BoomerangNebula's Diary - Volcanic thunderbolt

What a marvelous feeling it would be, if we could say exactly how we felt. What a monumental victory. What a terrifying thought.— AKIF KICHLOO

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Grab hold of the thought.

Grip it tight.

Rip it out from behind your eyes.

Tear it to shreds.

Light a match.

Let it burn.

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Why u reset ur counter bro…u are on high streak…may be 300+

I made a series of stupid decisions within a few hours, ended up relapsing.
REGRET IT FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY HEART.
Hopefully it will add to my wisdom.

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I relpased just now, I posted about it, what was your startegy of reaching let’s say 7 or 10 days? How did you break the cycle? Please share you strategy, 300 days aren’t easy to get to, you are still a great worrier.

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Going through scientific literature on PMO addiction helped me a lot. I probably don’t remember all of the stuff I read but it definitely added a seriousness towards nofap journey. Reading success stories of very deep addicts filled me with hope.

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“Conflagrations that would make stones drip blood are campfires compared to my anguish”

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Never trade happiness for pleasure.

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The technology fucked us up so hard that we need to battle it daily to stay sane and not suffer.
There is no shame in beginning again, for you get a chance to build bigger and better than before.

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Don’t let victory get to your head.
Don’t let failure get to your heart.

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words of wisdom

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.

The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman.

Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey.

The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them.

Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could contain himself any longer, and blurted out “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”

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The porn you just watched does not go away because you close the tab. It lingers in you, eating you up from inside. It kills your feelings, makes you numb and destroys your sense of pride. And what you got in return is a quick rush that is shorter than the time it took you to read these few words.

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Here’s the thing, we got used to being horny multiple times a day because we were intentionally exposing ourselves to artificial sexual content. That is not normal! We became accustomed to being hypersexual and sexually frustrated.

Don’t let yourself let your guard down and lose your discipline. Looking at porn is like stabbing your eyes out with a fork, consuming it is like drinking a poison. Get that mindset into your head and you’ll have a much easier time making this into a lifestyle.

We live in an oversexualized world and that’s what is making us horny all the time. It’s artificial. Not being horny for weeks is totally normal if you don’t have a girl. Don’t check your libido and don’t stress over it. Keep going and stay strong!

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A word of caution, it’s a journey, you will make mistakes, you will fail, it won’t be perfect, but remember that it’s not about streaks, but just your overall progress, each little decision counts and will add up and accumulate and contribute towards a greater you in the future, so don’t get discouraged and be patient.

Good luck.

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Only when you learn to face life no matter how hard it is and do things that makes you happy and secure and accept that not everything you want is actually worth pursuing, you will be able to let go of masturbation. Or actually the opposite, letting go of masturbation makes you want to do the other.

Above all, I believe this is a maturing process, where you literally have to let a old part of you die. The desire for change somehow has to grow bigger that the desire for porn. From one perspective, you can even call it a spiritual process. And that takes more time and inner work than a cold shower or a regular work out ever can provide. One of the hallmarks of true addictions is that will power is not enough. So love yourself, be patient and never give up.

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SOURCE : INTERNET

Yesterday night,

Right before bedtime

I said goodbye to my parents

And I had a plan:

“I will meditate and then

Do my spiritual practice”.

Instead,

I chose to use my computer

My desire rose and flowed

Into its usual path

Like water finding its way

Effortlessly in a dry riverbed.

Awfully aware

Of the futility of it all,

Not really knowing why

Following that useless voice

That promises gold

And delivers excrement,

As I’ve done hundreds of times before.

Hating myself at each step

Sinking deeper into the mud

Of meaninglessness and guilt

I proceeded nonetheless.

Deeper and deeper.

Lonely and desperate.

Into that grey wasteland of the soul.

Broke the promises

I’d made to myself,

Self respect?

What a long-forgotten joke

—I trampled over it.

I continued looking, looking

Knowing I wouldn’t find.

The fire in me rose,

I gave in to it,

Against all wisdom.

I let it explode

In front of some video chat girl

—Probably fake—

And out they went

With the white substance of my core

The vital energy I’d zealously nurtured,

The joyous light of my being,

Squandered for… What exactly?

I woke up today

Diminished.

Grey and sad.

No flicker in my eye,

No light in my smile,

No kindness in my mind.

Start over…

Start over…

I will return to sanity

And become a person

—That I promise.

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SOURCE : INTERNET

Being a creepy, lonely fucker- sitting in a dark room alone, face lit by a mechanical, cold computer screen that does not give a damn about you. The sweaty hands and balls, stinking crotch and heavy, animalistic breathing- like you’re a fiendish creature. The more you watch and wank, the more disturbing your fetish gets. You end up watching gay sex when you are not even turned on by gay sex. Beastiality. Pedophilia. You name it. It erodes your conscience. You’re a beast.

The frying of your dopamine receptors- and your mind is submerged; eroding in a chemical bath. You’re somewhere else, and nothing makes sense. Your facial expression is enough to turn your mother away in disgust.

The mindless, 5 seconds worth of numbness upon orgasm (I say numbness- this isn’t pleasure not even close). Forgotten as soon as it happens. No emotion post orgasm. Just the blurry vision and aching heart. Your dick hates you for lying to it again and shrivels up even smaller than before.

Your load- the millions of sperms, the life force in your body, scrunched up in a tissue and thrown in the bin… These sperms, your potential future sons and daughters, spat out and killed, left to rot in the rubbish because of your selfish, ghastly desires.

And that EMPTY ass feeling when it’s all over- you fall back into reality with a crash. You quickly turn off the porn on your PC because you suddenly fucking hate it. It’s the worst thing ever at this point. Then that burning sensation of regret as you sit back alone thinking, “What the fuck”. You spent the rest of the day alone- weakness, anxiety, depression all kicks in 10x worse than before you PMO’d. Video games are your friend- they don’t judge you for being so vile.Soulless, mechanical mediums suddenly replace intimacy with real people.

You can’t look your mom in the eye and tell her that you love her, you can’t go outside and play football with your innocent, pure brother. You can’t imagine helping your sister with her homework because the thought of being alone in a room with a “vagina” instantly means you must fuck it.

Withdrawal from your closest friends happens who can’t help you because they have no idea what the problem is. Grades suffer- future looks bleak. Think about ending it, suicide. Think about cutting yourself, drugs, prostitutes… And then you realise that you are a pathetic fuck who hasn’t got the balls to do either.

And so you turn on your computer. And so the cycle continues.

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Careful. You may have just unintentionally kickstarted a downward spiral. I’ve seen quite a few posts here where people have broken their long streaks, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and a 300 day streak turns to 250 one, then 220, 180, 120, 90, 50, 30 and 7. And then they’re addicted and binging for months.

So if you really just proved to yourself you don’t need this shit in your life, your next streak should become longer than your last one (infinite, in fact).

If you however break your next streak earlier than you did your last one, you’ll know you’re bullshitting yourself and have to give this addiction the respect and work it deserves.

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Hello friend.
I’m really inspired by your diary. You write so well. And the posts that you collect from internet are equally awesome.

Can you share your Rewire Companion code ? , I want to follow you .

I didnt private message because others might need that too.

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My sharing code is rh4exw
These are just "pick me up* stuff that I find helpful. So I thought others might find their own inspiration/interpretation from these.
Thanks for your encouragement!!!

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