Day 3: failed; It’s time for some introspection!
It’s been about three months since I started journaling on Rewirecompaion, and this might be a convenient time to look inward by examining my actions, environments, and psyche.
Aside from Rewire, I’ve recorded my daily habits for nearly 400 days, such as completed exercises, passion-related activities, and a few mundane tasks. As a result, I’m more productive and self-aware than ever. Even though I struggle to overcome my addiction (loosely defined), I might be able to form a more concrete hypothesis as to why.
For context, I complete my high school classes online, so I don’t have any human connection. In addition, I don’t have a close relationship with my parents, siblings, or friends from middle school. I don’t think I’ve had a relationship where both sides tried to understand each other. Instead, most of my relationships were implied because of my varying circumstances (e.g., school/family dynamic).
Throughout my many experiences, there’s always a glaring detail. I don’t have any close relationships. Most of my urges start with fantasies that involve myself being in a close relationship with a partner. Even my favorite cartoons, animes, and songs contain stories and ideas of romantic connection. It’s clear that I have a strong desire for an intimate relationship, and that’s a really high hurdle for me.
I need to think of how I will address this problem and continue forward. Though it pains me, I don’t plan on giving up.
It looks like I have a long road ahead of me!