Here i was last year almost in the similar place like now
In my room
But last year i was pretending to study
And now im studying
Last year i would relapse everyday minimum 4 times plus ( here im telling the least number of times, there were times when the relapse were 2 or 3 times ) daily and almost near the end of the year i have been doing much better with low relapses
During the year i had my borrowings equal to 29000
And within next two or 3 days my borrowing left will be 9500 which is of my siblings which they havent asked me but here after the money i want to spend should be my own
This balance amount im planning to pay in next 6 months time and thereafter ill start investing in myself more
During the same year i started bibge eating a lot more than previous year and ordering food from zomato at home and living in the comfort of my home
But now i have permanently deleted my zomato account and donot look at using it again for a long time
During the same period i realised that how secure u feel when u have enough money and need not worry about expenses which previously i wouldnt think about.
I had set a deadline for mydelf that by the end of 2023 i will earn 10000 rs from stocks
But i realised that its not something easy with having 1k or 2k funds
It isnt imposible but i have yet to learn many things to make it possible
Though not 10k throuch stock market
But by freelancing i earned 6.5k so still i made some progress
Although i did waste many hours on useless stuff like youtube and anine
This year i look forward to not using those.
It will surely be difficult
But thats what i desire for myself to achieve
Last year i was struggling with gaming addiction
Now i no more think about it
Last year i was struggling to workout
Right now though very little
I ended the year with 6 days streak of workout
And 4 days streak of meditation
Things werent great
But things right now are trying to take better shape
And i hope that this year is my year
In terms of studies, career, nofap, relationships
During the mid of last year
I was crying and seeking for help
And thanks to you all
Im in a much better position now
I dont feel the happiness yet
But i hope to be happy by this year end ā¦
Thank you everyone in this community for all ur help
Those who are still on this forum and those who are not
I look forward to repay all ur kindness through my success
Today i completed 7 days streak of workout and also today i upgraded my workout timings from 5 mins to 20 mins
Im happy regarding this
The goal is to keep these 20 mins consistent
Then i have been meditating for 5 mins daily
From Tom im joining 21 days meditation challenge
It may not be possible to complete full 21 days because of the things ahead of this month end
But ill look forward to do as much as i can
No youtube today
No anime or manga
It was the easiest as it was the first day
Hopefully i achieve this for entire year
Today i started to feel low
So instead of going to these i listened to 3 to 4 songs and that made things easier
Currently i had study period of 1 and half hour today
Will increase it to atleast 2 and half
2nd Jan 2024
I woke up late
Did meditation
Then had to go out which included half hour walking
Then when i came home it was already too late to dodnt workout
Today i spent huge time on stock market
And earned decent
I learnt many things which also included to keep greed in check
Then i didnt feel like working out 20 mins
So i just said let me not break the 5 mins challenge streak and i ended up doing 20 mins+ workout
The workout though short was tough
I find difficulty in pushups qhich earlier i would easily do
No worries ill build my body slowly and steadily
Feeling lots better and relaxed
Spoke to old friend for half hour
It felt much relaxing and refreshing
I had to cut call because of low battery in phone
I watched a drama today
It was fun i did procrastinate a bit
But now back on track
And now towards studies
Thats all
Byee
And yeah while i was watching drama on pirated sites
There were pop up ads which would have normally caused triggers
Im like fck it and ignored them instantly
I know this can sometimes lead to high urges and eventually urges
So im giving up on using pirated sites anymore
If at all i want to watch ill pay and buy some subscription
If i cant afford it then ill shut my as$ and wait till i earn enough and then will watch
I wont die if i dont watch
And may be j feel positive that i will be able to pay all my debts earlier than I thought
Thats all
3rd jan
Woke up super late today
So didnt workout im the morning
Then made loss in stock market
I regret not teusting myself and not having patience
If i would have had then would have made double the profit i made yesterday
This shows i need to trust myself
It so happened everytime i took trade it went opposite of what i was expecting
And as soon as i exit after my loss reaches my risk bearing capacity
It goes exqctly how i expected it ti go
Im planning to do paper trade for few days tomorrow onwards
Then i was binge eating today
I had severe headache so slept from 2 to 5
Then in the evening attended the meditation session for 25 mins
Man that was refreshing
Even in the midst of so much noise
Doing the meditation it felt amazing
Initially i had thoughts of skipping the meditation and doing that 5 mins meditation that i was doing
But somewhere after speaking to my gf on phone i got motivated and did meditation
And i was lazy to workout
I was giving all the reasons to not workout like
I m feeling a bit pain so let me take rest today
Its okay ill do from tom one day is fine
I said fcuk off and decided let me not break the 5 mins meditation schedule and did 5 mins of 30 day challenge and then i psushed myself to do 5 min cardio and 10 min yoga too
I feel much more happier
Though the day was okay
Im proud of myself
After the workout while i was having dinner there were fee things made in oil
I was feeling like vomiting seeing those
Normally i have it with dinner
But today since i just worked out i didnt feel like having that
It was difficult to have dinner without that as im used to having that along with dinner
But i still had dinner without it
Thats all
The day didnt start on a good note because of laziness and loss
But im happy to end with meditation and workout and studying now
Byee
Since I am single I am asking you. Does having a gf impact your life positively. Ive seen many couples in college. Initiallty its all fantasting but with time in progress their excitement reduce over time ( Just my observation tho )
So does having a gf is like a temporary boost or does it help us get better as a man Or Is it like a separate obligation we have to deal with ?
Sorry if u feel any of these questions offensive , I dont have too much idea about this. What Ive said is just my random observation
Depends on the persons and how well u guys can handle
It is true that the excitement gets reduced
See when u speak everyday there will be somedays when u wont have anything to speak
Literally it will be silent
Itsok
Being in relation not just means being always excited
Again depends from person to person
In mycase if i wouldnt have had her and her support
I wouldnt haveeen alive and wouldnt be willing to put more efforts
I completely understand this question u dont need to feel bad or anything for asking
The thing is these days all we see if people being lovey dovey openly snd doing things fast like as soon as they get commited the first thing that many tell is they kissed
Mostly i used to feel like many of them are trying to show off
People like me dont keep telling others how amazing we feel
We just want to keep things between us
Its enough
I relapsed thrice today
I didnt feel like doing anything
From last two days i have been having headache behind the head
I started to feel super anxious yesterday night
And also i couldnt sleep yesterdsy till 4 and so i gave up
Not finding excuse
But i couldnāt handle the anxiety
Ill be careful next time
And im sorry to myself and to everyone
These days i keep feeling guilt
I have been realising what the fuck have i been doing for past three years
Remembering the comfort i was in is making me pissed off because i could do so many things which i didnt
I feel disgusted of myself to such an extend that i am hating myself
I know i need to forgive myself and move on and work on future
But its difficult
I regret on my past decisions
Let this be the fuel to make you into a better person.
I once read a quote āTime is an amazing teacher, it keeps repeating the lesson unless you learn it and move to the next chapterā
So itās like repeating the same things will lead to similar outcomes unless you take the lessons and move on. Time will play that lesson in a loop until you understand what you need to do. So in a sense itās a great teacher, because it can teach you same lesson again and again until you learn it.
Brother life teaches us everything but if you keep repeating those same errors which leads to relapse then basically you arenāt learning from your past mistakes
