Copper&bronze's diary: life and nofap


#1

Day 1

I didn’t relapse today though the urge was light. Exercising :running_man:killed the urge. Brain fog :cloud:️ has been heavy lately even though I just finished about 7 days PMO-free.

I have no porn blockers on anything. I figure if I set it up I can get around it. Motivation was better today, I wrote a self affirmation letter :page_with_curl:on how I am helpful. Played a computer game briefly and searched :mag_right: for a job. Did some dishes as well.

I tend to fight boredom throughout the day by reading, writing, or some other task. I get confused sometimes because when my motivation isn’t there I blame it on my mental disorder. I think exercising is helping alot. This journey is such a roller-coaster :roller_coaster:


#2

Looks like you’re having a good plan, being motivated…
Good luck mate!


#3

Nice you’ve made diary now :smiley:

I agree on this, I did this once but nah. Not very helpful.

I have trouble adjusting my playing games hours lately. Nice your job hunting. My dishes is all pile up, they are mountains already. Small task that can be so hard to do when you feel negative.

I’m reluctant doing exercise :):confounded: , but since many of you states that it help a lot. Maybe I’ll try it this week. :):panda_face: indeed it is.

Glad things are going well right now :):grinning:


#4

Great to see a fellow fighter in this battle.
The last attack taught me about the patterns in which the attacks happen. I think it is important to observe the patterns and learn from them.
Cheers!


#5

Day 2

I am tracking the days since I last watched porn so that’s the day number I am giving.
I went to the doctor :mask: today and had a test done. I got good results. Found out I am overweight and I need to work harder or longer at exercising. I fapped but not to porn or anything else. I woke up in that mood and couldn’t seem to get past it.
I played a little tennis :tennis: , and had a decent dinner. Got ready for my interview tomorrow.

@dori doing dishes has become something normal to me. I have a pair of gloves I replace every couple of weeks because I always get a hole in them. If you do them regularly they will become 2nd nature. I would recommend start with walking before exercising. It will help you get loose.

@romitbose I agree you have to learn from attacks to be better prepared for next time.


#6

Day 4

Had some mild urges today but decided to ignore them. Brain fog is still there, which bothers me. I’m going to try be more consistent with staying away from porn. I know it just sets me back and don’t want to experience that anymore.

Cleaned the kitchen today and went to visit a friend so I left very little time for the computer or boredom really. Wrote in my journal as usual.

I also read the Bible today and realized what I read was written like a letter. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense but today it did.

The rain was a relief. I exercised well yesterday. Rested today. Exercising gives me something to look forward to.


#7

Please give me that motivation to do exercise :laughing:


#8

Day 6

I bet we are so different I wouldn’t know where to start sharing that motivation with you.

I did the church :church: thing today and I enjoyed it. It felt like I learned something valuable and I met some new people which was great.

I like to take naps on Sundays but didn’t make the effort to relax and get some shut eye :eye:‍:left_speech_bubble: I moved from different tasks today and felt a little bored but decided not to isolate myself. On weekdays I tend to be isolated alot, and it’s why I go visit a friend or exercise regularly now to get out of the house :house_with_garden:.

I didn’t have strong urges today, but it was kind of mild. I want to mention I edged a little the other morning, but didn’t watch any porn at all. I’m enjoying this time where I am PMO-free. It came at the right time…


#9

Day 7

I attended Celebrate Recovery today, which is a support group for people with habits or hangups. I found there are other guys who struggle with sexual stuff as well. I plan on going back.

No job search today, just did some dishes and wrote in my journal. Hoping to finish the month with no sexual activity.


#10

Day 0

I compulsively relapsed today :cry: . During that time I kept thinking I should quit but I didn’t. Time to regroup and try again. I’m not sure why I suddenly just give in but I hold up pretty well for about a week. Since the exercise :running_man: is helping a lot I’m going to keep doing it.

It seemed like afterwards not a whole lot mattered. I did the dishes, read :open_book: in a book I checked out from the library :books: , I went to the library, wrote in my journal, and created a word document I need for next week. All that didn’t seem to matter after I relapsed.

The regret is there because I want to be consistent longer than about a week. It’s like I need new motivation after I complete 1 week. I’m not sure what I’ll do. Celebrate Recovery is coming up on Monday and I plan on going back.


#11

I always feel that when I relapsed. It take sometime for me to convince myself that it’s alright because we are not giving up. it’s really hard to go through that feeling when everything doesn’t matter at all.
I do hope you’re ok and find ways to feel much better.

Just keep fighting or just keep swimming as Dori says in finding nemo. Our brain sometimes is playing tricks on us giving us thoughts and idea out of nowhere. I know you’ll find ways to overcome that situations if it arise again.

Join again the celebrate recovery, support group is a good help. we cannot change overnight, it will take sometime.


#12

Keep up what you’re doing! You will get there. It can be hard to try again and again, but after a while you will be free. And, from my experience, it is that way. You don’t necessarily have to do anything different or change a lot from attempt to attempt, just keep at it!!
If you ask God to free you from sin and he says no, he wants you to grow and to give it up for him.
Stay strong


#13

Day 1


I felt guilty today for so long. I went jogging since it was :partly_sunny: cloudy and cool outside. Continued reading the book :orange_book: I checked out. Made dinner and it turned out well.
If today is considered a bad day, there was still some good in it.


I found myself masturbating but not watching porn. The chaser effect got me. The urge just didn’t disappear soon enough. :cry:


#14

Never feel guilty bro :pray:


#15

The first 3 days (or first week for me) is always a struggle. This are really challenging week. I hope you’ll manage to pass through it. (I’m still on my 5th day we can do this!).


#16

Day 2

Dori, it sucks that the first few days can be hard for us. I’m just trying to avoid laying in bed :bed: or thinking about sex. So far it’s worked. I made it through today. Yes, we can do this.


Emotionally I haven’t done good today but I know why and I know it won’t last. No fantasies most of today. Cleaned today, read, visited a friend. Applied for a job. Not a terrible day, still managed to get a few things done. I stayed PMO-free and I’m happy about that.


#17

Day 5

I lacked motivation today. I didn’t sleep well last night and I was sore from playing basketball :basketball:. No porn today which means it was a good day in that regard.

Doing dishes seems like it takes less effort to do now. Applied for a couple of jobs. I felt like my internet time was used well today.

I looked up a video on YouTube :tv: and it turned out to be a bad idea :exploding_head:. I must say that I ate well today. Better than other days.

I attended Celebrate Recovery this evening. It covered God’s Grace and Forgiveness. In the support group I talked a little about being patient and waiting for progress in the area of nofap. I’m looking forward to doing a little better at nofap this month. My goal really is to do 30 days no porn. Brain fog is heavy and has me frustrated.


I am thankful for the input and support you provide me with here in Rewire. I appreciate you guys and girls alot. Thank you. :clap:


I learned this from @Sparklymango and it makes sense. Good night :night_with_stars: or good morning depending on when you read this. :eyes: :thinking: :smiley:


#18

Day 6

I was PMO-free today. I think I’m going to do better with staying away from porn this month. I really didn’t have the desire to masturbate at all today.

I felt kind of lazy for laying down this afternoon. I got the motivation and decided to walk and run :running_man: 1 mile. It’s the fastest I’ve run a mile in over a month. I think my body has adapted and maybe I’ve lost a little bit of weight. :smiley:

Didn’t do many chores. Laundry was simple as usual. Played a game on my computer :desktop_computer:. Did some reading which I enjoy and also wrote in my journal. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about work. I wonder how that will work out…


#19

Day 1

Relapsed yesterday. Thought I could go farther but I just gave in. Today I didn’t relapse, but the chaser effect showed up. Exercise really is helping me.

I’ve been taking naps in the afternoon. I exercised later than normal today and that killed any urges. Didn’t read in the book :orange_book: I checked out. I’m gonna take it back.

My mood hasn’t been great but I haven’t been depressed. Looking forward to a job interview on Monday.


#20

Day 2

Tired most of the day. Having a mood swing kind of week. No thoughts or urges today. I just realized how quickly it went by and I didn’t struggle with PMO at all. And today was a rest day too. Time to hit the :bed: