How not to objectify women?

27 days have already elapsed and ofcourse this is not my first attempt. I have been trying to fix my world view for last two years, but I still fail to objectify women. I still can’t stop myself from thinking about female body.
So, I am in dire need of help to overcome this messy state of mind. How can I stop objectifying women? And that too without labelling them with tags such as “sister”, because thats a very sacred relation in my eyes which requires commitment and hence I can’t see everyone as my sister. I hope there’s some way out of this trap. I still have a dirty mind. If I stay like this forever, more than anyone else, it’d be me who won’t be able to forgive myself for the thoughts that I have whenever I see females.
Also, I have one more question that how can I see good-looking women and not so good-looking women in the same light of attractiveness? How can I stop myself from getting attracted to good-looking women in the way I can control myself when I see not so good-looking females?
How can I just see everyone as human and respect them as qho they are? Is there anyway that I can fix my brain?
Thank you in advance.

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  1. Women also have hopes, aspirations, dream, and such. Nofap helps you realise this, because your respect for women sky rockets when you don’t see them abused on porn online. Remember that just like you, that woman you’re staring at has good days, bad days, desire to be loved, desire for a home, hopes and dreams, tears and laughter. She is a person. Not an object.
  2. That woman you’re staring at? That someone else’s wife/sister/mother/daughter. She cares for someone else. She helps someone else in need. She helps someone else when they are down. She deserves respect and someone who loves her.
  3. Would you like someone to objectify your wife/sister/daughter this way?
  4. Women are precious and created by God. Any insult on a creation is an indirect insult to their creator.

I don’t objectify women because it’s not a practice, it’s a mind set. I don’t state at women because REAL men have self control. They don’t look at a woman with lust (that makes you an adulterer at heart) and then fantasize about her and masturbate on that like little kids with no self control.

Real men say no.

Of course, I’m not perfect, but here’s what I do-
… forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. -Paul, Philippians 3:13

Here are two more verses from the Bible about that. No offense from these brothers, just think about them :slightly_smiling_face:

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is in vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30) My favourite verse to refer when I think I have a crush one someone :joy:

A real woman/wife is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her (Proverbs 3:15)

TL;DR I believe the final thing is this- you stop objectifying women when you start to respect them as persons. And that begins with nofap and treating them with the honor they deserve.

Flame on

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You can start by not objectifying yourself anymore.

If you believe that this body of yours is nothing but a tool for short term pleasure, then eventually, you will expand it out to others. Just like self hatred, jealousy, and insecurity.

Keep at it with NoFap. When you finally reach that point where you no longer see yourself as JUST an object for the pleasure, and you see yourself as more than capable of great things, eventually the objectification will instead turn into healthy desire. And life will feel a little bit easier.

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Hey friend if you feel those things.
Simply if you believe in God chant God name or chant some verses inside your mind. That will help to reduce those feelings.
Believe me it divert your mind and improve your eye capturing toward girls.and it works.

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I don’t stare at women brother, I never do. Most females pass by me and I don’t even look at them. Many people have even labelled me as a straight, modest, shy kid. Some in the good sense and others, just to mock but still. However, sometimes, just sometimes when I see some females, I get attracted to them and then start to have desires to bed them. This is as ridiculous as it sounds, I don’t want to marry any girl or have any girlfriend, I don’t even dream about that. But some women, I do want them to be with me. And this is what leads to the objectification of some females by my stupid mind. The thing is that since I don’t desire to be with any female, I should not be having desires to be intimate with them either. I really need to liberate myself out of this. And this doesn’t seem to work. I have been trying no fap for 2 years, reading books by great writers joblessly and all that. You may find it strange, but I have read same struggles implicitly written in the writings of some men greatly hailed by this world. Nicola Tesla and Swami Vivekananda were probably the only 2 well known people who won over all of this quite comfortably.
Thanks for quoting verses from The Holy Bible . I have only read the summary books of Bible and life of Jesus in childhood. Same thing about Quran. I have both the books in my online library, but I find it hard to read them. So, when someone quotes messages from the holy scriptures, it really helps me widen my knowledge.

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Desires are the root for all the human sorrow.

  • Gautam Buddha
    No bro, there are no healthy desires or unhealthy desires. Desires are just desires. Just like there is no true or fake love, but love is complete in itself. There are just two things, the difference between which brings all the changes to our worldview. One is called “need” , and the other is “want”. “Desires” are the extreme situation of wanting something. And “lust” is when your desires turn into something so extreme and negative, that it leads to objectification of your fellow human beings.
    But I do appreciate the essence of your post which essentially talks about how to intiate the changes in your world view. Its by starting with oneself. Thank you very much for this advice brother. This is really a very interesting, deep and philosophical perspective to answer my questions.
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I see brother. Will try that. I don’t look at women, but even the sense of presence of any female in my vicinity who can be my potential mate, triggers dirty thoughts about them in my brain. Hence, I am unable to think about anything else for sometime and hence I forget about God completely during that time. But I hope after your this advice, I’ll be able to lean back to God in all such situations.

Hello @PrDr

This is an interesting question. In the past, I’ve tried the “thinking of women as people” (sisters, mothers etc.) and use personification in order to fight the objectification. It helps a bit. Today, I’d even say that the problem goes beyond that and personification is just part of the solution.

I think the main problem of a PMOer is in the way he thinks. The PMOer thinks that having orgasms is the best experience and that there is a “superior sexual experience” to be achieved. That’s why the PMOer scans porn site after porn site for bigger body parts, crazier sexual practices and more extreme porn videos. That thinking transfers to the way he looks at women in public, hence the objectification and scanning for body parts. “Normal” women at some point seem boring, the PMOer needs to look at the “10/10” women to be interested. The solution sounds as simple as it is: get it into your head, that there’s no such thing as “just one peek” when it comes to PMO and no such thing as a “superior sexual experience”/“best orgasm ever” when it comes to real life.

Perhaps you might not agree with what I’m saying but think deeply about this topic and consider the possibility that it could be true.

Take care.

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You really seem to be understanding my problem, @Bashi. I’m sorry I sent a message because I didn’t get the notification of your reply earlier.
You know this one thing of seeing other women as sisters, aunts, cousins, mothers etc… doesn’t help much especially when one realizes the grave meaning these relations have. One with such understanding will not be labelling everyone as their sister, aunt etc… It’ll be an extra burden on your thoughts.
I’m having the particular problem in this area because I want to be someone who can spend his life in solitude for the greater good of this world. Honestly, its not really that literally, because I alone cannot make this world good, I am only talking about my endeavours. And between all of that, having such a messy mentality can really ruin my entire existence. But one day I hope, I’ll get out of this.

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Hey @PrDr , in order to be free from sexual thoughts when you see a girl you first have to understand the whole game of illusion by the nature (nature is a creation of god).

So, first of all, you objectify women because you think women are their body, you identify yourself with your body, you think you are the body. This needs to be fixed. You have to realise by spiritual practices that you are the spirit soul which is indestructible, eternal, blissful and divine and a part and parcel of god.

Ok now that being said, now let’s understand how the nature plays tricks on us. We have a body and it is covered by skin all around for obvious reasons (like to protect our organs etc) not only the skin is a protective layer for OUR BODY but the skin also HIDES all the dirt and filth of the body. You have to accept the fact that everyone’s body is nothing but a combination of blood, flesh, bones, urine and stool. The skin hides all of this dirt and filth of the body.

Now, coming to women’s bodies, in case of women it’s not just the skin which tricks our mind into think that their bodies are kind of worth chasing after, it’s not just the skin in their skin, it’s an additional layer of skin which women wear which takes the already present illusion to a another level, what do I mean by additional skin? I mean the make up, the lipstick, all the bright :art::heart::yellow_heart::green_heart::blue_heart::purple_heart: colored clothes they wear, plus, their clothes have flowers :cherry_blossom::hibiscus::sunflower::rose::tulip::blossom::bouquet: printed on them, very tight clothes they wear, the perfume they wear, all of this do a VERY GREAT JOB in hiding the ordinary skin :heavy_plus_sign: the heavy amount of dirt and filth of their bodies.

You have to develop a vision to see things AS THEY ARE. You have to look through their clothes, look through their skin, and then you will see the reality of human body, it’s full of filth and dirt.

Notice here, I’m only saying the reality of body, I’m NOT DISRESPECTING WOMEN. Women are simply spirit souls (part and parcel of God) staying in women’s body for a short period of time for the purpose of liberation.

Any person who is spiritual, longing for God, never decorate their bodies. Bodies are material, impermanent, but we (spirit souls) and God are eternal and blissful.

This is what you have to do next time you get distracted by a girl:
Just imagine how much dirt that girl’s body is carrying, imagine how much dirt is there in her nostrils, in her eyes, imagine how would her underarm would smell. Just look at their body what it is, nothing but a combination of blood, flesh, bones, urine and stool. Imagine just below few centimeters under her stomach’s skin it’s full of filth. Never run behind bodies, but look for what kind of a person she is.

Hence this is the solution. I have not disrected women here, i have just stated pure facts. If I offended anyone I’m sorry. If I said anything wrong please let me know. I’m always ready to correct myself. :pray: may God bless you. I hope my reply helped you in any way.

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Best Answer Sir Appreciated 🙋
I agree with you
Girl is Only flesh bones.

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Don’t call me sir bro :joy: just call me friend or bro. By the way, girls are not flesh , girl is simply a term assigned to a female body. The one who is staying inside that female body is same as God. (Spirit soul)

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Very wise insights, brother. Now, before looking at a human face, I’m gonna look through their dirt beneath the skin and then later, inspect their sould. :slight_smile:
Also, you probably forgot about one thing that women have which drives men towards them, its the ability to give birth to new lives. No matter how immaterialistic our thoughts are, subconsciously we all want to see the children who’ll carry on our genes. This means that whenever we’ll see females, unconsciously we’d look for the females whom we feel will be the best fit to produce the best quality of children. And then we proceed to objectify them when we see them for the first time.

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Speaking about attraction for females because they could be a very good mating partner, it depends on you, it depends of what kind of standards you set, whether it’s simply a healthy, good looking body, or if she is a spiritual person. Once you realise fully that biology is not the front end of our life, the wanting to have children will reduce a lot. Then, you might ask a woman for marriage simply out of feeling of deep connection. It won’t be about simply children. (Also, there are a whole lot of statistics and facts which clearly warns us about the dangerous consequences of getting married nowadays, because of gender biased laws across the globe, which we can discuss if you want)

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Even your subconscious mind can be trained by spiritual practices like japa (chanting). It’s possible to completely eliminate anything you don’t want once you reach that level of awareness.

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Of course, marriages are very risky these days. I was not talking about getting married , I don’t want to marry or even have a girlfriend. I don’t want any commitment either. As shallow as it may sound, I just want to bed one/ some women of my choice and want to have my own child/ children. This, in part, comes from my love for children which makes me want to have my own children too. And as for bedding a woman, thats for obvious reasons of attraction, lust, cool down the fire of sexual intimacy etc… I know none of this is healthy, and my brain is screwed . But thats exactly why I am here asking for advice.

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What is bedding a woman? I don’t know can you tell me

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We both are same, I too don’t want to get married ever or to have a girlfriend because I have known the reality, the system is stalked against men by gender biased laws. By the way I’m not staying single only because of gender biased laws but to walk on path of God realisation (which is everyone’s true purpose of life.)

But I find it confusing that you say you want to remain single whole life but you also want children. I don’t get it.

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This longing for having children is nothing but a search of your involvement in the world. Once you progress spiritually, you will lose the desire which is related to this impermanent material world.

ALSO. THE ONLY PURPOSE OF REPRODUCTION IS NOT TO LET OUR HUMAN SPECIES GO EXTINCT. And we know very well that our population is exploding like a atom bomb. So you, as a conscious being have to hold back reproduction. Otherwise, what would be the difference between us and animals if we keep on producing children?

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That’s good brother :slight_smile: continue that way…don’t be like the creeps who keep staring

It is completely fine to have the desire- just your natural libido as a man. It is not good to give in to desire and sin.

Not that ridiculous brother. I think you are at marriageable age, hence you should actually start thinking about it, maybe after your upcoming exams. I know it will be hard, I saw your post about distrust in humanity you had, but remember that theses feeling are God-given, only don’t let the desire give birth to sin.

Brother no matter how masculine someone says he is, all males desire intimacy with a woman. That’s completely natural.

You’re right. By sheer willpower they decided to remain celibate. If you want to remain celibate it is up to you, or you can choose to accept and embrace a married lifestyle.

Basically, here’s another verse from the Bible :slight_smile:
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I [the author, Paul] am.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:9-10)

Though this is addressed to women, Paul meant it universally. He was celibate, but he accepted that marriage was also an important part of life. It depends on each person @PrDr

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