"Check-in" Daily - diary challenge

Challenge
2785

Checking in - Thursday 19th September. All good, thank GOD.

Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.
Douglas Pagels

There are 86,400 seconds in a day. If we paid attention to our time as much as we do our bank balance, we’d ensure we were engaged in activities that improved and benefited our lives. Working towards meaningful goals and spending our time doing things that we’ll have fond memories in the future.

It’s so important on this journey to do things daily that make life worthwhile. Part of the reason why we’ve gone to PMO is to help fill a void in our lives, whether that void be loneliness or a lack of affection, attention. feeling deep stress, anxiety and depression and so on. Even though PMO never helped us fill that void, it became our habit in times of need. We can’t stick and watch the days on our counter go up, we have to go out into the world and look for the real things that will satisfy us and fulfill the needs we’ve had for so long.

Do the best you can with what you have today, and be grateful.

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2786

Checking in - All good
Week 46 - September 19, Thursday

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2787

Check-in :+1:, Thursday :tada:

Woke up late, but managed to be as much productive as possible, better than yesterday :tada:

College has been great :tada: positive :star:

Except,
There was forensic practicals today.
The topic was ‘rape’, and how rape victims are medically examined & counseled.
Almost everything about it- details of the act, laws, punishments, etc.
It was so disturbing to hear what the professor was explaining. I felt highly disgusted.
“What’s happened to this world?” I had thought.

I feel sorry for all the women who’ve experienced sexual assault in their life.
Nothing worse than that.
I wonder how this will change :sweat:
How much less of a human can humans be?

That gave me a stronger motivation to quit PMO forever.

I’ve found myself a trick to minimize smart phone usage.
I noticed that most of the time I use my phone just casually without purpose, just scrolling.
And all those apps in my drawer with their bright colors make me want to tap on them.
& I open them to see more bright colors! Tap, tap tap
Finally ending up wasting time.

The ease at which your phone can be unlocked to see those distracting colors is the issue here.
So I made it harder for me to unlock.
I removed fingerprints.
Removed face-data.
Kept a small but effective password: purposeful
Sounds funny, but yes it works on me :joy:

So everytime I’m unlocking my phone,
Pressing ‘p’, ‘u’, ‘r’…and simultaneously spelling the word in my mind, I stop to see that I don’t actually have any purpose to open it.
Not a genuine one.
So I keep the phone back taking one deep breath :tada:

Now everytime I touch my phone, the first thing that pops in my head is “purpose?”

I say to myself “rewire companion” or “wanna call dad” & then, I feel comfortable to unlock it.
Once the work is done, almost immediately, I lock it again saying “purpose completed” :joy:

It’s really helping me though :bouquet:
I am able to reach 2 hour screen time per day.

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2788

Week 46 - ThursDay 4 - Sep 19
Getting in good mood. Sleepin’ Early.

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2789

Week 46 - Thursday

All good

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2790

Check-in Thursday
19th Sept
All is Good

But I am checking it in on the 20th morning
Will check in tonight

I feel like not checking in is a slow and steady recipe for another slip that can lead to relapse.

This app and forum is really good
I am at the best streak in the past 3 months

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2791

Week 46 ~ Thursday :fried_egg:

:pray:Sorry

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2792

Week 8 - Thurs, Sep 19 - Streak: 25 days!

Goal reached! 25 days in! Next goal: 30 days :muscle:

No urges today except for some small-medium ones right now, but I am here journaling so it has been ok. Was able to take a break today and just play some video games. Felt good as a destressor and to just have some fun after a crappy week.

I have to remember why I am doing this often. Again, I must not get overconfident. I am not far from falling back to where I was if I am not careful. But for every pleasurable memory of PMO my urges try to remind me of, I also remind myself of the unmeasurable guilt, hole- in-my-stomach, zero-confidence feelings I get after I relapse.

  • How angering it is to fight so hard to only throw it away in merely an hour.
  • How the terrible dreams of more relapses and actions gone too far plague my mind in the night.
  • How when I wake up in the morning, I am happy for a moment until I realize that my relapse wasn’t a dream and I am back in the pit.
  • How my confidence staggers and I don’t feel as good as my peers.
  • How the uncertainty of my future returns, leaving me depressed and stressed for what is to come. Thoughts of whether I will ever escape fill my mind.
  • How I feel that I will never deserve to find love, and will grow old alone.
  • How I feel that I have failed my family and that I will never be able to tell them that I beat this addiction.
  • How I end up wasting all my study time on PMO and can’t understand my studies, and the stress that ensues from that.

My urges have nothing on those arguments. The seconds of pleasure of PMO are worthless. They mean nothing to me in the face of the consequences of relapse and the rewards of abstinence.

This is my streak, I am going to make it.

“Make the rest of your life the best of your life.”
-Eric Thomas

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2793

That is really recurring to me.

@Special_Bird Thanks for this list. Good luck, man on the next 5 days! You are capable of reach 30, and that’s good. We have to be alert, but that’s good.

Week 46, Thursday, Septemper 19. Three days
I was in such a bad shape that this streak means something to me, three days of no edging, nothing. I’m feeling better, not depressed.

Until this day I have managed to ignore an urge TWO times on this streak, and would like to count it here.

@Positivebloke I really like your method to avoid scrolling! I will start trying it today, so keep in mind that’s other guy over here trying to be purposeful - until I find a better word in my language, but this one seems great so far.

Have a nice Friday, people.

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2794

Week 46 - Friday

I fell down. It all came out of nowhere, I did what I shouldn’t have done, the urges came and I started peeking, then I thought “now that I’ve already crossed the line, might as well go on till the end and be over with this” so I did. I felt the shame pouring into me once again. It was not worth it.

I want to start again, learn from my mistakes, I can rise again with God’s help! Pray for me brothers :pray:

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2795

Week 46 - FriDay 5 - Sep 20
Went for morning walk after long. Watched Endgame on tv, cried a lot. Felt good n inspired. Whatever It Takes.


Let’s Do NoFap ~ Hulk
Hang In There ~ Thor

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2796

Week 46 ~ Friday :fried_egg: this morning

Sorry again :pray:
2nd time feels much worse - perhaps I had to remind myself how bad it feels.

Thanks be to God its been a good day, and I feel good this evening.

Gladly at Day 0, metaphorically naked, receiving answers :pray::wink::+1:

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2797

Checking in - Friday 20th September. All good, thank GOD.

@Special_Bird @Positivebloke Thank you; I’m learning from your posts!
@Gk-00 Praying for you brother. You can do this!

“It’s okay to be discouraged. It’s not okay to quit. To know you want to quit but to plant your feet and keep inching closer until you take the impenetrable fortress you’ve decided to lay siege to in your own life – that’s persistence.”
Ryan Holiday

It’s understandable that at the moment of temptation, part of us wants so badly to return to PMO. The false pleasures we had become accustomed to for so long. PMO had become a part of us, like living with a tumour for years.

It’s okay to want to go back. Wanting and doing are entirely different things. But when we acknowledge this and take a second to look at our choices, we realise that we don’t truly want it. That’s why we’re here recovering. We want to be free to live the beautiful lives we desire, the lives we deserve to live. This is why we get back up again after each attempt, why we stay on this journey. And as long as we continue to get up, learn from each mistake and keep going, we will reach our destination.

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2798

@Forerunner Thank you brother for the prayers and inspiring words! Now it is time to react, I want to be up there at 90 days with you some day! :muscle:

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2799

20 September - Day 1 - NoPMO Hard Mode
I’ve completed one day of hard mode.

I completed a month of my noFap yesterday. Now starting my next challenge i.e Hard Mode. Not a single lustful thought I’ll entertain. I’ll look women in the eyes. I let go of all the nonsense filled in my mind. God please give me back my childhood. Get me rid of my crazy thoughts. Give me myself again.

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2800

Week 8 - Sep 21, Fri - Streak: 26 days

@Juvenal Glad you found my list helpful man! Thank you as well for the encouragement, with God’s help and staying vigilant I will make it.

@Gk-00 @anon67854825 Stay strong guys! You will make it with persistence. If you’re feeling urges or it’s the usual time you get urges, try to come on this app and journal out your thoughts, all of your thoughts down to the last little thing. It’s been helping me a ton to remember why I am doing this and to find out what is giving me the urges, and what I should do next. You guys got this :muscle: We are all rooting for you :slightly_smiling_face:

As for me, today was good, although a lot of it felt like a dream, just kinda one of those days where you just float around and don’t have much stimuli. I played video games pretty much all day. While it was a ton of fun and nice to relax, it is time for me to cut it down now. I have gotten my break for the week and I need to get out and stay productive. Otherwise it gets late at night and I get lonely, as I am feeling now. That is never good for urges.

Had some urges tonight as well, go figure. They were telling me that I should PMO to get myself out of this weird floaty state. So I can feel something. Haha that’s a straight lie! PMO will only bring me more into that state, plus add on depression. Not happening.

So I think it’s time to get to bed and start a new day fresh tomorrow.

This is my streak, I am going to make it.

“Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong and keep reminding your self that everything happens for a reason.”

-John Mayer

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2801

Checking in - All good
Week 46 - September 20 and 21, Thursday and Friday (I had checktin yesterday but the message remained un-posted due to internet connectivity issues and I only saw it today)

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Week 46, Friday, Septemper 20. Four days

I had a nice day, but I’m always obsessed with making it much more productive than it was… I have so many things that I would like to do, to study, to improve… That makes me a anxious and frustrated, in the end of the day. Today I hope to be more straightforward, and to stay away from distractions.

Until this moment, I have managed to ignore THREE urges on this streak.

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2803

Check-in, Friday & Saturday :+1::+1:

Everything’s fine :tada:
I face real challenges on weekends, I’ll have to stay strong.

Yesterday, me & all my batchmates visited an orphanage at the outskirts of the city.
We all had contributed some money, to gift them some basic amenities they are in need of.

This was the gesture made, instead of spending the same money on parties, cake & coke.

The fun they had, & the smile they had put, all those little kids radiated so much happiness :heart:
The place was old & Poor.
But, Without anything, that place & the kids still had everything

Each child was like a grenade of laughter & smiles :bouquet:
We cut a cake, sang songs, took pictures, had a great time.
I never thought that some random children would teach me so much about life :tada:
Such a beautiful experience it was :heart::heart:

The atmosphere here is getting so positive & motivational!
@Forerunner @Juvenal @Special_Bird
Keep writing!
It inspires me to write too :bouquet:

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Checking in - Saturday 21st September. All good, thank GOD.

@Positivebloke Beautiful share man!
Love the energy on here these days! :raised_hands:t5:

It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.
Denis Waitley

For the longest time, I believed it was possible for me to finally break free of the addiction. 100% possible. I just didn’t believe it was possible for the current me. I saw it as something I would do eventually: when I had learned so much more about addictions and habits; when I had grown closer to GOD spiritually, when I had better confidence in myself and higher self-esteem.

This thought process was flawed and held me back for so long. When I decided that I had what it took and stopped waiting to be saved by future me, I broke past mental barriers that had imprisoned me for so long. That energy propelled me through my first 90 days.

Now on day 100, my job is to break past further barriers and go on to 180, 270 and 365 days with GOD’s Help. The false beliefs that I’m not disciplined or consistent enough to keep up with this journey; that I’m going to slip up again eventually and that I’m not capable of keeping to the positive habits needed for further success.

We all have what it takes.

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