Alastair's Journey To A Better Life 🌄

Hi everyone, I’m a 17 year old college student, been on this journey for years but failed a lot of times. But this time I’m doing it for real. I can’t go back anymore to the person I was before, too much is at stake. I’m approaching the end of my freshman year and I’m afraid of ruining my life. I’m now on day 51 and I’m really hoping I will never relapse again. Planning to make NoFap a lifestyle :grin:

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Yo dude I’m also 17 !
Nice to hear that you are on day 51!
Truly wonderful job! Keep progressing :slightly_smiling_face:

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Thanks @nofapstar123 I hope you also succeed in this journey. :grinning:

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Keep going. You are great… :fire::fire::pray::pray::pray:

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Since I’m not writing from day 1, I’d like to tell you guys what happened the past 50 days.

The first 4-5 weeks were the hardest for me. My body was begging me to relapse. It’s weird, considering the fact we know relapse will only bring regret and pain yet our body throws a tantrum not getting it. Around 30+ days, I had my first flatline, it was the most depressive moment in my life. Suicidal thoughts often come to my mind. Everytime I feel sad, I would turn to PMO just to escape the pain but ironically, it makes me feel more sadder, so I would binge like a deprived animal. But this time, I had to break that cycle, during the flatline, my body was trying to convince me that PMO’s gonna make me feel happy, but deep down, I knew it was just a lie. I’m grateful the flatline didn’t last long though, ever since, it was a little easy controlling the urges.

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Day 52

Today had hardly any challenging urges, the urge was as any other previous days, manageable I would say. I had nailed a good first impression today on introducing myself in front my classmates earlier today :smile: Tremendous confidence, I don’t think I could’ve let a voice if I was still addicted, not saying I’m free from it’s shackles though, flashbacks and effects of PMO does still linger around yet to unnoticeable amounts. Benefits are much more noticeable. Though my self-esteem stooped a little low again when I saw many beautiful women… The thoughts were striking again.

My biggest shameful effect of PMO is that I see women as sex objects. I have imagined dirty and messed up things about them in my mind… I feel gutted inside knowing how perverted and how messed up my brain is. I plan to change that, I want to see women as human beings with purpose and goals that deserves respect. I want to see them as beautiful souls instead of just seeing them for pleasure.

I feel immense regret everytime I fantasize about them… But today, I had tried my best to avoid fantazing and improved a little😄

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Day 53

Today was great, woke up early and did some productive work. Urges were a little annoying but manageable. Negative thoughts still linger around my mind though, I regret wasting time on PMO while I could’ve done things that would be beneficial. But past is the past I suppose. Still trying to move on.

Fortunately today was not-school day, so I didn’t get to see any women thus, didn’t thought too much about women😄 And also usually l’d just game and nap or whatever during days like this but I did some math practice to hone my skills.

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Day 54

Today was ok. Almost no urges I suppose. But effects of PMO still existent. Felt really insecure today and started to self loath. Fantasizing is still a problem, although it’s not as frequent as before. Benefits seems to start fading or maybe I’m entering another flatline? If I do, I hope I’ll manage.

One thing’s for sure, I will never go back to my old perverted-self again and fap like a perverted maniac. I just can’t allow it.

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Hours before Day 55

It’s dawn now, I’ve successfully tried to wake up early as possible and will proceed to do a checklist for today. Planning for a productive day, hopefully I will succeed.

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Congrats!

Don’t hesitate to share your checklist with us. It could inspire people.

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Thank you brother @FlowForCourage

It’s not much but here’s my checklist for today :smile:

  • Eat a light breakfast :white_check_mark:

  • Drink enough water :white_check_mark:

  • Complete a project [ Assigning tasks to members of my group ] :white_check_mark:

  • Practice math skills on past year papers :white_check_mark:

  • Complete chemistry assignments :white_check_mark:

  • Drink a cup of coffee and practice gratefulness :white_check_mark:

  • Laundry :x: [ Cloudy day, couldn’t dry cloths properly ]

  • Treat myself [ After everything is done ] eg. gaming, napping, reading. :white_check_mark:

Feeling energized and motivated since I’m doing a lot already early in the morning :smile: Hopefully it’s enough to keep me busy from thinking about PMO .

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This isn’t the longest list I have seen, but it’s already a great one! :facepunch:

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Had thoughts about women today and had a cold shower after to gain back control. Feeling a little sleepy since doing so much, almost fell asleep while doing work. Now back on track to complete goals so I can finally rest :smiley:

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Courage! It’s all part of the journey.

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Very great brother! Keep going like that!

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Day 55

Finally done all my checklist for today :grinning: It was challenging since I usually didn’t make checklists but having one is simply miraculous, somehow it just satisfies me simplifying everything I needed to do then check them off one by one.

Tommorow I will try to create goals where I would report them at the end of the day :smile: I think it would be beneficial since I often look forward to see things completed and I will try to make sure all my goals are :white_check_mark:

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Hours before Day 56

Managed to wake up at 4.00-4.30 AM. It’s dawn now and will plan to make goals. Feeling energized and happy :smile: but still a little bit “unstable”. I hope I can make this a habit and become an early waker. Improvements I need to make is to sleep early, last night I played video games too much and sacrificed sleep. I hope I can change that too.

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Right now, I am feeling scared, anxious, lust. I can’t quite describe it…

It is indeed extraordinary and odd at the same time that a simple “Hi” can make my heart flutter. There is this girl, attractive and smart. Basically the dream girl as they say. Before I even got serious with nofap, I made such an impression on her or so I thought, I was playful and kinda flirt with women before. But after being serious on nofap, I decided to drop all that. I wanted to become a man who doesn’t chase women to feed my lust. I want to pursue my goals instead of pursuing women.

I don’t like the feeling when I have a crush on someone. It distracts me from my goals, just earlier I even zoned out during math test due to her. I don’t seek relationships at such an early age too because I believe it is just hormones and lust of a teenager that we often mistaken with “love”. Yet my body is being stubborn and trying hard to convince me I’m in love. I also want to love only the person I will marry, I don’t like the idea of giving my heart to someone that I’m not even sure of spending the rest of my life with.

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Day 56

Today was a little challenging but had good things as well. I woke up early and did some chemistry and math work. Had good focus while studying but then the challenge began, a certain girl had made my heart flutter and thoughts start to distract me from my goals. Thankfully I had help from companions to combat this and was back on track :grinning:

Goals I completed today:

  • Drinking enough water :white_check_mark:
  • Practice gratefulness :white_check_mark:
  • Revisioning and make an effort to get good at subjects :white_check_mark:
  • Visualizing success :white_check_mark:
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Hours before Day 57

Feeling a little tired :sleeping: but will try to not doze off and get ready for the day :smile::sunrise_over_mountains:

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