For those who has spouse

Did you tell your spouse that you has these porn/masturbate habit? Did your spouse support you? Or they mad and angry with you?

In my case, my spouse caught me 5 times looking porn/sexy pic…i tell her that its a strugle also for me to stop this bad habit and sometimes it made me frustrated. Right now my relationship is in danger…really need advice about this problem…

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Ooooooh, that sounds tough!
That is not a good situation to be in, but it’s up to you to fix that! Be honest, confess to her everything and ask for her support.
Every night, give your phone and/or any other thing you use to tempt you to her. While it may be a struggle not only does it help heal you, it will help your relationship by building trust!
With God’s help you can overcome this!

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Why don’t you have sex with your spouse? I’m sorry if my question is a bit straightforward. I mean though sex is not a great thing but it’s better than masturbation and porn.

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We just have a baby, so I personally feel not relax because afraid for the baby cries when we do sexual intercourse

Sometimes looking porn isjust like a habit…sometimes my finger is automatically typing the porn site like that without any desire

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You have a very good opportunity to quit Porn and Masturbation.
You can tell all your struggles and pain associated with this bad habit. She will have a soft heart and will be ready to help you. Right now she is only disappointed. Tell her your story and she will not be disappointed but will become sad towards your condition and try to help you.
Your Spouse can become your perfect accountability partner. Majority of us are struggling to kick this habit alone. That’s why we come here on this forum to find support. But you can have the most sincere and most vigilant support in the form your Spouse. You have the best opportunity to quit Porn and Masturbation.
I mean to be frank, when u get horny, u have a healthy way to fulfill your desires and this will help you so so much. You will only have to fight porn addiction and changes in brain and you won’t have to fight the desire to orgasm and changes in the body.
That’s half the battle already won… You are lucky to have a spouse you can rely on.
Furthermore, becoming your accountability partner and sharing your deepest struggles will bring you two closer and save your relationship.

I hope you kick this habit and live a happy healthy married life.
Do tell us in this forum when your Spouse agrees to help.

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Good idea…never tought about that…i’ll try to discuss it with her…i dont wanna lose my marriage because of this habit…really hate and disappointed to myself because of this

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Yes sure, don’t worry man… Seems like you are not badly addicted to porn but just have a casual habit.
You can easily quit this habit. Perhaps more easily than most of us.
After quitting porn, I guarantee, you will find your wife more beautiful and find your life very colorful.
We all are here to support you when u need help.
Best of luck.

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Thx Man…so regretful I didnt find this app/forum from the 1st attempt 2,5 years ago…maybe right now i already graduated from this daek habit…

Yes my wife is so sooo disappointed right now…our communication is ruined…everyday feels so bitter…I too feel the same disappintment toward myself…5 times failing my family and myself into the same mistake…even donkey can do better for only fall into the same hole twice…

Realy glad to find this app/forum…feeling stronger when i know anybodey else fighting the same problem…i hope we can reach our goals together

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Never tell her because if you fail she would add salt to your wounds.

Make your spouse the only one for letting out the sex energy if you are not able to do Reboot.
This way you can atleast be normal & away from guilt.

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She already knows, not telling her would increase distance and threaten relationship.
Also, she would not throw salt at his wounds because that is not what spouses do. Instead she would understand his struggles better.
We should appreciate and not say if he fails.( I understand your concern)

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He only needs to quit porn and masturbation.
He does not need to quit orgasm and healthy sex.

Bro, listen. VERY IMPORTANT

When a women finds her husband watching porn she becomes disappointed due to two things.
One is because it’s a bad and disgusting habit that her husband is into.

THE SECOND REASON and MAJOR THREAT to relationship is that she feels CHEATED. Not only does she feels cheated but she thinks 3 things:

  1. ’ Am I not beautiful enough for my husband?’.

  2. ‘Does my husband love me anymore?’

  3. ’ Is my husband not attracted to me anymore?’

These question haunt her and she becomes silent and disappointed.

So to save your relationship, u must talk to her about these things (be cautious about asking her as maybe she did not think about these things before you asked). You must ask her concerns first. Ask her the reasons of disappointment. And then answer her all questions.

Tell your wife that porn is an addiction and a supra normal stimulus. Tell her that watching porn does not mean u don’t love her anymore but it means that you are trapped by chemical need just like drugs… Tell her that porn is just like drugs and that you need her support and help.

Tell her that porn stars are fake and far from reality just like filtered women on Instagram.
Those are not real. Tell her that she is the most beautiful women u ever saw, you ever love and feel attracted to. Be the most romantic and loving husband ever.
Tell her it’s not cheating but a disgusting trap that u need her help to get out of. Tell her that this is a sickness and she is the medicine.
Cry in front of her, ask for forgiveness and most importantly, ask for her help. Sure you will have a big fight in which she will tell her concerns and maybe cry and shout. But SHE WILL DEFINITELY FORGIVE YOU AND HELP AND SUPPORT YOU once you answer her all questions and talk to her sincerely with your heart out.

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@BetterVersionOfMe @_Motivation @Consecrator @NeverGiveup420 @Yitzchak
Guys, I need a suggestion in my case.
Just like others, I have a habit of watching pon for 15yrs). I used to fap for 1-2min. Then again in a day another two-three times. Now you can imagine the fluid becomes very less and addictive behavior of me. Now I am 28, and my parents found the perfect girl for me. All of the universes wants me to get married ( Imagine in a typical conservative family, how lifestyle. Except me everyone likes her) I deny getting married because someday she will figure it out. (I/She may not get satisfied after marriage) One more thing, I don’t find her attractive (Assuming my toxic chemicals induced due to pon made me). I never had real sex and now self doubt getting stronger.
Currently, I am taking full responsibility for my behavior. I planned one more year to go. So said next year December 2021, to find a girl for me. Do you think it better to delay for a year? ( My idea is in a year, I can be the best version of myself.)
Now con side, One year may change a lot of things. I may lose the girl which everyone likes. My parents are getting desperate about my marriage to happen. I couldn’t dare enough to tell my sister or parents about this. Assuming, Blindly Getting married and fixing myself will take a lot of time and unfair for the girl if I won’t disclose.
Please suggest what do you think?

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Hello brother @assh
I can see this is a very tough situation. I can’t tell you what life will be like if you get married (good or bad) because I am not married. But what I can tell you is that you must really ask yourself, is it worth it?
I used to chase someone and was obsessed about her, but I was heavy into PMO. I said I’d change if I became her friend. I blew it and even after she stopped speaking to me. I digged heavier into PMO. And ruined so much time that I could have spent to get my friend back…
While it’s not a love story. I can tell you, if you end up married but you’re not prepared. What will happen?
Things could be much worse than now or it can be better. That’s for you to decide.
Before anything, you must self evaluate yourself.
Am I ready? If you have doubt. You must be patient, for time can be a good thing sometimes.
Please keep me updated brother and I will help as much as I can!

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Thank you. I agree whichever you said. Even I feel the same…things going to be worse, if i move step forward. Only people suffering more is that “my mom and dad” I wanted to help them but I am helpless. Now society as well my parents calls me disobedient and selfish. Now mom and dad, losing interest on everything due to me and they don’t talk to me like before. From last few months, I am talking to myself and going crazy :slight_smile: Hopefully someday, I’ll be free from this shit and could convince my parents. Thanks for your support again. Good rest of the day!!

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Hey @assh
I know those things can be difficult. It must be extremely hard. But remember we are all your family. Just hold on strong! It’ll get better.
God bless you.

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@assh bro. I see your situation is tough.

If you don’t have porn induced erectile dysfunction which means you can orgasm to real sex and without porn then you can marry easily and make your parents happy and during marriage you can reboot your mind keeping this bad habit a secret while you perfectly satisfy you wife. But if you relapse and she catches you watching porn and masturbing then she will be disappointed and you will be in tension.
But
If you are not ready, you should not marry. Your parents don’t know your situation and if u get married and disappoint your wife then your relationship will suffer and you will become more depressed and sad and it will be more difficult to get out of PMO addiction.

Now, you can use this marriage thing as a great motivation. You can give yourself a deadline to get addiction free. And you will know you are getting rid of Porn and masturbation from your life and real healthy sex and happy married life are waiting for you on the other end of the road.

If you want to make your parents happy by getting married and also get rid of addiction as soon as possible then you have only one way. You tell your parents you will marry after 3 months and in these 90 days you will reboot. It must be a successful reboot but if you fail then you will have to marry anyway or disappoint your parents again and more severe this time. This will the greatest challange but it has greatest motivation that is your commitment to marry in 90 days and the ultimatum to get rid of addiction.

THE other method is that the deadline can be as close as 6 months to 1 year. It’s your choice.

Sexual desire should be fulfilled with marriage and marriage can be a cure to your addiction but if only porn excites you and not real life sex then you need to heal yourself first so you can enjoy happy healthy married life.

So just relax… Forget what others think when you should get married, you know better about yourself. Take control of your life… Get addiction free and enjoy a healthy happy life.

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Thanks for taking time and explaining. I set a line a year. I am no perfect anyway but while figuring out,there will be ups and down. so as of now my target is only this year ends.(current strike22*) Then next year, I need to rewire again. Setting 90 days is going to ruin my current state of mind and problems. (I perform well in anything without any exam) As you know, Indian parents thinks this is best time (pandemic) to get married and their responsibility going to be over :smiley: So I am thinking,better to be selfish and disobedient from other perspective by saving my own life. I wish and pray God that, i will get a girl who is much better than current.(just a wish) I am tired to explaining my people that, i am not old at the age of 28 :joy::grin: Thanks for your support and good rest the day!!
(note: sorry for my bad English)

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@NeverGiveup420
YOU ABSOLUTELY RIGHT…The bad thing is right now she feels cheated…she thinks that she was ugly, not attractive, and im not loving her anymore…

I already stated that looking porn and loving her is different…i already state also that i looking porn is nothing to do with her being not atractive (she IS beautiful and attractive for me)

Right now she is still mad at me, didnt want to talk to me…looking at me in disgust…but i know i deserve it…its my fault anyway…i must take responsible…

I hope my marriage can be back full of happines

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