Day 1,2 then 0
Again day 1,2,3 then 0
Again day 1,2,3,4 then 0
Sometimes it could be day 1,2,…,10 then 0
Why am i failing one after one ? Idk
Did i use to fail ? Yes, i got used to failing and relapsing
What is happening to me ?
What am i doing here ?
Did i enter this forum to post memes only ?
Is that it ? What about me ?
What do i benefit from being here ?
I see people doing good in their streaks and having discipline more than me
Where is my discipline ? Why can’t i order myself to stop doing this ? Why am i letting desire to control me ?
Am i an animal or what ?
These are all questions that i am asking myself everyday.
When , what , why , where
The first time i was here , i had that mindset that enabled me to cross 100 days
Then it was gone
I went to look for that mindset again
And got lost more and more
I am always asking myself everyday
What do people who reach higher streaks have and I don’t ???
What makes people around me more successful than me ???
Did i get use to feel lower than them ? If this is true then i am in a real danger
Sometimes i just wish if i could press a button to restart my life from baby child ( yes , i got desperate from my current life to that extent )
Another thing i want to admit is that after those 100 days i kept relapsing and relapsing
And i kept talking here that i will be better and will not relapse more but after that i relapse in a very very Embarrassing way that damaged and worsened my thoughts about my image in front of me and other users here
This made me stop talking and i started to relapse silently without getting here and talking nonsense again ( i am going to conqer this addiction, i am not realising again , i swear i will not do it again )
So what makes this time different than the others?
I say : this time i am not trying to quit ■■■■
This time i am trying to re- shape my life
I am probably thinking of making a diary , read books , do a healthy diet
I am writing this because i want you guys to tell me what should i do
I need your advices
Please advice me anything
I have a similiar journey bro. I went 200 days and since then I’m asking myself the same questions, what was so different back then, how in the world did I do that, and why am I not able to replicate that success?
When I first broke my 100 days streak, I was in a really bad loop too, not just that but I did a horrific act too, I guess you know about it.
Went through hell now on day 15.
Maybe you couldn’t come out of it as soon as you would have liked too, but you don’t have an option but to give it your all.
We can say all want, but the decision can only be taken by you.
Once we have that realisation that no one, but we ourselves are responsible for all the relapses happened in our life, that’s when we truly start being accountable for ourselves.
Ask yourself, has there been any relapse which was done by any other person other than you?
I really gave it all so many times
But after i relapse i feel like i am losing a piece of myself and my dignity in front of myself and others
Inner in me , i say about myself : you are not a man of actions , you just say words but never make them real
You are a coward person who can’t do anything
The fire inside me went out and turned to ash
Every time I relapse, I slowly accept my situation until the relapses no longer affect me at all
In the first relapses, I felt very upset and regretted after them
But now I am not affected at all and sometimes I continue to laugh hysterically
That laughter that makes you cry you know what i am saying
My feelings died and I became just a corpse living aimlessly Controlled by instincts and sensuality
We often try to escape the reality,And that’s dissapointing,but as we are humans,the bare minimum you can is keep trying hard,you have got thjs brother,you can do it!!
we would like to see your progress,
May Allah grant you strength to fight this.
I guess this might be one of the reason you kept failing in no fap.
I personally don’t have any big materialistic goals. But just the mere thought of being a person with wisdom and the strength I can gain from staying away from all this shit is more than enough to keep me on no fap.
Forget everything, Don’t you even desire freedom from this? If you don’t then all the questions are never gonna be answered. You need to have that fire within to be freed. I’m sure you do. it’s just your going through a phase. Remember bro if we don’t even have the desire or even a wish it’s simple you don’t want freedom. If we don’t have it we can’t be free.
Also your approach is pessimistic as hell.
You say “I can’t quit because after xyz days I relapse.”
WRONG
YOU WERE FREE FOR XYZ DAYS.
Isn’t that progress? Why only cry about relapse? Why not be happy about the clean days? Huh?
Why always think “Oh i relapsed today just fu¢k everything” and not “Okay no worries today i fell down but at least i was clean for 2 days. And slowly but surely I’m getting there and making progress.”
I once made 200+ streak but never had the mindset like: “Ohhh whyy? 200+ days down in the drain.”
I mean I was hurt but what matters is “Dayyum bro from relapsing every single day. From watching the worst possible shit to exist on internet. I went 200+ days free. I’m freaking awesome. Now I know what freedom is. And will get it back soon.”
Also “Meh. So what I relapsed a few times in 200 days. I mean it’s a setback but still not like I’m down to square one”
And just this thought and mindset. Viola I’m on my another massive streak without zero peekings. It’s tough no capping. But it’s possible. You need to have the fire within to be freed. And what did you lose? Nothing man c’mon don’t be so negative. Just imagine if we were unaware about the negative effects of p*rn and end up doing something foolish? Wouldn’t we regret more then? You should be happy at least your aware. Please man don’t be pessimistic.
Also Your Muslim, so you think we’d be granted akhirah THAT EASILY? Wouldn’t you be tested? And Allah doesn’t burden a soul more than it can handle. Don’t forget this point. Try harder. You have that within you and that’s why you’re being tested with this.
Your words certainly touched me a lot and i almost give it a tear
I know that every word you said is true and truly believe in them
I am just standing in the field with no progress everyone is ahead of me
All i see is their backs
The ones who were after me also became ahead
And i am still standing there in my place with no progress or any achievement
This sucks … A lot
The feeling that i am lower than everyone kills me everyday silently
The problem is before this shit happened to me
I used to be a very very proud man of myself
I didn’t see myself lower than anyone
I had that feeling if i wanted anything i will get it
But after so many defeats and relapses my self awareness is deteriorating very much
It brutally destroyed and eated my pride and dignity
I may appear as a pessimistic person and i am
But this pessimism didn’t show in a single day
It was accumulated day after day , defeat after defeat
And who knows , will it continue to accumulate or this was the limit idk
All i know , is that i am feeling disabled in front of this situation for more than 3 years and this is consuming my inner fire and energy while others are continuing to progress in their life i am standing here
And cannot move forward because their is a monster blocking my way
honestly you’re so sweet and caring bro,idk why you are approaching this negativity, even i have gone through these situations but never said anything bad to myself cause i knew i can do a lot better than i think about in those times when i am down,
Being optimistic doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the shortcomings,no!!,it means you’re actually trying make yourself feel that positivity leads to victory,we are humans we’ll fall anf get back up,
Remember" every child of adam is a sinner,but the best of the sinners are those who repent".
Allah is merciful and forgiving to everyone who seeks it,and the more you seek forgiveness,shaitan will get tired and leave you alone and trust me when i say this,“when Allah gives you his shade no matter how hot the temprature of sun is you’ll never possess a drop of sweat”.
You are too helpful and sweet,jazakallah,i don’t wanna see you like,we fought,we will fight,it’s just a never ending battle.
Ohh this video just corrected some wrong thoughts
Here is the thing
I didn’t guve up yet
I just standing there asking myself why is this ongoing
Why this never stops
Why wouldn’t it be the final one
Am i sentenced to relapse untill i die or what
These are all questions that are manipulating me inside
And I can’t find an answer to them
I came to reach a level where after relapse, i hear inner me saying ok you relapsed this is the last time bro i promise you
And i just feel this is exactly what happened to me last times and look where i am now
There is something wrong i am doing here
But I don’t know what it is
This is what makes me ask all this questions
I cannot find a way
I tried every way and every method, but they all ended with faliure
Ohhh can someone tell me what is the ultimate way
Can someone tell me where is the mistake that i did
Deep inside i know exactly what are the mistakes i made but i tend to ignore them rather than fighting them
Because i am already tired of this
Anyway i want to give big thanks for everyone who tried to give me advice
Have a peaceful life guys and don’t ever become like me ( questioning everything)
I am not giving up, definitely i will not
Even if i have no reason, dream, aspirations or anything
I will still fight
No matter the times i fail i will still choose to fight rather than fully give up
I know i am sentenced to fight for the whole of my life
And i submitted to this
My fight ends when my soul leaves my body
This is not a trying to make suicide acceptable to me or anything
I am very very very very far from committing suicide
Thank you guys again
I once heard a quote “Comparison is the thief of joy”
The more we compare ourselves or anything of ours with others the more we’d feel bad. Because i mean c’mon it’s obvious nobody is perfect. And it’s gonna make us depressed at the end nothing much.
You think you haven’t done anything and others are ahead. Maybe your comparing with others toi much. Your journey is yours to travel.
