Hey man, I read both of your chapters, why did you remove them?
That is quite the hard journey and it has given me a different perspective, one I am not familiar with.
Hopefully you do not feel embarrassed for sharing here man. We all have stories that we may feel ashamed about, but sharing yours gives us something to understand and learn, aside from the fact that it can also allow us to give you support within the context of your life and experiences.
I hope you are doing well 
Felt like I was over sharing so deleted. Not use to sharing. Doing okay back on day 3 and moving forward
Don’t be afraid to share man, as I said before, this is a safe place to do it. You’re entirely anonymous and everyone is here to work through their past and make a better future. No one’s going to judge you. This is a good place to get that stuff off your chest.
But I’m glad to hear you are doing good, keep hiking this mountain man, we will get through this together
Growing up I lived two lives. The face I showed the world and the person I wanted to be. I was well liked, but kept an emotional distance. Afraid people would discover the dark side. The dark side was constantly seeking p or anything like it. Always cruising other older men. M whenever I was alone. Treated women with respect and didn’t allow myself to look at heterosexual p. Only gay p. The world’s became more and more seperate. I became 2 people, but always hated both. Prayed for help every day, but felt very alone. There were no apps, no support groups, only the shadow world. At least in the shadow world I wasn’t alone. Lots of other wretched souls. However, they were always old. No one my age. I was alone. Looking back I become angry. I was so young. Not even in my teens. Not a single man told me no or don’t go down that path. I was a child. Yet I made my path. Torn between hate and pity for myself. I have come a long way from those days. But still so far to go. Another day and moving forward
I understand this separation well, living 2 different lives. I find it interesting that you said you hated both. I’ve never heard anyone say that before, but I have felt the exact same way actually. I hated the ■■■■ addicted, selfish me, but I also hated the respectful and kind me. I hated it because it wasn’t my true character, it was a face to hide behind so that no one would know my secrets, my depression and my addiction. Of course, I like being kind and respectful, but that face that I put on was not truly kind or respectful, rather a result of selfish intent.
To me it is really sad that even now it is not common for young boys to be steered in the right direction. I surely wasn’t. I was raised by my grandparents and my grandfather never mentioned any of this to me. I had to guide myself. It truly is a lonely road, of course I had the privilege of living in the digital age where I was eventually able to find this site, I can only imagine how it must of been when you were a kid, truly isolating.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts brother.
How you been doing man? Haven’t heard from you in awhile.
Hope you are doing good and staying strong!
Had some bad days. Been off the app and binging porn. New Year and fresh start. Day 1
That’s great.
Happy new year…
And best wishes…
Started day 1 going to the gym after eating a healthy breakfast. One moment at a time
Isn’t it better to have breakfast after workout?
Just asking. Am not expert though.
That’s rough man, but I’m glad to see you back and ready to fight this again! Having community and journaling is important, it has helped a ton of us on here to get to where we are now.
I’ll be following your journey again. Remember, if you ever need any help, need to work through something, need to fight urges, bring it here. We’d all be happy to support you through it, don’t ever feel ashamed for talking about problems that you need help with. We all have been in those dark places. We know what’s out there and we understand the struggle.
Keep fighting brother 
Thanks guys. Usually work out first before breakfast but yesterday went later in the morning. Went to gym this morning. Guy in the sauna came on to me sexually. I walked out. Can’t control others, but I am in charge of my own choices. Determined today will be a good day.
Exactly man! Everything may be taken from us, but how we choose to react in any given scenario is ours to choose, always.
Great job on making the right decision today.
Yes bro! Champion move today 
Made it through today. Going to bed at a good time. Hope I sleep well.
I get so frustrated because I don’t even recognize healthy sexuality any more. I block out real relationships and crave for fake ones with no meaning. I want to allow myself healthy relationships. I wish I could say “again”, but don’t think I have ever known what a healthy sexual relationship consist of
Doing okay today so far
You’re not alone there man. This journey is the right place for us all to discover what that truly looks like. Keep going strong.
Just checking in. Yes I am still alive. Spent time focused on family. The people I feel most comfortable with. On day 7.
Day 8 here we come. We will have another successful day.