Really, you are. So many of you. I look at these topics and people keep “motivating” others by saying shit like “Yall can do it!” “You will feel better/more yourself/less awkward around girls!” “You’ll get a huge boost in sports” “You will be able to concentrate better!”, you get the point.
Let me be clear - this is all true, but none of it will help any of you. When yall get an urge, you look the other way - take a cold shower, go gaming, play music, go for a walk/jog. But you can’t keep running away forever - you will keep having urges for at least 50 days (almost positively even longer, but I don’t wanna say things I’m not sure about), and one of those is bound to get you. So if you’re doing this and are serious about quitting porn, eather change or quit, because this is not the way to victory.
Before I continue, if it is not your goal to see clearly through this mist, but would rather lie to your own self right in the eyes by thinking that natural sex is ok but porn isn’t, that it’s ok to take a peak once in a while but not finish or shit like that, leave. I am not trying to make you feel bad. That is your own choice. My goal is not the same as yours, so what I did is not what you should do and I am in no way recommending you to read the next paragraph, as it will just make you more insecure.
.
.
.
.
Now that I got this out of the way, here is how you should approach porn, if you want to see people for what they truly are, if you want to be able to be by yourself not doing anything, without thinking of sex-related shit after 5 minutes and all benefits you must have already heard by now, and, most importantly - how to stay that way forever.
If you are having an urge, rather than running away from it, embrace it. Sit down, get comfortable and call it out. Then, have a nice little one-on-one conversation with the urge itself - see who wins. If you win - good, but be prepared that it will come again, but this time with a better tactic. If you lose, don’t run away. Relapse. Accept your defeat. It is not a failure. The only true failure is if you learn nothing from it. You learn a hundred times more from defeat that from victory, you know. So, after it’s done, think about what just happened. Now that the urge is gone, have the same conversation again - imagine you are back before you relapsed that time and think what you could’ve said different. This time, YOU ask YOURSELF the questions (be as tough as you can) - for example “Why should I not relapse right now?” and imagine you are still having the urge from before. Why indeed. And so you start listing all the shit we’ve all heard a thousand times, but don’t stop there - continue asking the questions - “Yes, that’s true, but I CAN still be successful, have a great body, have money, have confidence and all that shit you just listed, even if I do relapse regularly. There are many people like that, and they are doing just fine.”. Get the picture?
Now, what happens after the conversation ends is eather: a) You gain immunity from that kind of questions, or b) You keep relapsing over the same exact thing until you win the conversation, and LEARN something from it. Don’t just force yourself into winning, don’t force yourself to not relapse, don’t come up with some lame answers just so yoi can walk away and let it haunt you until you beat it. Face it. The only important thing here is that you eventually win (it has never taken me more than 2 tries to gain immunity, just saying so you don’t think this is some load of bullshit I’m talking about).
I am at day 30 now. I could not believe the strength of the urge I had just now. I did the same thing, and since I have (finally) found the universal answer, I won easily. But had i not done that before, I am sure this one would have turned my 30 turn into 0. I am not, however, going to tell you my answers, as it will ruin both the experience and the surprise. I do hope that at least some of you will try this and tell me how you dealt with it, aswell as your final conclusions, though, but remember - this approach is not for everyone… it is incredibly difficult in the beginning, it WILL make you depressed, but also striving for self improvement. You WILL rise and fall (mostly fall), it will happen. But after that last relapse, you will know you’ve won. Forever. And that is the only true victory. At least for me. Yet again, if your interests do not coincide with mine, that’s ok, we are two different people afterall, so take it easy.
Thanks for reading this all the way through, I really do hope yall learned at least a thing or two from it. On the final note, I just wanna say how stressful this journey will be. So prepare yourself, if you think you can do it. You can eather be one of those liars stuck on day 20 for 10 years and never finish the test correctly, or force your way through in a single, extremely painful year, never falling back.
So, good luck yall, an exciting journey awaits.
Hey man, rightly said. I know not all the people here are for the same reason, hence not everyone
will like this post, but I myself is a fan of what I call it as ‘destructive motivation’, where you speak the harsh truth right in front of the people. When I started nofap, my goal was to restore my hair growth, remove face pimples etc all the childish reasons. But when I struggled the first week, I realized this for the very first time that I was a fucking addict. Then I noticed other things which actually are wrong in my life and I became serious about nofap. What you discussed about embracing your urges is exactly what I do, every time I have urges. I would encourage you to read my article and it’s discussions as you will like it:-
Okay, first of all, badges? Who has the highest streak? Are you kidding me? And all of a sudden you say 100% of people on NoFap care for that? Tough statement to make. There are all sorts of people around the world, and you can’t put all of them into a single category. That goes for NoFap community too, and, honestly, I am amazed you believe something like that so firmly.
But, that is not the point here. The point is that you are one of those delusional people (no offence intended). You say masturbation ruins lives. I don’t know a single person doing NoFap irl. And they all seem to be doing just fine. You can get a great job, you can get a super-loving family, have great, trusted friends, make memories with them you’ll talk about when you’re 70, and live a 100% happy life, even if you relapse 5 times a week.
But you are telling me that if you relapse ONCE, you are an idiot and should give up hope.
If you achieve something on the first try, maybe you are not so special - maybe the test was just too easy.
So then, you have two options - satisfy with a handicapped test (be delusional), or change the test to something worth the feeling of hapiness when you finally pass it, so that you will finally know that all that pain was worth it at the end, and get something out of it.
So, in your case, I want to say that you don’t go in-depth enough with your questions. You seem to have stopped after the “If I relapse once, I am as good as trash.” “Why?” “Because I obviously wouldn’t know what I’m actually doing if I do relapse, so I just won’t think about it, as I know it is wrong/not beneficial/I won’t get anything out of doing that (exept the regretful pleasure and feelings that of dog shit).”. And it makes sense, trust me, I’ve been there. But I did go one layer deeper than you. I asked “But other people do it all the time and have no issues with their lives whatsoever. In fact, some of them are probably even more happy than I might ever be.”, and that one obliterates all of your earlier statements. And you may look the other way, but I am not like that. And I’m not saying I’m better than you because of it. You made the choice of wanting to hear my point of view. So there you have it. I hope I have not caused you a problem that you won’t be able to solve, but rather one that will make your own self stronger. Thanks for hearing this out.
Lmao I just realised I have no idea what I replied to. This is only my second time writing anything here (not my thing), so I am kinda lost. I hope it’s not too much out of place xd
Eh, it seems to be EXTREMELY out of place 
I’ll get to reading those 20 replies now, the thing I wrote is how I would respond to only what you posted, I won’t delete it so you can read it if you want. Might write another “novel” if the 20 replies change something (which I guess they do).
Just a polite reminder: It IS possible to express disagreement respectfully.If insulting strangers online has become your replacement addiction please go back to pmo.
Well I guess I was wrong. This post was not for faint hearted like you. I thought that if you are writing such post, then you would have the guts to not get offended by that post. When I said “if you relapse even for once, then you should stop nofap”, it was a way of destructive motivation, but I guess you are those kind if people who takes things literally. If I would have said, you should go fuck yourself, it doesn’t mean you take your dick and shove it up your own ass. As you are new here, try to understand everyone’s perspective and try to be more respectful to others. I am not offended btw, I am just giving you a taste of your own medicine.
Nicely said man, that is what I tried to explain him about how things work here in his own language.
Ooook, honestly, I don’t really know what part made yall think I was offended by anything (didn’t feel that one in a long time, but not gonna go on about that), and I have a slight clue on what made you think my intention was to offend someone else, but it really wasn’t (not that it seems to matter now, aye?)
Anyways, I have read the who post, aapoorv, and you keep talking about the “harsh-truth” part. I don’t see you doing that. I see you going only over the top of the surface. As I stated earlier, before I read the whole thing, you never even asked the 2nd question, try 3, 5, 10, however many it takes. That is the harsh-truth for me.
I do know, however, that you will disregard this comment as bullshit, just like you did all of the other thinkings you got in your post, leaving you (in your mind) as the last man standing - the one with “the best” way of thinking (I guess yall will find this one offensive aswell, but again, that was not the point. This is just what I got out of his post I read earlier). Yours and my way of thinking will never be the same, and I won’t try to explain it to you any further, as it’s obvious you’ll never get it. (Yet again, chill, just my thinking. You don’t have to agree with everything everyone says, and I am not making anything up to “hurt” anyone)
Being able to debate the devil effectively may work for the weaker urges but the strongest one’s are like a rabid dog; completely beyond the reach of any logic.At least that’s been my experience. Coming up with good counter-arguments has helped me a lot though but more for keeping myself away from the point of no return. I am still devising a strategy for the next time I start acting as if under demonic possession with no sense of autonomy.That was scary when that happened to me.I felt helpless. I think I will say out loud:I have a choice! I am in control! Until my rational mind regains control
That’s exactly my problem.
I have the times when the urge shuts off all of my brain. It’s infecting me with the thoughts that it is good what I’m doing and it destroys every one of my arguments or doesn’t even let me think about them.
I guess we’ve all experienced those, then.
What I did in that scenario, was just relapse. But I never stopped there; after you do lose, the urge is gone, right? Yall experienced it, so you know what I’m talking about. THEN, I had the SANE discussion with only myself about “What should I do to make this not happen the next time I lose control?”.
Failed to answer it on the first try? Lose again, relapse again. Then you’ll be a little bit more sane, and a lot more mad, so your chances of coming up with a solution greatly increase. I think I have only come to number 3 once in a relatively long period of time, so I’m thinking it will work as intended for the two of you aswell. If it just doesn’t do the trick for yall, that’s fine too, but I think it’s worth a shot.
I think your just making excuses to relapse more…
You are wrong bro. Relapsing with some excuse is not going to help you anyway. If you can abstain for 3 months it will give you seriously more peace and energy. You can do normal sex but relapsing by masterbation is not a way
Your method seems like it would work for many people - I know because I started out using it (haven’t we all?). But no matter how long I would restrain by looking the other way (I remember doing ~35 days like that and being extremely mad at myself for not learning anything from all of that), I would feel that I’m missing something, and I’m sure I would relapse after I couldn’t answer any of the questions.
So, I wouldn’t label this an ‘excuse’. If I wanted to stop any of those urges, I could’ve. But the point of NoFap for me is not to just quit porn - I also want to learn something from it, change my other habits (after the 35-day-one I didn’t relapse because of an urge, but because I found myself wasting my hard-earned time (from not masturbating or thinking about it) on some 0-brain game on the phone (almost on pair with FarmVille, it was that bad…). So I wanted to start again, this time knowing more about what I should avoid, getting to know myself a bit better through every relapse). And still, if I look back I know I did the right thing. At this moment I could be wasting my time, still be thinking like a kid, my overall behaviour would’ve been so different, my attitude towards other people and events happening around me would not even be recognisable, and many other things - even if I was on day 100 right now. Of course, I can’t say this with absolute positivity, but I feel like I am 97% sure.
So, call it an excuse as much as yall like. The best way to do NoFap is your own way - not all of us have the same motives behind our actions (so I am not saying my method is the best). I, however, still hope I clarified meaning behind my actions.