Day 4 - worked 14 hours today. Thank you Corona, haha! Cheers guys!
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Week 1 - Wed, March 19, 2020 - Streak: 7 days
Still off my sleep schedule, it got completely out of whack with having to finish my hw, I should have just done it earlier instead of procrastinating. Anyhow, I’m going to wake up earlier tomorrow despite missing sleep. It’s important for me to get back on schedule.
Contemplating life lately, Ive just been feeling so out of whack lately. I almost feel that I am changing my whole view on life instead of just being in a rut. I don’t know, it makes me reconsider what I want in life. I need to think more about this. I will write a more detailed post on my thoughts lately when it is not so late.
But for now, it’s time for bed. Goodnight boys 
This is my streak, I am going to make it.
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Thursday
All good, Thanks be to God 
It’s still tough at times, even though it’s just a number, the streak is a helpful tool
New month, New Poll for the group!
Looking forward to it and this simple routine!
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Week 1 - Thursday, Mach 19, 2020 - Streak: 8 days
Getting past one week again is refreshing, I feel more accomplished definitely.
I’ve been thinking about the stressful decision I have to make, which I feel at this time is more like something I’m just going along with. I’m not sure about it, but it’s happening. I’m too afraid to pull out but I’m also afraid to go all the way in. But I’ve been thinking about it, specifically what Jordan Peterson has said about balance in your life. And it very much resonated with me. When I’m stressed, I tend to avoid it, and I get very unproductive and messy, but then that makes me more stressed.
I really need to find balance in my daily routine, even when things are extra stressful. Having time for exploration and going out is fun, but not when it’s everyday. I need some productivity in my life right now.
Tomorrow I want to dedicate to getting things done and back in routine, and no matter what my friends or cousins suggest we do, I’m going to do my own thing and work. I need to do this.
Anyway, urges have been nonexistent. Being on the forum and venting my stress and thoughts has really helped already in reducing my want to PMO.
One last thought on this decision I have. I don’t want to do it, but a part of me says I should. And I know it would be a great opportunity, but I think it is also embarrassing maybe. But maybe that is okay, maybe it is fine to let go of these things. I just am worried about the regret. What if there is regret? But maybe I can’t live life like that, maybe I just need to take a risk like this sometimes. I mean, what is life anyway, is it just about doing the normal thing and never trying something new even if it risks embarrassement. Who cares what others think? Let them think whatever they want and I will be who I want to be.
Maybe this is how I should look at it. But what if it’s not who I want to be? Could I go back? Probably not, but maybe I will find it is who I want to be, but if I never take it, I will never know.
Ug so many questions…
More to think about later. I better get to bed now. I’m getting to bed earlier, but I need to continue to still work on it.
Anyway, goodnight guys
This is my streak, I am going to make it.
“To straddle that fundamental duality is to be balanced: to have one foot firmly planted in order and security, and the other in chaos, possibility, growth and adventure. When life suddenly reveals itself as intense, gripping and meaningful; when time passes and you’re so engrossed in what you’re doing you don’t notice–it is there and then that you are located precisely on the border between order and chaos.”
Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos
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Friday
All good, Thanks be to God
Forgive me,
I viewed,… But the realisation to say “no I don’t want this” is enough sometimes.
We can’t try to be Perfect,
but be aware of Perfection, as Human philosophy only goes so far.
It’s been a good day, just sitting at the piano is practice. @Positivebloke I had fun with scales, and started learning the progression from Mafesto Waltz. It was moving to see my friend play it, and imagine Liszt performing it to new ears, people’s hearts being taken on a passionate journey. People’s ears, I’m sure, by default must have been more accustomed to richer harmony than we are today, as over time technology-for-music has become the main source of inspiration, where as the technology-of-music has been labelled and archived.
Liszt is full of fire and passion!
If you like Carl Jung, move on to Wagner, but keep Christ in your heart to be with you
Music speaks.
I spent time on ‘my task’ - this internal thing, and putting it into an email 
It’s heavy and pangs but I’m getting through it, and doing it - this confrontation I need to have, with the wisdom, independent strength and calling on God to guide.
please pray for me in this
I’m sure there’s a scripture verse about it… (?)
To get these quarrels over and done with, settle the score, all else comes from the evil one.
I went to my church for Stations of the cross, it will be the last time for,… I don’t know how long, I’ll be able to go back.
But I feel this coronavirus and its impact, even though there’s been negative instances, not least a death toll … There is a sense of something positive happening
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Week 1 - Friday, March 20, 2020 - Streak: 0 days
Relapse… I chose to do it. I can name for you the exact moment when I felt an urge and I told myself, “ya that’d be pretty good right now”. That was the time when I should have been journaling and on top of it.
I need to realize my old habits and get back into my old strategies. This is foolish. I’ve been wondering around for days doing nothing, living for nothing. Of course I was going to relapse.
But what’s the point of this existence if I don’t live it to its full. I waste so much time seeking fun, but yet I leave my pursuit of knowledge and understanding of my beliefs to the wayside. I’ve been needing to take a deep dive into whether I believe in Christianity or nothing for a long time. I straddle the edge for so long, but I’m tired of having no life direction lately. It seems these past few months I have really just found myself in a pit of existential crisis and laziness.
I’m done with this. Im tired of sitting around. Getting real tomorrow, waking up early, going for a run, getting stuff done. I know one thing and that is I was supposed to be done with this addiction. No going back, I’m sick of these late nights pursuing false pleasure! I’m sick of being paranoid of people finding out my secret habits. I’m sick I’m sick I’m sick of it! Why am I here? I should be out of this and yet I am letting myself be lazy. No more!
Tomorrow has to be different.
This is my streak, I am going to make it.
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Saturday
All good, Thanks be to God
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Have you listened to much of Ravi Zacharias? I recommend listening to him.
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Week 1 - March 21, Sat, 2020 - Streak: 0 days
@Forodwaith No I haven’t, I’ll check him out though, thanks!
Another relapse. Enough talking, I need to stop talking and start doing. Really, for at least 10 days after a relapse I should be journaling in the morning and afternoon before my normal check in, to check my state of mind. I did this back on my big streak and it was highly effective. I started things lazy yesterday despite my stated determination.
Laziness breeds relapse. Crossing a small line leads to bigger lines being crossed.
This has got to stop. This s**t is ridiculous. What am I doing with my life?
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Reset and returning to Zero
Journal entry: I feel regret, bad sleeping position and uncontrolled thoughts lead to it, in some ways I’m reaping what I’m sowing so I need to not only plant new habits of the Spirit but actively by the power of the Spirit put to death the misdeeds of the body.
I’m grateful it was only an m,o relapse with no p. But still, this has the possibility to snowball so I can’t take this lightly.
Peace brothers, we have the uperhand through God’s right man who is on our side, Christ Jesus.
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Sunday
All good, Thanks be to God
Piano, guitar, reflection, writing, social, dinner and shared time.
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Week 1 - Sun, March 22 - Streak: 1 day
Today was a victory boys. Feeling good. Woke up, journaled and noted how I felt in terms of urges, as well as planned out my day. Went for a run, got all my arm workouts in, practiced on my skateboard, and ended the night with some guitar and a bit of COD with the boys. I made sure to journal again as well before I played games as that was a point in which I relapsed recently on several occasions. Therefore I remained concious throughout and marked any signs of urges, dismissing them and assessing whether I needed to journal or not.
I forget sometimes the helpfulness of exercise, running is always a great start to a streak. I will continue to run for now on every other day.
I think another key in getting through this streak is my battle with nihilism. Some of my previous posts have reflected only a small piece of thoughts lately and in the past few years. The nihilistic viewpoint came to its full fruitation when I relapsed from my big streak. Nihilism breeds laziness and emptiness, which is demotivating. I strongly desire to become a Christian again, but there’s still several questions I cannot find answers for, but am searching daily. For some reason, everyone on Reddit skips over my questions I present on r/DebateAChristian. It’s very frustrating and I’m not sure why. Hopefully I can have some good discussion soon.
But aside from that, I need an answer to my meaning, otherwise nihilism ensues. I decided to skip the Albert Camus book I was going to read next for something more directly practical, 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson. And so far it has been exactly what I have needed to get me out of my rut. I don’t think I would have been motivated enough to do so much today if it wasn’t for that book. It’s very good, but I’m just getting into it. I know Jordan Peterson is an atheist of sorts and I like his worldview. It is similar to Albert Camus I think in the sense that he chooses to embrace the absurdity of our existence. To face a meaningless world as a being who not only desires, but requires meaning in order to live an orderly life. This is the worldview I like to adopt, but things have been so crazy lately that I found myself lost.
Anyway, today was well and good. Getting to bed early so I can get a good start to the day. Goodnight guys
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Monday
All good, Thanks be to God - fighting off them demons 
@Forodwaith
Really glad to see you’re back @Gk-00
I’m checking-in here only for now, as I’m not giving myself any mini-challenges for the moment.
Currently isolated, and confronting my fears
Recently I watched Bad Boys, it has this Buddhist quote;
There was Zen Buddhist monk walking through a desert, off in the distance he could see a man riding on a horse, as he drew nearer and nearer he could see the horse was galloping at great speed, so fast the monk had to jump out of its way. The monk shouted “where are you going in such a hurry?” to which the man replied “I don’t know, ask the horse” 
The horse represents our emotions, our anger, our ideas, our ups, our downs.
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Week 2 - Mon, March 23, 2020 - Streak: 2 days
Well good enough day today, didn’t relapse and journaled in the morning, although I didn’t journal in the evening because I was with my family. Urges may be moving up again and this mandated shelter in place is gonna cause me some problems I’m sure of it. Along with the rain, I’m just stuck inside. School’s on but no classes making everything confusing and demotivating.
Was lazier today because I didn’t expect the rain. So my whole schedule for today was off. Noticed that whenever I get on my phone in the morning, my day is lazy and I get nothing done. No phone in the morning tomorrow. I need to get hw done and exercise, then I can relax, maybe more guitar, that would be nice. I’m enjoying playing old Scottish hymns and folk songs that my grandma sung to me when I was little.
Anyway, tomorrow needs to be better, and I think developing a rigid schedule is going to be very important going forward so that I don’t get lazy and depressed.
Goodnight guys
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Tuesday, march 24
@anon67854825 I’m going to try to post here more often, since I as well do not have any specific challenges, and i want to restart from the basics 
I’m here, going into day two, it has been a while since I’ve started a new streak. Hoping to keep going like this.
I’ve been away lately, did not have the motivation to come back posting here. I had accepted the addiction and I lived with it for the last couple of months.
But it’s not worth it, it does not bring me happiness to keep going like this, the efforts I made to improve my life last year should not be wasted by forgetting everything I did to overcome this addiction. I want to try to come back sharing my experience with you guys, it helps me to stay into this fight and keep going.
I’m in quarantine at home since almost one month, here in Italy the situation with Coronavirus is quite bad, a lot of elderly people are dying and every non necessary activity has been shut down. Feels like being in a warzone sometimes 
I am trying to use this time at home in some positive ways, I dedicate some time to prayer, I am working on the last corrections on my master thesis which should be done in a few days, and I do some physical exercise to keep myself in shape.
Let’s hope and pray that this situation ends soon.
Wishing the best for you all, and stay safe.
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Week 2 - Tues, March 24, 2020 - Streak: 3 days
@Gk-00 Dang man, hope you and your family stay well. I’ve seen the videos of what it is like in Italy, can’t imagine, although I am in one of the states under mandated lockdown in the US, so I feel you.
Stay safe man! Glad to see you back too
Another day clean. The mandated quarantine, the confusion with classes, and the rain were causing me issues again today. Just feeling very lost on what to do. Today was a bit of an up and down, but let’s push emotions aside because they are always variable.
But in the afternoon I finally pulled together and got out of my laziness and decided to sit down and work. Got a good bit done and feeling better about this week. I realize I just need to get into the groove of things and it will be better. Tomorrow I need to establish a better schedule.
I didn’t journal today either. Not smart. Tomorrow I’m back to that.
This is my streak, I am going to make it.
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Wednesday, march 25
All good. Working on my thesis, reading a book, praying.
Hoping to keep going like this, I’m into day 3 now. I’m not concerned about counting the days, because the road is still very long and hard, and I know it. But still, it feels good to be back here and not wasting time on PMO.
Onwards,
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Tuesday, Wednesday checking-in.
@selfconqurer - sorry I’m still bad with smoking, but let’s stay united in this no matter what.
I’m finally at Day 50 of nopmo,
Since the weekend it’s been tough, the past few days I viewed and almost ‘threw-in-the-towel’
-
“all these things you’re going through right now haven’t got anything to do with pmo, you could still pmo and be fine, you can still deal with these things - you’re human, it’s okay - you’ve done well, but the mountain is steep, so just have fun / chill - pmo”
I don’t know how to answer that,
but Remember
God is calling, look lively, listen. He calls through other people, friend or foe, situations and events.
I’ve been through a lot of very deep stuff the past few weeks and especially in the last few days after opening up and confronting a situation that has weighed on me for a long time.
I want to keep moving forward, with more courage-faith,… positivity-hope,… Wisdom-insight,… justice-dignity,… Patience-self restraint,…
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Week 2 - Wed, March 25, 2020 - Streak: 0 days
Relapse. As I was relapsing a wave of intense hatred came over me. I was so angry, I hate this so much. But what is there to hate but myself. I need to backtrack, this is beyond ridiculous. I didn’t journal today, I didn’t get anything done in terms of school work. What am I doing?
F*** porn. I don’t know how people can proclaim it’s goodness. It’s disgusting, absolutely disgusting.
I need to reflect on how I’m living. I thought I had direction today. Part of me is thinking that I need to go on a run, but my ability to be clean can’t be dependent on actions that are based on weather. I need to look within wholeheartedly and consistently. I need to be aware of myself at all times of the day. Why did I not question myself as I felt these feelings of wanting to relapse? Instead I just accepted them. I need to write it down. Foolish.
This is so ridiculous.
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Day 23 to 31. Sorry for not checking in daily. But I am keeping count by myself daily!
@Special_Bird It happens with all of us bro. Just Go ahead and make another streak like past highest streak. And don’t forget " THIS IS YOUR STREAK , AND YOU WILL GOING TO MAKE IT"
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