I guess difficulty in finding good friends is getting little common. It was pretty long to read but I get that your male friendship grown into a relationship type of thing and you were so dependent on him.
I hope you are more self independent now. I am myself almost getting into an LDR if you feel like there’s something you can learn from my experience I am linking my post here. No issues if you don’t want to read it. I update our status whenever there’s something that happens