No words can ease your pain still am deeply sorry for your loss. The pain she endured is heartbreaking. But your strength in holding on says so much its okay to let it out. She deserved peace, and you deserve to heal. let me know if you need anything or someone to listen. Stay strong bhai !!
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I want to thank everyone for their support. Iām struggling to find the right words. If Iām being honest, I wasnāt the best son. I failed her.
The doctor told us that my motherās cancer had spread throughout her body, and every cell was affected, even her brain. She knew she was going to pass away, which is why she asked her relatives - her mother, brother, and sisters - to take care of us and visit us regularly.
Now, theyāre coming to our house every day with food and telling my sister not to cook. Theyāve taken some of the burden off our shoulders, at least for a little while. With my mother gone, the responsibility of taking care of my family now falls on me.
Iām trying to stay strong, but itās hard. The day we buried her, I saw tears in my fatherās eyes. Heās not in good health either, but heās still managing to take care of things.
Iām deeply ashamed of myself for disobeying my mother and not visiting her in the hospital. I didnāt want to see her in that state, and I thought Iād only meet her when she came back home. I planned to show off my achievements and make her laugh with some jokes.
But she was in so much pain, crying day and night. Whenever we talked to her, though, sheād smile and laugh with us, giving us advice on what to do after she passed away. Iād get angry and make fun of her, but she was right.
As far as I remember, my mother was ill for almost 8-9 years. After getting one disease treated, sheād get another. I donāt know why God put her through so much suffering in her final days. She became a living dead body, unable to control her own body.
In the hospital, when my aunt and sister tried to sit her up, sheād fall back down. She couldnāt see properly, and everything was blurry. Sheād lost her appetite and was only passing blood.
The doctor said that if we started any treatment, sheād die from it. My mother wanted to spend her last days with us, but we convinced her to go to the hospital. It was already too late, though.
The cancer report took too long, and eight days ago, my father took her for a full-body scan. Thatās when we found out the cancer had spread to every cell in her body.
(I didnāt knew anything before her death and doctor never explained things to us I want to report that doctor if he explained us earlier about this full body test and where it can be happen he just written it in October and explained it to us in January it costed 13 thousand rupees but it had not helped us much because it was too late)
The day she passed away, my sister came home and washed some clothes. My mother told her to come back to the hospital, but I refused to go with her. I donāt know why, but I was only thinking about what would happen if she died.
I was praying for her recovery and long life. Eventually, my brother and father came back, and everything seemed fine. My mother was going to be discharged the next morning.
But then my sister got a call, and I ignored it. When it came to my phone, my junior brother was using it. My sister said my mother had lost consciousness after the doctor drained 650ml of water from her lungs.
My father went to the hospital, and I thought everything was okay. I went to sleep, but then some aunties came to our house. I let them in, still confused.
More relatives arrived, and I set up some seating arrangements. It was around 10 pm when an ambulance arrived. I thought they were discharging my mother, and everyone had come to visit her.
But then they took her into our room, and she was wrapped up like a package. My heart started to feel heavy, but I thought maybe she was just unconscious.
My sister asked for scissors and unwrapped her. Some aunties told us to cover her with a bed sheet and cover her head. I still thought everything was fine and told my sister to put a blanket on her because it was cold.
But then my sister shouted at me, telling me she was dead. I was speechless, and my heart felt like it was going to explode. I stood there, frozen, and then sat down beside my sister.
After a moment, I stood up again and told my junior brother what had happened. He came to see her and started crying, along with my sister. My father had tears in his eyes, which is why I didnāt cry.
Now, we need to give food to homeless or needy people for 40 days as part of a Muslim ritual. Weāll also visit her grave every day. But Iām scared that one day Iāll forget where her grave is. Things happen unexpectedly, and I canāt do anything about it.
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Youāre a good son. However much you may not show, all your actions were a way of caring. I know you will never forget anything, if you do forget, thatās like forgetting your own self. Visit her grave often, in happy or in sad moments, she is your strength and blessing.
Your motherās wise nature and strength far exceeded anything. I donāt know man, words canāt describe what I feel after reading your momās story. It felt like a personal loss.
I just want to tell you in this moment of sadness, I am here beside you mourning.
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By forgetting I literally meant it! Because they dig new graves on a daily basis although I will remember the place where she is buried but will not know the exact grave after a while if I lose the sight
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I will express everything when I will become worthy of it like after achieving my goals and reaching my dreams till then I will use it as a fuel!
Believe me I definitely will!! I never did anything for her was just used to think that when the time come I will fullfill every dream of her, she always wanted to live in a good house a good life and wanted to see us successful.
Thatās too big of a goal for me itās seems out of reach but I will do my best my mother always said me to study wholeheartedly ! Maybe in search of stars I will get the moon, I mean maybe chasing being the one of the best in world I will become atleast better than average although the saying is like in chase of moon may one get stars but itās wrong! Arenāt it? Stars are more precious than the moon they are thousands of times larger than a sun.
No brother, thatās not how life works! Death is a sad reality of life it will happen eventually and you will lose your loved ones eventually you too will die one day. Instead of mourning on past mistakes we should live the present.
The one who creates also knows how to destroy, the god made us he may have more good plans ahead for us we should believe on God and proceed ahead in life! This too shall pass away.
I know bro, I am not worthy enough to fullfill her dreams as I am now! I should change for the better a little day by day.
Thanks brother for thinking about me! I do made some brothers here on this forum, itās the best thing which I have, I donāt know why I am feeling more sadness whenever I read all of your replies and condolences guys 
.
No brother in this world everyone have some suffering instead of thinking others differently and only praying for the ones we know and for us own selves we should pray for everyone who is suffering and have problems in their life, Everyone have them by visiting graveyard daily I got to know the sad reality everyone losses their loved ones on a daily basis and thatās how life is! I saw the new graves digging and the destroyed old graves too, whenever I visit there I sees new corpses coming there, from a young infant to young and old peoples too!
Thanks for the help but I donāt need it god had given me enough and I hope in future I became worthy of helping others too! You have such a big heart brother thanks.
Thanks
I will stay strong and thanks brother
Inshallah
Everyone have their own pains and one day in there life they get rid of it or get rid because of it!
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My friend you are one of the most remarkable teenagers I have had the pleasure of reading about. I know that you wonāt let this compliment go to your head, so I am happy to tell you it.
I can offer no wisdom that you will not find from others nor yourself. Merely encouragement and sureness of the fact that, through the dedication and good heart that you evidently have, you will grasp the life that your mother intended for you, and that you really want for yourself. Protect and serve your family as they do to you.
I know someone who lost his mother young - in the year just gone - cancer also. His strength, like the strength you have, served his family well. Yours will serve you and your family well. Never give up on the happy thoughts my friend, and try your level best to keep your thoughts pure. We are always here for you. Always.
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Never expected that Iāll read this news, and that too so soon. Iām extremely sorry brother, really from the bottom of my heart, more importantly because I could not be even here or remember your mom in my prayers while I was away. Sometimes we become too selfish in our individual lives. Your mom was a fighter bro, I hope she stays high there in the a good place in lovely care of God and she maybe freed of all her pains now. You are a strong son of a strong mother, and I know you will get out of this tough phase and rise high in the sky, making your family proud which will bring a smile on your motherās face when sheāll look from above. 
Take care of yourself and your family brother.
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Heart clenched after reading the whole post . You are a strong guy 
, God bless you and your family bhai.
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Hope you are coping with what you are going through.
Keep us updated on how you are feeling and weāll try to be with you in every way possible to help you overcome the pain inflicting you
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Nowadays, I feel null and void, as if I am empty. I started this year with hope, thinking my motherās illness would finally be cured. She was about to be admitted to the hospital after her reports arrived. On the morning of January 2nd, I saw her for the last time talking before I went to school. She was leaving for the hospital, and I thought, finally, itās happening. Sheās going to be admitted, and at least for a few days, there will be peace at home. I wonāt have to see her suffer day and night anymore.
After that, I went back to my usual routineāattending school, eating, using my phone all day, or sleeping. Then, on January 4th, when I returned home from school in the evening, I noticed my sister was at home, washing clothes and doing house chores. She asked me why I hadnāt visited Mom in the hospital yet. I replied, Didnāt I just see her on the morning of the 2nd? Why should I? When she comes back, Iāll meet her anyway. Nothing new, right?
I now realize I was a coward, too afraid to visit my own mother. I didnāt want to see her suffering because it made me sad. I just wanted to see her in good condition. My sister then told me that my aunt (my momās sister) wanted to talk to me and that I should visit the hospital. But I refused, feeling weird at the time. I thought, Why should I suddenly talk to her unnecessarily? Itāll feel so awkward.
So, I carried on with my routineāwatching YouTube videos, scrolling through reels, playing games, eating, and sleeping. Later that evening, my sister received a call from our uncleās wife, asking about my momās reports. They mentioned something the doctors had told them, though I didnāt know what it was until days after my motherās death. At the time, they also said my mom was going to be discharged. We were shocked. Why? Canāt they see her condition? But now, I know what happened.
At that moment, my mom told my sister to return to the hospital as quickly as possible. My sister cleaned everything in the room and assured me she would bring Mom back in the morning. I thought, Oh, again? Why canāt they admit her until sheās cured? But that night, the only thing my sister returned with was my motherās body. She had died after the doctors drained 650ml of water from her lungsāthe cause of her breathing difficulties and the reason she couldnāt even lie down comfortably.
In her last days, as I mentioned before, my mother had become a living corpse. She was in so much paināunable to see clearly, control her body, or moveābut she could still talk and smile when someone came to meet her. My brother told me that when he last saw her, her whole body was swollen. Yet the body we received after her death had no swelling at all. Her face, which once had dark circles and marks of pimples, was now plain and white, almost glowing.
I wondered how she changed so much after death. My sister told me that when good people die, they become beautiful, and their faces shine. The opposite happens when bad people die; no matter how attractive they were in life, their bodies lose their beauty after death.
At first, after my motherās passing, I was confused about how to feel. I didnāt know how to react, but it was bearable during the initial days. However, as time went on and the relatives stopped visiting, I began to miss her deeply. Now I feel empty. Iāve tried everything to feel a little happinessāwatching videos, reels, manhwa, or animeābut nothing satisfies me anymore. Iām bored with everything. Iāve even started relapsing 10-15 times a day just to feel something, but itās all futile.
I feel blank. The other day at school, I sat at my desk for an hour, doing nothing, thinking about nothing, just staring blankly without even moving.A friend approached me and asked me to join a group and have some fun. I thought maybe it could help, so I pretended to enjoy myselfājoking, playing in the ground, and doing silly things. But even pretending didnāt help. Iām still bored and blank.
On top of everything, my hair is falling out a lot. Iām considering shaving my head and using minoxidil, but whenever I look at my long hair and how I look with it, I hesitate. I donāt want to go bald, but I think it might be better than losing all my hair permanently.
Lately, Iāve been experiencing headaches, hand tremors, eye pain, and dizziness.
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Incredible respect to you bro for opening up. It takes immense emotional strength. Losing someone so irreplaceable leaves a void that time struggles to heal.
Iām glad you keep her presence alive. Keep talking about her, look at old photos and remember her as though sheās still watching over you. Because she is. Thereās no doubt about it. But when those feelings of emptiness try to seep in, donāt let them take root. Treat that emptiness as your enemy, her enemy. Rebel against it. Stand up to it. You, your brother and your sister are her legacy. That legacy is worth protecting and it starts with you taking care of yourself then taking care of your siblings and dad.
Start small. Eat properly, stay hydrated and take light walks. These small acts arenāt self-careā¦theyāre acts of defiance against this emptiness. Grief is a double edged sword. It can try to consume you, yesā¦but it also has the power to motivate you in ways nothing else can. It cuts through the noise. There are some distractions that canāt be cleaved no matter what but grief can cleave through them if you let it.
Even so, I wonāt pretend I can fully understand what youāre going through. Only you truly know what youāre going through and I respect that completely. What I do know is thisā¦ the person youāll become through this pain will be stronger than me, stronger than anyone else I know.
Take care of yourself, brother. Weāre here for you.
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I can sense what you are going through by your words
Life is not fair
Everything changes in life
Every second keeps on changing in life
In this context, it is important to note that Happiness isnāt permanent and lifelong
Neither is sadness
Human beings go through different phases in life
Its through the hope of new beginning that one can tolerate the pain of sadness
The emptiness and void feeling as you mentioned will gradually get right and things will become normal
Life is an illusion
Its just like the dream we get during sleep
Life in itself is void and null
Thatās why human ancestors have created various things to fill this void life like family structure, marriage, religion, culture, art, music, dance, drama, handicrafts etc
These things cause both Happiness and Sadness to human beings sporadically
I hope you get a deep reflection of what I am saying
This empty and void feeling will unfortunately surround you for atleast next 1 year
You need not run away from it
As you rightly said, listening to songs, watching anime, relapsing are all means of diverting the mind to escape the void feeling
However it will remain futile
You need to feel that voidness to discover more dimensions within you
You need to use that void feeling to understand your inner self and life in general
This understanding will give clarity and will drive you towards Success
I hope you get the content of what I am saying regarding that void and empty feeling
As Sukuna Said go through family pictures , you will feel more void
Just use that feeling
Just feel how it feels to be void
Write down on how it feels
Jot down important points regarding deep inner reflection
Use Religion
The sole purpose why human ancestors created a concept called Religion is purely to overcome the grief of loved oneās death
Human beings had always deeply feared and felt incomprehensible about the concept of death
It is due to the fear of death, human beings invented the concept of god and after life - heaven and hell theories
Religion has always provided much needed support to human beings regarding death
Religion can provide solace to embrace the death of a loved one
You need to get more Religious than you are now so that you can find more inner peace which helps you to deal with the void feeling you are going
Meet the experienced saints in your religion and express your feelings and troubles before them
Seek their Religious guidance 
Engage in Heart filling activities :----
To fill the empty feeling in the heart, Engage in heart filling activities like helping someone, charity, donating to orphanage, making someone smile etc
Try to see otherās Happiness in your pain
Try to a day for someone so that theh will remember you for lifetime
All this can fill your heart with emotions that can counteract the emotions you are going through now
Do not shy away from crying and being alone :ā
It is helpful to be alone while going through unexplainable emotions and not run away from them or ignore them
Its nothing wrong to even cry and let it flow out of you
Its important to realize that emotions build a man
Stronger emotions build a strong man
Try to use your emotions to your advantage
If need arises, always take the help of a doctor
Do not enclose yourself in a room while you are feeling depressed
Try to receive lots of sunshine as it releases serotonin which can lift your mood
These are some of the things I felt the need to say
Hope it helps
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Brother, I understand, you blame yourself and call yourself a coward for not visiting your mother during her last days. You are living with a guilt that your mother wanted to see you, but you declined because of your cowardice. But thats not true. It was just a testimony of how much you love her, something that you yourself are not much aware of. You loved your mom with your whole heart, and were not able to see her suffering, see her in pain. You had no idea abiut her actual condition, and you were very hopeful that sheāll return. Even if anytime on her last day you had any idea, you would have visited her and stayed with her till her last breath. You are not a coward, not a selfish and definitely not a bad son. When we see our loved ones suffering and are unable to help them in our own eyes, we sort of distance ourselves from them after ensuring they are around people who can really help, especially for a school going kid of your age, this is the usual internal response. This shows how deeply you loved your mother, and your ability to love and care for someone deeply, also the unwavering optimism inside you. Do not let these light sources inside you die.
Mobile phones and internet media is a very bad thing, it makes people weak and ignorant besides consuming their so much time. It can easily become addictive, acting as a quick escape from all your problems and consuming your entire day. So, limit them. Its not because they are inherently bad, but because it also keeps you away from the things your mom wanted you to accomplish.
Those who are gone will not return physically, but their immortal soul is always looking out for us. Let your mother stay alive through you, through your actions and through your accomplishments. Maybe sometimes the best way to counter unbearable pain is to.let the time pass by, and stay around people who matter. I wonāt say anything about what you should do, but one thing Iād ask you to do is to switch off your phone and not use it for any hours outside specified times when you either use it for studies or play some game for an hour or watch an episode of an anime. Relapsing 10-15 times will not only destroy your hairs and eyesight or make you physically weaker, it will also make you mentally fragile and lonely, so stay away for sometime.
Instead, spend that time with people who matter. Can you imagine the pain your father is going through? Or the pain your sister must be enduring, little girl who had to bring her mother home? Or your little brother, who has lost his mother at such a young age? I think they need you, they wonāt say it but they do. Even if you donāt say anything or they say anything, just go and sit with them silently, and feel their pain. This pain can only be eased by feeling the pain of those who are going through the same. This is the time to stay close to your family, get closer to them you never did before. They will always love you unconditionally, and will always know your pain better than anyone. Keep going to school, whether you feel anything or not, sometimes you just have to let the days pass through, skipping school can in fact lead to more bad thoughts and more relapses, so keep going. And stay around the most precious gift your mom left you with, your family. They will love you even if you go bald.
You are a beautiful person yourself brother, and always remember that your mother lives through you, so do not do anything that you think would hurt her. Take care brother. Lots of love. May God bless you forever. 
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Bruh lemme share my phone number to you in dm
Whenever you feel like you wanna die and end everything
Just give me one single phone call for god sake before you take any decision
Is that okay with you @Imaginator ?
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Why should I will die? Just came back after putting my hand on the stove to get a little demo of pain of dying and it was really painful in just a split of second I changed my decision donāt want to do anything that much unnecessary anymore, Nevermind I am mad i just blabber unnecessarily canāt do anything
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You are always a part of my friendās group.
And you are probably the youngest and wisest of them all.
I understand the jealousy, mate. Literally, I too have it for the people who have everything.
Letās break the chain, your kids wonāt understand your situation, but this does not mean you will let them suffer right.
You need any help from internships, to job interviews, I will help. Just tell me when you need any internship.
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I donāt want anything in return, I really donāt like when people think me as a parasite who just want something in return I donāt want any intership thanks but no thanks! Also arenāt itās your birthdays happy Birthday
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If someone helps you, most likely they are doing it because they want to be of use to you. Not out of any selfish gains or whatsoever, itās an act of care.
I am older than you, and if you had a big brother he would have said and done the same in whichever capacity possible.
My answer above would have been different if my situation was different.
I know if you had the opportunity you would have helped too.
Howās your football practice going?
thank you. Well, itās overmorrow though. If I was a Saudi prince I would have gifted you an oil wellā½
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Overmorrow seems like I just learnt a new word 
. Ok then I will wish you on Time donāt worry! As for the gift, I am not gonna give anything like on my Birthday you offered me a cake, but I will only offer you well wishes just take them inside of you! 
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Damn!How can I be so dramatic thinking about what I did on the forum at night on my diary all the drama makes me vomit, No more drama from now on I will focus on increasing my progress.
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