Darshan2017's diary of 2022[21 Male]

Not just one year bro :joy:, My only aim was to clear an exam for government job, now I have three years gap but it doesn’t matter, I got All India Rank 266 in GATE exam, and now I have quite some opportunities lined up, I still have to clear some interview but yeah no regrets now.

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Sorry for relapsing again
Day 0 - 25 / July / 2022
Tasks for the day

  1. Exercise :white_check_mark:
  2. Meditation
    i. Morning :white_check_mark:
    ii. Evening :x:
  3. Spiritual study (half an hour):x:
  4. Study targets
    i. AS 10, 11, 16 and 12❌(just finished AS 10 AND 12)
    ii. Pgbp and advance tax❌
    iii. Gst 3 chapters❌
  5. Phone detox at 8❌
  6. No sugar❌(Drank sharabat which containd sugar and then ate chocolate - i isually consume much more than this on daily basis but happy that it was just these two)

Thats it
These below goals need to complete yet
Nofap goal - 1 day :white_check_mark:
No youtube - 1 day :x:
No anime or series - 1 day✅
No games before study tasks completion - day 1✅

Lets gooo

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Today s day was a difficult one

  1. Coz unknowingly i was typing those words to search which would lead me to relapse
    I didnt think what i was typing it just happened
    But soon i came back to sense and went to watch tv
  2. I searched the p word and was about to watch i mean i didnt but it was loading (sorry for trying to peak)
    But the same moment my gf called me and i was about to message her call me later im busy but then i stopped myself for few seconds amd thought what is more important and then i picked her call
    Though it was less than 2 mins call
    My urges were gone and i was happy
    Im still holding strong guys
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becareful. you were lucky I assume today. takecare of yourself :slightly_smiling_face:

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Sure brother ill protect my eyes from today
Thank you
Stay strong

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Day 1 - 26 / July / 2022
Tasks for the day

  1. Exercise :white_check_mark:
  2. Meditation
    i. Morning :white_check_mark:
    ii. Evening
  3. Spiritual study (half an hour)
  4. Study targets
    i. AS 11,16 and 20
    ii. Pgbp and advance tax
    iii. Gst 3 chapters
  5. Phone detox at 8
  6. No sugar

Thats it
These below goals need to complete yet
Nofap goal - 2 day
No youtube - 1 day
No anime or series - 2 day
No games before study tasks completion - 2 day

Lets gooo

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Finally after a long time i have crossed 3 days
Im happy
Yesterday woke up at 4 amd exercised and meditated and then studied
Today woke up at 5 and the same things
And i feel sleepy during the day 2 to 4
Today almost had a nap
Ill keep going
Presently have subscribed two online courses to seriously finish my ca inter in nov so have lots of work
Thats it

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It’s completely ok to take a nap if you are waking up that early in morning

I agree but that nap becomes 2 hrs sleep plus thats my main exam time so i dont wanna build the habit of sleeping in those hrs

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Oh, then it’s better you don’t sleep at that time, my gate exam was also between 2:30 and 5:30, what I used to do was have coffee just before that time, I just practiced having coffee at that time 2-3 time and also had coffee before exam on exam day.
Also take sufficient sleep at night, if you can’t try taking a nap before that time, else coffee all the way :joy:

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Just taking a break for a while from the app(inshort mobile)
But will surely keep fighting
Stay strong others

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Good evening
Its 8:22 pm
I took time for myself and just asked myself these few questions

  1. Why do i relapase so frequently
  • its because of the following factors
    a) not following my daily rituals and routine
    b) not journalling
    I mean i only journal on those days when i do most of the tasks else i dont amd so im not at all accluntae here its just for name sake i have been doing
    c) keeping high expectations
    Seeing every 1 do so many tasks and growing in their life and studying long hours i have created unreaistic goals for myself which i know i cant achieve but still i create them rather than taking short steps ( i will consider this as trying to imitate others or copying others ) which is nlt the correct way as those people have taken sma steps at a time and i having not seen that phase just trying to imitate their current routine
    d) not exercising regularly not detoxing phone at the right time at night and many more

Lastly i fear of overcoming this addiction sorry if this is what u didnt want to hear
I have tried reading easy peasy books around 8 to 10 times and all these times i have never read mlre than 3 chapters
I was lazy to read or i was busy playing games that i didnt consider it necessary or i just wanted to do something which game me dopamine or i was afraid that upon finishing reading that book ill overcome this addiction

It isnt like i dont want to overcome this
But the thought of not having a sense of satisfaction- dopamine release is the thing preventing me from overcoming this thing

Also i thought of playing games while quitting pmo, youtube and series
But i dont know
I no more enjoy any of these stuffs
I dont enjoy pmo
Its just that i want to do it
I dont even need to watch half of those videos or related stuff
Its just i need an escape from reality and a short term sense of satisfaction that im craving for

I dont enjoy playing games or watching youtube or any webseries or mobie or anime
I just lost interest in all these
But every 2nd day i feel the urge to do few of the above mentioned stuffs of which fap and youtube are every 2nd day routine
There is no happiness for me in these stuffs but i still end up doing these

So learning from my mistakes
Ill start doing small tasks and then make it bigger
Ill focus on 5 important tasks which i need to achieve these days

  1. Going to temple everyday ( i skip sometimes though i have time to go )
  2. Exercise & meditate every morning
  3. Easy peasy book 2 page a day
  4. Detox phone after 8 (as i have noticed doing so i can wake up by 4 in the morning feeling energetic)
  5. No youtube and no games and no series

I promise today that no matter i succeed or fail ill journal here the next day morning about the previous day
And i also promise to be truthful and frank and i wont make up things
Thats it
Thank you

The question arises how can i gain the same amount of satisfaction or atleast a bit that i dont need to go back to these which i have been neglecting in my previous attempt

  1. Keeping small study targets will help me in achieving them and so a sense of fulfillment
  2. Take a nap
    After every nap im more refreshed and more focused on my studies
  3. Choclates
  4. Playing table tennis at home by my self on that small sofa table :sweat_smile:
    Tomorrow i have my 2 exams of which 1 im prepared and the other im not
    If i need to prepare for another test i need to finish lecture of arpung 8 hrs and which is not possible by tonight
    But still ill give my paper tomorrow
    I wont run away from my difficulties
    Ill face them and defeat them
    That is it these are things that i need to do to get some satisfaction
    Good night

Currently its difficult to do even 1 day
So my first target is 1 day :blush:

07/Aug/2022
Day 1 nofap :white_check_mark::white_check_mark::white_check_mark::love_you_gesture:
Day 1 nogames :white_check_mark::white_check_mark::white_check_mark::love_you_gesture:

Tasks

  1. Going to temple :white_check_mark:
  2. Exercise and meditate :white_check_mark:
  3. Easy peasy 2 pages :x:
  4. Detox after 8 from phone :x:( i was studying using phone till 12 )
  5. No youtube and no series :x:( i watched shark tank india 2 episodes )
    Yesterday there was a get together at home so full day was busy there couldnt study much
    Managed to study 2 hours only
    Will do 8 + hrs today
    Thats all

next target in nofap
Day 2 that is today

Today again i was battling with myself whether i want to play game or not if i do want to then i need to download 2 gb worth games and from last few days i start downloading then cancel it
When it is downloading i get question to myself
Do i want to be stuck in the life of procastination or do i want to achieve something
Do i want to let go of all efforts that i have put to quit game
I have played max 3 or 4 hours in last 20 days or something
And today the urge to play codm was very high
It was downloaded upto 3 %
But i felt something in me and i cancelled it went went to terrace and just listened to ca ajay jain sir
Im highly inspired by him
The reason being he was able to achieve so much in his life in short time and he has taken retirement to spend his life with his family
The amount of hardwork he put to be able to retire such early is what made me think twice before playing games again

And upon thinking i also realised unless and untill i dont watch gaming videos on youtube i dont feel the urge to play
So inshort im back to youtube
Finally VideoGames is no way coming back to my life

Now my focus is to substitute youtube and anime with book reading and meditation

That is it

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I also have future plans for CA
Can you give me some tips about it…
Currently i am taking admission in college for my graduation.

  1. Leave ur phome
  2. Revise the stllabus on the same dag as they are thought
  3. Exercise and meditate regularly
  4. That is it

Good evening
Ill be back qith a good news on 8th day from tom
This is my commitment here
26th August
Till then stay strong guys