Day 14 and relapsed what a shitty addiction.
i realized that quitting prayer as a consequence will not help me at all, infarct it will hurt me, instead i will make a habit of praying on time and getting closer to God, then i will ask for his forgiveness and i will repent. i will though stay with the concept of consequences but i will make it somewhat helpful. my next consonance will be quitting gaming for a week. i just got a gaming system and i would hate to stop using it, but at the same time if (God forbid) i relapse it could possibly help me in a way. so 7 days will be my first target, and if i fail i get 7 days of no gaming AT ALL, Not of any sort as a consequence.
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Keep fighting brother! NEVER surender! It is hard, but the more we fight, the stronger we get! Every time we rise up stronger! Always learn from mistakes and make a plan how to deal with them and eventually you will be unbeatable!
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Sad to see your relapse.
Gaming is indeed not really helpful because itās also a sort of addiction. Playing it regularly affect the brain,if more than 9 hour / week you will feel it more rewarding than normal so maybe more addictive. And more a game is addictive more you stay on computer and more risk to relapseā¦
Quitting game makes your brain really better, i stopped 1 year ago, i replay a bit now , 2-3h / 2 weeks and itās ok , i feel sometimes that i crave for it bad but itās just a replacement of porn. And iām not doing it.
Should be hard for you now, i hope you will get better.
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Day 1 out of 7- 7 days no gaming.
Normal say, was stressed kinda and nervous sometimes but no so so bad. Will hold on and try to not bing. I will not binge.
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Thank you for the encouragement guys, appreciate it.
Day 1 out of 7. Consqunce- 1 week no gaming. Today Iām on day 1.
Had a very very tough morning full of negatives from post relpase. Came through though my day got a bit better then. I regret doing it, I really do. But regret dosent help a bit, acting is more important.
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Day 2 out of 7, consqunce- 7 days no gaming.
Alright, had a lot to do and was thinking about it yesterday and got stressed kinda, then I told my self stop thinking and just let things happen, today came and things went smoothly.
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Iām writing this day as Iām at day 4, but day 3 just passed so day 3 out of 7. Consqunce- 1 week no gaming of any kind.
I was lazy today, went to work still I slept at 11:30 yesterday and still didnāt do my prayer or meditate or took a shower, I donāt know why Iām letting laziness taking over me. At work I worked hard and got stuff done, even though I was tried, will meditate and pray as soon as I get home, and had some urges but killed them right away, urges arent urges if you just ignore and donāt think about them.
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Day 4 out or 7, consequence: 7 days no gaming of any kind.
Today was alright had a strong headache, first time getting to sleep in, other days I go to work and school, didnāt have urges, went to work after wards and came back. All good, no urges as of now.
Left my phone. Unlocked and relapsed, consqunce started.
Day 0 out of 10, consqunce- 8 days of no gaming
Today was stressful, was tired all day because i slept leave Yesterday, it sucks, I messed up on my test, i came back very tired and itās affecting me negatively.
This is just a message to motivate you and for you to see things, there is no accusation, judgements or something bad in it. Itās not intended to be taken badly, i can understand that in your state you can be frightened.
Sounds hard for you. You know, maybe you will never have the factors and the environement which does not make you relapse.
Maybe, you will never be strong enough to win this fight, you will maybe end killed by yourself.
But you see, people say that they are tired, their phone was hereā¦ Is it the true reason of the relapsing ? Our hand goes on the phone, the object has done nothing. Only usdecide whether you are tired or not, fragile or not. In the end, itās our choice to relapseā¦ even with all the bad conditions ā¦ WE take the phone to see garbage knowing that itās killing us. Yes we have addiction ā¦ etc
One thing can no be attained if itās controled, itās willpower. You can still remain calm even in a storm but you choose to let " psychological state " controlling you. Having a scar on your arm does not block you to move all the body : this is what " iām tired " " my phone" is , just a scar which is not affecting you totally. But when we relapse we decide that with a small scar in the arm, we have to stop all the body so relapse.
This was my experience when i was in a deepest hell + porn. I hope i made myself clear.
This is what i thought and this is what motivating for years nowā¦
We canāt this , we canāt that we are addict etc etc OK, but now itās time to do and itās time to stop thinking about the factors and environement and current emotional state because the urge doesnāt care, life doesnāt care and environement too. So what to do ? Resisting , changing and stop saying how bad our life is or how addict we are just doing the thing.
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Damn that message had a lot of auto correct and missing wordsā:exploding_head:. I appreciate the message it really touched me, Iāll keep what you said in mind, I already knew what you said but over time, over a bunch of relapses I forget, thank your for the reminder Iāll keep it in mind. I need to start getting will power, I need to get it,it is what makes you a lion, you donāt need an app that locks your phone, for it will only help a little. Will power is what makes you go through half of the journey, along with different strategies to make you succeed. Thank you again 
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Glad to see it helped you a bit.
The willpower is already here, just take care of it like you take care of a flower 
We just have to use it.
Sometimes i lack of will too, i forgetā¦ I forgot many things in my journey.
Letās continue.
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Yesterday
Day 1 out of 10. Consqunce- 8 days no gaming.
Yesterday was a lot akward and was tired the whole day, specially at morning. Didnāt really do much yesterday.
Today,
day 2 out of 10 consqunce- 8 days no gaming of any sort
Had a strong headache today, donāt know why, maybe because I slept a lot, anyways I had much much less akwardness today for some reason. Thought about what rising star told me all day, I thought about till my head started to hurt. I comprehended my strategy, over and over, setting up a goal, tell my self the best thing to go about it. Thatās pretty much it for today.
Peace.
Yesterday-
Day 3 out of 10_ consqunce- 8 days no gaming.
Today was decent had confidence, some more energy, though slept early and didnāt do prayer, meditate or wright the diary in time. Have to change that. I really do.
Today.
Day 4 out of 10. Consqunce- 8 days no gaming of any sort.
Today was pretty good, a lot of energy confidence is in the middle, went to work and kind of happy too. Pretty good day, just gotta to remember my will power and try my best to increase it. Have to commit to my daily habits and never miss them, especially prayer.
Day 5 out of 10. Consqunce- 8 days no gaming OF ANY KIND.
Today was just a regular day, spent it at work, had sense of humor, remembered my goals, and self will,(will power). Improving confidence little by little.
I relapsed again, I had a wet dream this morning and woke up hard, and took a cold shower, then went on PC to test some things out, in the process I came across pictures, all the will power I was having just disappeared, it went away, It kept dragging me , little by little, and then I relapsed, wasted 3 hours if not more, verys stupid of me, Im not making exuccess, I relpased and itās my fault for being so weak, ill start the consqunce for 8 days no gaming, Iāll keep this app unlocked for extra motivation and gather and build my will power, over time beating this addiction. Before I turn 17.before I have 11 years of this addiction
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Day 1 out of 10, consqunce 9 days no gaming.
Started the consqunce of 8 days no gaming today, the first thing I said when I woke up was about will power, I must get all my will power, develop it, along with other things I use to keep going, to get to me quit this addiction. I blamed my self a lot, if I had done this or that, then I said instead of blaming my self I could be working towards gathering my will power, to remind my self over and over of how I must develop the will power, that it is the key to breaking this addiction, as always kept repeating it untill the end of the day, hoping to drill into my mind. Iām optimistic this time, I know I have a high chance of doing this, of destroying this addiction, I want to get to at least 1 month before my birthday comes, before the school year ends, and I will, I will try my best to kill every single urge that comes my way, I will also not taking this nofap journey very, very seriously, I will take seriously for sure though, I will succeed this time.
Day 2 out of 10, consqunce- 9 days of no gaming
I started today thinking about my will power, ways I can develop it, I know how important it is and Iāll make sure i develope it everyday, by making choices I wasnāt making in time; choices I put down for later, and later is too late. This time im ready to get that will power increased, to do what Iām supposed to do on time, to use my strategies to kill this addiction, to end the cycle of relpasing, because Iāve had too much, i will end it soon, this will be something of the past.