I peaked, I relapsed, I need to continue to win

Confession
#1

Topic name says for itself, but I need to elaborate that a bit more as I need some encouragement.

I peaked today and yesterday too and it escalated to relapse. I am happy that it did as I peaked and it would not be clean for me in future, but also I am sad as I relapsed.

IMHO here is why:

  1. I was not able to do exercise because of back pain so I replaced it with hiking as this is fine for me, but unluckilly this is not enough for me and I thought that I am fine. So I need to exercise more ot stay the f*ck away from PC.

  2. I uninstalled almost all games, left only that which I play with my colleagues to blow some steam off during covid times. We played yesterday for almost 8 hours and I think that was also triggerring. So I need to turn off PC right after we quit playing.

  3. I stopped using FB and IG (IG only for buissness), but still ads and payed promo everywhere. So I should keep it at minimum.

  4. I am using dating apps, as in these times is pretty hard to socialize and meet women and that did not helped, but did not do that much harm (I think). So I sould stay away form that, but I have someone to talk with, which is nice, but IDK what should I do in reality. Keep it at minimum?

I thought that I would stay on track longer than 17 days as last streak was 52 days and before that 4 days on average.

I feel bad that I relapsed, but I know that I can handle this as something switched in my brain aproximately 2 months ago.

I feel empty, sad, numb, weak, angry, I want to cry and I dissapointed all of you and myself too, but i am ready to fight again.

So back to square one.

#2

Me too. 🥲🥲 I think i should work more hard

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#3

I started a lot of things and all of them helped, but I am losing motivation in last days ant it is killing me.

Maybe try:
Meditation
Journaling
Exersize
SelfDevelopment
and maybe try to deal with past, I tried selfauthoring from Jordan B. Peterson

#4

Probably you should try to stay away from devices. Reduce the time you spend on calculator or mobile. Try to keep calm when urges start to kick, watch nofap motivational videos, put a relaxing music on or do some exercises. You can do this, friend. It is not impossible

#5

If you want to enjoy all things in life then it is important to know that you have been brainwashed to blame other things for it. It’s completely wrong to blame them for your relapse. I mean you can’t be always running all you need to understand is your PMO is only source of stress. So if you want to know more you can text me

#6

@johnatan well motivational videos makes me more sad, but apart from that I think you are right. Or just distract myself fo solid half an hour to hour with something.

@Probably2 I dont think you understood me. I did not blame anything except me. These things, which I mention are tools, which helped me relapse, but it was mine decision and I am fully aware of that. And personally I dint think only PMO is source of stress tbh. Yes it is one of sources and it is not helpfull. And to your note to “running”, I agree, but to a some point. What is considered runing? For me fighting this addiction and excepting that I am an addict and aknowledging that this is here, is not running, it is fighting and if you have urge and you need to distract yourself to nor relapse is not a running at all. I can see it as dodging. If you are fighting your dragon (PMO in this case) you need to sometimes hide behind your shiled ar wall or rock otherwise you will be soon dead. And when some time passes, you can fight also that, because you will be aware of that. You or I or everyone, we just need to learn tactics to fight and it is different for everyone. Same way as, if you are lpaying WoW, you have different clases and different specialisations but BOSS in dungeon is always the same and his tactics are the same, but everyone have their own avoiding tactics :smiley:. Yeah, I know I played WoW in past for few years, so I take inspiration from there.

#7

Bro I am also not saying that you are to be blamed. The problem is in the mentality we apply to no fap. Actually when we consider we are fighting our subconscious mind thinks it is difficult to sacrifice thing. Actually No I recommend you to read the easypeasyway to conquer porn you will find it easy

#8

I started read that book over 2 months ago, but did not finised as it made me relapse in past, so I am starting over again and regarding “hard to quit” well, it was not that hard for 16 days or so and I did not even thought about looking for something, not even thought about P, but I somehow break and that was it. Anyway, I understand you and agree with you, starting to read easypeasy over again and now I will finish it.

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#9

Been there man but glad to see you’re learning from it and still pushing onwards. What helped me when I last relapsed was to think to myself that if I try again, this time, it could be the final one that let’s me hit my goal. I remember three weeks in thinking it was too much and wanted to give in and start again after, but I somehow managed to stop myself. Each day after that point when I realised I was able to control it, I felt more and more confident that this was the final streak and there was no way I was going to give up after so many days. All the trigger points (no excercise, social media etc…) numb out once you get to that stronger mental state and I’m sure you’ll find it soon and feel more and more in control. For now you just need to pass that 14 day barrier and once that’s done you’re on route to beating your record!

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