Copper&bronze's diary: life and nofap


#21

Day 5

Had a job interview today. Did well. Was offered the job later in the day. Feel better because I won’t be able to fap during the day once I start working.

No porn at all today, just masturbated this morning. I’m still focusing on Easy mode because I want this brain fog :fog: to clear up.

I will admit since I didn’t have time to watch porn during the day I was happy the opportunity never presented itself.

Celebrate Recovery was great tonight. Since we can openly share about our problems there I can work on my social anxiety by opening up and talking in front of a group of people. Celebrate Recovery also has a group for women with sexual issues so I think it is a good program for both sexes. :blonde_woman: :bearded_person:t2:


I’m not going to be perfect in making a diary entry every day. I like letting life happen.
Gonna try to see a dentist soon since I have a toothache. :face_with_head_bandage:


#22

wow you’re doing well. Congrats on the job! :smile: :confetti_ball:
Nice to see that you’re being very active in a group or community and working on your social anxiety. I better try socialize even if I hate it. Go see dentist soon. I hate toothache.


#23

Good for you bro! I’m glad to read your diary!
You’re very practical and honest, I like it!
Makes me feel good :smile::pray::+1:


#24

Day 1

I relapsed yesterday early in the morning. It felt kind of compulsive. I’m not sure what I should do different to go farther.

I almost relapsed today too. I went in that direction and then I quit. I decided to quit and go running. Went for a jog, :running_man:Which gave me some relief.

I really feel tired of porn and feel like I only turn to it occasionally out of habit. I’m going to break this habit for good.

Did the dishes, not much else. Getting my mind ready to start working soon. Still praying :pray: and reading the Bible. I’m not regressing, I kind of think I’m progressing in every area except nofap.


#25

I also think it’s just a bad habit of ours because I’m not really looking forward and not really enjoying watching it but mindlessly doing it. Let’s do our best to get rid off it.


#26

Day 4

Its been a difficult week this past week. I’ve been depressed and haven’t felt like myself. I did relapse 4 days ago but I feel miserable like I relapsed yesterday.
I’ve learned my lesson, PMO will leave me guilty and empty. Just have to practice avoiding PMO as much as possible. Hope this week is better than last week.

@dori it’s definitely a bad habit, especially when you can’t think of anything good about it. I’m happy every day that passes when I don’t watch porn, yet I end up giving in and regretting it.

I hope your week is better than last week too. :+1:


#27

Day 5

Celebrate Recovery was good last night. A question was asked about when does someone have quiet time with God and to take a personal inventory.

I’ve been fine without any porn in my life and I think I’m going to keep it that way. I’m starting a job now so the risk of relapsing during the day is gone. Now I have to prepare for the risk of relapsing at night :night_with_stars: or in the morning.

I’m not sure what it’s going to take to quit masturbation because if I don’t masturbate I don’t go near porn. Sometimes it’s there even without porn so it’s got me puzzled. :astonished:


#28

Wow nice reminder to take personal inventory. Having community does really help a lot I guess.

Hmmm…I just hope your brain will not think watching porn is a reward for your hard day work. I think there is a time that my brain is pattern that way. Luckily that pattern is gone but still need to work out some areas. But if you’re too exhausted you’ll go straight too bed and sleep (hopefully not forgetting to do brushing of teeth and washing off face ahaha)

Hmmm…I don’t know how man’s anatomy works but I think that would be equal to woman’s period. Usually urges are so high before a menstruation cycle come. Or in general maybe you can think of it as heat season, it’s natural to feel that way but it’s up to you how you will deal with it. Hehe anyway, it’s just my opinion.


#29

Day 8

Im tired. No porn but I have masturbated. Still have brain fog but not that heavy. No desire to watch porn but I had some sexual thoughts today for no reason. :hushed:

@dori yes I’ve been tired. Shower, brush my teeth, and been getting to bed. If I wake up with morning wood I get up with strong urges. I think mood cycles affect my urges. I need more rest. :sleeping:


Looking forward to this weekend. Lots of rest, and some exercise. Weather is cool right now, a little :sun_behind_large_cloud: cloudy but comfortable.


#30

It could be culprit. Hope you enjoy the weekend. :smile:


#31

Day 11

Got more rest last night and took a nap today. Felt better. Changed from jogging to sprinting :running_man:. Normally I play basketball :basketball: tonight but I decided to stay home and exercise.

Caught myself having fantasies today. Why the heck do they make me feel good?! It’s weird. I had strong urges this morning but they went away after I went to church :church: and exercised later.

Still no porn but I feel tempted to watch it. Hopefully I don’t give in. Winding down early tonight. Have to get ready for tomorrow…


#32

Day 2

I relapsed the other night. Watched porn and just kept going. Sadly I didn’t sleep well that night. :tired_face:

Attended Celebrate Recovery and it was good. It’s Bible based so I enjoy the lessons they give there.

I try to avoid having fantasies the whole day but at night I have more freedom with what to think about. My mood is fine but I don’t feel guilty for relapsing. In fact, I try not to remember it. :man_shrugging:

Since I’m working I don’t do chores anymore. I’m sure ill pick them up again.


#33

Just make new streak again!

Having work and doing chores is really hard to balance. But yeah you’ll manage it soon.


#34

Day 0

@dori I’m starting a new streak.

I relapsed and binged last night :night_with_stars:. Hardly slept. I have very little time to relapse now so I’m hoping to keep up a decent streak. Thankful I’m in bed early too.

Haven’t been depressed much since work keeps me busy. Eating pretty good, I’m surprised that homemade salad :green_salad: is filling me up.

Filling in my journal, praying :pray:, and watching a little TV. Kind of a repeat each weekday.

I’ve cut back on exercising. Cold weather is coming which will make it harder to exercise. Still going to do my sprints when the energy ⛮ is there.


#35

Day 3

Didnt sleep well last night. Had urges in the middle of the night but I didn’t relapse.

I’m giving up porn completely. I never want to go near it again.

I’ve become kind of lazy with chores. I guess I’m tired at the end of the day and don’t feel like doing much.

Fantasies pop into my head. Sometimes they play out and sometimes I cut them off right away. Brain fog is still high. It’s hard to remember things at work with brain fog. Hope 1 month no porn will make it go away.


#36

Day 6

Started the month pretty good. Not focusing on hard mode but I’m trying to avoid masturbating as much as possible.

I don’t know how much better I will get but I’ve been doing nofap since April and for the most part I’ve stuck to the goal of having the least amount of sexual activity as possible.

Caught myself fantasizing earlier this morning. The urge is there and so is the temptation. If I make it work (tomorrow) without a relapse I might be able to make it to Celebrate Recovery on a good streak.

Work keeps me busy. Don’t have urges at work. I’ve become lazy with exercising too.


#37

Good for you bro. Good to see us both climbing and acknowledging our weaknesses :wink::+1:


#38

Day 10

Feeling better about no sexual activity. I’m not even letting the fantasies play out. I’m busy from work and tired when I am home so I haven’t given much thought to masturbating. I feel like November is the month I don’t watch any porn at all. That’s my goal.

Lifestyle seems okay but I haven’t exercised in a while. Don’t know what I’ll do about that.

Thinking about @dori and @Sparklymango wondering how you are holding up. I appreciate your support @Aoshigreen.


#39

Day 0

Reset the clock. I relapsed twice earlier. I’m glad I made it to 12 days. Going to try again.

I think it takes time to build better and better streaks. I’ve been adjusting to work and it’s kept me busy. I’ve noticed I fantasize a lot less. I’m not as interested in pmo like I used to be. I’m not having trouble letting it go either.

This could be a season in life where my focus is elsewhere. Nofap hasn’t been extremely challenging so I’m happy with my results.


#40

Day 1

Maybe I spoke too soon. I don’t binge 2+ times a day. I just binge back to back days over and over. I think I broke free, sometimes I just want rest from pmo.
Sometimes I think I’m making progress but when I turn to pmo over and over I feel like I’m in the same place. I don’t want to play mind games so I believe if I build small streaks I’m denying myself something I didn’t deserve anyways. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m better off believing life is better with nofap.
I’m afraid of the consequences of fapping, brain fog and mental mistakes in life.

I took a break from the app because I didn’t have a lot to say. Glad I posted this evening. :grinning: