Sep 9th 2023
Almost 60 days.
During the last time I posted here I started understanding some of my emotional issues that led me to overabuse masturbating to ■■■■. I don’t think I can explain it. But I understand it for myself.
Extremely oversimplified: I believed I am small, weak and fragile. Very, very, very, very much.
Although I don’t like what personal growth gurus and coaches say, they are right. If you believe you are weak and can’t do shit, you’ll be weak and won’t do shit. However I find their approach extremely wrong. Motivating someone by gently inducing sense of guilt/shame/fear won’t change anything, even actually cause the opposite.
Change does not start with hard work. It starts with deep understanding of the self. And that’s something no one can help you with. And there is no universal formula that can help absolutely everyone. This I used to believe. And Now I know I’ve believed in bullshit.
I’m 32 years of age, and I just realised some simple things. Yes, at the age of 32.
Trying to find someone to tell you who you should be is toxic. You are yourself. Not neccessarily a copy of your parents even.
I won’t grasp all the truths in the world and in this universe during my lifetime. Striving for normality is OK. Trying to impress everyone is false, misunderstood intention.
I have been lieing to myself. I have been told lies. Not neccessarily intentionally. That’s what my ancestors gathered as knowledge and experience. And this is not wrong and hurtful. But it’s my responsibility to filter the truth from the misunderstandings.
Oh boy, only if I knew earlier what I have been thinking.