Check in - day 8
All good…glory to God
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Week 48 ~ Wednesday
I had a fall this morning too,
But it’s been a good day,
Thanks be to God 
“God unknown, he alone, calls my heart to be his own”
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2 October - Day 1 - NoPMO Hard Mode
After completing 10 days streak of hard mode I watched porn. Now starting the streak again.
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Week 10 - Wed, Oct 2 - Streak: 38 days
@Gk-00 @anon67854825 @staybusymymotto Stay strong guys! You will get through this and see the other side. Remember, mindfulness! Notice what your urges are telling you so you can combat them and keep your reasons at the forefront of your mind. You guys got this 
We are all here for you. I always look at all my companions each day and hope I see the green. As Forerunner told me when I was down in the mud, you can make this your last relapse! You can make this the last time you mess with your life, with your success, and with your happiness. We are rooting for you 
Don’t give up!
As for me,
Had some tough urges today. Think it was from the stress I am having because of my midterm tomorrow. I kept reminding myself of the consequences. How terrible it would be after I PMOd, that weight drop in your heart. That sinking feeling deep inside you when you know you just F’d up. Not going through that again.
This is my streak, I am going to make it.
“Man is what he believes”
-Anton Chekhov
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Check-in Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday 
I was seriously ill these past 2 days, & couldn’t check-in.
I’m alright now 
And first,
@Special_Bird
A response to your Monday post-
I understand your point. Totally 
I don’t have the words to elaborate it because you yourself have described it so well.
But you know, I never thought of it before 
about ‘fake fighting’ you talk about.
And it really makes so much sense to me now.
It’s not a fight, if I’m not mindful about what I’m doing
I’m just saying that I’m fighting it,
But actually it’s more like somewhere in the back of my head I’m trying to make myself as less guilty as possible for a relapse.
So, I’m slowly feeding myself triggers to blame on.
Makes sense. Maybe I really knew that I was going to relapse. Maybe it was a staged fight till the point of relapse.
I see it.
I have to talk myself through,
clear the brain fog with this sense of understanding of logic, nature, humanity & love.
& Journalism through rewire companion is the easiest way to do it
It’s just a little bit of struggle to start writing, but once I catch the pace I could write pages 
And yes, nothing external ever helps if we don’t have the determination to quit.
It’s like buying an expensive guitar & not working to practice it.
You still be at the same spot.
I realise it now,
I’m just getting lazy to be mindful.
That was a really well written post 
Lecture? if that post is like a lecture then I’d love to attend it
Keep writing!
I’ll focus on writing too from now onwards, now that I’m well.
I’ll check-in again in the evening
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Week 48 October 03.
All good! Sixteen days
- Until this moment, I have managed to ignore NINE urges on this streak.
- I didn’t resist to look at some instagram photos ONE time, but managed to avoid it after. I hope to keep this number at ONE until I reboot.
@Positivebloke Great to see you back on track. Good luck the next hours and days!
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Checked in Thursday 3rd
All is good
All is clean
Thank God for the strength
Thank you friends for sharing as well.
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Second Check-in👍
Thursday.
How do we define the best?
Imagine,
You are in a park,
There is this monkey bar in front of you,
Just jump & hold it with your hands.
Now your body is hanging from the bar,
10 seconds,
30 seconds,
A minute.
Your arms radiate pain,
But you can still hold on,
Still keep the weight of your body hanging from the bar.
You feel like letting go, but there is still some potential left.
You still hold on.
Pain gets severe, spreads to your shoulders.
Hands start shaking, you feel the weight dragging you down.
But just keep holding.
You are heavily sweating now,
Hands are sweaty too. They are slippery, and any moment might let go.
But just hold on.
2 minutes.
Now it’s unbearable. Totally.
You might let go any moment.
But keep holding.
And ask yourself.
Can’t hold on anymore?
Like,
Can’t.
Hold.
At.
All?
You just let go, reflexively.
That’s when you did your best.
That was the threshold. 2 minutes.
Come again next day, do your best. And you might reach more than 2 minutes.
Do it each day, you might touch 10 minutes someday.
Your potential & threshold grows exponentially, when there is consistency along with efficiency
If you’ve relapsed, there can be 2 things-
Either you’ve not done your best
Or
You’ve done your best & lost grip.
All you have to do is, do it again, & do your best.
Today has been great, Attended college after a long gap.
I’ve got to be back on the track now.
Lots of work to do. But everything comes to just meditation & execution.
Good night 
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3 October - Day 2 - NoPMO Hard Mode
Feeling numb. Won’t break hard mode now. No matter what.
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Week 48 - Thursday
Fell again. not out of the woods yet, day 0 again.
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Checking in - Thursday 3rd October. All good, thank GOD.
@Positivebloke Interesting analogy with the monkey bars! Absolutely, when we hold on for dear life each time, though it can be very painful, with time it gets so much easier.
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Week 48 ~ Thursday
All good Thanks be to God.
God bless you @Gk-00 for your honesty, faith and persistence, I’m honoured to have you as a companion 
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Check in- day 9
All good… glory to God
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Week 10 - Oct 3, Thurs - Streak: 39 days
@Positivebloke Of course man! And thank you, I am glad that my post wasn’t a giant ramble 
. I’m happy to hear that you are feeling better as well. And also great monkey bar example! Dedication and perseverance are the real winners in this fight.
P.S. Do you take any vitamin C when you are sick? I didn’t used to, but a friend of mine recommended it and so I tried it. I never really believed it would help much, but oh boy does it work! I just got over what was turning into a nasty virus, very quickly and easily. I’d definitely try it next time you get sick. I took 500 mg a day. It works great.
As for me,
I think I did pretty well on my CS midterm today, so that was good! Just got one more this Monday, then it’s finally over thank God.
Ran into two triggering photos today, one a profile picture of one of the users in a forum I was reading. Another in a TV show. I was almost overwhelmed with feelings of wanting to PMO at first, but then I reminded myself that I don’t need to fight these. Used the X technique once again and Boom! Gone, easy as that. No more thoughts for the rest of the day. At first that technique was hard to use and I had to constantly do it, but with practice, it is now a one time deal. Amazing strategy!
Another day, another dime. Working my way up the ladder.
I think it will be interesting to see when people start to trickle into the 1000 day badge. Won’t that be so much more reassuring? I remember when I first joined this app a long while ago there was no one even close to it, and even now it seems like a far away goal, like an uncertain future.
But just imagine when we all get there and then can help others get there too. It’s almost like looking down from one of those huge temples with a bunch of stairs. When there are people already at the top, you can get their constant encouragement as they yell down to you, “Your almost there!” “You can do this!”.
Or better yet, it will become a journey of crossing the divide. Crossing the valley between starters and finishers. A great basin between two cliffs.
The hardest part is getting down the cliff into it. Scaling those cliffs is immensely difficult, especially since it’s all our first time. But once we learn the ropes, we can get to steady ground. Then it’s the long haul.
It looks daunting staring across that empty, desert basin. You can see the cliffs way way in the distance, a challenge you will face one day. Who knows what awaits you there, but you know if you can get to it, green pastures await.
Managing yourself as you go through the divide is the hardest part. The danger may be less immediate and less frequent, but losing sight of your end goal or not applying your long term survival techniques will prove a killer.
As you get farther though, you can start to see things become greener. Patches of grass pop up here and there. But within these signs of life also awaits danger. Those travelers who become cocky may succumb to a waiting lion in the tall foilage, a life crisis that springs on the arrogant fapstronaut, plunging him back into the false comforts of addiction.
However, if one can make it to the other side, and they can scale those final cliffs, they will surely see the fullest that life has to offer them, things they have already started to notice as they made the journey there. That’s not to say it won’t be easy, but making it this far has proven to the traveller that whatever comes their way can be overcome.
And when they realize the beauty of what they have seen, they will call out to others who are seeking a new life, their voice carried by the wind.
Ok I got way too into that haha. It’s time for bed.
This is my streak, I am going to make it.
“It’s hard to have faith in your journey, for faith is a journey all on it’s own”
-Van Goth
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Checking in - Friday 4th October. All good, thank GOD.
@staybusymymotto Keep going brother! It’s always painful climbing back up again after a relapse. But don’t lose hope! Learn from the mistakes, refine your plan and push through it. The feelings of numbness will go with time, all negative emotions and discomfort will greatly decrease.
Pornography provides no benefit in our lives; you’re not leaving anything good or pleasurable behind by any stretch of the imagination. No one ever said, I feel so good after that relapse. The lie is that the anticipation of it feels good, and the action during, but afterwards, you feel horrible. A truly pleasurable experience results in fond memories, and no one is fond of relapsing - we wouldn’t be here otherwise!
@Gk-00 It’s not in the falling down but in the effort each time we get back up. Though it’s very painful if we experience failure after giving it our best, it’s that effort that truly helps us break free. This dark addiction bleeds into all aspects of our lives, and it hinders us from having life, and having it abundantly. Remind yourself everyday of the reasons why you want to break free. I pray that GOD grants you the strength to continue fighting, and may He give you peace.
@Special_Bird That vision was beautiful! So moving, I shed a tear. I so want to scale up those final cliffs and call my brothers over to the other side, across the divide. 1000 days will be an absolutely life-changing place to be. With GOD’s Help, we can surely make it, following our strategies and techniques along the way.
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”
Margaret Thatcher
It happens to all of us on this journey - this moment of clarity where we recognise that the addiction is causing more harm than benefit in our lives, and we decide to quit. We feel alive again. We know what is causing many of our problems, and we swear, Never again! I’m done!
And for a few days, we are true to our word. We don’t even peek at pornography. We feel some strength returning and a sense of peace, and we feel glad that we made the decision to quit.
But then BLAM! We find ourselves comprising our boundaries, gradually going back to bikini and lingerie images, to clips on YouTube and Instagram, to softcore and back to hardcore once more. We feel like absolute slime. How did I end up here again? I told myself I would never go back! And with continual failures, it gets progressively harder to regain that fire and sense of clarity. We tend to deeply internalise each failure, and start to doubt we can do it. Someone very dear to me made it past 100 days on his very first streak, yet still fell back down from that terrifying height. It’s so hard to climb back up again.
But those failures don’t mean we cannot succeed. When analysed, we can learn from them and gain new strength to help us on our journey to success the next time.
Ah, I’ve been fantasizing way too much about women. Those thoughts really increased my urges and led me back to square one. Time to cut out fantasizing and sexual thoughts as well.
Right, I see, I have a tendency to return to pornography whenever life gets uncomfortable. Okay, these are the three positive activities I’ll engage in every time I feel that way in the future.
Wow, I cannot believe I was sabotaging my progress because I didn’t believe I deserved any better. Let me change that limiting belief.
Interesting, so I tend to relapse following aimless browsing on YouTube, Instagram and Netflix. All that idle time not focused on my goals in life coupled with subconsciously searching for borderline content on so-called family-friendly platforms. Let me work on positive habits and goals daily, and be mindful of the time I spend on those platforms and why I’m on there.
Armed with this new knowledge, we prepare ourselves to fight the battle again, and win. Some people learn enough after 3 relapses, others like myself take over 500+ as they weren’t actively learning. But through direct confrontation with the relapses and breaking them down, learning from the mistakes, adding new methods to our strategy, letting go of shame, regret and guilt and choosing to re-ignite that initial spark, we can finally win the war.
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Week 10 - Oct 4, Fri - Streak: 40 days!
@Forerunner Thank you bro! I wasn’t sure if it sounded a bit corny after I wrote it , but I’m glad it reached you in that way! And yes we shall make it, however daunting it may look.
By the way, great post yourself as usual! But it was exactly what I needed today. Was dealing with a bunch of urges tonight and you really helped me to break out of that trance.
Stay strong! We are seriously going places with our streaks
As for me,
For the past two nights I have been having dreams of relapsing. The first night it was bad, but it felt like a dream. The second night, I legitimately thought I had relapsed. It was absolutely terrible. In my dream, my mom walked in on me relapsing and I had to explain myself. Then I had to come on this thread and admit to you guys my relapse. There was intense guilt and regret. Why had I just wasted all that hard work? I asked myself. Thankfully I woke up, relieved.
But along with that came some pretty big urges. Unlike other ones, this one was mostly just the intense want or feeling to MO. It was very difficult to resist. And it wasn’t helping that it was late and I was doing my math homework. I was kind of drifting cause of my tiredness and once I finished my math HW I had planned to get on the computer and go online shopping for this big sale, but I stopped myself. I realized it was a bad idea. What was I doing? The sale still goes on tomorrow. Why walk myself into this rabbit hole?? So I turned my computer off and got ready for bed.
As for the urges, I found a good argument tonight in asking myself, If my goal and want is to not relapse, then why I am I moving towards relapsing by sticking my hands in my pants? I either relapse or I don’t. There is no in between, all actions lead to one point or the other. There is no intermediate action, no middle road. So what do I truly want? No PMO. Then my hands have no place being there.
This is my streak, I am going to make it.
“If you want something you’ve never had
You must be willing to do something you’ve never done.”
-Thomas Jefferson
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Check in- day 10
All good… glory to God
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Check-in
Friday & Saturday
@Special_bird
Thanks dude
I’ve been trying to write some good thoughts but it seems like most of what I know has already been discussed
But still, there’s no end to positivity 
I didn’t know that. All I consume is paracetamol & antibiotics.
I know Vitamin C helps for mouth ulcers, but viral fever? 
If it really works, I might give it a try too! I had no idea though, So much for being a medical student
The exploding X technique helps me too!
I also imagine fire alarm sounds along with the image
That’s a great thing you did avoiding unnecessary trigger hunt!
Great post 
I guess the most common way how we weaken ourselves at fighting the addiction is when we have this brain fog
That’s like a ninja urge.
We know we aren’t going to relapse, we are also determined.
But still,
We might (like I did) explain ourselves that triggering graphic content is quite everywhere so we need not avoid it all the time.
And also convince ourselves that we might have to train ourselves to be normal with all these triggering content popping up in our devices.
But the point is,
We are not normal, yet
& We can’t be neutral when there’s sexual content around.
We need to rewire first to acquire that ability.
And to rewire, we must absolutely abstain as much as possible.
It’s just like telling a chronic alcoholic to be normal when there’s alcohol around.
An alcohol addict surely gets heavily tempted if he enters a pub, or sees someone else drink.
He is weakened with the visual & the smell of alcohol.
His gets consumed by this brain fog again & his mind reminds him of all those pleasures & the kick he had when he used to consume alcohol.
The chances of him losing control increase dramatically.
But if the same person abstains from alcohol for more than a year,
He overcomes his addiction,
&
he might not feel weakened like before when there is alcohol around.
His Brain fog is diminished, & mindfulness prevails.
He is sensible again.
He might just laugh at it. He might enter a pub, drink water & leave
So we are still,
The addicts.
We are the patients, &
all the sexual content around us on the internet (instagram, youtube, reddit, etc), television, music & everywhere else is the trigger.
We can’t convince ourselves or even try to train to be unaffected with those yet.
But we can surely avoid them as much as possible.
And at situations where we can’t, we have to be mindful enough to convince our powerful brain & talk it out to be sensible.
Ultimately Minimise the brain fog
That’s where meditation helps,
That’s where journalism helps,
And this forum, too.
& At times where none of this can be done.
Just a simple countdown is strong enough to drive us out of that stimulus.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Go!
This is actually a thing. I’ll write about it some other day.
This brain fog can make us trigger hunt, which weakens us more.
Specially when we are alone. Surrounded by devices.
Till we are completely rewired, I’d say till we touch Day 1000, let’s just avoid as much as triggering content as possible.
Since this is my streak, & I surely know it is.
It’s safe to say,
My Day 1000 is on 27th june, 2022.
I’ll be 22 years old, a bit wiser, alot better.
The day I uninstall the app with pride
I’d throw a party to each one of my companions
I imagine it as a temple or the tip of a mountain range, to which we are climbing each day. (Just like @Special_Bird described the scene. Beautiful )
A long journey to make with you friends.
Some way ahead of me, & some just behind.
But everyone moving to that one point
Let’s keep moving.
Let’s find meaning.
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Checked in 5th October 2019
Good so far
.
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Checking in - Saturday 5th October. All good, thank GOD.
“Addiction – when you can give up something any time, as long as it’s next Tuesday.”
Nikki Sixx
I spent so long postponing my recovery. The same book I’ve read which has helped me reach this streak - Power over Pornography: The Proven Solution to Overcoming Pornography Addiction by Brian Brandenburg - I’ve had since January 2016. The author promised that whoever followed the program completely would break free and not relapse again, but I still saw it as something I would do eventually. I knew since 2015 that I would need to have a plan in order to break free, but I still didn’t follow one.
In hindsight, I saw doing that as too much work. It was too much responsibility. I wanted to quit, but I didn’t want to have to change. I really hoped there was a way I could simply cut it out of my life - how hard could it be not to click on certain websites and not touch that area of my body - but that proved to be an impossible task.
The person I was had to change in order to remove it from my life. I raised the necessity for success - I told myself that I have to win this time around. I poured so much energy into it by day 10 that a relapse would have been incredibly painful. I looked ahead to the future and painted an inspiring vision that beckoned to me every day.
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