[31M] Fenila's diary

14122019
Day 7. Increased energy and calmness. More rooted. More resistant to winter cold tremble.

Current streak _ 7
Sharing code _ hrv0px

6 Likes

Congratulations for reaching one week brother.

3 Likes

15122019
Day 8. More rooted, calm, manly. Woke up from a dream about my father a sense of inadequacy and latent violence(been doing a work on father mother in childhood) … Felt tone down and little need of compensation with pleasure, urge. But just stayed still facing those inadequacy and emotions until faded away. Evening wasted Time on chats looking for someone to hang out. Eventually so some nude pics Guys Send Me and immediately Delete them. Better for me to not go again in sex chats and start make some normal friends.

Current streak _ 8
Sharing code _ hrv0px

5 Likes

16122019
Day 9. Morning > calm, tranquility, more confidence. Woke up more serene (even if still late 12am) still wasting time with mobile in bed when wake up.
Afternoon > calm, tranquility, serene, more confident even among people on the bus, walking in streets, in shops, feel more comfortable, more man … I feel I am kind of starting enjoy to be a real man.
Evening night > met a man. Chat a lot and bar no alcohol. After cuddled a little and bj him with protection on. No finished but I wanted to j*** him off. My d*** was never touched, just got a little wet but never hard. No orgasm no fap no porn. After I felt without sense, unsatisfied. I felt that dopamine circle kicks in in various ways (eg. I liked to chat, but I wanted to cuddle, I liked to cuddle but I wanted to j*** him off) … More … Then more … Then more. After I felt a lightly painful sensation in low belly.

Current streak _ 9
Sharing code _ hrv0px

1 Like

17122019
Day 10 - Morning > constant calmness, tranquility, rooted, sense of being full. Morning wood, for some minuted at awakening, stayed just present to it and it then went down. Woke up before alarm at 11.00, and out of bed at 11.45. Morning start with more energy and ease.
Afternoon > computer, visited parents, library … Always calm (which is a great thing for me), only little discomfort (from thoughts I have about Others thinking I’m not handsome… I have to work on that)… I had a very little erection in library
Evening - good dinner, YouTube video history, sex chat on kik no pics just text had a really slightly erection gone soon, took a walk … Everything really calm.

Current streak _ 10
Sharing code _ hrv0px

1 Like

in order to win this journey, the best is to NOT cling on something other than you: games, god, friends, ffood religion … you name it.

Take YOUR OWN responsibility.

if you depend on something (god, religion, distractions, etc…), the moment those tremble or fall, you fall.

Better be strong on your own, know yourself better, you don’t need to pray someone else, you need to really understand the mechanics.

YOU build your muscles, don’t ask God to do it for you

Sharing code _ hrv0px

2 Likes

Reading your diary for the first time. Welcome to the community!
In order to win this journey, i think the best thing is to have your plan ready. I.e.
We need to know ourselves regarding this habit and what are the pitfalls that may cause relapse. And have plan ready for that.
Brother Forerunner has good resources/videos emphasizing this. He has got some good guidelines regarding this which i incorporated into my journey.
Like you said, know yourself and know the mechanics. I would take it one step further and say that having plan and strategy in places[from knowing yourself] is the best thing. It will save you many time. Just taking responsibility and sheer willpower does not work everytime for me at least.
Just my 2 cents. Anyway, stay safe.

2 Likes

@ERNOL … Thank you.

Can you give me practical tools / things to do, advices for my journey… When urges arises, how to set/ modify my journey?

2 Likes

@fenila at this point in my journey, the good resources I can share to you regarding this are from another user in the community whose username is Forerunner.

If you want advice check the videos. The videos are short. I have found some cool advice from here. Still working on finishing watching all the videos

for strategy: [btw there’s a lot to read. take your time to think and process. Don’t go all in.]
From each post here look for the technique, strategies. Those are the main things. (you don’t necessarily need to read the user comment, replies)

-> After relapsing on 46 days in 2019, thank GOD I'm now 50 days PMO-free! Here's how I did it
-> 180 Days Free and Clean - Thank GOD!
-> The Hero's 90 Day Challenge! 👑 [i am not telling you to join this. But the main post has good strategy]
-> Are you a Man of God 🌹 [check if you like the template from this link]
-> After 13 YEARS of trying to quit, Thank GOD for 90 days free and clean!
-> 90 Days PMO Clean After 5.5 Years of Addiction [i haven’t finished fully reading it yet]
credit goes to Forerunner and Special_Bird

Everyone’s journey is different so everything won’t work for you. everything doesn’t for me as well. For example i don’t find time to connect with accountability partner so accountability partner method doesn’t work for me. But my point is all these i shared, will give you clarity which will help you figure out what steps to take, plan accordingly. I wish you well. :slight_smile:

2 Likes

Ok thank you man. I am looking those resources especially the first posts of each one as you suggested

1 Like

18122019

Day 11
morning > start sleeping lot late (6 am). Woke up late (12.30), still used mobile at awakening, sex chat without pmo, little wet my down tool, exited bed (13.30)
afternoon > done 2 errands in bicycle, felt more and stable energy in doing them, more in the moment, more masculine (really important for me as I remember how I felt before, had to make up I was masculine)
evening > dinner, neighbour for gifts exchange, YouTube history, little bit of urges cause sex chatting no pmo meanwhile, just stayed still and ironically observed urges and then they just faded away. Then went out alone for some run and workout (2.30am) - to get tired in order to fall asleep sooner - I recognized I was way more calm and stable and energetic during run and sport (compared to what I was before this journey) I enjoyed it.

Sharing code _ hrv0px

Watch the videos in free time as well. The videos are enjoyable to listen to.

1 Like

19122019

Day 12
Morning - woke up at 11.00 am, out of bed at 11.20 (did not used mobile when woke up, the mobile put in bathroom worked, so I need to get out of bed to shut off alarm), yesterday night work out and run worked … Helped me get asleep really sooner.
Afternoon - lunch, pc, video youtube history, work pc, done 2 things outside for work, little sex chat with urges no pmo, just stayed still and urges faded away
Evening > dinner, little PC work, stayed home. Wanted to go outside with someone so started sex gay chat no pmo, to meet someone, but everybody just up with excuses to not meet live, felt little nervous about that and bored, felt some urges also to cover up those moment. Just stayed still and ironically observed urges and they just faded away.

Sharing code _ hrv0px

20132019

Day 13
Morning - woke up before clock alarm (9.45), out of bed (10.30), alarm clock set to 11.00. More relaxed at awakening, more energy and more rooted, calm.
Afternoon > worked at customer’s house, medium stress because of an annoying kid + the work was long and complicated to me, came back home (22.00), felt stressed, I have worked on that stress and its underlying causes and it diminished and then vanished (urges tried to arise, but just stayed still and observed them)
Evening > always calm, relaxed, more man, noticing penis is more relaxed and very little longer, less refracted, pc youtube history various. Met a man and jerked him off, no pmo on my side, no erection, just a very very little wet

Sharing code _ hrv0px

21122019
Day 14
Morning > woke up 11.00 with alarm clock, not used mobile in bed, exited bed 12.00, readily to pc to work remotely with customer for issues about yesterday work, difficult situation, little collaborative cuatomer, annoying, stressed me
Afternoon > continued work remotely with client, constant stress in me with rage peaks. Done sex text chat, no pmo, but risk of p, so I need to stop sex chat once and for all. Went out with a friend and his nd to a bar, had little snack, mood got better.
Evening > little stress again for worries about job things, sex text chat no pmo, dinner late (23.00)

Sharing code _ hrv0px