Hunting Eagle's Diary [M 38]

Journal
1

Day 1 19-8-2023
This is the beginning of my new life having found this forum.
I choose to not watch ■■■■ (nofap) for 90 days starting today I want my control back over my actions mind and senses.

I will use this forum to record days and weeks and help me stay on track and help fellow fighters also in this journey if I can let me know.

My goal is to cleanse my mind from the addiction and live a more vigorous life than sitting Infront of a screen jerking off to fake virtual images.

Raising high like a great Eagle I will hunt and destroy all negativity in my life.
Starting with erasing my browser history and cleaning my house today.

I have been a heavy addict watching ■■■■ on my laptop twice a day early morning first thing and at night before sleep.

I know when the “visitor” will arrive.
Tonight, I will face the habit, the addict (the old me that is nothing, but a habit formed in my mind) in fierce conflict tonight, but I am ready of I know I’m stronger than my mind, I am in control.

image

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I read a book on Ayurveda,
I decide to form a daily program of life rather than letting random feelings and street food be my way of life.

I will start adjusting my morning time habits and breakfast for this first week.
19/8/2023 - 27/8/2023

Talking is easy… I finished cleaning my kitchen but now it’s time for the rest of the house.

I feel like watching youtube, Anime or something online and waste the Saturday.

But i won’t i will push thorough i will stick to my plan.

I came to sit just to write this in my diary as a defense mechanism.

going back to cleaning 2/3 of my house still to do.

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Day 1 11:40

You never know what what is until you test yourself.

I knew i was addicted to ■■■■, but also to sitting Infront of a screen literally!

I have a strong urge to stop my cleaning task and sit and read manga or watch a video online.
I feel like quitting to do that.

But I will not, i am contending with myself it feels heavy but i will push on and finish my tasks first.

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Seems like you took " better late than never" seriously
Good step brother

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I have seen 50-60 year old addicts in the society. (As they arent tech saccy and in gatherings they ask me for some help but i like intruding privacy😂)

So i really admire @huntingeagle to take this step. “Best time to start NoFap was yesteday. Second best time is Today”

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Thanks for the motivation I appreciate.

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Thanks for the motivation, appreciate it.

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Thanks to all for their Motivating words.

Yes this is the perfect time, I am not 40 yet.
Your replies have given me more courage.

I will do my best to banish those old habits.
4 months left before the end of 2023 I’m going to be a better me.

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I managed to use the first half of the Saturday productively.
My living room is clean my room is clean and drying up.

I cleaned my Refrigerator threw away lots of vegetables food and fruit like papaya that have been waiting for me to eat and cook them for months all spoiled/expired. about $40 wasted.
this is due to laziness I have been buying food often instead of cooking.
Its empty now besides a water bottle, ice cube and some frozen fruit.

The lethargy and heaviness to act were there in the morning, but as I pushed myself with will today and I see the results the order and cleanliness around me, I feel motivated to do more and more.

I plan to go to town in about 2 hours more and restock, not too much just some simple vegetables with a bag of potatoes, rice, chickpeas, walnuts and almonds to try an ayurvedic recipe.

The urge to sit and watch is there,
but I won’t I’m finishing what I start I must finish my to do list.

I just keep this webpage is open and some background music on my laptop now.

Now it’s time to sort things in my room throw away old or broken things.
Ironically, it’s like I’m throwing useless habits and thoughts away today.

I am glad for this facility of rewire companion.

Writing what you feel is a great help.

Time 17:00

I finished my tasks house is clean and smelling good i put incense sticks it’s so relaxing now.
disposed of all broken and old clothes socks ect… old papers It feels great.
I bought enough food rice potatoes ect… in town there is a new vibration in my house this Saturday.

I will have my 2nd meal of the day now.

After eating now that my home is ordered i will sit and start reading this story romance of 3 kingdoms its 400 +chapters longs so it should last me enough for the 90 days reboot.

Then I’ ill do calisthenics pushups and dumbbells workouts for legs back and biceps.
These dumbbells have been in my house for years but have not use them in months.

Its not what we have, its what we do with it that matters.

From Monday I will be cooking my own dinner and 3 meals every saturday and sunday.

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Its 7:45

Did my Calisthenics took a bath and drank a shake of milk walnuts and dates.

I drank about 1 liter of pure fresh water today not to self tomorrow i will drink 2 liters.
My house is clean and fresh.
It was a very productive Saturday.
It’s like the first chapter in my story of life I love the future I’m visualizing.
Going to continue reading romance of 3 kingdoms.

But its night now.
I know soon the “visitor” will come, the habit…
But this time I am conscious and made a choice this morning.

I am in control. 90 days no Po*n.

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There it is like clockwork, the urge in my mind the heat in my D*** to browse that fake shit.

But I negated it with a curse just now.
I said f***g NO. I already made my choice and its rock solid.

I finished my reading or Ro3k. It’s a story of war and strategies.

Tomorrow morning orders:
Wake up at 5 - 5.30 am
Drink water and take a cold bath.

  • Meditation for 20 min.
  • Reading a story of God from scriptures for 20 minutes people have advised me this for so long, it helps with self-control they say.
  • And I will go straight into action by doing laundry tomorrow.
  • Drink a walnut, milk and dates ayurveda drink as breakfast.
  • Cook a meal for midday
  • Read more of the book Ro3k
  • No calisthenics I will take Sunday as a rest day.
  • Ironing my uniforms clean my shoes and set them ready

After that I’ll see what I will do. I want to go to town at night, but I will start going out again next week.

This weekend is the preparation for war. gathering the soldiers supplies and weapons.
as the days folds i will adjust the daily discipline program until it is in its final form.
Important is to stick to my word, I can, and I will.

I am anticipating a strong urge in the morning as the addict rebels to get its fix.

But I already know its tricks:
Strong urge to watch counter: they are just fake images I said NO, and only real woman for me.
Feeling of Boredom counter: I have a plan of activities and disciplines to choose from or I will find something else to do I am dynamic not static.

I made my choice. I know it’s temporary the struggle of the “addict”.
I will starve the bastard out.
Just by the little changes today I feel my vigor and fighting spirit is coming back.

This is day 1/90 of no PMO.

Checking out to sleep now.

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Day 2/90 checking in.

I got up at 5.30 and drank water, then brush my teeth.

The addict showed up, the urge was there, but I brushed it off with fury for I’m in control.

Only thing I did not bathe right away, the water was too cold. after wasting time for 2 minutes in shower.
I washed hands and face and went straight away for meditation.
Note to self: Tomorrow, I will force myself under that shower no matter what.

I planned 20 minutes of meditation, but it felt so good I ended meditating for about 60 minutes.
First it was a struggle my mind kept drifting away from the object and the mantra but I am getting the Rythm.
It’s a fight to focus the mind but it feels good this struggle. I was expecting this after not having meditated for long. therefore I did not give-up.
I even chanted an extra round of the rosary after rotating my mind just kept going.
I also read from scripture of God as planned.

No will go for that shower eat and laundry.

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So far so good. I am restarting my old positive habits.
Feeling the vigor and energy to do more.

The addict is backing down.
I am realizing I gave it power by yielding for about 5 fucking years and not fighting back.
well, that shit is over now.
I choose what I do, I chose 90 days of re-discipline and power and i am not backing down.

Did laundry cleaned outdoors in the garden and now I will sit to read.

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Night time now, the sunday went wel.
It rained heavilt after midday so i stayed indoors and read Ro3k.
Setting up mt uniform and cleaned my shoes.

The addict has been pretty under control today a few sex thoughts but i brushed the shit away asoon as it crept up.
as I analyzed the urges show up are actually early morning and at night before sleeping.
so far so good.
I am eager for my new work week. gonna make it ■■■■ free as this weekend was.

If the addicts shows up too strong i will journal as defense, but i think i am good for today.

this was day 2/90.

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Day 1/90

Had a relapse yesterday.

But this is just a minor setback at the start of my journey, I accomplished so much this weekend.

I woke up with energy.
Going again with force.
Will split my 90 days in 3 as to make it multiple accomplishments.

I am strong, going for it now, I am ready for work.

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Day 2/90

no PMO let’s go!
I am pretty eager to reach the summit.

Roads are made for journeys and adventures.

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Day 1/90

This ain’t easy but not impossible.

But I already see ignited my fighting spirit overall.
People at the office have noticed I got more drive yesterday.

Lets go!

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Day 2/90

Upwards another ■■■■ free day.
the urge was there but I brushed it off.

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Day 2/90.

The last weekend was heavy but I’m back on track.

Nowadays we are enslaved by pleasure and comfort.
pleasure of doing easy tasks that leads to no strength or growth.

I will push myself and rekindle the fighting spirit.

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Day 3/90.

The urge was there but my No was firm I went to sleep without turning my pc on.

fatigue helps a lot daily exercise .
I don’t go to the gym i see many people seems to follow that trend.

I do not want to be a body builder, I do calisthenics pushups, squats and chinups.
by the time I’m done I was so tired I could only bath eat and lay in bed.

I got a nice haircut and new pair shoes.
going to be my best every day.

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