✝️ debellator's fight for purity

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          <br><strong>debellator | journal entry</strong>
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**Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.**
*(Truth. Purity. Victory.)*

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♰

debellator
debellator | 22 | rewire warrior

This is my new journal.

I’ve been a member of this forum for over 5 years now. Every year, I’ve faced different battles. Temptations, struggles. Sometimes I’ve won. Sometimes I’ve lost. But every time I’ve learned.

However, I’ve come to realize as of late, that as I enter my 20s (I’m 22 now) the nature of the battle has changed. While before I felt like it was the rogue skirmish and intermittent scuffles, I feel like now I’ve entered the all out battle.

What I mean to say is, either I’ve become more mature, or the disease of pornography has reached a new level. I don’t know what it is, but I do know that the battle right now is tougher, more devastating and powerful than ever before. I have to fight for control of my mind, something I didn’t really have an issue with before.

I have a lot to think about, and to retrospect. But I do know this one thing: that I must kill this addiction before it kills me.

I will be using AI to help with creation of some posts. Those posts which are written with the help of AI will be marked by a ‘-0-’ on the top left of the post

This is my final frontier. The last battle for now. I have managed to fight and keep good control over other aspects of life, with God’s help. But this vile beast eats me from the inside out. It makes me question my self-worth. When I’m doing the habit, I hate myself. When I’m not, I feel that emptiness like a sudden urge.

I have asked God again and again for mercy because I keep falling. But I must keep fighting. Lust is one of the biggest battles a man has to face- and it is a lifelong battle. I have to be more proactive and decisive about my eyes, my mind and my body.

Who is the person on my profile picture?
AI-generated image of King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem.

Why?
There’s a lot about him that I really like and admire. Things I would like to follow in.

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1. He Fought with a Hidden Disease

  • Baldwin suffered from leprosy, a degenerative disease that slowly consumed his body.
  • Yet he ruled with wisdom and strength, even while wasting away.
  • Like the fight against lust—this was a battle inside the body, largely unseen, but real and deadly.

Your addiction is internal, like leprosy. Others may not see it. But it eats you from the inside unless it’s confronted with spiritual courage.

2. He Wore a Mask

  • The mask was to cover the disfigurement from leprosy.
  • It also became a symbol—of mystery, sacrifice, and resilience.

You wear a kind of “mask” too when you’re battling sin. You may seem fine to others, but you know the war within. Baldwin reminds you that what’s behind the mask doesn’t define your worth—how you fight does.

3. He Was a Defender of Jerusalem

  • Baldwin held the holy city in a time of great pressure and chaos.
  • He fought against external threats (Saladin) while dying internally.
  • And he often chose peace and justice over pride or recklessness.

Lust is like an invading army. You are fighting to defend the “Jerusalem” of your heart—a temple meant for God alone.

4. He Was Young, But He Was a King

  • Baldwin became king as a teenager.
  • He wasn’t perfect, but he was heroic in restraint and wise beyond his years.

You’re not too young (or too broken) to walk in authority. You are a king in training.

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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The below is the first 21 of my 90 days Bible Study Battle Plan
I encourage anyone who wishes to refer this plan to feel free to

:books: 21-Day Detox & Foundation Devotional Guide

Bible Study Plan

Day 1

Scripture: Genesis 39:7-12
Devotional:
Joseph’s story is a powerful example of integrity in the face of intense temptation. When Potiphar’s wife tempted him, Joseph didn’t just say no—he recognized that yielding would be sinning against God Himself. Your fight is not just against fleshly desire but a spiritual battle against what dishonors God’s holiness. Like Joseph, you must cultivate a fear of God that outweighs fear of consequence or personal loss.

Questions:

  1. How often do I remember that my actions are ultimately before God?
  2. What temptations have I rationalized that I now see as sin against God?
  3. How can I cultivate a deeper reverence for God’s holiness?
  4. What specific “Joseph moments” might I be called to stand firm in today?
  5. Am I prepared to accept consequences rather than compromise?

Prayer Prompt:
Ask God for a spirit of integrity and courage to stand firm like Joseph.

Application:
Identify one situation or trigger where you will “flee” or refuse to compromise your purity today.

Day 2

Scripture: Matthew 5:27-30
Devotional:
Jesus calls us to radical holiness. Lust isn’t just a thought; it’s sin that needs to be dealt with decisively. Cutting out what causes you to sin might be painful but is necessary for true freedom. This challenge is about refusing to tolerate the “little sins” that open doors to bondage.

Questions:

  1. What are my “right eye” and “right hand” – the triggers and habits?
  2. Am I willing to take radical steps to remove these from my life?
  3. How does this passage challenge any complacency I have with lust?
  4. What changes can I make immediately?
  5. How can I rely on God’s power for this radical transformation?

Prayer Prompt:
Pray for the strength to take radical action against anything that leads to lust.

Application:
Make a practical list of one or two things to remove or change immediately.

Day 3

Scripture: Proverbs 5:1-23
Devotional:
Wisdom warns us against the seductive power of sin. It calls us to guard our path carefully, avoiding even the “doorways” that lead to temptation. Lust steals life and joy—God’s wisdom invites you into a life marked by faithful delight, not fleeting pleasure.

Questions:

  1. What doorways to temptation do I approach?
  2. How has lust affected my relationships?
  3. What boundaries do I need to establish now?
  4. How can I cultivate a heart that treasures wisdom?
  5. Who will help me stay accountable?

Prayer Prompt:
Ask God for wisdom and discipline to guard your path.

Application:
Establish one new boundary today that helps avoid temptation.

Day 4

Scripture: Psalm 51:1-12
Devotional:
David’s heart-breaking plea for mercy shows us how to approach God in repentance. It’s not enough to fix behavior—we need a clean heart and a renewed spirit. True freedom comes from God’s cleansing, not self-effort.

Questions:

  1. How honest am I before God about my struggles?
  2. Do I ask God for a clean heart or only try to fix behavior?
  3. What does a “right spirit” look like for me?
  4. Am I willing to surrender control to God daily?
  5. How do I respond to God’s forgiveness?

Prayer Prompt:
Confess your sin fully and ask God for a clean heart.

Application:
Spend quiet time asking God to renew your spirit today.

Day 5

Spiritual Challenge #1 — Fasting + Digital Fast
Commit to 24 hours of fasting (health permitting) and avoid all non-essential digital content, especially anything that triggers lust. Use this time to pray and journal your struggles and God’s faithfulness.

Day 6

Scripture: Romans 6:12-23
Devotional:
Sin is a master that enslaves, but Christ’s resurrection breaks that slavery. Your life now belongs to righteousness. Offering your body as an instrument of righteousness is a daily choice that marks your new identity.

Questions:

  1. Who am I serving in my daily choices?
  2. How do my habits show who my master is?
  3. What does it look like practically to offer my body to God?
  4. What sinful patterns must I “put to death”?
  5. How can I live out my new identity?

Prayer Prompt:
Ask God to help you live as a servant of righteousness.

Application:
Identify one habit to replace with a righteous one today.

Day 7

Scripture: Ephesians 6:10-18
Devotional:
The battle against lust is spiritual. God gives you armor — truth, righteousness, readiness, faith, salvation, Word, and prayer. Each piece protects you from the devil’s schemes. Pray for the strength and discipline to put on this armor daily.

Questions:

  1. Which piece of the armor do I neglect?
  2. How do I “gird my waist with truth”?
  3. What lies need confronting today?
  4. How is prayer part of my battle?
  5. What is one concrete way to stand firm?

Prayer Prompt:
Pray through the armor of God, putting it on piece by piece.

Application:
Create a daily reminder to “put on the armor” each morning.

Day 8

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Devotional:
You are God’s temple, bought at a price—Christ’s sacrifice. Lust defiles this temple. Purity honors the One who owns you. Treat your body as God’s holy possession.

Questions:

  1. How does God’s ownership affect my behavior?
  2. How can I flee sexual immorality practically?
  3. How does lust dishonor God?
  4. What does honoring God’s temple look like?
  5. What daily habits reflect God’s ownership?

Prayer Prompt:
Thank God for buying you and ask for help to honor Him.

Application:
Identify one way to better care for your body as God’s temple.

Day 9

Spiritual Challenge #2 — Accountability and Confession
Share your struggles honestly with a trusted accountability partner or group. Commit to transparency and receive prayer. Journal temptations and how you handled them.

Day 10

Scripture: Psalm 119:9-16
Devotional:
God’s Word is your safeguard. It teaches how to live pure, guards your heart, and renews your mind. Loving Scripture is key to resisting lust.

Questions:

  1. How much time do I spend meditating on Scripture?
  2. How does God’s Word protect me?
  3. How can I delight more in God’s commands?
  4. What distracts me from Scripture?
  5. How will I use Scripture against temptation?

Prayer Prompt:
Ask God to make His Word your delight and defense.

Application:
Memorize one verse from today’s passage.

Day 11

Scripture: Job 31:1
Devotional:
Job made a covenant with his eyes, setting strict personal boundaries. Making this covenant helps guard the mind and heart against lust.

Questions:

  1. What would my covenant with my eyes look like?
  2. How do I guard my gaze daily?
  3. What rules will protect me?
  4. How does Job inspire my discipline?
  5. Who can hold me accountable?

Prayer Prompt:
Ask God for discipline to guard your eyes.

Application:
Create a personal “covenant” statement for your eyes.

Day 12

Scripture: James 1:13-15
Devotional:
Temptation comes from our own desires. Recognizing the progression from desire to sin empowers you to stop it early. God is not the tempter.

Questions:

  1. How do I view temptation?
  2. What lures entice me?
  3. At what point do I usually give in?
  4. How can I interrupt this cycle?
  5. What truth helps me resist?

Prayer Prompt:
Pray for wisdom to recognize and resist temptation early.

Application:
Journal recent temptations and your responses.

Day 13

Spiritual Challenge #3 — Prayer of Deliverance
Pray aloud using Ephesians 6, Psalm 51, and Romans 6. Declare freedom in Christ. Journal what you experience.

Day 14

Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
Devotional:
Sanctification is God’s will: to abstain from immorality. Purity is more than avoidance; it’s a heart set apart for God.

Questions:

  1. How well do I know God’s will?
  2. What does sanctification mean for me?
  3. How do I cooperate with God?
  4. What habits show my sanctification?
  5. Where do I compromise?

Prayer Prompt:
Ask God to sanctify you fully.

Application:
Identify one habit to sanctify this week.

Day 15

Scripture: Proverbs 4:23
Devotional:
Guard your heart above all else because it shapes everything. Feeding your heart on God’s truth is essential to overcoming lust.

Questions:

  1. How do I guard my heart?
  2. What is unguarded?
  3. What disciplines help?
  4. What do I feed my heart daily?
  5. How can I delight in God?

Prayer Prompt:
Pray for a vigilant, guarded heart.

Application:
Set up one new heart-guarding practice.

Day 16

Spiritual Challenge #4 — Worship Immersion
Spend 30+ minutes worshiping. Focus on God’s holiness and grace. Journal insights.

Day 17

Scripture: Galatians 5:16-26
Devotional:
Walking by the Spirit produces fruit that destroys lust’s power. Choose to live in the Spirit daily.

Questions:

  1. How do I walk by the Spirit?
  2. What fruit am I growing?
  3. How do I overcome the desires of the flesh?
  4. How do I cooperate with the Spirit?
  5. What steps can I take today?

Prayer Prompt:
Pray to live by the Spirit’s power.

Application:
Identify one fruit to cultivate.

Day 18

Scripture: Hebrews 12:1-2
Devotional:
Run with endurance, fixing eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. Perseverance means daily commitment, even when tempted to quit.

Questions:

  1. What slows my endurance?
  2. How can I fix my eyes on Jesus?
  3. What encourages me to keep running?
  4. How do I run with others?
  5. What will I do to persevere?

Prayer Prompt:
Ask Jesus to help you run the race faithfully.

Application:
Plan one endurance practice (journaling, prayer, etc.).

Day 19

Spiritual Challenge #5 — Journaling Victory and Struggles
Write a letter to God describing your journey so far. Include victories and failures. Offer thanks and ask for continued grace.

Day 20

Scripture: Psalm 34:18-22
Devotional:
God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit. Even in failure, He restores and strengthens you.

Questions:

  1. How do I respond to failure?
  2. Do I believe God’s restoration is real?
  3. How do I experience His nearness?
  4. What hope do I have in struggle?
  5. How will I encourage others?

Prayer Prompt:
Thank God for His closeness in weakness.

Application:
Reach out to encourage someone else struggling.

Day 21

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Devotional:
God’s power is made perfect in weakness. Your struggles become opportunities for His grace and strength to shine. Keep leaning into His sufficiency.

Questions:

  1. How do I view my weaknesses?
  2. How have I seen God’s strength in my struggles?
  3. What grace do I need today?
  4. How will I depend on God daily?
  5. How will I celebrate God’s work in my life?

Prayer Prompt:
Pray for grace to embrace weakness and power in God.

Application:
Celebrate your journey. Plan how to continue with God beyond 21 days.

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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Below is a daily planner for the next 21 days
I encourage anyone who wishes to refer this plan to feel free to

:crossed_swords: 21-Day Daily Battle Rhythm

Theme: Detox & Foundation (Phase 1 of 90-Day Purity War Plan)

:tear_off_calendar: DAILY STRUCTURE

Time Routine / Habit Notes
5:00 AM Wake up, quick prayer of surrender “Jesus, I offer this day to You. I walk in Your power.”
5:15–6:00 AM Devotional Time (Bible + Reflection + Journaling) Use provided 21-day Bible plan + prompts
6:00–7:30 AM Gym / Exercise Honor God with your body; detox stress
7:30–8:15 AM Shower (cold if possible) + Worship music + Breakfast Cold shower = dopamine reset
8:30–4:30 PM College Walk in discipline, avoid triggers
4:30–7:30 PM Library Study (alternate days) Block phone distractions
7:30–8:30 PM Dinner + Light tasks Avoid screens; reflect
8:30–9:30 PM Evening Routine (see below) Wind-down & screen lock

:crescent_moon: EVENING ROUTINE (Daily)

  • Devices off by 8:30 PM
  • 15 min reflection journaling
  • 10 min worship or purity declarations aloud
  • Prayer for your future wife (5 min)
  • Optional: Read Christian biographies or purity testimonies (e.g., Nate Larkin, Tim Keller’s purity sermons)

:brick: DAILY DEVOTIONAL COMPONENTS

Each morning (5:15–6:00 AM):

1. :candle: Bible Reading

Use the pre-planned Scripture (already created for 21 days). Focus deeply, don’t rush.

2. :writing_hand:t3: Journal Prompts

Each day, respond to:

  • What is God convicting me of in this passage?
  • How is my thinking being renewed today?
  • Where is my battle today: thought, action, attention, emotion?
  • What lie do I need to replace with truth?
  • What is one obedience step I can take today?

Alternate daily with:

  • “What would my future wife be proud of me for today?”
  • “What legacy am I building by resisting lust today?”

3. :folded_hands: Purity Declarations (Say aloud)

Examples:

  • “I am not a slave to lust. I walk in the Spirit today.”
  • “I flee temptation and pursue righteousness.”
  • “My body is a temple. I will not defile it.”
  • “My eyes are set on things above, not things below.”

Change them every few days or create your own.

4. :love_letter: Write to Your Future Wife (1x per week)

  • Write a paragraph in your journal as if she’s reading it.
  • Be honest, brave, and pure in tone.
  • Example prompt: “Here’s how I fought for you today…”

:fire: SPIRITUAL + HABITUAL CHALLENGES (Every 3–4 Days)

Day Challenge
Day 3 Digital Fast after 6 PM – No social media, YouTube, reels. Replace with worship + prayer.
Day 6 1-Day Fast (Sunset to Sunset) – From food or digital; focus on Isaiah 58 + purity.
Day 9 Cleanse Your Environment – Remove old images, delete private browser history, unfollow accounts. Anoint your devices with oil if needed.
Day 12 Confession & Call – Reach out to accountability partner. 100% honesty. Pray together.
Day 15 Do a Courageous Act of Kindness – Bless someone anonymously, preferably a male friend, and pray for their purity.
Day 18 Purity Covenant Reaffirmation – Write and sign a renewed covenant with God. Speak it aloud before sleeping.
Day 21 Testimony Draft – Begin writing a 1-page testimony of your 21-day journey (for your eyes only or for others). Speak it aloud in prayer to God.

:repeat_button: GOOD HABITS TO ROTATE (DAILY / ALTERNATE)

  • Library study every other day from 4:30–7:30 PM (no phone allowed).
  • Stretching & breathing prayer before bed (Psalm 4:8).
  • Hydration goal: 2–3L water daily (flushes toxins).
  • Evening worship loop – Play 1 worship song on repeat while winding down (e.g., Shane & Shane, Bethel, CityAlight).
  • 1-Minute Gratitude Journal – List 3 things God did for you that day.
  • Practice “Bounce” technique – When tempted by lustful thoughts, immediately turn away, say “NO,” and pray Philippians 4:8 aloud.

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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debellator
debellator | journal entry

I’ve set up the outline of how I want to approach things from tomorrow onwards. With God’s help, I will stick to this schedule, and work on being consistent.

I’ll probably use some other journaling platform for my daily journals for my privacy, but I’ll definitely keep updating this diary of mine at least every week.

Perhaps, for the first time, I feel something close to hope. I know that I’ve not been doing my best of late, and there are multiple factors about it. But perhaps I can start doing better today.

Going to sleep now. Planning to hit the gym tomorrow, but that depends on if I can wake up early enough because I did a lot of travelling today, which means I’m pretty tired.

Another thing I wanted to mention is that I just got back from travelling to my hometown, a place I haven’t visited for over 4 years. Before that I used to go very often there, every summer holidays and the sort. It’s a rural, laid-back place, and going back this time made me remember a lot of fond memories I have of the place. I reminisced a lot. I really had a great set of summer holidays, I realized, and the years went by so fast. It feels like yesterday I was a kid without a care in the world, and now I’m almost a completely independent adult.

A focus of this new approach of mine besides continued reliance of God is remembering that the devil is attacking not only me in this form. He is attacking my future family as well. Because a weak father will lead to a weak household. A strong father who has conquered his urges and his lust only will be able to advice his sons and guide his daughters.

I am definitely not close to ready enough to date anyone while I battle this. I know that God has more planned for me. So I will work to build myself into the man that he wants me to be.

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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debellator
debellator | journal entry

No risk, no story

Many times I’ve heard that statement being said. And though I’ve applied it many times, I feel especially nervous considering what I’m about to do tomorrow.

Although it’s been a good 6 weeks since my injury, since we have a tournament going on tomorrow I’m going to go participate in that. Though my parents were initially against it, I managed to convince them saying that I will take the adequate precautions- and I will. I can’t afford this setback again.

That being said, I am really scared. Should I really do it? Take part, play basketball? Wouldn’t it be safer to cheer from the sidelines?

I’ll see how I feel tomorrow. I think I’ll always have this fear now, because of what’s happened in the past. The only way to fight this fear is to embrace it. Because that is where I learn the most- outside my comfort zone.

The only one who can protect me is God. I am going to pray about it and ask Him for guidance about whether I should take this step or not. All I know is tomorrow I will step on the court. The rest is up to him.

I guess I should update about nofap too. It’s going well by God’s grace, had a lot of urges today but managed to identify them and put them down before they got out of control. I need to study more though, I’ve got a lot of syllabus to cover.

God help me. I rely on you.

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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:speaking_head: 15 Battle-Tested Self-Talk Statements for When the Urge Hits

  1. “This is not who I am anymore. I am a new creation in Christ!”
    (2 Corinthians 5:17)

  2. “My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. I will not defile it for temporary pleasure.”
    (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

  3. “This urge will pass. I do not obey my flesh — I walk by the Spirit.”
    (Galatians 5:16)

  4. “Jesus already paid for this. I refuse to nail Him to the cross again for my lust.”
    (Hebrews 6:6)

  5. “I was not made for shame and secrecy. I was made for truth, purity, and love.”
    (Ephesians 5:8-11)

  6. “My future wife deserves a man who is whole, not divided by secret sin.”

  7. “This is a trap — not freedom. Real joy never comes from sin.”
    (Proverbs 14:12; John 10:10)

  8. “Every time I say no, I strengthen my spirit and weaken the flesh.”
    (Romans 8:13)

  9. “This battle isn’t mine alone — God is with me. He will not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear.”
    (1 Corinthians 10:13)

  10. “Satan wants me addicted, broken, and distracted. I refuse to let him win.”
    (John 8:44; James 4:7)

  11. “My mind is being renewed right now. I’m forming new neural pathways of purity and peace.”
    (Romans 12:2)

  12. “Even if I fall, I will rise again. But right now, I choose to stand.”
    (Proverbs 24:16)

  13. “Purity is not just abstinence — it’s worship. I worship God with my choices.”

  14. “I have fought too hard, come too far, and prayed too long to give up now.”

  15. “I will walk in the light. I will be the man God is calling me to be — today, right now.”
    (1 John 1:7)

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debellator
debellator | journal entry

:red_circle: relapse

I’m not sure what to say right now, except that I relapsed. It was my fault completely. I will try again.

Have some good momentum going. By God’s grace went and played and won the tournament, no injuries. Yet I still failed today. I know the reason and I’ve reflected upon it on my private journal which I do everyday.

My real cause of stress which may have led to this relapse is the fact that I’ve been busy with so many different things this past week I have not gotten time to study for my exam which is on Wednesday and Thursday. That is giving me stress subconsciously. Which I need to deal with- by studying.

Right now I’m going out with a few friends for dinner. Once I get back, will focus on studying and covering the most important topics- at least, I won’t sleep until I finish everything in portions for day 1 of the exams. Tomorrow I will approach day 2 of the exams.

Not going to the gym yet because my entire body is still sore after the tournament, everything needs some time to rest. Thursday onwards I will probably be travelling (not sure) again, so will be moving up and down a lot which is a bit tiring considering just mid last-week I came back from a long travel, then had the tournament with a bit of bad weather making me feel a bit sick. Oh well, got to keep pushing, I guess.

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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debellator
debellator | journal entry

The self-worth crisis

When dealing with PMO addiction, a lot of people who have successfully conquered it have stated that it’s very important to look and realize underlying facets of your life that are predisposing you to turn towards PMO as a refuge.

For me, in my younger years, it was especially the loneliness and boredom which tended to push me in that direction, but it’s not that way anymore. I’m definitely not lonely like before nor am I bored, with so many friends and plans and things to do and books to read and lessons to learn. I’ve learnt from that phase of my life and become a lot different as a person.

No, I think what pulls me towards PMO at this time and place would be my self-worth. I think (as far as I can recollect) that I’ve exposed myself to a lot of things especially on social media that have made me question my self-worth. This results in my feeling bad about myself, which eventually leads me to seeking cheap dopamine.

It’s not that I use social media often (I purposefully don’t use Instagram and only download the app when I have to post something then delete it again) but especially the reels and such about such amazing people who are so much better than me in different aspects of life makes me feel insecure about myself, somehow.

This is new for me because I’ve never actually faced this problem before. It feels like the very first stage of something that could viciously grow into insecurity, but with God’s help I’ve identified it at this early stage and will work towards pruning it out. Pruning out this involves two things, I think:

  1. Removing the bad exposures
  2. Remembering the good truths

Removing the bad exposures means being more careful and curative about the things I consume. Definitely with regards to reels, I think I will do a social media detox, which I will get into more at the end of this post.

Remembering the good truths refers to remembering who I am and my identity in Christ in the Bible. I’ll probably create a separate post with identity marker reminders so that anyone reading can remember.

Action plans:

  1. 7 days detox from Instagram reels, not watching any reels at all (I don’t really use IG otherwise except for communicating with friends)
  2. Re-read and affirm my identity in Christ

I am not perfect, but I am better than yesterday. And I know that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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:glowing_star: Your Identity in Christ :glowing_star:

  1. :locked: You Are Secure — Romans 8:38-39
    “For I am convinced that neither death nor life… nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
    :right_arrow: God’s love isn’t based on your performance — it’s anchored in His nature. Nothing in this world, in heaven, or in hell can break His hold on you. You are not too broken to be loved. His love is fierce, eternal, and unshakable. When you feel uncertain, remember: your soul is locked into His grace.
  1. :crown: You Are Royalty — 1 Peter 2:9
    “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession…”
    :right_arrow: You’re not forgotten, abandoned, or ordinary. You are a royal son or daughter in God’s Kingdom — with access, authority, and a calling. Even when the world labels you, God crowns you. You have purpose, value, and identity that no one can take. You are royalty — act like it, walk like it, pray like it.
  1. :handshake: You Are Not Alone — Hebrews 13:5
    “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
    :right_arrow: When everyone else fades, God stays. His promise isn’t based on how you feel — it’s a rock-solid covenant. Whether you’re on the mountaintop or in the darkest valley, He is closer than your breath. You don’t have to figure life out alone. The King walks with you.
  1. :free_button: You Are Free — Galatians 5:1
    “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free…”
    :right_arrow: You were not made to live in chains. Shame, addiction, people-pleasing, and fear do not define you. Jesus died so you could breathe free air again — mentally, emotionally, spiritually. You have the power to say no to sin and yes to life. Walk in your freedom boldly — it’s already been bought.
  1. :soap: You Are Forgiven — Ephesians 1:7
    “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins…”
    :right_arrow: You are not too far gone. Every sin — past, present, and future — has been washed away by Christ’s blood. You don’t have to earn forgiveness; it’s already been given. Stop rehearsing your regrets. You are clean, accepted, and free to start again — every single day.
  1. :brain: You Are Renewed — 2 Corinthians 5:17
    “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come!”
    :right_arrow: Your identity is not based on your past mistakes or old labels. In Christ, you’re not being “improved” — you’ve been made entirely new. The past no longer defines you; grace does. You are not who you were. You’re a transformed, Spirit-filled, new creation in God’s eyes.
  1. :shield: You Are Protected — Psalm 91:4
    “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge…”
    :right_arrow: When life hits hard, you are not defenseless. God surrounds you with supernatural protection, like a fortress for your soul. His presence is your hiding place — not escape, but refuge. Nothing touches you without His permission. You are safe under His shadow.
  1. :scroll: You Are God’s Masterpiece — Ephesians 2:10
    “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works…”
    :right_arrow: You’re not an accident or an afterthought. You are God’s personal masterpiece — crafted with care, vision, and purpose. Every detail about you matters. You were made to do things only you can do. When insecurity whispers, remember: you are handcrafted by the Creator of galaxies.
  1. :seedling: You Are Being Transformed — Philippians 1:6
    “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…”
    :right_arrow: You’re not stuck. You’re in progress, and God is still shaping you. What He starts, He finishes — and He doesn’t abandon His projects. Even when you fall short, His grace lifts you up again. You are a work-in-progress, but you’re being perfected by the Master Artist.
  1. :identification_card: You Are a Child of God — John 1:12
    “Yet to all who did receive Him… He gave the right to become children of God.”
    :right_arrow: You don’t have to wonder where you belong — you are adopted into God’s eternal family. You’re not a slave or a stranger, you’re a beloved child. Your identity isn’t earned, it’s inherited through Jesus. God isn’t a distant ruler — He’s your loving Father. Let that truth sink in: You. Are. His.
  1. :dove: You Are at Peace — Romans 5:1
    “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God…”
    :right_arrow: You don’t have to live in guilt, fear, or striving. Peace isn’t a feeling — it’s a status purchased by Christ. You are no longer God’s enemy — you’re His redeemed child. Rest in the stillness that comes from being right with Him. In a chaotic world, you carry the calm of heaven.
  1. :flexed_biceps: You Are Empowered — 2 Timothy 1:7
    “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
    :right_arrow: Weakness is not your identity. God has filled you with supernatural strength, unwavering love, and disciplined thinking. Fear may knock, but it doesn’t own you. You have the power to walk in truth, love boldly, and live free. The Spirit of God in you is greater than anything against you.
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debellator
debellator | journal entry

Today was a fairly good day.

Unfortunately a bad circumstance happened to me today morning due to a misunderstanding between a teacher and myself, which was no fault of mine, however, it happened but instead of letting it affect me too much (though I still do wish it had not happened) I continued my day and stayed productive.

I will have exams coming up soon (in another 12 days, to be exact) and I have to begin properly preparing for the same. I have to stay focused and not allow myself to be distracted.

:light_bulb: The man who lacks purpose distracts himself with pleasure

I also went to the gym today; not able to perform my workouts as well as I used to because some workouts still cause pain in my shoulder post injury. I’m still working on the rehab though, so God-willing I should be able to get back into things with time.

Days are flying by, I have to catch them and utilize them instead of just watching them go past me passively. A lot of change happened all around me, in fact, this period of my life the only constant has been change. To be honest it’s equal parts exciting and stressful, hopefully things settle down with time.

I’m re-reading easypeasy (pmo hackbook) as well, it’s a good book and I can relate to it more and more these days as compared to days before when I was younger.

Progress is slow. But present. And the very presence of some progress, no matter how minute, is progress.

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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:light_bulb: The man who lacks purpose distracts himself with pleasure

samurai-with-weapon-samurai-standing-swords-impaled-ground-flower-fields-digital-art-style-illustration-painting_743201-5620
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The Man Who Forgot the War

No one saw the war inside him.

By all appearances, Daniel was just another 24-year-old guy with potential. A decent job. A gym membership. A church he attended semi-regularly. But behind his smile was a soul slowly wilting — not because he was evil, but because he was aimless.

He didn’t drink. Didn’t party. But almost every night, after the world had gone quiet, Daniel found himself drowning in pleasure he never wanted to admit. One more video. One more scroll. One more escape from the unbearable silence of his own heart.

He knew it was sin. He’d prayed for freedom. Made promises to God. Promises he broke by Tuesday.

Daniel didn’t lack desire. He lacked direction.

“Where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint.” — Proverbs 29:18

And Daniel had cast it off. Not out of rebellion — but out of spiritual amnesia. He had forgotten he was a soldier. That there was a war.

The First Hit Wasn’t ■■■■ — It Was Passivity

It started subtle.

He stopped reading his Bible — not because he rejected it, but because he was “tired.” He used to write dreams in a journal. Now it was left blank, collecting dust.

He told himself he needed rest. He deserved a break. But the break became a habit. The habit became a stronghold. And the stronghold became a prison.

Some nights he’d sit on his bed, phone glowing in his hand, guilt pooling in his chest, and whisper, “What’s wrong with me?”
But the real question was deeper:

“What am I living for?”

The Substitute for Purpose is Pleasure

The enemy didn’t steal Daniel’s purity all at once. He stole his purpose. And once that was gone, lust filled the void.

He didn’t know it yet, but pleasure had become a distraction — a cheap counterfeit for the mission he was born to live.

He was like King David, lounging on the rooftop while his army fought battles without him. That night, David wasn’t looking for Bathsheba — he was running from boredom, from idleness, from a life no longer fixed on God’s calling.

It wasn’t lust that took him first. It was the absence of purpose.

Then Came the Mirror

One night, after another fall, Daniel didn’t reach for the blanket of excuses. He sat on the floor and just wept. Not the dramatic, movie kind. Just quiet, bitter tears of a man who couldn’t stand who he was becoming.

“I used to want to change the world,” he whispered. “Now I can’t even get through a week without collapsing.”

That night, he didn’t make new promises.

He picked up his Bible.

He wrote down why he was on this earth.

He prayed like a man on a battlefield, not in a chapel.

The Man Who Found the War Again

It wasn’t instant. But something shifted.

He deleted the apps. Joined a small group. Fasted once a week. Signed up to volunteer at a shelter. Began praying for his future wife instead of fantasizing about her.

He started sleeping earlier and waking up to train his soul before the day had a chance to tempt it.

And every time the urges returned — and they did — he asked himself:

“What is this pleasure trying to hide from me?”

And then he ran toward that pain. Faced it. Fought it.

Not as a monk, but as a man who finally remembered the war.

A Final Word to the One Who Feels Like Daniel

Lust is not the root — it’s a symptom.

When a man forgets who he is, he sells his soul for pleasure because he no longer believes he was made for glory.

But God does not forget.

He still sees a warrior. A future husband. A protector. A priest. A king in training. Not because you’re strong — but because He is. Not because you’re clean — but because He can wash you.

“You were bought with a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.” — 1 Corinthians 6:20

If you’re tired of the cycle, stop running from pleasure. Start running toward purpose.

Because the man who lacks purpose distracts himself with pleasure.
But the man who finds his purpose?
He sets fire to everything that once enslaved him.

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debellator
debellator | journal entry

I think it’s been over a week, staying clean, and for that I am grateful.

Life is going on. There’s a lot of chaos and things to do and its very hectic, being final year and all, but I feel like I’m slowly getting towards a good routine. I’ve not really been able to focus as much as I would like on studies because of sports and cultural events but they’re done for the year now (or to be precise, I’m done with them) and I can now focus on studying and training.

The only slight annoyance would be the weather, which is always raining. Can’t sprint or work out in the ground anymore, and going to the gym means walking through the very heavy rain. I still go, but it’s not as fun :joy: anyways hopefully the weather slowly clears up.

Something I also want to journal about is being happy about the small wins. Always celebrate them.

:light_bulb: The curse of competence is that success is not something celebrated, it becomes something expected

Because of that, I just want to say that I’m proud of myself for going to the gym even when it rains heavily. I’m proud of myself for not giving into temptation and relapsing even when I had a couple pretty bad days this week. I’m proud of myself for going to the library and studying yesterday even when I didn’t feel like it. I’m proud of myself for pushing myself to face my inner thoughts even though that made me uncomfortable.

Celebrating the small wins and looking towards God for his continued help.

Anyways, I decided to skip the morning classes today because there’s some more material I want to cover up and figured today would be a good day to do so. I really don’t want to waste today though, so I’m going to be intentional about it and post my goals here as a checklist and tick them when I revisit here at the end of the day.

Surgery

Read the textbook
Watch the videos
(If possible) Formulate sample answers

Orthopedics

Read the textbook
Watch the videos
(If possible) Formulate sample answers

I’m not exactly sure how long this will take me hence the last check-list is “if possible”

It’s 7:30 as I write this. I’ll probably read EasyPeasy till around 7:45, have tea and my quiet time till around 8:00, and get some solid studying done from 8 to 12 (which is 4 hours, and should be enough time to at least read the textbooks and watch videos). Then in the evening if I have more time I will cover up any backlog and formulate sample answers.

Deus vult

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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A really good post I found on reddit, recommend reading it

I figured it out. It’s so simple it’s stupid.

Skip right to THE METHOD if don’t want the context. I wasn’t expecting to write this much initially.

For some context I have been “addicted” to pornography for more than well over 10 years. At some point I started getting a bit concerned about my usage. Then I heard about NoFap and was trying countless times things like counting days, willpower, lifestyle changes to get rid of this “addiction”. As you can imagine, none of them worked because they never got looked at the issue at the the root level.

When I read EasyPeasy it showed me how much conditioning I had put on myself through blind beliefs in NoFap ideas. I do think they are sincere in what they are doing, but with how many times I had “relapses” there was clearly something I was doing wrong.

After reading EasyPeasy it was like all that NoFap conditioning was shown for what it was. For the first time I felt a relief from a really long fight with pornography “addiction”. A week or so went by in peace but something was wrong. I relapsed straight into ■■■■. How was this possible? What was I doing wrong?

I went through parts of the book looking for answers and while the book made sense at the time I still kept failing. Ideas in the book such as pornography not being “genuine pleasure” was doubted after my relapse. I understood the idea that by repeatedly watching ■■■■ I was just digging myself a hole just to feel the relief of climbing out of it. It was insanity. Plus the book seemed a bit dogmatic with the whole “ignore anything that is not EasyPeasy” stuff which made me a bit skeptical. If the ideas of EasyPeasy are infallible or better than other methods than there shouldn’t be fear about other sets of ideas as they can easily be seen as flawed or not as helpful.

I another version of EasyPeasy which was a good read but still the same results as EasyPeasy. It wasn’t until I started reading the Freedom Model things were really put into perspective. They don’t tell you whether you should or shouldn’t do something. They simply tell you what your “addiction” really is and that it’s really up to you to choose what you want. I realised that ideas of “complete abstinence of ■■■■ or you’ll be stuck forever in addiction” was actually getting in my way.

I’ve never smoked a cigarette before. I don’t want to. I don’t feel deprived of it. I don’t have to repeatedly verify my non-addiction to cigarretes. There’s nothing in it for me. So what’s different with ■■■■?

Well lets examine the nature of this “addiction” under different scenarios. There’s P, M, and O. Would I watch ■■■■ without M and O? No. Would I do M without P and O? No. Would I O without P and M? Again no. Clearly these all seem to be linked somehow. I couldn’t do one without the other. Out of all these the O was the most important. However I didn’t just rush to O. ■■■■ and masturbation was what intensified the orgasm. I didn’t really have a pornography “addiction”, I had an orgasm “addiction”.

Okay but how the hell do I stop? From EasyPeasy I found that I keep coming back to ■■■■ because I feel “deprived” of ■■■■ or orgasm. From Freedom Model I found that there was no such thing as an actual “addiction” but rather a set of beliefs. That brain changes in the Disease Model of Addiction were natural and merely the result of simply getting really good at an activity. However it does not make me watch ■■■■ or seek orgasm. There’s clearly a conflict going on, one part of me wants to watch ■■■■ and the other does not. I’ve tried so many methods. Asking what is there in ■■■■? Trying to see what is better: life with or without ■■■■. My repeated failure despite these methods made me find this strange discovery.

My pornography use only happened when I was arguing with myself about it. Trying to convince myself not to watch or use. Thinking about all the consequences such as wasted time and regret. None of these cons of watching ■■■■ stopped me so clearly I was willing to pay these prices for whatever I thought I was getting. Thinking about the benefits was a nice change of view and did actually help but there was still this sense that I was “missing out” on ■■■■. That there was this gap in my life.

Ok that’s nice and all but get to the point already. You’ve made me read so much and I’m no better off. Ok here it is.

THE METHOD:

First you need to determine who you actually are and what activities are really you’re own. Imagine you were living out in the woods by yourself. No human contact and nobody telling you if anything is a healthy or unhealthy activity to do. What would your routine look like? Those are activities that you do for yourself. Anything that’s not here are activities that involve the judgements of others and how they think you should behave or how you want to behave for them. Does your routine involve PMO without any guilt or shame? If it does then this could mean that watching ■■■■ is simply an activity you enjoy. My post is not meant for you. For me initially when I thought about what my routine looked like I almost thought I would actually watch ■■■■ but the truth is that ■■■■ makes me feel gross and disgusted at the ■■■■ and myself for having watched it. I can see that me not wanting to watch ■■■■ is not some idea being imposed on me by society and their ideas around sex, not the EasyPeasy ideas of ■■■■ being really bad for you, not NoFap’s ideas of “gaining superpowers and attracting women” and the Semen Retention communities’ ideas about “saving your life-force”. I wanted to stop ■■■■ for me not because someone told me that this is how I should live my life.

Next, you need to find WHY you watch pornography and engage in PMO. This can be a difficult thing to answer outright. The answer is revealed by asking, “What would happen if I didn’t watch ■■■■?” For me I wanted to watch ■■■■ and MO because everything else was just so boring. By not watching ■■■■ I was depriving myself of something that was exciting (a really intense orgasm). I didn’t just want to forget my day to day problems and stresses. I wanted them to be gone completely and feel good about myself. PMO doesn’t make my day to day stresses go away (it usually makes them worse) but it did make me oblivious to their existence during each session and that was usually good enough. After I had sobered up after the session I could go back to my day to day work after the brain fog cleared out a bit.

Ok now you know your reasons for not wanting to watch ■■■■ that are your own and know that you want to stop PMO for you and you alone and not to fit in to some other group’s ideas and belief systems. You also now know the WHY behind your pornography use. The reason you are willing to pay the prices you do for the sake of PMO. You know have two sets of ideas that are clearly at odds with each other (reason/s to not PMO and the reason/s to PMO). What’s missing?

The answer is in self image. I knew that I wanted to not watch ■■■■ and yet I was watching ■■■■ when everything else seemed just so boring that I was willing to stop working on my day to day activities/obligations. BUT the most important thing that was underlying all of this was my self image. All my beliefs about pornography was based around the idea that it was inevitable that I will go back to watching ■■■■. It was somehow “law” that I will come back. This is it. Everything was based around “Why I shouldn’t watch ■■■■”, “Why I should stop”, “Why I should escape ‘addiction’”. The theme underlying all of these lines of thinking was that I will continue my pornography use. As if it was fixed in nature that I will do it. And it’s very easy and tempting to believe this with all the conditioning. I too fell for this line of belief for the last 5 years and the innumerable relapses make it all the more convincing that my pornography use will continue.

The reality was that I kept coming back to pornography despite of my reasons for wanting to stop was really because my self-image was tied as someone who was going to return to pornography, someone who’ll feel deprived of a really intense orgasm, and that I was missing out. By thinking otherwise I would be living out a lie, living as someone who secretly wants ■■■■ but denies himself the pleasure. This is nothing but a MASSIVE placebo. I was watching pornography because my entire belief system was based on me being someone who will come back to pornography and had to find a way to stop and break the cycle before I started my next session. And I was right. I did come back to watch ■■■■ simply because that’s how I saw myself. All those arguments I had with myself before a PMO session to not watch was really actually part of the PMO session itself. The PMO session wouldn’t happen without all that doubting and debate. That’s because the doubting and debate is really how I was justifying my PMO usage. That I tried my best to stop but this mysterious and powerful force called ■■■■ is just too strong and I am helpless to its pull.

The truth is that there is no physical law that will make you watch ■■■■. The entire idea behind addiction is “Why I should stop and how?”. An entire business based on a logic error. Forever chasing after a solution to a problem that is self created based on the belief that the problem will persist inevitably. The trick is in how you question pornography use, masturbation, and orgasm in general. I shouldn’t be asking “Why should I stop watching ■■■■?” or “How life will be better without ■■■■?” I am not in the middle of watching ■■■■ that I should stop. Nor do I know whether or not I’ll watch ■■■■ in the future. Nothing is certain about the future. There is no obligation for me to watch pornography.

I looked at PMO from a different perspective. I am not watching ■■■■ right now. As someone who is not watching ■■■■ and is not obligated to watch “Why should I watch ■■■■?” The answers are not very exciting or interesting to me anymore. By this type of questioning of “Why should I do …?”, things are seen with you having more control in your life and time. ■■■■ isn’t this powerful invisible force that makes me give up my day to day obligations. If I was to watch ■■■■ back when I considered myself to be an “addict” and I was told that I had won a bazillion dollars and I had to collect the cheque within 1 hour, you bet that the first thing I’d do is collect that cheque before even thinking about anything PMO related. This shows that I am in cognitive control of whether or not I watch ■■■■.

I’ve written this post to assist you in challenging the notions of how you look at pornography and addiction. I have no good reason to watch ■■■■, masturbate, or orgasm. All the excitement I used to see with ■■■■ has become so bland. This doesn’t mean my current life is more exciting compared to previously. I didn’t gain any superpowers as NoFap said I would. All that has happened was a logic error was found and refuted. Simply because I challenged the notion that watching pornography is an inevitability and found that it’s not true unless I thought it was true. That being said I do feel a huge sense of relief. So much of life was spent fighting with myself, doubting, debating a problem that was self created and now it is gone. There was no gap or emptiness that took its place. Instead I was just stumped at how obvious the answer was.

Very interesting. It will probably take more than a singular reading to completely digest and get this. Tagging people I think will be interested in reading this: @Awaken_one @The_Rising_One @Imaginator @Sholtro_Tenjerrot @FaithfulWalker @user1234567890 @TonyTheChristian @SonGoku22 @Loading

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That was definitely a long read — I actually started getting a headache halfway through and kept wondering, “How much more is left?” I even thought about stopping, but I pushed myself to finish it, thinking that if it’s even a little helpful, it’s worth it.

Even the act of reading something this long and staying focused felt like a small victory — maybe it’ll help me improve my attention span too.

After finishing it, I’ll admit I was a bit confused at first, but the main message that stuck with me was powerful: instead of staying trapped in the cycle of “How do I stop watching ■■■■?” we should shift our focus and ask, “Why should I watch it in the first place?”

That one shift in thinking really hit me. I realized I’ve been treating the urge like a problem I have to battle. But when I stop and honestly ask myself, “What am I even getting out of it?” — the answer is nothing meaningful. I’m not gaining anything — just losing time, energy, focus, and potential.

Like you said, I’m not in the middle of watching it right now, and there’s absolutely no obligation for me to do so in the future either. So why carry the belief that it’s inevitable? If I simply choose not to watch it, there’s nothing to “stop.” No loop, no fight. Just a simple decision made clear by honest thinking.

Thank you for sharing this perspective — it’s definitely something I’ll be coming back to and reflecting on again.

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That’s a perspective I haven’t thought about before Brother. Thank you for sharing this with us.

It will certainly help me a lot! God bless you

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This! The spark I was missing from my routine.

Also, I have no obligation to watch ■■■■. I am not a person who needs ■■■■. It’s possible to just completely leave ■■■■ in a single speech. Like, I am not watching ■■■■ now? How’s that possible. Wasn’t I an addict who cannot live without it. But I am living without it in this moment? Umm, we should really consider our priorities yes.
Thanks @debellator

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A huge thank you @debellator for the powerful reminder and motivation to step away from pornography. Your words struck a deep chord. It’s not often talked about, but the grip it can have on our hearts, minds, and relationships is real — and so is the damage it can cause if left unchecked.

Your courage to speak up and take a stand is inspiring. It reminds me that healing and strength begin with a decision. A decision to choose clarity over confusion, connection over isolation, and freedom over bondage.

God bless you in your journey — may it bring peace, purpose, and the light that others can follow, too. :folded_hands:

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debellator
debellator | journal entry

:red_circle: relapse

2025-07-09T18:30:00Z

It’s been so long since I’ve last update that I almost forgot how my diary entries are formated.

Life has been great. God has been good. But my battle for lust is still unresolved.

This makes me ashamed and disappointed in myself. God expects more from me. My future wife expects more from me. Some days the battles are hard and I win. Some days the battles are hard but I lose. That’s still better than the days where there is no battle and I simply give in to idle urges.

Every time I repent and tell God I don’t want to repeat this again. Every time I fail and vow not to fail again yet I fall. This is a never-ending harmful cycle. I despise it and wish to leave it.

I don’t know what exactly to change about my approach right now. Just figuring things out. Because AFAIK, I’m doing everything I got to do. I’m working on transparency and accountability. My other aspects of life outside of PMO are doing great, amazing even. It’s just this inner demon which everyone battles which I’m losing to.

Another thing that saddens me is that this addiction has become so mainstream these days. It’s no longer a diseases of the minority, almost all young men have succumbed to this vile trap. And it’s very hard to get out of alone.

I have to overcome this. I’ll pray about it and try to figure things out.

Until then,

Veritas. Castitas. Victoria.
(Truth. Purity. Victory.)

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