now I am just a guy that went through a lot. That innocence that used to be there, gone. I miss my old self, honestly. But yeah, its life, we grow up…
But instead, I am 28 now, have to settle for a lower cadre job, because there was no time to study for Higher cadre, parents want me to settle immediately. thinking bank probationary officer or group 2, instead of group 1, not that bad but as I was an IIT student ( if someone that is not from India is reading this, one of the top engineering colleges in India, definitely not boasting lol, making a point to make you understand of how I could have been but how I am now, also yeah not at all guilty, and no regrets, i am happy with myself and proud of what I have been through and achieved) , people are definitely going to mock lol, but still I dont care.
So overall 5 years of suffering, time waste doing nothing but focusing on suffering. Do you really need all that just to have some fun with friends? There are all called bad habits for a reason, for everything you do, there are always consequences. Trust me, it’s better to stop any kind of addiction, than dealing with the consequences. It takes everything from you.
Anyone thinking how I am now, I am superb, no addictions, not even interested. This PMO creates some issues as this is the last I am trying to get over but as I quit those which are way worse, definitely I am going to be successful here.