I’m starting my new diary. As like the old one, I won’t be updating it regularly. Only when I feel like it. I will share here my progress and personal thoughts.
08.07.2023
It’s been 10 days since I started my current streak. I haven’t reached this high in quite a while. Now I’m motivated to go 1000 days, or reach the final badge in the RC app.
For the last 4 days I have been having urges, that lasted for a whole day. So far I’m not giving in, although it’s very easy to.
What I learned from my past mistakes is that one thing leads to another and so on until I relapse.
For example - why won’t I just watch a little bit of pictures? > I watch pictures, I start edging and finally I relapse. That’s it. As simple as it is.
ANother thing I learned is that to succeed in nofap, I mustn’t set an egoistic goal. Nofapping for the sake of nofapping didn’t work for me. Nofapping for showing off didn’t work for me.
My goal is to:
rewire my brain into “factory mode”
get normal erections and start having proper sex
My last big streaks helped me very much with that. That’s why I know nofap really works. The only thing it requires is patience. Good results won’t come quickly. Only the beginning is hard. Once after a certain point is reached, it becomes a piece of cake.
Will you erase all your childhood and adulthood memory till 8/7/2023 ?
Warning :
By factory reset your brain will lose all memories related to learning , habits, addiction, acquired intelligence and wisdom. Brain will also forget the languages you have learnt. Even it will forget mother tongue as well. You have to learn everything from beginning. Use external storage ( your friend’s memory ) to help you learn required skills again.
Proceed cautiously.
Are you ready for the factory reset ?
Don’t mind brother. Just trying to add some fun to the word factory more
I reached 7 days. Today I felt the first urge. It was weak. I’m expecting stronger urges and depressive episodes in the future.
Compared to my older attempts, it was a norm to feel extreme urges at around day 2-3 and getting beyond day 3 was almost impossible for me. Now I’m at day 7 and the urges are laughable.
No matter what, I won’t succumb. I’m doing cold turkey and cold turkey I shall continue.
I know that in the future I will feel shitty stuff, but once it’s gone(maybe around day 32), everything will be easy as pie. I have done this once and I can do it again. When I was 25, I did cold turkey and thanks to it I reached my biggest streak ever(378 days). Now I’m determined to break this record and crush this behavioural pattern once and for all.
In about 5 hours I will reach 8 days. I feel sexually and emotionally numb. It’s like I don’t find any woman attractive. I know this will be temporary. It will take some time and afterwards my sexual desire will explode. At least I don’t feel urges.
Last sunday I proposed to my girlfriend and she said yes. This is my biggest motivation to expulse p forever.
And so far it’s working quite well. No matter what, I will succeed.
And something else. I started finding hentai repulsive and disgusting. Not that I currently watch hentai, just facebook offers me pages with sensitive content. And I despise it. It’s vomit-inducing. I can’t believe I used to like this. I’d prefer to watch normal naked or half-naked ladies than this crap.
And another thing - I already forgot many of the names of my favourite p stars. And I don’t want to remember them. Never. I wish never to see pictures or videos of them again.
I noticed that I have been checking the app and this forum less and less. And I think this is a good sign. Thinking less about p addiction makes me less susceptible to p My next check in this topic will be when I reach my first star badge.
I am a man of my word. I reached my first star badge. The journey so far wasn’t that hard. I have had many urges until now, but I didn’t commit to them. I am too tired now and I’m going to sleep. Tomorrow, if something useful pops up in my mind, I will share it.
Nofap is working. Only 19 days and I already had morning wood several times. But I still can’t upkeep an erection for a long time. And my goal is to reach a level of erection enough to have proper sex. And this will come soon.
I stopped caring about a lot of stuff. Now that I have reached so high, I feel like I have gained enough strength to endure even further. Last time I reached 99 days and then relapsed. THis time I will reach 1x10^24 days.
What mean about not caring is that I don’t care whether I have a ■■■■ addiction or not. To be honest, I read somewhere on YBOP from a random dude with no medical background that people have ■■■■ addiction and nofap is the way to cure it.
So far there is not enough evidence and research to confirm this claim. Only people who self declare themselves as ■■■■ addicts. And I used to be one of them. I’m not an activist and I don’t defend certain position about this topic. I do have problem with my sex drive and I do believe that abstaining from ■■■■ will repair it.
The only confirmed behavioural addiction so far is gambling. What I’m experiencing is probably a compulsion. Or maybe I just dvelopped a habbit of touching myself too much to ■■■■, thus reprogramming my sexual drive to respond only to ■■■■.
What I’m sure is that I want to change this habbit and return to normal. And this is possible, because I already have gone there once. I just didn’t have the will to push through.
I do have some emotional issues that I haven’t worked on. And I’m starting to figure them out.
I got bored due to finishing my daily tasks early and decided to go for a walk. The main idea was to reduce my anxiety, but it didn’t work. Now I’m anxious and stinky
However, during my walk, I realised some things(I get philosophical from time to time when I walk).
I realised that the environment that I live in is quite toxic, due to the pollitical corruption, low education of most of the people and social inequalities. But what came across my mind was that when I was very, very young, I shaped a belief in my head, that I’m a bad person and what I do hurts the people around me, thus I have been unconsciously punishing myself for this.
Maybe this belief is the cause of, if not all, at least most of my emotional issues.
I know this is not the entire picture. The true picture is way more complex. But at least this is what I understand for now, which is not little, by the way.
Trying to hide what’s inside me is wrong. Trying to deny it is painful.
Today was a long and tiring day. I slept no more than 4 hours, went to the medical practice, to work and then I dated my fiancée. All this was on 3 coffees.
What I noticed, was that I was more careful, observant, proactive and assertive at work and during my promenade. This only after 30 days of nofap.
I have had streaks bigger than this in the past, but nothing like this ever happened. Maybe some unknown to me force has decided that this streak willl be the streak to end it all. Everything happens at the right time, no matter how much you force your yourself.
At least this is what I think. Maybe this is a psychological delusion and the increased dopamine talks, maybe I’m rationalizing.
But I feel inside of me that something has changed for the better. And nofap did it.
No, I DID IT and nofap was the instrument of my will.
During one morning about 20 years ago one of my brothers woke me up by leaning forward to my face and shouting БАСАНАРУГА(basanaruga). It was both scary and funny. Since then I use “basanaruga” as a username when I register somewhere.
Sorry about the late answer. I was outside of town for 2 days.
I’m bulgarian.
I’m not sure about the general purpose of Ъ and Ь, because there are a lot of slavic languages and all of them use a variation of the cyrillic alphabet, thus the letters serve differently.
However, I can tell you what’s the purpose of Ъ and Ь in the bulgarian language and alphabet.
The letter Ъ in bulgarian is called “ер голям”(“big er” translated in english). It is pronounced “uh” and serves to code the sound “uh”. That’s it.
The letter Ь is called “ер малък”(“small er”). It does not code a certain sound, however it is used in the coding of the sound “yo”. In bulgarian the sound “yo” can be coded in two different ways - “йо” and “ьо”.
If the sound “ÿo” proceeds a vowel, it will be coded as “йо”. For example in the word “майонеза”(“mayonaise”). If the sound “yo” is the beginning of a word, it will be coded as “йо” as well. For example “йога”(“yoga”).
If the sound “yo” proceeds a consonant, then it will be coded as “ьо”. Like in the word “синьо”(“blue”).
I already forgot when was the last time I posted here.
EVerything is going quite well. I’m currently on day 37 of my new streak. Last several days were hell. But now I’m OK. No urges, no depression and anxiety. For me it’s always ups and downs and huge emotional rollercoaster around day 37. And now it passed and I’m OK. It sucks, but it’s way nicer on the other side.
Also, what came up to my mind, is that what I used to call withdrawal symptoms, is nothing more than repressed emotions and thoughts that I thought were destructive.
There wasn’t anything interesting in the last days, that’s why I didn’t post here. And there still isn’t.
I still have desire to watch ■■■■, but I’m consciously refraining myself from it.
Today I visited my girlfriend at the hospital and shared with her that yesterday I realised I’m way more powerful than I thought. And she added that I’m way more powerful than I currently think as well.
It’s her dad who is ill, not her. She’s just staying there with him, because she has to. We had plans for the weekend, but they changed because of the circumstances.
Private hospitals in Bulgaria are $#!7. They are way better in the sense of environment and tools, but they are businesses in every possible meaning of the word. People’s health is valuable as long money can be made from it. Sometimes even rejected if it no longer can generate cash flow.
For example last time we went to a private hospital, the doctors didn’t cure her father. They only gave him some medications and freed him half dead after 3 days. We won’t be going to that hospital ever again.
