Darshan2017's diary of 2022[21 Male]

Hello every 1


Hope every 1 is doing well

Hello
Here is just a particular experiemce of mine
I was having lots of hardcore bdsm fantasy from last 4 years or more
And i regret telling this but i had those stuffs to do with my partner
But recently i had my first foreplay with my gf
And damn i can never hurt her not even for the sake of fantasy
The feeling of just being with her was enough
When i say hardcore fantasy it is worse and includes pain
But here this was a completely different feeling
And i cant hurt her
And thats when i realised
Bdsm is not something which i had in mind
It developed over a period of watching porn and mastrubating to it coz the normal ones were not proving me the same level of satisfaction
So yep i wanna believe that i can rewire my brain if i work on myself

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I just started easy peasy book
This is my somewhere around 11 or 12 th attempt to read it and for the first time i reached page 30 :sweat_smile:
Im awake now coz i want to continue reading it
Previously i used to leave reading by 10th page
Or if i used to listen to audio book i would not concentrate much
Y??
I actually understood that
If i quit life wont be as fun
I wont get any pleasure without this
The fear of loneliness, anxiety prevented me from even reading further
But i wanna give this book a try while working on myself
That is it
Take care
Good night

Good morning
Just a sneak peak of my tasks of last 9 days
Not at all happy coz in 9 days i just did 29 tasks
And majority was not done
Will try to do more in these seven days to improve myself + conquer my monsters

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Good evening
Just completed Day 5 today

Ill tell u porn has ruined how men view other men
Day before yesterday while i was travelling in bus a guy comes and stands beside me while im sitting
And owly he starts touching me on shoulders and hand
First i thought its fine coz in bus sometimes those things happen
So i just ignored but slowly he started to touch my back , was rubbing himself on my shoulders and when he tried touching my chest i just saw him in the eyes pressed his hand hard and said dont u dare do it and later he didnt even tried to touch me by mistake
This was a sick incident
I was afraid of that person who was well built
And thats when i had a realization
It was so fearful to protect myself from just this one person
It shouldnt happen
But if my family is troubled by any means how will i protect them
And so i began making small changes and i actually started going for jog and seriously working out
As i want to get strong physically, mentally and financially too

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Today was a weak day for me
I had super high urges
But speaking to my gf
Doing spiritual activity helped a lot
Also i played game a lot today
Sad about it but i just gave in on it
But yeah thats it
Was low on motivation today so watched a video
Offff
Nofap motivation by *#$!%×($₹÷
I forgot whom

He asked a question which i want to ask u all and myself
will u future self be happy seeing u doing all these shitty stuffs and getting instant gratification
Hell no
Thats my answer
What’s urs
If its no then we have to work on ourselves
Thats it

That’s a sickeing experience bro @DARSHAN2017 . I hope how women feel when something similar happens.

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DAY 5 COMPLETED ON 16TH SEPTEMBER 2022

THIS IS JUST A REMINDER FOR ME TO COME AFTER FEW DAYS

My goal is to succeed this time and i will give 100% to it
I dont want to continue counting days anymore
So will delete this app along with all games and youtube

Lets see how things workout
All the best to me
All the best every 1 here on their journey
See you all soon enough and ill surely succeed this time
Byee

It was worst feeling
And then i realised how bad women feel too
And the things that made me more sad is that person chose me coz he believed im weak and wont do anything which made me very sad
So thats why i wanna become stronger

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we will be strong together bro.

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Yes. ■■■■ creates unusual fantasies and fetishes. Cause natural becomes too boring.

I too had absurd fantasies but rewiring my brain helping me getting out of those shitty stuffs.

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All these PMO made me sick, now I feel like misogynist.

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Hello
After my last message i managed to read easy peasy book till 30 page and i dont know how
But i went 8 days without any major urge
It was the easiest to reach 8 day
But i didnt manage to read the essy peasy book beyond 30 pages

Currently i relapsed 3 days back to back but again getting on track
Ill do better and hopefully forever this time😊

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Hope this makes every one laugh by its silliness
I have been having fever from last 3 days
But whats the silly part is day b4 yesterday night i had a night mare which invloved big gaming company forcing me to play games else they will kill me as im trying to motivate others to quit instant gratification stuffs and gaming is one of them
So i dreamt of clash of clans codm pullimg me back to this addiction and i was just waking up amd sleeping and the cycle conitnies till 5 or something in the morning :sweat_smile:

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Yesterday night i had nightmare of series, anime and movies which are forcing me to watch shows and that too binge watch and if i don’t the respective industry will kill me as im again trying to motivate others never to binge watch shows and this would drastically reduce their income😅
It was as if they are pulling back to binge watch addictions and binge watch nonsense youtube videos

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Two days i had two night mares of my different addictions
Now the only thing that is left is po** industry
So i feel im gonna have a night mare of that tonight :sweat_smile:

But one thing common in last two nights
Every time i woke up i had headache and everytime i slept back the nightmare used to continue
This i felt nightmare as i was fucking scared but im lazy to wake any one😅

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:rofl::rofl: so your mind is covering each addiction with same kind of dream everyday. Nice :joy:, seems unrealistic tho.

I too feel this unrealistic :sweat_smile:
But thats how it is

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Hello
Hope every one is doing good
Last few days i have not been doing good at all
But wont give up
Will inculcate discipline and will do it
Thats it
Gnsdtc

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Today relapsed after Day 3
All was going good until today evening
Where i have in easily
It was my fault nothing much to say

1 Like