I’m not here to mock anyone, apart from myself. I’m just convinced that this struggle is meaningless because I feel I will not gain anything out of it. This is not pertaining to you or anyone in the community, however. And please, feel free to judge me as much as you want. Everyone else in the world does it, so why shouldn’t you? And I appreciate you wanting to read my comments, but you really don’t have to.
And yes, I’ll ANSWER your questions. My everyday life is routine and boring. If you want details, it’s something like this. I work at a gym, at am office, and I’m in the service. I sometimes wake up at 3 in the morning to open up or just sleep a little longer to go to the office, depending on how wild and sporadic the schedule will be. When I go to the gym, I see all sorts of people at the front desk and greet them and hand them towels. Actually, I meet alot of women there, but still can’t talk to them since it’s a business enviornment. And even if I did, I wouldn’t get far due to my lacking of confidence. The office job pays well but it’s in the back, away from everyone. I’m always constantly alone listening to podcasts or watching people do sht that I’d rather be doing. Sometimes it drives me crazy and brings me to a fit of bitterness and rage and then depression. The weekends nothing happen. Our house is under construction since we’re adding a second floor to it and I cannot even rest properly in it. I don’t Even have my own private quarters for fck sake. I sleep in the ***damn kitchen, which also happens to be my living room, computer room, and bathroom. That’s pretty much it.
Do I have daily routines? Yes. Boring ones. They repeat every single day and the novelty has been dead for a long time now.
For my habits, I just wake up, work, get angry, depressed, etc. Workout, eat sleep. Just rinse and repeat.
Hobby: I used to be a writer, but I honestly think my writing is sht and pathetic. If anything, I think I’m just a wannabe. Not once, have I gotten a work published and I want atleast one done this year. Futile, am I right? I also happen to love videogames as well, but as you can see, I’m always busy all the time and sometimes I get so depressed, I lack the wanting to play them. The same way I lack the want to write. Also, to be honest, I kind of have a hate for them because I feel like they are the reasons why I’m such a shut-in, outcast, misfit, disconnected fover, etc. Because I have spent most of my childhood and teenage years on them. I never really socialized or did anything out of my comfort zone because I was such a coward to try anything new. Hm. It’s funny because I feel like not much has changed. Because of that, I tried to kill habits on games and tried working more, socializing more, working out more, approaching women (which I happen to be a poor excuse of a ladies man), and all that. And even when I’m committed it seems that I fail at all those too with no results or very few changes.
You already know my living. How would I answer these questions or how would I want my life to be? Here’s the thing: I wouldn’t know. I seriously wouldn’t know. The problem is that even if I did have the omnipotent power to change my life, (Hell, anyone’s life) I wouldn’t know how to do it. Because the changes would be so ridiculous that it would sound like it was poorly written out of a fantasy or something like that. I wouldn’t know how to change it because I’m going to be f*cking honest, I wouldn’t know what’s better or worse for me. Do you understand the convolutions and odd juxtapositions that occur within our daily lives? It would take an omnipotent deity to truly understand exactly what exactly is going on and how to order everything to make everyone happy, which feels extremely imppssible. Which is why I don’t know how to answer that question. But to put it succinctly, I would know how to answer that because I cannot give you a realistic answer.