Confession and need help

everytime i tried confessing
i retain some of the information

to begin with
i have been relapsing for atleast 6 to 8 times from past one + year with micro and macro streaks in between

im not typing this to brag about
i have said previously i have been relapsing a lot
but this is the extent im doing it
the reason for confessing are two

  1. seeking validation
  2. i almost feel hopeless that ill remain addict forever

today again i relapsed 5 times already

no matter what i type now
i feel like im just giving reasons
whatever it is
this is what i think

  1. i just cant help myself out
    its to damn difficult for me overcome this
    i donot have a tiny bit of control

previously i need ■■■■ or some erotica to mastrubate
now many times its not even needed
i just create some twisted fantasies and boom i relapse

and hose twisted fantasies are so shit that post relapse i start cursing myself to even have such thoughts
and when i do watch ■■■■ or read erotica it is something painful or shocking to which i relapse
if at all i remain clean during the whole day then i relapse at night just before sleep
and it takes less than a min to relapse

its more of i need to feel the pain and shock to get myself off and then once im done with 6 to 8 times i fall asleep for 2 to 3 hours
it could be more if no one wakes me up

this has been the case from almost one year

the reason to confess is
if i dont stop now
ill just get worse
after relapsing for more than 10 times
i started having pain near the chest area
this has happened many times when i relapsed super normal times
this has been the case for last one year
but last few weeks i have been searching for absurd contents to relapse and more painful and more shocking stuffs so that i can relapse

if at all i last 4 to 5 days
i start sexting my gf
she isnt into any of this shit hole as i am
and sexting happens once in 4 months something
but yeah i have tried to use sexing to get off and relapse

if something i might have forgotten or not able to remember now is not included

it feels like a habit wherein im not even interested or concerned about what im doing
just need to get off(relapse)

by the end of the relapse session
im lifeless
and automatically fall sleepy


my daily life
wake up lifeless
i push myself to exercise somedays
most of the days i just do stretching and done

if at all i take bath in the morning well and good
else i dont take bath that day
because im busy using phone
(mindlessly scrolling)

then breakfast while watching tv or some show or anime episode on phone
this entertainment which should have lasted till breakfast was over gets carried for another half an hour
then i think of studying
but i dont feel interested to study
i continue using phone
more youtube videos ( i search for roast videos and rest doom scrolling or infinite scrolling)
or see any new episodes in anime or any good anime to watch
i relapse several times
then by time i realise i spent too much time its alreay lunch time
post lunch
my brain feels full and i know this happened because of mindless scrolling
then lunch with again tv or phone
then few more relapses and i fall asleep
post wake up i dont relapse much until before i sleep
but i m wasting time in youtube, tv etc
and then dinner with tv or show
fall asleep (many times relapse before sleeping)
while sleeping i make strong determination that from tom ill change myself
but im back to where i was

i exercise sometimes
but then other days i dont feel like doing
or it feels like too much time consuming
i try to abstain from phone and tv
my head hurts entire day and i feel heaviness and i constantly get the urge to give up
i try abstaining for half day
but then rest half of the day mess up a lot (i relapse almost same number of times as i used to without relapse)
i try blocking anxiety kicks in
and i feel heaviness in the brain and heart and i start feeling heaviness

i know what i m doing everyday is worst
but i just cant help myself
it takes lots of effort for me not to just reveal how i feel to my parents or others

due to all these
i donot feel happy
i feel emptiness and lonelly (though i have few of them whom i can call friends and speak to them)
im not all gnuinely happy
i m faking the happiness infront of everyone
juat like i faked that i was prepared for exam where in i knew before writing only that ill fail
i fake my mood very well

seeing the current me
i think of being the old happy me
but i fcuking dont even remember how was the old me.

For now only these things are in my mind so let it all out

that’s quite a problem. And it’s a bad trigger.
Would you talk to her about this?

Depends on how well their bond is. Even if there is a slight chance that this will lead to break up, i suggest him to better act like a cool guy and don’t sext.

If he tells her, she may try to help but as much as I know girls, she will overthink on her own about him.
In the end it will just lead her to disassociate with him.

in that case I’m going to be blunt. This relationship isn’t worth saving.

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Most of today’s relationship are mutually beneficial indeed.
The guy should act like the warmth and protection a girl seeks. The girl should give meaning to life of man.
You can’t make a girl protect you, that’s just not gonna work in today’s world (except if you are childhood bestfriends who spent all your lifetime together in a mountain or somethin)

I mean if she would break up with him cuz he can’t do sexting with her, and that he needs her help to recover from this so she can not be triggering but she’s not willing to do so, then the relationship isn’t based on love. It is based on lust.
Conjugal love is quite an addiction in itself.

No i didn’t mean that
I just meant if he tells his ■■■■ addiction. She would feel filth and would overthink and disassociate herself

he already mentioned his girl doesn’t like sexting and all

Brother breakup karle fayda nahi hai ladki hone se life Teri ho gayi hai slow
Anime dekhna band karde kyunki udhar triggers hoti hai zyada
Uske badle mein dekh le taarak mehta ke episodes puraane
Kam se kam ek waqt ka khaana bina phone ka kar
Aur social media hai to usse alvida le le le


I think then that’s more reason for him to come clean. Because sooner or later it is going to get revealed anyway.

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Facts bro. Unless you both ain’t going out, and working on your life’s together, staying eating together, the relationships ain’t worth it

Digital relationships just make life shit

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Practical bole to kab Tak gf bana ke rakhoge aise rahoge to kisi aur ko husband na bana le


Aakhir koi to samjha good good

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sahi kaha. Kab tak problems se bhagta rahega koi bhi? Wo toh aakar pakad hi legi.
I suggest that he should tell her. Baadme jo hoga dekha jaega. Himmat toh karni padegi.


Bolne se accha hai ki darshan bhai apna rasta seedha karle ek waqt mein do raasta mein bhaagna sahi todhi na hai

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another thing is that never do sexting and ask or send nudes. Just do the real thing while in a relationship. Don’t keep phone storage full of such pics and don’t keep the chats dirty.
It is very similar to keeping ■■■■ in your phone. So just don’t do it.
Iss se mann toh saaf rahega pakka.
Apna phone aise rakho ki kabhi dusre ko diya toh tension nhi aani chahiye.


Humlog sab itna bola yeh @DARSHAN2017 kaha gaya kahi dobaara to…

Nah bro
Dinner time

Sexting isnt the trugger actually
The trigger comes our daily habit
Being horny
And its my mistake that i let the sexual frustration out throigh sexting